Dear Pastor's Wife, It takes both parties to make marriage work

Last week, I saw a flyer on Instagram, where a pastor's wife was calling for women to pray and fast for their husbands for 31 days (all through the month of March). I did not like the feeling the flyer generated in me.

I wanted to like the idea and the thought for calling for a prayer watch, but I did not, and I didn't like that I didn't like the idea... at all. Imagine if everyone is good, and you want to be good also, but you keep being bad, and you don't like the fact that you are bad. You know you should be good, but there's something about this 'good' that doesn't sit well with you... that's exactly how I felt.

I feel every woman should pray for her husband, because under normal circumstances, if it is well for your husband, it would be well for you too. They should also pray for their children. It is normal for most religious women to pray for their entire households, because there's something about a woman's heart that is always drawn towards her home, and its well-being. And for Christian women who are not very prayerful, but desire to be, or ones just struggling with their prayer lives, which is quite common, this special call for 'prayers for husbands' would most likely encourage them to catch the prayer train.

However, the question is... where are the men? Are they praying for their wives?

The church and its lack of appreciation for Talents

When it comes to talent and its expressions, we all know that there’s a thin line between work and ministry. There has also always been the age old argument of whether people should charge for ministry work, or even be paid for it. One now begins to wonder why this argument comes up when it has to do with the church parting with money, cos it never comes up in the cooperate organisations.

Something happened to me, which made me think long and hard about this topic.

When it comes to my spoken word career, it is both ministry and work for me. Spoken word is the work I do, by which I use to minister directly to people. Unlike people like Janette…ikz and Ezekiel, I am not a Christian spoken word artist. I am a Christian who is a spoken word artist, and they are entirely different.

Just like a Christian who is an accountant, he is first a Christian before he is an accountant. Even when he stops being an accountant, he will keep being a Christian. He is expected to shine the light of Christ in his accountancy profession.

So even though I am not a Christian spoken word artist, it is always evident in my message that I am a Christian, because naturally, my values will be reflected in my message. Also, I organise spoken word and rap concerts that are Christian and kingdom driven, because that is my mandate for now. I also teach spoken word in church. I don’t train my students to become Christian spoken word artists, I simply train them to be spoken word artists. Whether they want to use their skill for evangelism, entertainment or social transformation, it is for them to determine. My own job ends at skills transference.

Because of my kind of message, I get invited to perform at all kinds of event… all kinds. The only kind I haven’t performed at yet is a funeral, and I am up for the challenge whenever it comes.
When I get invited, I state my fees, they pay, I rehearse and rehearse and rehearse. I perform and it ends… mostly in that cycle. If I don’t like the fees, I negotiate upwards or recommend someone else. On very few occasions, I perform for free.

So last week, based on the recommendation of a pastor, a lady invited me to perform at a church departmental end of the year party. I stated my fees, and we reached an agreement.

In the course of the next week, she ran into some personal issues, and some other woman took over. This person didn’t reach out to me on time, so I cancelled out the program from my schedule. Two days to the event, she called, and I made an allusion to the fact that I had almost changed my mind since I didn’t hear from her. We talked a bit more, and I agreed to come even though I’ll be under too much rehearsal pressure. I asked how far with the agreement for my fees, and she was like "what fees?"

She asked for the amount, and then I shouldn’t worry because she was under the impression that I was just coming to ‘bless them’. To say I was shocked was an understatement?

What if I had started working on their piece, which ideally, I should have cos she called 2 days to the event?

She didn’t even try to negotiate me down, or use the usual ‘please come down for us, it is the work of God, church has too many expenses’ line. She just expected me to come and do it for free.

She expected me to invest my time, my sweat, my brain, my saliva, and energy, fuel… for free.

Can you see something wrong with this thinking? And here is my reply for her and other church people who think this way. If you are one of them, please make sure you read well and well enough.

“First of all, I am not coming to bless you. I am coming to work, to do a job. In the process of my work, you will become blessed. If I am coming to sow, I know that's what I'm doing. If I'm coming to work, I know that's what I'm doing. You are not the one that will tell me to sow. I choose to sow when I want.”

When church ministries act this way, and don't want to pay, I don't take them seriously, and I don't go. It is not because I'm mean, greedy or I can't afford to do it for free. It is because in most cases, those people don’t really appreciate you, your art, the work you do, and the time you invest into churning out excellence. The value they place on you can be equated to how hairdressers treat hair lice.

I mean, they paid the caterer, decorator and other service providers, so why shouldn't I get paid? Is my work less important than theirs? Do you know how much intellectual work goes into creating an average piece, talk less of a good one?

Did they ask the caterer to bless them with their food? Of course not. They paid her because they understood the value of good food. No wonder the church loses its talent every day because the secular world never treats talents like this.

When the woman dropped, I didn’t feel bad. I was only sad because she was referred by someone I respect, and if that pastor should ever ask me, I will just show him this blog post.

How I almost lost track of my mind

I’ve been wearing a tracker for about a year now, and I don’t see myself ever stopping it. Anyone who knows me well knows I’m strongly into fitness, healthy diet, and living a good lifestyle (took after my dad in this). So using a tracker was just good for me to maintain my way of life. So I got a fitness band, not a fitness watch, even though the functions are the same. But a band allows me the opportunity to wear a watch on my left hand, and then the band on my right. I love watches… quality ones. If I had gotten a fitness watch, it means I would have had to ditch my original watches, since I can’t wear two watches, and that is not acceptable because…

I NEVER EVER TAKE OFF MY TRACKER

The only time it goes off is when I want to switch it from the left wrist to the right or vice versa. And when I do this, I am on one spot, not moving, so I don’t lose step counts.

Two months ago, I went for a meeting at the US embassy, and along with my phone, one of the things I couldn’t take in was my tracker. It was the only time I had ever taken it off since I started wearing it. I felt so naked, living the next one hour of my life without it. Funny enough, when I just got it, and realised I might never take it off because I needed it while sleeping for tracking purposes, I was slightly irritated.

One or two times, I have noticed the band snap open, due to my carelessness. In fact, the second time, the band snapped open, and fell on the floor while I had taken a few steps before I noticed what had gone wrong since my hand felt bare.

That is why yesterday, when I lost my tracker, I almost went insane with confusion. I rushed into church to organise service with my kids, and immediately I removed my handbag from my right wrist, I knew something was wrong. I tried not to panic. I started retracing my steps all the way from where I was standing to the gate. I even checked the thrash can I had dumped tissue into. I found nothing.

Source

I was saying to myself, all these wouldn’t have happened if I had just brought my car to church. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t drive to church, cos I had to attend an interview session with someone, after which we had to get to some places, so I decided I would cab in order to make commuting easy after church, which was a huge sacrifice for me, since it meant inconvenience.

Now, the cab…

Getting a cab on Sunday morning in a residential area wasn’t a walk in the park. I had to walk far far away from home to find one. As I approached a makeshift taxi park, suddenly another taxi approached me, and I flagged him down. I looked in to start bargaining, only to see that it was my neighbour. By this time, one of the drivers in the park said the guy shouldn’t be lifting passengers near the park, and I explained that he was my neighbour.

Anyway, my neighbour didn’t even allow me bargain, he just said I should enter, and he took me to church, which is very far from home (Gbagada to Lekki).

On tracing my steps back to look for my tracker, I called my mechanic neighbour, to send the number of my neighbour who had brought me to church. He did that, but by this time, I was already walking back into church, having not found the tracker. I was going to the information desk to ask if anyone had dropped my tracker there, cos it definitely wasn’t on the floor in church. I couldn’t just imagine that someone would see my tracker on the ground, and want to pocket it. I mean why would someone want to steal another person’s tracker? So I was sure someone must have dropped it off there. Just before I got to the information desk, I got my neighbour’s number. I called him to search his car for something that looked like a rubber watch. And voila, there it was!

Obviously, the band had snapped due to my carelessness when I was wearing my shoes, and forcing the zip closed. I had not noticed till I got into church cos the weight of the bag on my wrist was covering up the bare wrist. Now, I have learnt. I will always cover up the lock key area with the extra covering provided, which I used to slide back before.

So yes, tracker was found, and my sanity was restored but I had lost about a thousand step count record, which could never be recovered again, and I was sad I was going to lose all my step counts for that day. But I was elated when my neighbour said he could turn back to come and give me my tracker in church, cos he hadn’t gone so far, which was surprising cos this was about 20 minutes after he had dropped me. I took him on his offer, he brought my tracker back, and my step counts continued.

I started wondering, what if I had found a cab earlier when I was in a hurry, and I didn’t have to walk all the way to coincidentally flag someone down who ended up being my neighbour? The truth is that if I had taken any other taxi driver apart from that guy, my tracker would have been lost forever, not necessarily because the person is dishonest, but because the person would not be able to reach me, since he won’t know how to extract info from the tracker to get my details – and that’s if he even knows what the device is.

So yea, everything worked well in the end, and no, I won't be taking cabs again. Even if I must, I would make sure it is one I can track, even without a tracker, lol.

When God cursed me

There's a church opposite my house that conduct services every day. Yes, you read right, every single day. The worst part is that the service holds in the evenings at the same time I'm doing bible study. The church is very small, really small but their loudspeaker is indirectly proportional to the size of the church. And guess the direction of the sound… straight through my window.

As outrageous as the above is, that is not the point of today's post.

Seeing the sound architecture of this church described above, it is therefore expected that I hear every single word uttered in their service, every praise and worship song, every off beat music, every prayer point and the whole sermon. Seeing as this is my current reality, I've learnt to block out the whole thing and just treat it like the noise pollution it really is. But sometimes I can't help but hear some things being said

And so it was that last Wednesday evening, doing my bible study as usual, this prayer point straight from this church loudspeaker, bypassed the word I was studying and hit my brain straight.

"Everybody say father, if I've done anything to deserve your curse, please forgive me in the name of Jesus." 

I immediately looked up, arched my back straight and stretched my ear lobes. I listened intently as the person giving the prayer point repeated it like 3 more times after which the whole congregation started praying.

I instantly became very worried. I kept screaming in my spirit “God doesn't curse people.” In my mind, I was crying for the people.

What kind of church is this? What kind of word is this? Don't people read their bibles? Doesn't the pastor/prayer warrior read his bible? Who will tell these people? Who will show this people the truth?

We are Christians. We are seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. We have the same authority that Christ has. All principalities and powers are under our feet where it has been since the work was finished 2000 years ago. God can't curse you because you sinned. That was the whole essence of the cross. If you have sinned, you can come to the cross, obtain the forgiveness which has already been a done deal since ages past, and go and sin no more.

God cannot curse you! In fact, the devil cannot curse you. Yes you read that right.

Can we live under curses as Christians? Yes we can.

We can live under curses due to ignorance of what has been done for us. But once you know your right and the authority that was given to you when Christ resurrected, you place yourself in the position you truly are and begin to command things the way you want them with the mind-set that you already have the victory. You are just going to enforce your right.

Let me stop here on the issue of the believer’s authority because it is deeper than this.

The main things you should know are that…

God cannot curse you. He doesn't curse his children. Don't let someone put something on you that God didn't put there.

Read your bibles abeg. Or how else would you know that someone is spewing nonsense on the altar if you are not educated in the word?

Watch the church you go to. Honestly some pastors are not educated. I have a friend who was made pastor of a parish after spending few months as a worker in that church. He's a fellow blogger so he knows what I'm talking about.

I really don't want to do this but I'm sorry I have to so that the word will get to the ears of the right people. The church I'm talking about is one of the franchised redeemed churches. Maybe someone will tell Pastor Adeboye that regular inspections need to be conducted on their franchise so their members would not leave worse than they came in the first place

Source

Modern Day Religious Manipulations

So sometime recently my mum came to meet me, and said one pastor said everyone in my family should come together and pray for three hours every night for one month or so. She said something like the theme is ‘moving forward.’

So we looked at each other, and burst into laughter. I said three hours?

How are supposed to gather EVERYONE for THREE HOURS, EVERY NIGHT?

She said she told the person it won’t be possible, that she will pray what she can pray, and tell me, so I can do the remaining, since I pray for long hours every evening, anyway.

I asked my mum. “So, if we don’t do up to three hours, God will not answer our prayers?”

Needless to say, this was where the conversation died.

I have come to the level where all these ‘spiritual manipulations’ disguised with good intentions on the road to breakthrough don’t move me one bit anymore. I have too much experience for all that crap to work on me. If you find yourself been bounced around by all these hullabaloo, even as a Christian, it is not because you are bad or weak. It is just a sign of a troubled and restless spirit.

Trust me, I have been there.

Gone are the days when religious manipulators came in celestial white garments, and ask you to drink and bathe in holy water. That is just old school. No one would ask you to go to bar beach again. Fashola and Tinubu have reduced their market with the whole Eko Atlantic Beach thing. The 7 Broomsticks-beating times are over, as it doesn’t appeal to the elite. It is a whole new game now.
The spiritual manipulators of these times are very cunning. They are in every church, and they prey on the weak and troubled. And they can catch anybody, no matter how strong.

Here goes my own personal experience.

There was a time in my life when everything around me was crumbling. I lost things most important to me, and I basically thought I could not move on without recovering them. I was weak, tired, and just wanted my life to be over. This is that period in your life when your friends and family just keep looking at you and praying for you to recover because they know there’s basically nothing within their power they can do to help you get back up again. Even my pastor kept praying for me and encouraging me. Still, it wasn’t enough. I wanted a quick-fix solution.

That’s how I went to look for trouble when I agreed to see one of my aunt’s pastor in a redeemed church. She said he’s a prayer warrior, and very effective. I went to see him. In fact, the drama in the church that day made me laugh so much that I immediately wrote this post, The God of Visas, and blogged about it. Read it here. Anyway, I finally got to meet this pastor. I should have suspected him because it looked he was just a worker in the church. He immediately scolded me for questioning God, and asked me to start fasting again for 21 days (I had just concluded a personal fast). He said he will be sending daily prayer points, bla bla.

After about 10 days, I sent him credit because my aunt said I should send him credit since he is sending me prayer points. I sent him 1500 twice in the period of 21 day. Even though a text message costs N4.00, it was nothing to me. I mean he was specially interested in me, right? Never mind that I already had hundreds of prayer points and declarations I had prepared for myself. After all, I was the one looking for fast solution.

Anyway, after the 21 days was over, this pastor will call and pray for me well, and ask me to send him credit. The first time, I did it, but with raised eyebrows.

One morning of a week day, he called me and asked him to send him credit. Unfortunately, I was in Nnewi, in a remote area. The company my firm had sent our team to go and clean up their accounts temporarily lodged us in one of the CEO’s guest houses, and we were surrounded by bushes. So I told the pastor I couldn’t get credit, explaining the situation of things to him.

He kept insisting I go out and buy the credit, or find someone to send to get the credit, because he doesn’t understand how someone like me won’t have access to credit. I was irritated, and immediately decided to cut him out of my life.

Source

I stopped picking his calls, apart from one time I picked by mistake because he called my second line.

I told my aunt what happened, and she apologised saying she didn’t know he was like that, and would report him in the church.

So these are the signs of such people

They are very manipulative, starting and ending calls with prayers God did not send them to pray for you. They never run out of prophesies.

They will usually send you prayer points, and tell you they are praying for you too.

They will make you dependent on them totally. This is a strategy, because if things begin to turn around for you, you will always attribute it to the fact that “That pastor can pray o. Ha, he is a powerful man of God.” And then you will eventually turn the pastor to your God, and start giving him whatever he asks for.

If you meet any pastor who doesn’t encourage you to study the word yourself, and find God yourself, RUN!

They usually don't have any full time job or full time ministry, and prey on mostly the working class society.

Most times, they are formulaic/numerical in their approach. Fast for 21 days. Pray by 6pm and 11pm everyday. Pray for 2 hours. Shout Hallellujah 7 times for 7 days at the 7th hour. They lack creativity, and their approach doesn't give room for the Holy Spirit to do His thing, seeing He cannot be confined to formulas and numbers.

They are in every church, EVERY CHURCH - Catholic, Pentecostal, Celestial, Redeemed, Winners, Baptist, CAC, Methodist – you name it, you will find them there.

Beware of them. I believe I was able to see him for who he was because I was already strong spiritually before I got into trouble, but only got caught in my weak moment. Some people are not so lucky, and end up being lifetime victims of the greedy posers in the kingdom of God.

On the flipside, don’t stop going to church because of these wolves in sheep's clothing. See my reason below

The Devil's Agenda for the Church

So I wrote this Spoken Word piece almost two years ago, and I felt it was really strong and powerful, but I didn't get the inner peace in my mind to go on performing this piece. I know that if one is going to assume the mouth piece of the devil, and go ahead to expose his plans on stage to the whole world, then one should be ready for some serious warfare. Because of some thing that happened to me in the period of two years before I wrote this, I wasn't sure I was ready to take on another vicious warfare. I also felt God asking me to "chill on this one." So I dumped the piece aside, and never rehearsed it. I saw it few days ago, and I felt at least if I can't present it on stage yet, I can publish it for the whole world to see. So here it is... in the devil's own words, not mine.

Source

I am gonna silence the church
Making the bible-thumping Christians go hush hush
Hush- there’s a hatred grenade flying over there
Hush- you risk losing your charisma if you spread the gospel over there

I am gonna empty
The church till it loses its majority
Due to the sins of minority
Till the once fatted calf becomes so emaciated and hungry that it begins to lose its voice
And if it dares utter a sound, it will be taken as nothing but loud noise
Then the unbelievers will go “hush hush…
You talk too much”
Yes, I am gonna silence the church

I am going to divide them, using trivial issues and frivolous arguments
Such as that of prosperity and private jets
Such that they will be too blind to notice
When I enter boldly into their presence with dexterity

I’ll forcefully twist their heads
Shift their focus
Make them forget about his miracles, yet concentrate on hocus pocus
Abracadabra- it is raining money in this church
Abracadabra- there’s a children’s factory on that pilgrim hill
Abracadabra – cars are being shared in that temple
Abracadabra- healing is the order of the day in that cathedra
Cos it’s not only in harry potter books I use my avada kedavra

No. my avada kedavra will shift their orientation
Change their disposition
Make them the focus of their own attention
And distract them so much that the dizziness
from the speed of which I’ll do it will be mistaken for busyness
and the fruit of it will be greeted with righteous jubilation
such that they would begin to neglect the soul’s salvation
the very essence
of the Christian’s existence
in this present dispensation
yes, I am going to silence the church

I am going to dispense…
offence
In the hearts of many, and the tool I will use is the pretence
Of the ones who were supposed to present
A shield of defence
And build a wall of fence
Around the vulnerable ones who came into the presence
Of God to bask in its holy ambience

Like osmosis, I won’t be loud or obvious
As I let the juiccccccceeeeeee
Of gossip and backbiting
Find its way into the nooks and crannies of the body

For the singular body
As the rejection of her church brethren
Messes up with her mind
Toils with the sermons and messages that had been planted in her heart
Becomes bitterness and hatred within her
And all these become a heavy load too weighty for her
To carry
till her…
Spine begins to curve as a result of the burden
She is carrying
And poof!
She is back to the very point
Where she came from
Another victory for me
If only they could see
How I used them to play the Pharisee

For the corporate body
As I begin to cause a crack here
A break there
As the osmotic juice
Of my offence does its work till it finds itself at the deepest root
Causing it to suddenly pop! And explode like a grenade
So loud that unbelievers outside begin to wonder the cause of this charade
Making the believers look like clowns similar to the ones at a carnival’s parade
Thereby rendering them powerless
Clueless
And useless
Till they become like salt so tasteless

Then when my osmosis has taken its full effect
I’m going to make use of diffusion
To disseminate the poisonous gas of lies and deceit
using the ones who became disjointed from the body
Due to the offence
They experienced
From the hands of the ones who were supposed to be their father’s physical evidence

Then I’m going to take their case
To the presence of their father
And ask ‘are these
The people for whom you died on the cross
See how they make a mockery of your blood
Cos they’ll rather feed themselves than care about souls lost

And then I’ll pray
Pray in my own name
That unlike the case of job,
This time, their father would just give up on them
So I can have the liberty to crush them

I’m going to Cause Chaos to Cruise the Coast of the Christians’ Cathedral
Such that they begin to incur the Curse that the Cross of Christ Crossed off over 2000 years ago

I’m going to make them concentrate on charisma rather than character
Such that the concentration of their anointing reminds me of excessively diluted tasty time juice in the hand of a broke boarding house student

By this time, I’d have bound their wrists
Clip their fingers
Shackled their feet
Sealed their lips
Gorged their eyes
Plugged their ears
That they’ll look so beautiful
Yet remain like powerless statues
Till they become mere tourist attractions like Egyptian mummies

They’ll be so lukewarm
And would have become as bland as an over-chewed gum
That even their father would have to spew them
Cos after all, even he if denies me, he can’t deny the words in his literary emblem
Since he had already warned them

So I am going to silence the church
And of my many plans, I have told you a bit much
The question is…
will you be defiant and continue trying to spread the gospel of your father’s salvation
Or assist me in my unrelenting mission

By Atilola Moronfolu

Public Disgrace of Singleness

So there’s this pastor I really like. He is actually my friend’s pastor, and leads a branch of one of those conservative churches - the non-trouser, non-earring wearing kind. I like him because he seems genuinely interested in my welfare, and he doesn’t use the “why are you wearing trouser, why are you wearing earring?” eye to look at me. He is married, with 3 kids, and really vibrant. He encourages me well in my down time.

Anyway, when I came back from Geneva, when I went to do the spoken word for the UN conference, my friend calls and says this man was asking after me, and I should call him. I called him, and told him why I wasn’t available to speak to him. So he said I should come and see him. Reluctantly – very very reluctantly, I dragged myself to his church on Sunday afternoon. I was still resting from my trip, and didn’t even go to my own church that morning.

On getting there, we talked a bit, prayed a bit, etc. He then drilled me about what the whole spoken word thing was about, and I explained the best I could. I showed him a video of one of my performances, and he seemed thrilled. Later, we ended the conversation, and I left.

A couple of weeks later, he called me, and said he wanted me to come and minister in his church because he has a special guest. You see why I like this man? Conservative pastor calling a trouser-wearing girl like me to come and minister.

I told him it would be inconvenient since it meant I had to leave the teens I’m supposed to teach in my own church. I told him I would do it but he had to slate me early, so I could leave to my own church.

I could swear that this was what I heard him say. “Please, can you come and do your spoken word in my church. I have a special guest coming to preach, and I want him to see your ministration.”

But he called me a week later, and started asking if I was ready for the ministration, to which I replied in the affirmative. He asked what my topic was, and I told him. He then suggested another topic which I can’t remember now. I told him it was too late because I couldn’t start writing something new and putting it together. I then asked him what topic the pastor was preaching on so I could see how I could manipulate his topic with my ministration during the introduction phase.

It was then the calabash broke.

“What pastor?” The pastor asked.

I was confused. “I thought you said you had a special guest coming to preach in your church, and that is why you are calling me.”

“No o. I mean there’s a guy coming to my church. He is one of our church members, but now works for an oil company in port harcourt. That is the guest I am talking about. He will be in church on Sunday. So I want you to come and do your spoken word, so he can see you. I will now ask him if he is interested in you.”

I’m guessing you are all speechless by now. At this point, I didn’t know what to say. So many things were running through my mind. Couldn’t this man just have called me to come and minister without revealing his true motive to me? After all, the guy also wasn't aware.

Source

“Ha, I didn’t know o. I actually thought it is a pastor.”

“No, it is not.”

Trust my straightforward talk. “Excuse me sir, you know I wear earring and trousers, and you want to introduce me to your church member.” I protested.

“No o, this guy is not like that o. He is the liberal kind.”

“Me, I don’t know o.” I continued.

My friend, who is the one who introduced me to my pastor friend, wasn’t around to witness the drama, cos she had gone to the states to put to bed. I reported the whole incident to her, and told her why it was a terrible idea. First, even though we were both Christians, our doctrines differed totally, and then I have a budding manufacturing business in Lagos. She disagreed with me, but that was her own opinion, and I wasn’t buying it.

I picture myself  married to the guy, always wearing wrapper and long skirt, never wearing earring, and always covering my head. It wasn’t a pretty imagination, lol. So I just determined to put all sentiments aside and do the ministration, forgetting the real story behind it.

In the meantime, I was praying hard that the guy will see me, and not like me. In fact, he should very disinterested in me, cos I don’t want any “Pastor said you are my wife” story in my life. I also don’t want anything that would cause me to reject the guy, and it will now be like “See this one that we are trying to help her case, she still has the guts to reject men.”

A day before the ministration, my pastor friend called me, and told me to make sure I don’t wear earring, and I cover my head, since I will be climbing the altar. I was glad he told me because I wouldn’t have thought of taking a hat.

Anyway, the day came, and I did the spoken word without mentioning anything about the drama to the pastor. All the while I knew that my maybe-potential-husband was in the crowd, watching me. I sha tried not to feel like a guinea pig on display, without earrings and a bowler hat. I wore a knee-length bodicon dress. At least, I met them half way on the earring issue, lol.

Till today, the pastor never mentioned the update to me. Maybe the Holy Spirit did not minister to the guy that I was his wife when I was performing, I don’t know. Maybe he didn’t like what he saw, then he must have been blinded by my prayers.

So that was how the story of my life was put up on public display, because someone was looking for husband for me, lol.

P.S: Please know that this happened two years ago, and as at today, I am still not even 30 yet, lol. This means people really care about my marital status.

"I have decided to stop attending church!"

“All these pastors of nowadays sef, all of they are hypocrites, liars. They only want to collect our money. Last week my pastor bought another car, after he just completed his third house, yet many of the church members are homeless. His children are schooling abroad, yet many of the church members cannot afford school fees. The assistant pastor was just uninstalled after he impregnated the worship leader. I wanted to port to my brother’s church, but a soft-sell magazine published a picture of him in Okija shrine last week. I am fed up. All these pastors are just there to make their own lives better by deceiving members of the church. Even the church members nko? That’s a story for another day. These are the end times, and they are all false prophets. In fact, I am no more attending church. After all, I don’t have to attend church to make heaven… bla bla bla, and some more boring blaaa.”

Source

*Yawns*

Firstly, you agree that you are a Christian, which is why you made these statements above. Who is your God, the pastor or God? Your being a Christian means you are a part of the Kingdom of Christ, right? No matter how you put it, you have a stake in the kingdom.

Imagine you are a part of a company, and some of the managers and even low-level staff have been misbehaving recently, they have been going against company policies. Some have been caught and disgraced, while some have been hiding their acts, but there are snide comments going on about them. On Monday morning, you are still on your bed by 9.00am, then your colleague calls you to ask where you are ‘cause the boss has been fuming about your lateness. Then you tell your colleague you don’t think you will be working anymore because some people have been going against company policies. You are not quitting because of the work, salary or boss’s attitude, but because of your colleagues who are going against the company policies.

Well, that look on your face as you consider the foolish reasons of the worker in question is the same way you should look at yourself if you decide to stop going to church because some pastors and church members are hypocrites, and don’t truly represent the Christ they preach.

YOU are the light of the world. YOU are the salt of the earth. If some people have decided to become rotten eggs, and pollute the work of God, why don’t you be the light you have been called to be, and stand out of the pack. In the body of Christ, everyone should serve in expanding the kingdom one way or the other (not necessarily by being a church worker). If you decide to switch your own light off because someone else is displaying faulty light, you have also contributed to the darkness all around. Why should another person’s light affect your own light?

This indicates the fact that you are going to church to be served, and the moment you found out the people serving you are not really what they portrayed themselves to be, you decide it is time to shift base. If one goes to church to actually serve, then you know that the thought of severing yourself from the body because of the stupidity of other servers will not occur to you, because your own serving has nothing to do with their own serving.

If these are the end times as you say, trust me, a reputable church is where you want to be taking refuge at the moment. As the day goes by, it is getting harder by the day, for Christians to take a stand, so you need to take cover.

The agenda of the devil is to destroy the church (the body, not the building). One of the ways he is trying to do that is to make the church turn against itself. The question is, are you going to help the devil meet this agenda by deserting the church because of what a pastor you trusted did? We all know that when the devil wants to destroy someone, he doesn’t make it very obvious, the first thing he does is to play the isolation card. He isolates you from church, friends, family, etc. and makes you think you can be fine by yourself. By the time problem shows up, you see that you have no covering at all.

If you tell me that you are no more going to church because you are now a Muslim, a Buddhist, atheist, etc. that is a reason that actually makes sense. But to say you will be a Christian, but will dissociate yourself from the church (the body of the one who you claim you serve), because of what some pastors did actually makes no sense at all.

Contrary to what you might think, this is not a post about religion or Christianity. It is more about reasons that make sense or not. And also, I know the truth is that many pastors actually do all sorts, and let power get into their heads. I experienced one of such, and I wrote about it here.

"The reason you have not found any fake thirteen naira note is because there are no originals. No one counterfeits what does not exist. You will find fake hundred naira notes, fake one thousand naira notes, but never a fake three hundred naira note. Any counterfeit you see is evidence that the original exists, even in larger quantities than the fake." (Original quote by Atilola Moronfolu).

The reason there are fake men of God is because there are real men of God. The same way the fake men of God are making you consider leaving the church, let that be the same way the real men of God pull you back to being a strong part of the church.

Instead of us to focus on the fake minority, we can choose to be encouraged by the real men of God out there, and there are still a lot of them.

Drop that attitude about going to church to be served. Go to church, and BE THE LIGHT!

Four sure-fire ways to stay awake throughout church night vigils

It really breaks my heart to see people go for church vigils, and end up falling asleep. I mean, is it not better to sleep on your bed, than to go church, suffer yourself unnecessarily, and then sleep in church, while your bed remains empty? You don’t get to pray, yet you don’t get to sleep comfortably. Talk about losing both ways.

When you see someone geared up for vigil, and during praise and worship or the first one or two prayer points, that person is bouncing up and down round the hall, shouting on top of his voice, etc., know that this one no go last. In the next 20 minutes, his eyes will begin to expire.

Why is that? It is because there is a skill to staying awake all night during vigils. It has nothing to do with how holy or unholy you are, or how long you slept or didn’t sleep during day. During vigils, it is a different ball game. There always seems to be a demon of sleep prowling around, and I am going to give you strategies to conquer this demon. These strategies work. This is not an OR circuit, it is an AND circuit. It means you must implement all the strategies to get the benefit.

1. Kopiko or any other coffee sweet is your friend. This is very important. You must bring enough kopiko for yourself and the people sitting beside you. When you open the pack, ask your seat neighbours if they want. They will most likely say yes, as people don’t really are very open and down to earth during vigils. Whether they accept or not, at least, they will know you are ready for serious business, and don’t intend to sleep. And if they know what is good for them, they will not sleep too. If your eyes are threatening to close, just slip kopiko into your mouth. If your head or hands are going limp, slip in the kopiko. Any sign the demon is coming near you, slip in the kopiko. The idea is that by the time the vigil is coming to an end, you must be high on kopiko.

2. Come armed. Not with charms or guns to kill the sleep demon. In your bag, pack sweets, water, Fanta, and other sugary drinks. Don’t pack eba or pounded yam o. In any case, the goal is not to consume all these things you came armed with. It is actually the fact that the knowledge that you have something in your bag to keep you awake, will actually keep you awake. Don’t ask me how, but it works. I guess it’s a mind thing. If you feel your eyes getting closed sometimes, you can just take a gulp of water from your ammunition, every 30 minutes.

3. When praying, don’t stand on a spot. Standing on a spot when praying will make you feel relaxed, and let the tiredness descend on you. Before you know it, you will be sleeping and standing at the same time, and people will think you have entered the spiritual realm, not knowing you are in dreamland.

Source

When praying, the tactic is to map a straight line route for yourself, and walk to and fro along that path like a pendulum bob. Don’t rush the walk, or else you will wear yourself out, and don’t walk too slowly too, like you are counting your steps. You are there to pray, not to avoid sleeping. They are two different things.

4. Never sit down. If you didn’t do number 1, 2, and 3, you must do this. This singular point is why people succeed or fail when it comes to sleeping at vigils. The only time you should sit down during vigil is if the pastor is giving a sermon, and by that time, I expect that you are high on kopiko. If you are sitting and standing, you think you are saving your strength, but the truth is that you are giving your knees more work to do, and giving yourself a faster chanced to be tired. Don’t sit down when a scripture to back up a prayer point is being explained. Don’t sit down when a prayer point is being read. Don’t sit down when someone wants to pass in your front. I don’t care if the vigil lasts 3 hours or 6 hours. Whatever you do, never sit down. I know it sounds harsh, but the problems that chased you to vigil in the first place too are also harsh and not smiling, and remember you have your bed to embrace all day, so delay the gratification. If you sit down, you will be tempted to sit for 10 seconds more, and another 10 seconds, and another…. Before you know it, you will deceive yourself into believing you can pray effectively while sitting, and then what happens, BAM! the sleep demon wraps itself round you. What do we have here? Another one bites the dust.

So here are fail-safe ways to keep yourself awake during prayer vigils. That problem that gave you the idea that you should leave your comfortable bed, and go to church all night must die o. You cannot let sleep deny you your breakthrough, lol.

Try all these four pointe, and you will be an expert night vigil-kipper in church. If you are lucky, you will even receive an award for it, by becoming the head of your department in church.

Let's give way for the Man of God

I was rushing to Aloted's super working mum program last Saturday. I was already running late, and I was one of the people selling there, only for me to get to one part of Harvey road, and realise the road could only take one car at at time, because people had double parked on the street.

The first time I got myself into the jam, I and the guy driving in front of me were asked to reverse, so the cars in front of us could pass. We did. After then, we kept driving forward only for us to reach a standstill,

I really did not know what was happening in front, but I suspected it was man-made, and I was so late. I decided to come down from the car, and check what was happening, and I realised it was another dead lock. This time, it was just one car in front of us. The annoying thing was that even if it was just one car, the man refused to reverse. He was expecting us to all reverse for just him. How wise? I looked at him, he was an elderly man, like in his sixties. His face was resolute, and it communicated the statement "I will rather die here than reverse for you guys." So I knew there was no use begging the man.

After thinking of a solution and not being able to come up with one, I talked to the guy in front of me, and asked that if we at the back reverse, would he reverse, and just let the man go? The guy reminded me that we had reversed for some set of people before, and we had to go all the way down. He said what is the probability that if we reverse again, we won't have to reverse a third time. I felt the guy made sense, and for heaven's sake, there was no car at this man's back.

Before I knew it, one lady came from one of the houses on the street, and was like we must reverse. At this point, about two or three people were walking by. I asked her why all of us must be the one to reverse for a single car. She said we must reverse because he is a pastor. Therefore all of us must reverse for him.

People, any time people succeed in shocking me like that, I end up bursting into laughter. The people walking by heard the woman's statement, and one of them looked at me, and we just laughed. I looked at the man again, and behold he has a Bishop's collar on. He was really a pastor. The lady that was talking was one of the church members, and she was just coming out of the church.

I said "So pastors don't reverse." At this point, I was so irritated by her statement, that I determined that we will all sleep here. I went to give my assistant the update. She was like the fact that he is a pastor should be the main reason why he should reverse. This my assistant is one of my teenage students in teens church in my church o. Even she knew that the mentality was not right at all.

Source

Please, am I missing something here. You blocked all oncoming vehicles with your car, and you refused to reverse despite the fact that there is no car at your back. You kept quiet all through, and couldn't be bothered. And your congregation came and said we must all reverse for you because you are a pastor.

If there is something I am missing, please, feel free to set me right. Abeg.

10 signs that your church is actually a cult

Well, I am back for real. The Guess the Blogger series was a way for me to take a break from blogging, without actually leaving the blog. Genius of me, right? I am sure when you read the title, you were like "Yes, that is the Atilola we know." Abi? Lol. Anyway, if that was not the case for you, I hope by the time you are done with today's post, you will agree that I am back.

So I am starting with my manual-format posts.

Many people are actually attending cults, but think they are going to church. Please, note that cult is not the same as occult, but some cults can be occultic sha. I am not talking of occult in this post, I am talking of cult in general.

So how do you know if your church is actually a cult?

Source

1. You are not allowed to attend or visit other churches. This is the most obvious sign that your so-called church is a cult. Any church that has it as rule that its members must not set foot in another church is hiding the truth from its members, and is afraid that if they go elsewhere, their eyes might be open, and they would leave the church.

2. Attending other churches or fraternising with other Christian brings consequences like curse from God, poverty, etc. Since they cannot police their congregation, they often put a leash on them by threatening strange curses from God on them, should they leave the church, and go as far as invoking it.

3. The pastor does strange things like making church members bear his surname, sleep with several female church members without hiding it, and having several members as wives. This is self-explanatory enough. Many of these leaders are extremely charismatic. Many times, the leader sees the congregation as his followers or children. In many cases, the leader likes to sleep around, and even justifies his actions using anything he can lay his hands on.

4. There are rules in the church that are not in the Bible. Many of their doctrines are nowhere in the Bible.

5. Apart from the general bible, they have another bible, and another set of commandments that guard the doctrine of the church. Most times, in other to support the strange doctrines in number 4, they just have another book guiding them, along with the Bible.

6. Disobeying those rules leads to physical punishments like getting whipped, up to extreme ones like breaking a finger, etc. It doesn't matter your age, the existence of consequences should drive fear into you, and keep you grounded.

7. Sometime, you all live in the same compound or very close proximity to each other. This is done in order to keep tabs on you, and every aspect of your life. It might even be as extreme as you all calling yourselves one big family, you eat together, and put all your money together in order to have one big treasury you all draw money from.

8. You perform strange rituals. This can be one such as you all coming together to eat chicken without cracking the bone, and after, you all bury the bone at a location where you all must walk over. Once you guys jointly do something you feel odd, and don't have the confidence to tell people, it is most likely a strange ritual.

9. You fear the leader more than you fear God. The leader himself feels like God to you, most likely cos he has portrayed himself as the sole voice of God, and he is so domineering that you eventually begin to see him as God.

10. The thought of leaving this church drives deadly fear into you. This is because either you feel you will be dead cos they will send someone to kill you, kidnap you, force you back into the church, or even feel God himself will punish you with severe consequences because you left the church. So even though you want to leave, your mind is actually what keeps you there.

Of course, not all cults disguised as churches will have every single quality mentioned above. If your church has even just one of the qualities mentioned above, my dear, pick race. And don't worry, nothing will happen to you.

P.S: If you know Cherrywine, please, give her a hug and slimy wet kiss for me. She hosted me again last week, and I finished her sugar, grapes and moin moin. Isn't she the bomb?

The Atheist! by Atilola Moronfolu

I am happy to announce that I have started submitting some of the writing assignments you guys gave me in this post. If I haven't submitted your assignment, just know that I am either working on it, or would get to it sooner or later. But one thing is for sure, I would do it and get to you sooner than you expect. If you did not give me any assignment, and would want to add yours, please, feel free. I would really love to write for you.

When I wrote The Atheist, I had more of spoken word, rather than poetry, in mind. Reason for the long sentences and the nature. I might still change the title. If you have a title in mind, you can suggest. Thanks.

source

You called me an atheist and said I deserve a punch

Just because I highlighted the hypocrisy in the new generation church

I choose to speak against this myopic label

Cos as we know, atheism is synonymous to being a rebel

You said I look at the church with a funny philosophical light

Because I complained about the five loudspeakers blazing through my window every Friday night.

My ear drums have bursted, I can no longer hear my pastor’s sermon on Sunday morning right

Nor sing praise and worship, without my head feeling light

Should I tell you the stories of how God miraculously saved me from the throes of death

Or how he lifted me on high and made my enemies fret

Are you with me when I cry out in worship and praise every morning and night

Do you ever wonder how come I spit Isaiah 60 like fire and rhyme it tight

Oooh oohh, I guess you thought my sudden upliftment was by the works of my hands?

It was nothing but a quantum leap effected by the Grace of God pulling the right strands

Of course you don’t know this, cos to me you choose to act like a Pharisee

And take what you don't know less important than what you see

You just call me an atheist because I speak the language of God instead of religion

And refuse to join the people who claim to be many, for their name is legion

Don’t get it twisted, God called me the Light of the World

That’s why I get restless when everything goes wrong with the world

I am not bitter, I am not sad, and very far from evil

After all, when Jesus spoke against the Pharisees, he was called a devil

If you know what God has done for me, you would never call me an atheist

Instead, you would face the pastor who chose to be a rapist

The masochist

And the one who chose to speak to his wife with his fist

So pardon me for the choice of where I flash my torch

Even if for now, its beam seems to rest on the church

On fire + Akanni Street - Spoken Word by Atilola Moronfolu

I thank you guys that rose to the occasion of helping me in the previous post. I have complied the suggestion and came up with just thirteen topics. This means I still have a long way to go so please and please, I still need your ideas oo. Click here to read and help if you don't know what I am talking about.

Yesterday was not a good day for me at all but I thank God that I am alive and kicking sha. Part of my car caught fire and burnt. I was so weak. Good Samaritans came to help me put the fire out. For the first time ever, I realised I did not have a fire extinguisher. A trailer on the other side of the express parked and passed his extinguisher to my side. I was too shocked to do anything reasonable. People helped me put the fire out and pushed my car to one side of the express. There are still good people in Lagos o, don't listen to everything you hear.

This incident has affected my schedule a great deal. I am supposed to have a reading at the US Embassy this afternoon, but I will be absent. Yes, I know its somehow , but if it were worse nko? From there, I am supposed to be at another reading event at Maryland in the evening. I can't even imagine going to the island in a cab at this period when third mainland bridge is being renovated. I can't be doing my normal up and down in this Lagos without a car as I spend 90% of my working hours on the road.

I decided to just sit at home and sulk a bit, then take time to thank God that my life was spared cos I believe my brain actually disconnected for some seconds as I did not seem to know how to unlock my door and get out. I was just praying for God not to allow the car explode. I am taking today to replace the burnt parts cos it must be ready today. Yes it will cost me some money, but meehhhnnn, I just have to close my eyes and do it, even if I might have to drink garri for a while. Another good news is that the car engine was spared.

Away from the bad news, lemme cheer myself up a bit. The video below was supposed to be a normal poetry reading, but it turned out to be something else, Maybe it was because of the topic or because of the way I read it. I think I read it as if the issue pains me, because sometimes it does. In fact, this particular poetry and video is what some people saw before I was invited to the US consulate to read some of my works, and they asked me to do this again there.

Some of you might remember when I posted the poetry version on this blog last year, as it attracted loads of comments.

Watch what happens in the middle of the reading. Even though the stuff wasn’t funny to me, I ended up being infected as I had to start all over again.

The God of Visas

Source

This article of mine was featured on Information Nigeria some weeks back. I am sure you will enjoy it and have one or two things to comment. Read on...


‘I hope you all brought your International Passports as we announced last week. Everybody, raise your International Passports. Lift it high to the heavens.
I decree and declare that, in Jesus name, your passports will never be denied visa. Favour will accompany your passport wherever it gets to in Jesus name.
You have to be careful of the people you allow to touch your passport. Some of you allow people touch your passports anyhow, not knowing that those people want to draw you back in life. They don’t want you to have the opportunity to travel so that life can be good for you. So they rub fetish things on their hands and touch your passport and that is why you keep getting denied visa.
Now, raise your passport again. I cancel the effects of every negative contact your passport has made. I decree and declare that you will never be denied visa anywhere your passport reaches, in Jesus name.
I challenge you today, after this anointing service, go and apply for that visa. You and all your family. You won’t be denied.’

This is just a brief summary of the exact scenario I witnessed in a church recently.
Is it just me or is there something wrong with this scene? If we don’t think there’s something wrong with it, then maybe we are facing a bigger problem than I envisaged. This is the level of desperation that the Nigerian system has subjected its citizens to. A life where 6 months Visa has now become a prayer point. And when the Visa is obtained, the whole church dances as a show of thanksgiving for 5 minutes. It is not a good sight to behold. This is synonymous to misery. Where going to another man’s land has become the main essence of some people’s Christianity.

At this service, I could see the reactions of the congregation to these prayer points. The zeal was apparent on their faces, as they lifted their passports high. They kept shaking their head and prayed fervently to God to make the ‘impossible to become possible.’
In my own opinion, some people have decided to take advantage of the vulnerability of suffering Nigerians and used it to trivialize the Christian walk. We now conduct International Passport anointing services. The pastor here portrayed the situation like getting out of Nigeria is synonymous to living a better life. It was as if, once you get out of the country, your life will suddenly be better. There was no talk of job opportunities there, no talk of education, nothing. Just get out of Nigeria and you will immediately start walking on streets of gold.

They failed to mention that the reason why some Nigerians are being denied Visas is because they don’t fill their forms accurately. Some don’t have enough means to take care of themselves when they get to this ‘Promised Land’, some don’t even have where to stay when they get there. But we must all try their luck and apply, mustn’t we? Who knows, the anointing might work when they CES officer sees our passport, so he will refuse to check our application and automatically give us Visa to his country. And woe betide us if we are denied, oh well, the witches caused it.

Well, as it is the culture of the average Nigerian to blame someone, I must also look for someone or something to blame for this appalling scenario I witnessed. But who? Is it the government that doesn’t ensure that Nigeria is not a country in which every single citizen is dying to run out of? Is it the pastor that has decided to base his anointing on anointing passports, rather than people? After all, he must make a living. Or is it the desperate citizens that have decided to turn a blind eye to the endless opportunities in this country, even though it seems like we are going down by the minute? Who exactly will my blame wand point to if I spin it? Well, I refuse to spin it for now. After all, the saying goes, it is the instrument of your need that God will use to draw you closer to him. And what is the need for most Nigerians now? Visa to the Promised Land.
 

Who's Standards?

I have noticed a recent trend, people are getting so impatient with few people that call themselves Christians and their attitude does not show it in any way. Because of this, they have chosen to label all young Christians as hypocrites. Such that if one comes out to say one is a virgin, people not say anything to the person but in their minds, they will say ‘hypocrite’, ‘who cares?’, ‘after all you have done all sorts with your fiancée’, it does not matter whether they know the person or not, they just generalise. It is not impressive that nowadays, a young Christian trying to do right and live holy is not being encouraged but gets cold responses just because of a few bad eggs have given young Christians a bad name.

What about pastors? Many pastors are not true to themselves and have the ‘face of Janus’ as Ibhade will put it. Does that mean all pastors have suddenly become bad? Does that mean all pastors that dress well and drive good cars are now prosperity preachers that have discounted the message of salvation? It is so bad now that no matter the conversation being held, some people have a way of shifting the blame to pastors, even if it has nothing to do with them. When politics is being discussed, they will blame pastors, if it is marriage problems, they will blame pastors, what of poverty, they will blame pastors. I am not saying one should not blame pastor, but please be specific about the pastor you are blaming during discussions. For example, don’t just say ‘pastors are responsible for the bad government in Nigeria because they are keeping quiet and sending their children to good schools with the congregations offering’, let us be specific while accusing. Some people that used to go to church even decided to stop because some pastor disappointed them by falling. I ask, was your faith in the pastor or in God? If the situation was really bad, why don’t you pack your load to another church? Why discount all pastors and stop going to church because of one or two pastors. I can understand if you say you don’t think going to church is important, but most of them say going to church is no more important just because pastors are disappointing and fake. So logically, when pastors were sincere, going to church was important but now that pastors are ‘fake’, going to church is no more important. Is the church the bride of the pastor or the bride of Jesus?

Another thing I like to talk about is the people that talk by faith. If one wants to talk by faith and say ‘I am well’ when one is sick or ‘I am rich’ when one is broke, I don’t think it should be a problem. If one’s faith can carry it, then one should go ahead. The bible says ‘You shall have what you say’ and those people want to have good health and prosperity so they have chosen to speak it. I see no reason why people, especially some Christians should find it annoying. It is okay if one doesn’t believe in it, but one being ‘annoyed’ by it is too extreme. Proverbs 18:21 says death and life lie in the power of the tongue and those that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Do those people get results? Yes, they do. The truth is that those words energize their faith which makes them believe more and work towards what they desire. To them, it is very simple while to some people, it is some complex shizzle that I don’t even want to begin to explain. I, personally, don’t go on saying I am rich when I am broke, that is because I am not the kind of person that talks about my circumstances to anyone at all. What I do is that I try not to speak negative words when I find myself in unfavourable circumstances. I just try to stay calm and speak positive decrees into the spiritual realm when I am praying, although it might not be easy at times, especially when the situation is so overwhelming.

As I always say, humans are so fickle and we should never live by what pleases people or their standards, because that means we will keep changing to please them. I realized this a long time ago and I have always been a highly misunderstood person, so I am not exactly the kind of person to ‘send’ people’s opinions. I owe no one explanation about the way I live my Christian life because no one set a standard for me, God did.

It is a pity that we live in a world where the Normal become Abnormal and Abnormal has become Normal. So to live upright in this world, whose standard are we to live by? Is it the standard of the people that think all virgins are hypocrites or all pastors are bad? Or is it the standard of the religious fanatics that think my skinny jeans or drooping ear rings is the highway to hell? The truth is that if we depend on people’s opinions, confusion is bound to set in. my advice: search the scriptures and read the word in order to clear the confusion. So I ask again, who’s Standards? God’s standard.

I will appreciate as many comments as I can get on this post and please you do not have to agree with me in anything. After all it is not my standard. Thanks

So, what is the point?

Ok, so I decided to go to church on this particular Monday evening’s Singles Fellowship (the one where I met The Yuppy Sugar Daddy near), if you want to find out more about The Yuppy Sugar Daddy, click here. I sometimes find Singles Fellowship amusing because different people come for different reasons. Some people come to hear how to improve their relationships, some just came to learn. Some came to look for wives while many more came to look for husbands.


When I got there, they happened to be having prayer meeting because they had been fasting (I use ‘they’ because it is not the church I work with and attend on Sundays but I am a regular member). We were told to pray for the fear of God because one of the major problems Christians were having is that we don't fear God anymore and I was really convicted of this. Niways, a little while later, I was in the ladies washing my hands. Some lady comes in talking on the phone. She was telling the person on the other end that she was in church. She then said she will see the person soon since the service will end by 8.00pm.

I assumed she didn’t know that we were closing 8.30, I wanted to correct her so that she will not unknowingly stand someone up but decided to keep my mouth shut. She ended her call and as she was walking out, she turned up her nose at the phone (you know, the sign that says 'ode, I just deceived you’), I just stood there dumbfounded. I was just wondering, ‘Eeeh eehh, even right in church, she was lying’. She had just prayed about the fear of God. I just wondered... So, what is the point of the whole ‘church thing’?

What is she doing here?

I was recently led to work with the teenagers in my church, and like my curious self, I have constantly been studying their ways and mannerisms. Needless to say, I have observed a lot, both positive & negative.

On a particular Sunday, a girl in her late teens walked in and she was practically naked. Her back was completely bare and her front her breasts was barely covered, her hair was fixed to look like an old school Rihanna style, her skirt rode far above her knees. Adorned with her designer bag and neck and hand bead, she looked like she was going to a night club. When I saw her, my jaw dropped, she walked in with two other girls who were also flamboyantly dressed but still looked descent.

The first thing that crossed my mind when I saw her was ‘which parent allowed her child to leave home like this?’ It was bad enough dressing like that but worse when the intended destination is church but I tried to compose myself so that my face won’t betray my thoughts. I am sure the same thing was going through the mind of other adults. One mixed race boy of about 13 yrs of age behind me suddenly said, ‘where do they think they are, they don’t even know that they are coming to church (hiss)?’ Now hold it there, didn’t she dress that way so that other teenagers could admire her and see her as a hot babe, why the opposite reaction from them?

I thought to myself, what could I do now? Maybe I should just walk up to her and ask her to go out and dress properly (no, that would be very unchristian and unwise), or maybe I should just look for a scarf for her to cover herself. After a while, I managed to ignore my longing to solve the problem.

As I teenager, I have dressed crazily, I wore spaghetti gowns (I still do), I wore contrasting pairs of earrings, I sagged my jeans, I hung my baggy dungarees on a single strap, and when I started realizing that I am a lady, my grandmother complained that my tops were always too jumpy, my earrings were too big and my lip gloss was too shiny. If any part of my stomach showed, she would pull my pants or skirts up, and hold it wit safety pin so that they won’t ride down again. This was quite understandable as I am her first granddaughter and my mother was just tired of me. The only person that seemed to ‘understand me’ and wanted to be like me was my younger sister, which also was not surprising since I was the only elder female influence she had in her life and she admired my independence. So, you wont blame me for being shocked when I saw ‘sister scandalous’.

Where are the parents, who have they relegated their duties to, the school, the teachers or the church? We need to be aware of the kind of children we are nurturing and take an active position in their decision making instead of raring breeds who will eventually become a potential danger to their generation.

Showers of Blessings

I was in church on a fateful Sunday morning. It was a combined service, the kind where you spend about six straight hours in church, with longer prayer, longer praise, longer worship and finally, a very lengthy sermon since all the services are combined into one.

Some minutes into the prayer session, the pastor asked us to hold our neighbour’s hands, minding that we should find a person who is passionate about prayer. I held someone’s hands, and we flowed into prayer. While praying with my partner, I was hearing one brother at my back, seriously ‘kabashing’ and I said in my mind, that’s one fierce prayer. I was also praying very fervently but mine could not be compared to his.

Later the pastor said we should change our partners, the aforementioned brother’s partner was eager to leave him and pray with my partner but I considered this strange. I was left to pray with the brother, I assumed it to be a good match because I felt he would ‘kabash’ all the demons out of my life. So we started praying and next thing, the brother held my palms tight, shaking me vigorously, started shouting loudly into my ears, and guess what the heavens were opened.

Drops of liquid were all over me. Brother was spitting profusely, I had to look up to be sure whether the venue’s roofing had suddenly developed a fault, because this seemed to be more than saliva. The prayer lasted for about 10 minutes. I had to endure spit all over my hands and face. I managed to pray but it was quite difficult because I was seriously distracted. I kept turning my face left and right in order to dodge the liquid slaps, I was squinting and squeezing, anyone looking would think I was entering the spiritual realm and finally, the prayer ended. I took my face towel and cleaned my hands and my face. I blogged this on my phone, with the guy sitting behind me and hoping he’s not trying to see what I’m typing on my phone. Thank God for His showers of blessings.