There's a quote formed by a friend of mine. It helped me in my single days and has continued to shed light on so many things that crop up in boy-girl relationships up till today
In as much as I have tried to argue with this quote in my mind, time and time again, it keeps proving itself true. This has made me realise the more that no matter how hard we try, the truth will always prove itself right.
The quote says
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused
As indirectly proportional as this quote is, it gives a simple formulaic solution to many issues that keeps single ladies awake at night especially when they are in rendezvous with a guy whose intentions they aren't sure of
I have a friend, who we can call Titi. Titi is a matured single lady who in my opinion is an awesome gift to any man, but she doesn't have a rested mind at the moment and is really eager to meet a guy who really loves her and she loves in return. So whenever Titi meets a guy who shows the slightest bit of interest in being her friend and it seems he also fits into her ideals of a husband material, she starts calculating in her head, and works herself up so much that she reads meaning into everything the guy does. Titi will call me, and talk, talk, talk about this guy who may or may not be interested in her, and become even more confused.
And here's what I always tell her. If he has not come out to clearly express his interest in a relationship, don't let yourself be led on. I was particularly unhappy with the way she allowed a certain guy treat her for about 6 months, leading her on, doting on her one week and ignoring her the next, excusing it with trust issues he suffered from his past relationship. She became so emotionally attached to this guy that it was so pathetic. One minute, she's all giggly because he called to apologise for his actions and they are friends again, and the next, she's so devastated because he hasn't picked her calls for two weeks
Both of us will be gisting, and right in my presence, she'll be calling him, unaware of what she was even doing, and her calls will go unanswered. Whenever her interest wants to wane a bit, he'll be back
It was like he had a leash around her neck, and he was just jerking her in whatever direction he pleased. After a while, I never wanted to hear his name again. I mean, she was an emotional wreck the entire time wondering whether he loved her or not. She was desperate for him, and he knew it so he fed on it, even though nothing was going to come out of it eventually. It was a miracle when she got out of that cycle.
After that episode, she has gotten herself into one or two similar cycles.
And each time I tell her, this thing is not hard as you are making it seem. Guys are not that confused at all. If a guy really wants you, he will chase you with all he has until he gets you. You don't need to scheme, calculate or manipulate him into a relationship. If he's sure about you, he will come straight for you. We are not talking about guys in their mid-twenties who are not ready to settle down yet. Guys in their mid-thirties upwards (not playboys) are generally direct in their approach and don't have time for long winding courtships that lead nowhere
I told her, you toil too much. When your husband comes, you won't need to toil at all. Everything will fall into place
So here I am, encouraging any single lady out there (no matter your age) that if a guy is confusing you right now about whether he loves you or not, please don't invest yourself emotionally in that encounter. The best you can do is be friends, with absolutely no expectations of nothing more. Whatever later comes out of it, it’s most probably for the best.
If you are in a relationship that has not been defined (I.e. You don't know if you are friends or boyfriend/girlfriend but you both have feeling for each other), that one is a different case, and easy to solve. Just ask the "what are we" question.
I hope this post has been useful to someone out that. Just remember
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused
