How to tell if He loves you





There's a quote formed by a friend of mine. It helped me in my single days and has continued to shed light on so many things that crop up in boy-girl relationships up till today
In as much as I have tried to argue with this quote in my mind, time and time again, it keeps proving itself true. This has made me realise the more that no matter how hard we try, the truth will always prove itself right.

The quote says
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused 

As indirectly proportional as this quote is, it gives a simple formulaic solution to many issues that keeps single ladies awake at night especially when they are in rendezvous with a guy whose intentions they aren't sure of

I have a friend, who we can call Titi. Titi is a matured single lady who in my opinion is an awesome gift to any man, but she doesn't have a rested mind at the moment and is really eager to meet a guy who really loves her and she loves in return. So whenever Titi meets a guy who shows the slightest bit of interest in being her friend and it seems he also fits into her ideals of a husband material, she starts calculating in her head, and works herself up so much that she reads meaning into everything the guy does. Titi will call me, and talk, talk, talk about this guy who may or may not be interested in her, and become even more confused.

And here's what I always tell her. If he has not come out to clearly express his interest in a relationship, don't let yourself be led on. I was particularly unhappy with the way she allowed a certain guy treat her for about 6 months, leading her on, doting on her one week and ignoring her the next, excusing it with trust issues he suffered from his past relationship. She became so emotionally attached to this guy that it was so pathetic. One minute, she's all giggly because he called to apologise for his actions and they are friends again, and the next, she's so devastated because he hasn't picked her calls for two weeks

Both of us will be gisting, and right in my presence, she'll be calling him, unaware of what she was even doing, and her calls will go unanswered. Whenever her interest wants to wane a bit, he'll be back

It was like he had a leash around her neck, and he was just jerking her in whatever direction he pleased. After a while, I never wanted to hear his name again. I mean, she was an emotional wreck the entire time wondering whether he loved her or not. She was desperate for him, and he knew it so he fed on it, even though nothing was going to come out of it eventually. It was a miracle when she got out of that cycle.

After that episode, she has gotten herself into one or two similar cycles.

And each time I tell her, this thing is not hard as you are making it seem. Guys are not that confused at all. If a guy really wants you, he will chase you with all he has until he gets you. You don't need to scheme, calculate or manipulate him into a relationship. If he's sure about you, he will come straight for you.  We are not talking about guys in their mid-twenties who are not ready to settle down yet. Guys in their mid-thirties upwards (not playboys) are generally direct in their approach and don't have time for long winding courtships that lead nowhere

I told her, you toil too much. When your husband comes, you won't need to toil at all.  Everything will fall into place

So here I am, encouraging any single lady out there (no matter your age) that if a guy is confusing you right now about whether he loves you or not, please don't invest yourself emotionally in that encounter. The best you can do is be friends, with absolutely no expectations of nothing more. Whatever later comes out of it, it’s most probably for the best.

If you are in a relationship that has not been defined (I.e. You don't know if you are friends or boyfriend/girlfriend but you both have feeling for each other), that one is a different case, and easy to solve. Just ask the "what are we" question.

I hope this post has been useful to someone out that. Just remember
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused

The real Lucky Ones

This is just a very short rant about how I currently feel

Images, Old, Antique, Historically, Frame, Photo, Past

I am of the opinion that those born in the 1800s and early 1900s and lived a full good useful life, then died are the luckiest of all men

They were part of the great developmental era, that have led to the modern day inventions we see today and they are not alive to see the terrible decay the world has fallen into

Many times I envy them, and wish I could

Introducing The Easy Way to Keeping Fit



The highly anticipated health and fitness book by Jane Bernard, The Easy Way to Keeping Fit is finally here. A compendium of her extensive training and robust experience, Jane Bernard shares to readers “The Easy Way to Keeping Fit” (published by AuthorHouse UK).

The Easy Way to Keeping Fit is presented in an easily digestible yet succinct manner, aiming to address those concerns that promote the propagation of the sedentary lifestyle.

The Easy Way to Keeping Fit is an insightful book created to inspire and educate people on the need to stay healthy and fit, while equipping them on the best ways of drawing up smart goals and achieving the set out goals. It has different sections, aimed at targeting different concerns including; losing weight, gaining weight, getting results, as well as a chapter dedicated to answering those questions that are predominantly misconstrued, among others.

Here are a few excerpts from the book:

A Menace no one is Immune from

Ok, so I had a long bout of illness recently, and lost a lot of energy. Along with my illness came self-pity because I couldn’t function as effectively and efficiently as I used to. My production level went down to almost, and I was depressed a lot of times. Nothing depresses me like not being able to achieve the goal I set for myself.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my motivation level went down to -50. I mean, I lost every drive and motivation within me, that I couldn’t even believe it. Even the things I should normally do, I didn’t do, cos I did not have the will to do.

Yesterday, my mum sent a picture of an SUV on third mainland bridge. I don’t know if you got it. People gathered round the car, just spectating. The owner of the SUV had just gotten down from the car, and jumped into the lagoon.

JUST LIKE THAT



I was shocked. That could easily have been me. I mean, don’t we all have problems? And here I was, wallowing in self-pity, losing the will to move on, just because I lacked enough energy to walk up the stairs, and somebody has problems large enough to warrant suicide, by his/her own justification.
When we are in the heat of our bad situations, it’s always hard to believe that it will pass, especially in that moment of fire, but

IT WILL PASS

Just remember, no matter how bad the situation is, it could always be worse, so thank God for what it is now, though that might be difficult.

My human temperament is Choleric and Melancholy, so it’s always easy for me to slip into self-pity and depression when things don’t go the way I plan, but thank God for His Spirit, who brings a different perspective, and keeps away suicidal thoughts.

Yesterday’s incident helped me remember that even though I am not happy with the way things are going, life will become better for me soon, and park my car on third mainland bridge, and jump off.

Have you ever had to deal with suicidal thoughts? How were you able to handle it?

Top 3 Comments I get as a Newlywed



As a newlywed, when people greet you, it is mostly in reference to your marriage. It is as if the whole world suddenly forgets that there are other existent parts of your life apart from being married. After a while, you begin to wonder when you stop becoming a newly wed in the eyes of people.

Most of these greetigs/comments are not at all offensive to me. I just find the amusing most times. In no particular order, these are the three most common greetings I get

1. How is married life? As a newlywed, nobody asks you how is work, how is your health, how is business, or even how are you doing? It is How is married life? If you are not careful, you might even lose yourself and begin to derive your identity from your new status because that's all people now ask about you.

2. Marriage is sweet abi? Honestly, when people ask this, I don't know what exactly they have in mind. The struggles I had as an individual before marriage are

What my Top 10 blog post says about Blog reading culture




I have been blogging consistently for a little over 8 years, and I have written all kinds of post. I decided to analyse my most popular posts, and see what was unique about them.

1.TGIFridays Experience and 100th Post Giveaway

This is my highest viewed post, with a traffic of…, which is not surprising. From the day I put up this post in 2011, it has been skyrocketing in views. I knew nothing about blog traffics when I wrote about my experience at TGIFridays. I definitely was not looking for views 5 years later. But this tells us that when you write about a popular world-class brand, you are sure to keep gathering views for years and years to come

2. One more Blog Post

You would thing my second highest viewed post has nothing special in its title, but the word “blog post” is a very key word in the SEO world. Then add a good content underneath, you become king. This post is less than 2 years old, yet it made the second spot in my top 10. Lesson, SEO works

3. I want to burst some bloggers' bubbles

This post has two things going on for it when it comes to traffic. Firstly, it reeks of gossip (it is actually a blogville community gossip), and secondly, it has the keyword “blogger”. It seems anything that has the words, blog, blog post, bloggers, how to blog, etc. is always a winner every time.

4. Wordpressers speak back: Nigerian Blogger users are ignorant, backward, etc

I wrote this post during the wordpress vs blogger fracas, which honestly I caused, albeit unintentionally. It turned out to be a very friendly war between wordpressers and bloggers, when the community was still strong. This post made it for two reasons, it is a warzone post, it has the word Nigerian bloggers, and it makes use of a condemning statement about a country, which is not the goal of the post.

5. "I have decided to stop attending church!"

Anything about church condemnation, pastor criticism, how a popular televangelist molested people, sells. These kinds of gossip posts attracts traffic like mad. This post was publicised on all my platfoms, and many people saw me as church girl, also being a teen’s teacher in church. So imagine me going public with my intention to stop attending church. It’s either people wanted to know why or they just wanted to join me in stoning the church, lol.

6. The “It is well” generation.

I don’t think the title made this one popular at all. Firstly, it was publicised on all my platforms, which really doesn’t matter because many other posts were publicised on my platforms too. But this particular post had many keyword in the content itself.  When you read it, you would see controversial words like Femi Otedola,  Farouk Lawan , 170 million Nigerians, Shunemite woman, Horatio Gates Spafford, Chibok Girls, Boko Haram, Elisha, etc. I might be wrong though.  Maybe the word “It is well” is a keyword. All I can say is that it is one of my most popular posts

7. How I hustled to graduate from University
Again… gossip sells. It is of the opinions that I did really well in university, so when a post title begins to claim the reverse, people want to know (things about your personal life they shouldn’t ordinarily know). Just do a post about how you slept with 5 men in 2 months, and see what happens, lol.

8. How I see Nigerian Blogsville (2) – The two clans... not cliques

This holds the same point as number 4. Exactly the same points

9. Almighty's Formula by Atilola Moronfolu

The keyword made this post great. Almighty Formula is a very popular topic in mathematics that can solve any quadratic equation other methods can’t solve. When people google it, they are sometimes led to my post, which talks about another type of Almighty Formula

10. Close Shaves Series – part 4 : The AUR Story

At first glance, there’s nothing unique about this post. But I remember that when I was publicising it on my platforms, the caption was “how I opened my legs for a man”. Just like number 5 post, many people know I don’t believe and engage in premarital sex, and here I am, opening my legs for a man? What is happening here? Again, gossip! (people want to know what they shouldn’t ordinarily know).

So the summary of what I have learnt from my Top 10 posts when it comes reading culture, and this is something you can use if you are interested in growing your blog traffic
1. Writing about big brands attracts traffic
2. All that SEO and Keyword life, they work big time
3. People love gossip. People want to know what they shouldn’t ordinarily know, and if you can keep feeding their desires, they’ll keep coming back for more.

Lastly, let me add that I don’t write for traffic. I’m more about content. If the content is right, people will eventually come. I do not strategically position myself to increase traffic by inputing keywords, spreading gossips, etc. I just write, and I just want people to read. I implore you all to read these top 10 posts, I can assure you that you will enjoy them.

Five things to do when life begins to overwhelm you




Being a driven person who takes life more serious than she takes it easy, I have been overwhelmed by life more times than I would like to be. My recent experience with this made me take a hard look at my situation, and say some truths to myself. I realised that I was not the only one who needed to hear these truths because there are so many people going through similar things. So I have decided to share these tips to help everyone, apart from obvious things to do like 'rest' and 'pray', cos really, we are all going to be overhwelmed at some point in our lives, so we can learn from this.

1. Remind yourself that life is mostly vanity

Some of us are naturally prone to taking life too serious (I’m the number one culprit here). While we need to approach life’s assignments with determination and focus, always remember that there’s a place for balance. And in the end, we take nothing six feet below. Only our legacy and impact in the lives of others will count.

2. Learn to push back 

Say you have 30 tasks to complete in a week, and you humanly speaking, you can only finish 7, ask yourself

How to switch from Old time Blogger to Modern day Blogger


Hello everyone - oldtime bloggers, new bloggers and non-bloggers. I want to talk about something that many bloggers can relate to, and has taken the blogging world by storm

There has been a trend going on for the past three years - old bloggers struggling to keep on blogging, with some eventually giving up, new bloggers coming up, and taking over by storm.

I have been blogging CONSISTENTLY for 8 years, and some things have happened in the course of those years.

Blogging is not what it used to be. Old bloggers  ran a close knit operation. They had a community called blogsville, cos it was like a real village, only that it was online. They were passionate about one another, competing to be the first person to comment on one another's blogs. That was the era on Nigerian Blog Awards (a feat that is getting more and more difficult to pull due to the dynamism of social media). Being a blogger was as easy as ABC. As long as you had content (mostly personal), and you had internet, you were good to go. There was no need for aesthetics or world-class photography. Non bloggers were always jealous, and always stood outside, looking in, praying they could join this virtual blogsville. New joiners praised God for every new comment they got.

Then came blog enemies like twitter. It competed for the attention of bloggers, some falling off the wagon, while some others juggling between both, never for once realising that they served two totally different purposes.

During this period,

Healthy Eating: How to Eliminate Seasoning Cubes from your Diet


In my journey to healthy eating, I have had to eliminate somethings, by choice and by compulsion. You have read about how I have a long list of items my body rejected over time. Read it here again.

I like good food, and I am of the opinion that eating healthy doesn't have to be the same as eating boring, which is the misconception many people have. Instead of elimination, I always prefer replacement.

For example, I will not eliminate food like white rice, bread, cake, pasta, etc., even though they are not good for us. I have successfully replaced these foods with brown rice, brown bread, whole wheat spaghetti, whole wheat pasta, barley, whole wheat flour for pancakes, etc. The truth is that whole wheat flour doesn't taste differently from processed flour, apart from the fact that it's doesn't stick together as much.

Also, instead of eliminating food like fried plantain, fried chicken, etc, I have replaced them with plantain baked with olive oil, baked chicken, etc. The taste is exactly the same.

These things I did, and more to come, has made my food life still interesting, but are far healthier options for me.

For almost 2 years, I have been using My Fitness Pal to count my calories and sync with my Garmin app. The thing about these apps is that you begin to see data of where you are going wrong (or right) in your diet. In fact, you might think you are eating really healthy, but with more information, you will know there are harmful eating habits you need to stop.

First, we all know that the major culprit of obesity is

Doing business is risky, and other random thoughts

Hello everyone, how are we all doing? It's been long I did a set of random posts, and I feel like doing one now. So let's go


I am extremely tired. From Monday till Saturday last week, I was on my feet from morning till night (from 11-12 hours everyday). This week doesn't seem like it will be any different. How does one achieve balance, cos right now, so many parts of my life are out of tune at the moment. By the grace of God, things will get better in a couple of weeks.

I really need a camera. Who loves me, and is willing to get me one? I need it for a banging blog (why rebrand when you are not ready to upload high quality pictures?), I need it for my business (product upload, development, etc), I need it to shoot videos (my spoken word career needs a new life), and so many more reasons. Do I need to tell you more? Oya please get me a camera. I promise to love you forever if you do.

How powerful is African Jazz, really?

Hi everyone? How's life going with all of us? Before we go into today's post, I would like to know what you think about the new look of my blog. Yay or nay? I wanted a whole new look. I felt I had outgrown the straight-faced, very serious Atilola. I wanted to change my brand and aura to something my soothing, welcoming, and flowery hence the smiling pic on the side (I have always preferred my straight-face picture to smiling ones). Anyway, do you think the blog picture does justice to the intent?

So what is your opinion about Jazz? For those of us who might be new to this, I am not talking of Jazz music but Black African Power that is attributed to smaller deities and African gods. I'm sure every African knows these powers exist and are real. So the question here is do you believe in their efficacy?

During our honeymoon in Gambia, we visited to Kachikali Museum, and saw several charms, to be used for different purposes. Although I feel Gambian jazz is a learner where ancient Nigerian Babalowos are (which is understandable, because it is a very small country, it just an experience standing face to face with charms and amulets. See for yourself below.

Destination Wedding Blues - Famzing with Crocodiles and Horses

Hello dears, how is 2017 treating you all so far, and we are all keeping our heads up at the moment.

Confession: I am tired of this wedding series, as I have moved far far away from the wedding phase of my life.

So I will just try to lump everything left in one single post, and resume regular blogging next week.

The next and final day for the wedding retreat was the tour. My newlywed husband said he wasn't going, so I didn't go also. I had to handle logistics of changing rooms from where we wear previously staying to a bigger room, where we would stay together, and spend our honeymoon. So I had to make sure we had a room suited to our taste, then pack luggage, etc.


That night, about 12 midnight, our guests said goodbye to us, and headed back for Nigeria, while we were left alone to face a whole new world we have never experienced.

Destination Wedding Blues - Day 2: Getting the MRS degree

My wedding day started as an ordinary but exciting day. My plan was to have breakfast, and then have my hair styled. By the time I was having breakfast, my pastor's wife 'A', looked at my nails and asked what I was doing to it. I said 'nothing', so she dragged me off to do a manicure and pedicure. Though I didn't fix my nails because it's something I have never done, I got it painted in the french tips style.

This unplanned manicure and pedicure session set me 2 hours behind time. By the time I was ready to take my bath and make my hair, it was already noon, and we were supposed to start taking professional pictures by 4.00pm, since the wedding was to start by 6.00pm.

I wrote my vows during the manicure session (covers face). Let's just say after we read our vows that evening, I wanted to cover my eyes in shame, cos I scored like 2% and by husband (who has been writing the vows for a couple of months) scored like 110%. I also couldn't join the choreography rehearsals that morning

Most of our guests... gathering to pray and rehearse on
the morning of the wedding day
Anyway we rushed off to do my hair, and makeup. We couldn't be ready by 4.00pm, but we were set by around past 5.00pm.

We finally started the photography session, which was supposed to be at the beach, poolside, and garden. As a group, we could only do beach. But we as a couple also did poolside, and just a little garden.

Destination Wedding Blues - Day 1: Dance, decor, food, et al

I had intended to go to Gambia two days before everyone would come to join me so
  • I could meet with the vendors
  • Run through the whole wedding arrangement with the hotel's management
  • Arrange airport pickup for our guests
  • Get guests' rooms ready, and put their welcome packs on their beds.

Thanks to Arik, not only did I not get to the venue two days before the wedding retreat, I got there one day after the wedding should have started, so we lost a whole day's activities.

For one reason or the other, we had not concluded on decor, DJ, and makeup artist. The hotel's management was acting as a go between to get all these sorted, but we still had to make sure they delivered what we wanted.

In the plane... enroute Gambia