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Cleaning up a man for Marriage's sake




Thanks to everyone who wished me well in my last post. I am very fine now, and to the cheeky comments, I laff at all of you o.

Two weeks ago, I was with a colleague of 42 years old, happily married with kids. She was talking about how some of our single colleagues of the same age can become married.

Her take is that older successful single women should take a guy who is not considered to be in their social class, financially and other ways, tush the guy up, and marry him. I was extremely shocked that she said this because I never knew people still thought in that light. I know this was a common phenomenon about 10-20 years ago, but I wouldn't imagine that it still happens rampantly.

I am, and have always been an advocate of

My Scary Hospital Experience



Two weeks ago, I didn't blog. I was ill, and admitted in the hospital. If you know me well, you will know this is strange for me. I can't remember ever being admitted into a hospital or ever taking drip in my entire life (although my mum told me this happened when I had measles at about 2 years old).

So here I was in a very unfamiliar territory. I had been rushed to the hospital the night before, and they had asked that I be admitted, but I had begged my husband to

Is Marriage worth waiting for?



I always wanted to get married early in life (at age 24) but I didn't. My experience taught that people who get married earlier than others are not necessarily better in character, more beautiful or better placed. They are just more fortunate, that is if you count marriage as good fortune.

The truth is that people of all ages get married everyday but sometimes it can be painful when as a 30 year old, you get your third heart break in the year and your 23 year old gets engaged and asks you to buy her Aso Ebi. You begin to wonder why especially since you know her boyfriend of two years and you can attest to the fact that he's a really great guy.

What is worse than that though is when you hear about your 37 year old friend who is getting a divorce but she only married a year and half ago, and all you do is scream "after waiting for so long?"

Take these three examples

How to tell if He loves you





There's a quote formed by a friend of mine. It helped me in my single days and has continued to shed light on so many things that crop up in boy-girl relationships up till today
In as much as I have tried to argue with this quote in my mind, time and time again, it keeps proving itself true. This has made me realise the more that no matter how hard we try, the truth will always prove itself right.

The quote says
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused 

As indirectly proportional as this quote is, it gives a simple formulaic solution to many issues that keeps single ladies awake at night especially when they are in rendezvous with a guy whose intentions they aren't sure of

I have a friend, who we can call Titi. Titi is a matured single lady who in my opinion is an awesome gift to any man, but she doesn't have a rested mind at the moment and is really eager to meet a guy who really loves her and she loves in return. So whenever Titi meets a guy who shows the slightest bit of interest in being her friend and it seems he also fits into her ideals of a husband material, she starts calculating in her head, and works herself up so much that she reads meaning into everything the guy does. Titi will call me, and talk, talk, talk about this guy who may or may not be interested in her, and become even more confused.

And here's what I always tell her. If he has not come out to clearly express his interest in a relationship, don't let yourself be led on. I was particularly unhappy with the way she allowed a certain guy treat her for about 6 months, leading her on, doting on her one week and ignoring her the next, excusing it with trust issues he suffered from his past relationship. She became so emotionally attached to this guy that it was so pathetic. One minute, she's all giggly because he called to apologise for his actions and they are friends again, and the next, she's so devastated because he hasn't picked her calls for two weeks

Both of us will be gisting, and right in my presence, she'll be calling him, unaware of what she was even doing, and her calls will go unanswered. Whenever her interest wants to wane a bit, he'll be back

It was like he had a leash around her neck, and he was just jerking her in whatever direction he pleased. After a while, I never wanted to hear his name again. I mean, she was an emotional wreck the entire time wondering whether he loved her or not. She was desperate for him, and he knew it so he fed on it, even though nothing was going to come out of it eventually. It was a miracle when she got out of that cycle.

After that episode, she has gotten herself into one or two similar cycles.

And each time I tell her, this thing is not hard as you are making it seem. Guys are not that confused at all. If a guy really wants you, he will chase you with all he has until he gets you. You don't need to scheme, calculate or manipulate him into a relationship. If he's sure about you, he will come straight for you.  We are not talking about guys in their mid-twenties who are not ready to settle down yet. Guys in their mid-thirties upwards (not playboys) are generally direct in their approach and don't have time for long winding courtships that lead nowhere

I told her, you toil too much. When your husband comes, you won't need to toil at all.  Everything will fall into place

So here I am, encouraging any single lady out there (no matter your age) that if a guy is confusing you right now about whether he loves you or not, please don't invest yourself emotionally in that encounter. The best you can do is be friends, with absolutely no expectations of nothing more. Whatever later comes out of it, it’s most probably for the best.

If you are in a relationship that has not been defined (I.e. You don't know if you are friends or boyfriend/girlfriend but you both have feeling for each other), that one is a different case, and easy to solve. Just ask the "what are we" question.

I hope this post has been useful to someone out that. Just remember
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused

The real Lucky Ones

This is just a very short rant about how I currently feel

Images, Old, Antique, Historically, Frame, Photo, Past

I am of the opinion that those born in the 1800s and early 1900s and lived a full good useful life, then died are the luckiest of all men

They were part of the great developmental era, that have led to the modern day inventions we see today and they are not alive to see the terrible decay the world has fallen into

Many times I envy them, and wish I could

Introducing The Easy Way to Keeping Fit



The highly anticipated health and fitness book by Jane Bernard, The Easy Way to Keeping Fit is finally here. A compendium of her extensive training and robust experience, Jane Bernard shares to readers “The Easy Way to Keeping Fit” (published by AuthorHouse UK).

The Easy Way to Keeping Fit is presented in an easily digestible yet succinct manner, aiming to address those concerns that promote the propagation of the sedentary lifestyle.

The Easy Way to Keeping Fit is an insightful book created to inspire and educate people on the need to stay healthy and fit, while equipping them on the best ways of drawing up smart goals and achieving the set out goals. It has different sections, aimed at targeting different concerns including; losing weight, gaining weight, getting results, as well as a chapter dedicated to answering those questions that are predominantly misconstrued, among others.

Here are a few excerpts from the book:

A Menace no one is Immune from

Ok, so I had a long bout of illness recently, and lost a lot of energy. Along with my illness came self-pity because I couldn’t function as effectively and efficiently as I used to. My production level went down to almost, and I was depressed a lot of times. Nothing depresses me like not being able to achieve the goal I set for myself.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my motivation level went down to -50. I mean, I lost every drive and motivation within me, that I couldn’t even believe it. Even the things I should normally do, I didn’t do, cos I did not have the will to do.

Yesterday, my mum sent a picture of an SUV on third mainland bridge. I don’t know if you got it. People gathered round the car, just spectating. The owner of the SUV had just gotten down from the car, and jumped into the lagoon.

JUST LIKE THAT



I was shocked. That could easily have been me. I mean, don’t we all have problems? And here I was, wallowing in self-pity, losing the will to move on, just because I lacked enough energy to walk up the stairs, and somebody has problems large enough to warrant suicide, by his/her own justification.
When we are in the heat of our bad situations, it’s always hard to believe that it will pass, especially in that moment of fire, but

IT WILL PASS

Just remember, no matter how bad the situation is, it could always be worse, so thank God for what it is now, though that might be difficult.

My human temperament is Choleric and Melancholy, so it’s always easy for me to slip into self-pity and depression when things don’t go the way I plan, but thank God for His Spirit, who brings a different perspective, and keeps away suicidal thoughts.

Yesterday’s incident helped me remember that even though I am not happy with the way things are going, life will become better for me soon, and park my car on third mainland bridge, and jump off.

Have you ever had to deal with suicidal thoughts? How were you able to handle it?

Top 3 Comments I get as a Newlywed



As a newlywed, when people greet you, it is mostly in reference to your marriage. It is as if the whole world suddenly forgets that there are other existent parts of your life apart from being married. After a while, you begin to wonder when you stop becoming a newly wed in the eyes of people.

Most of these greetigs/comments are not at all offensive to me. I just find the amusing most times. In no particular order, these are the three most common greetings I get

1. How is married life? As a newlywed, nobody asks you how is work, how is your health, how is business, or even how are you doing? It is How is married life? If you are not careful, you might even lose yourself and begin to derive your identity from your new status because that's all people now ask about you.

2. Marriage is sweet abi? Honestly, when people ask this, I don't know what exactly they have in mind. The struggles I had as an individual before marriage are