I am scared of you - Atilola Moronfolu

When you meet someone for the first time, two things happen. It’s either they are interested in having a deeper relationship with you or they are not

Once they have determined that they are interested in you, they try to define you. This is not necessarily for any bad intentions, but their ability to define you helps them know how to relate with you

Many times, I’m engrossed in a conversation with people and their interest about me is heightened due to the trajectory or depth of the conversation and they cut it short and say “Wow, what state are you from?” Are you a Christian or a Muslim? Where did you school? What church do you attend?” 

While these questions may seem innocent, they are not harmless

What is happening is that people are trying to define and label you so they can understand you better. However, due to the stereotypical nature of these questions, it is a very lazy way to try to understand people

When you answer such types of questions, it makes it easier for people to put a label on you and say “You schooled outside the country. No wonder you are so smart. You are Benin, no wonder you reason this way. You are Igbo, no wonder you like money.”

They are more comfortable looking at you from the perspective they have of people in your “category” before they met you. And this is dangerous because they rob themselves of getting to really know you.

Once you allow them define you within their own terms, every conversation you have with them henceforth will always be viewed through coloured lenses, and not by who truly are

You lose, they lose, because relationship becomes coloured, and there’s no unfiltered exchange of personalities

Whenever I encounter these situations, and people cut me short to find out what state I’m from, I immediately disarm them by saying “I’m Nigerian. I don’t do State of Origins” and no amount of persistent will make me budge

I call it a war on stereotypical labels. You bring your weapon, and I draw my shield out. You persist, by trying to penetrate my walls of defence, but I guard them with all I have. If I should ever let it down, I lose the battle. Once you get tired of penetrating, you back down and I win

After this battle, the only way this relationship can continue is for you to do the hard work to know who I really am.

However, it has been said that people fear what they do not understand. Once people are not able to define you, they are disarmed and get scared of you because they are at loss as to how to relate with you

At this point, you have two choices, to draw back from the relationship or invest time in knowing me for who I really am, no stereotypes no lenses. This is the only way you can correctly define me and have a win-win relationship with me.

FALSE MIRRORS - BY ATILOLA MORONFOLU

 High School Physics taught is that there are different kinds of mirrors. Plain Mirrors and False Mirrors. The false mirrors are the concave and convex mirrors, which give a false of reflection of your image. 

If you ever have the misfortune of having a wrongly constructed mirror in your bedroom, like many people do, you will always have an issue with your image. These mirrors might be slightly concave or convex, but you will not suspect because they appear plane to you, especially since the distortion is not usually obvious

The implication of this is that you might be on a weight-loss journey, but you will always be discouraged because you can’t see any improvement when you look at the mirror. Ever heard of the saying “this mirror always makes me look fat”? Yes, it really does happen with false mirrors

We have badly constructed mirrors everywhere. One moment, you are at home, looking all curvy and toned, and you get to the gym, look in the mirror and you are plump and stout.  

This is the same way many of us look into false mirrors when we want to see how our lives really look like. We get opinions of how we look from people who are by themselves distorted in their perspectives, and they reflect a wrong image of us to ourselves when they give us feedback. We take these things to heart and feel bad, not knowing that the mirror is false.

Some make us look too good to be true, like concave mirrors, and become sycophants, that we refuse to work on our weaknesses. Also, some constantly make us look so bad that it becomes impossible to take a quantum leap out of the cycle of condemnation

False mirrors are not completely useless. They are perfect for doing things like magnifying imperfections on our face, making a near object appear far or vice versa, and a thousand more uses. However, these are not the mirrors we should be looking at when we want to see our true reflections

In the same way, feedback is generally not bad. But they must be sieved and put in proper context. Feedback and opinions taken from a very wrong perspective actually have the ability to send you into a downward spiral.

Whenever we want to see who we really are, we have to get neutral opinion, the opinion of God’s word, what He says we really are. Anything apart from this will lead to nothing but distorted life view, and not propel us into the reality of what God wants for us.

My Tear-jerking speech to my five-year old - Atilola Moronfolu

Now that you are five years old, you are now a big boy. You have to take more responsibilities for yourself. You will no longer watch TV on Saturday morning. You will assist Miss xxx in cleaning the house. You will clean every surface in the house with napkin, while she sweeps and mops

You now have to start washing plates. You will assist Miss xxx. She will wash plates while you rinse. You will have your own rinsing basin. After 4 months, you will switch to washing with sponge

You now have to start laying your bed yourself. Miss xxx will teach you how to lay your bed

You will also learn to fold your clothes yourself, and learn the right place to place the clothes

You have been cleaning up after yourself after eating in the past, but you must now clean up the table completely

You have 4 months to complete the task of learning how to wash yourself when you are done in the restroom

You will start bathing yourself. Miss xxx will only help you wash your back. This also applies to using lotion on your body and hair

You have been brushing yourself partly, but you have to start brushing the insides well. You will have no assistance soon"

Needless to say, my son was very excited to hear this speech, and no tears were jerked in the process of reading this speech

Will someone help me inform him that adulting is a scam.

Happy birthday Mr Pie Pie

My kids start doing chores from 13 months old, and we graduate the chores as they grow. If you are big on having your children learn to do house-chores early, you can copy my speech. 

We will introduce cloth washing by 7 years old. My plan is to get them completely independent by 10 years old.

P.S: Don’t do this if you are not ready to follow through

What do you think? Long-term parents, how did you do it? Let newbie parents like us gain some sagacious wisdom from you

I’m waiting to hear from you in the comment section