Thursday, October 20, 2016

Journey to Marriage 15 - This is not the end

Through all the fairy tale journey to marriage I've had this year, it hasn't been all lovey dovey and hushy cushy. Getting to bond with another fully formed human hasn't been without frictions. Maybe it would have been easier if we were younger, like in our early twenties.

One major thing about BH and I is that both strong willed, though in different ways.

In my moments of doubts, I have said to myself that I'm not doing again and imagined marriage to BH cramping my style. Gosh, I have had gazillions of negative thoughts and fears that I've allowed myself to dwell on... Thoughts I have no business entertaining. But all in all, I'm very confident about the journey I'm about to embark upon.

I admit, BH is more stable than I am and less easily moved.

The laughable irony is that in all our good and bad times, the issue of tribal differences has never come up. In fact, it doesn't exist in our problems.

BH and I are similar in many areas, and different in many areas, a few of which are

  • I don't roll in cliques. I ride solo while He's a friend friend person. 
  • I'm have a more serious to life, while he takes life very easy. 
  • We are both entrepreneurial. He's more on the strategy while I'm more on the action (I don't have time to be talking when I have too much doing, lol).
  • He listens to secular music while I don't. This is actually a potential source of conflict in our marriage, not because it is secular but because I’m very sensitive to words, and I don’t like noise. Wisdom is needed here
  • He sees conflict as normal and embraces it. I hate conflict , run away from it, and see it as a sign of trouble in my relationship. This is another source of conflict as I tend to worry a lot while he carries on with life as normal when all is not well between us. 

All in all, we've learnt a lot from each other and still have so much more to learn. We have a wonderful support system... Something I lacked in my previous relationship, so many friends, families and mentors standing by us.

I thank God for everyone who stood by us through this journey. I thank God for our counsellors, friends, especially K, D and A.

I thank all of you for joining this series. I’m glad it has inspired and encouraged some of you, even though one spirit kept whispering to me to delete all the posts and stop the series, lol.

I especially thank God for Berry and cakes. Berry has been so helpful to me, you can't even imagine... Not just by introducing me to BH but by giving honest advice, making sure I get all my wedding materials on time, etc. By December, I won't be able to write my life's story without Berry Dakara constantly featuring in it, and because of that, she would forever drum it into our ears, lol.

In the end, I'm very grateful that God brought BH into my life. He's definitely worth every second of the wait. Now, let’s make this wedding a reality. Here's a gift from me to you - my favourite pre wedding picture.

This is the end of this series, and it had been one of my longest running. I will resume regular blogging from next week. A lot will be changing. Still working on somethings.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Journey to Marriage 14 - My own kinda wedding

Thank you all for coming on this journey to marriage with me. We are gradually coming to the end of this series… while for me, the journey is forever.

I’ve never really liked attending big Nigerian weddings, and do my best to avoid them. I only attend people’s wedding if I am performing there, or the person is extremely close to me. So it was not a surprise that I wasn't over the top about wedding BH though I wanted a marriage with him.

When we visited the pastor we are accountable to as a couple, on his own side, his wife mentioned the idea of a destination wedding so I quickly chipped in that I've always wanted a destination wedding but many Nigerian parents won't give it a chance, and we also have to consider the kind of family we are marrying into.

BH then added that his mum won't mind. I knew my mum won't mind as long as she has her own wedding in Nigeria. And that was how the idea of a destination wedding started forming. We both informed our families, and they agreed.

So as it stands, we are having a big traditional wedding in Nigeria, and a very small and intimate destination wedding.

We considered and researched countries like Jamaica, Barbados, UAE, Zanzibar but we finally made our decision and settled for a country I will reveal later on the blog. Our major consideration especially in this time of recession was cost and visa stress to our guests. We are having 50 guests and cutting costs on so many things that would have cost an arm and a leg had we done it in Nigeria. It would be looking like something similar to this

Because of this, I'm in no way stressed about my wedding. In fact, I don't feel like I'm getting married cos I'm not really doing anything or running around. My mum is doing organising the Nigerian one, all I'm doing is appearing at the venue to follow protocol (it has always been my dream not to have a hand in my wedding). And for the one outside Nigeria, the hotel is sorting everything out. All I'm doing is sorting out guest list and collecting flight money.

I'm therefore having 3 weddings- registry, traditional and white. Two would be in November and one in December. By the time 2016 is over, I will be fully and totally married like I had predicted in January. A lot can really happen in a year.

Right now, I need money, money and more money, even for the small wedding we're planning. My life is changing rapidly before my eyes, and I pray for the grace to stand through it all.

Question: What do you think about destination weddings? Is it something you would like to do for your wedding? Would your parents be open to having a destination wedding, considering the fact that most of their friends and family won’t be around?

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Journey to Marriage 13 - A very surprise party?

We had earlier slated our introduction for the last week in August. Due to the potential unavailability of a major stakeholder from BH’s side of the family, under short notice, we moved the introduction to mid-July.

By the grace of God, the introduction was a success… slightly bigger and more dramatic than I envisaged, in my father’s living room.

At this time, anytime I remembered my proposalless and ringless life, I would vex small, though I tried as much as possible to not be bothered about it. I even blamed the unusual circumstance of how I met BH and how our relationship evolved into courtship.

The thing that pained me most was that I knew BH had a ring he could easily exchange to get me my heart’s desire, lol. He had also measured my ring size three weeks after our relationship, so he wasn't confused.

Also we needed to do our pre wedding shoot, so we could start working on soft copy newsletters and other stationaries, but BH kept giving excuses like the photographer shifted the date, the date is not convenient, etc., and this was also paining me, lol.

BH’s birthday was three days after our introduction. I had considered the possibility of his proposing to me on that day, but I felt it wouldn’t happen because

1. It would be too obvious
2. His previous birthday didn’t hold good memories
3. He wasn’t planning anything big.

So I decided to help him out, by presenting him options. I decided that I was going to take him out, just him and I… so if he had been considering a proposal, it would be a nice time for him to ‘surprise’ me, after all, I was the one who was taking him out. Don't laugh, I could be scheming at times. I need a saviour.

A week to his birthday, I was on the phone with BH one morning, when his business partner called me. I later returned his call, and he said he wanted us to plan a surprise party for BH on his birthday, but I wasn’t required to do much. I told him I was already planning to take BH out, so it means we would have to go out earlier.

Even though I wasn’t happy that my own plans had to be overridden, I was determined not to wave it aside. His business partner told me I didn’t have to do much, and I could just bring the cake I had ordered from Cakes to the party, instead of sending it to BH’s house. He had invited my sister, and told me since we were in on it together, I could invite my friends.

I called cakes to change the plans, and on the main day, I took BH out on a date. We got to the venue around some minutes to 5pm, because I had been told that the party could start anytime from 7.30pm, and I wanted to have enough time with BH.

I told BH that I would need to give Berry’s African Naturalistas products to cakes, and pick his cake from him, so we would need to get to his friend’s house on my way back to drop him. I kept using style to check my phone from messages from his business partner. The signal came much later than I expected because it took time for people to get to the venue.

Finally, we got to the venue, and I was praying that he won’t suspect. We finally opened the door to his friend’s house, which was dark, everyone came out of different corners, and shouted SURPRISE.
Wow, we were successful at surprising BH, and the party started. The cake showed up, juice, chicken, finger foods, water, etc. The party was in full swing.

Birthday cake by Cakesiena
I asked him if he was surprised, and he said to a large extent, he was, but started suspecting when his friend’s house was totally quiet. I then told him about how his business partner called me, and planned all these.

About one hour into the party, we were dancing and having fun. I was matching dance steps with his friend when I suddenly turned my head left, and saw BH on his knees.

I was so shocked and speechless, and guess what I did…

I ran away!!!

I didn’t know where I was running to, but I was just walking away, cos I couldn’t absorb the shock.
Why was BH on his knees… at the surprise party I planned for him? Where did he get a ring from? After all, we came in my own car, and he was empty handed.

In the meantime, his business partner had run after me, brought me back to the place where BH was waiting for me… still on his knees.

He was like “can we make it official?”

I couldn’t say yes, I was too weak and shocked to open my mouth. I couldn’t keep looking at him on his knees, so I knelt down to meet him where he was, and hugged him. All these while, a musician he had hired had been serenading us with “Money can’t buy me love.” The atmosphere was very emotionally charged, and some people had tears in their eyes.

After he slipped the ring in my finger and hugged me, I just went to sit down, while another phase of the party started, after they brought a second cake out, where they wrote "She said Yes", the exact words written on my vision board for 2016. Please read the post here if you missed it.

Second cake of the day

It was then people unravelled things to me. The surprise birthday party I thought I was planning for BH was actually my own surprise proposal party BH was planning for me. Everyone there except me knew, which is why I had been asked to invite my friend, an instruction I had ignored. My sister knew, even my mum knew. All the time I was telling his business partner we were on our way, he was also telling them the same thing. Berry, all the way from Atlanta, was in on the plan, and Cakes and BH were the master planner.

I also later found out that my lack of ring was the reason BH had been postponing our pre wedding shoot, cos he didn’t want me with bare fingers in the pictures… and to think I believed this guy didn’t send me.

Anytime I remember that day, I still smile, especially at the point when I turned left and saw BH on his knees.

Goofing around after the party was almost over
Question- For the married: Were you proposed to? If yes, how? Was it your dream proposal?
For the single: How would you like to be proposed to?

Monday, October 10, 2016

Journey to Marriage 12 - Highs and Lows of courtship

Hi guys, how’s everything? Thanks for continuing this journey with me. Just in case you haven’t noticed, some of your comments made me repent, so I reactivated all the old editions, and won’t be taking them down… at least, for now.

Before I start today’s edition, I think it is important to mention something I omitted in that one month prayer saga, to make things more lucid. Like so many of you, I had mixed feelings about it. I really didn’t like it because of the emotional trauma and uncertainty that came with it. When we met a month later for the review, and he was talking about us meeting a week later to make it official, I actually accused him.

I asked why he didn’t just allow us to be friends like normal people who liked each other, and develop a relationship from there. Why put me through all these one month stress? I basically accused him of being insensitive and giving what he could not take.

His response was

“I am not looking for another female friend to add to the ones I already have. I have enough female friends already. I was looking for something more. We could have easily done the usual thing of just talking and gisting as friends, but I guarantee that we would not be where we are today if we did it that way. Now, we both know what exactly we are doing and working towards (something like this).”
At that point, all my resentment towards him concerning the one month drama vapourised.
A couple of weeks after we made it official, he asked if I still think the one month prayer request was a bad idea, and I said “NO”.


For most part of the midyear, BH was high on euphoria about us… dismissing other expectant ladies, and basically getting high on Atilola juice. During this period, we kept getting to know each other, working through conflicts, learning how to walk and work with each other, and basically doing what people are supposed to do in courtship – bonding through constant communication.

One day, we had our annual church retreat at a hotel. He came to the hotel by midnight, and refused to go home, so we were in the car, talking and sleeping till morning, after which he drove home with his last fuel (it was the period of fuel scarcity).

He shouted me out to the whole world.

We then started preparing for premarital counselling, and dynamics changed again.

Firstly, I was afraid they would turn us back because it was a short courtship. K and my pastor said they wouldn’t because they are looking for much more than length of courtship.

I also wanted a ring and a proper proposal before the counselling began. I didn’t want to be the only proposalless and ringless person in my class. In fact, I wanted a ring before I introduced him to my mum.

I did not get any of my wishes. He said he wouldn’t give me a ring before meeting my mum. The only thing I got before counselling was HIV test result, which I also insisted on (I can't come and let marriage kill me with disease). All these requests caused serious fights.

I liked to have my way, and he doesn’t like feeling like he’s being controlled, or that something is not his idea.

The ring thing pained me ehn, but I decided to disdain the ring, so I won’t be too expectant.

BH said whether they pass us or not for premarital counselling, we would still marry, cos no one can tell him with 100% conviction that we weren’t mean for each other, so he’s not scared, although I didn’t think it was a good idea. Those people at premarital counselling panel are experts, and trained to see things many people would not ordinarily see, and if they recommend that you shouldn’t marry, or you should wait a bit, you better not take their advice with a pinch of salt. Others who have pushed their advice aside have regretted it.

And the form for the premarital counselling? It was something else. Questions like, how many spouses your parents have had, your position in the family, finances, what you are doing for the kingdom, rating of weaknesses like greed, arrogance, selfishness, what you would add to your spouse’s life, length of courtship, of you go on dates regularly, etc.

And you better not lie.

So if a first born lady is marrying a last born guy, they would flag it, and counsel you through handling it, cos that would be a source of conflict in your marriage.

When we went for premarital counselling interview, they flagged our courtship length, but didn’t really see it as a big deal cos they sensed sincerity and maturity in us both, and also let it slide cos we weren’t going to get married till year end. A major issue for them was that I had stayed about 14 years in my church and had been a dedicated worker for very long, while BH was 2 years in his church, and had been working for less than 3 months, and I would have to follow him to his even though I was more grounded church-wise.

And then we waited for the result for about 10 days. In all these, I noticed a little anxiety in BH before and after the interview. He would ask. “Haven’t you heard from these people? When will they call us? When are we starting?”

It was obvious that he really wanted us to pass premarital counselling, and learn all he could. In the end, we made it to the class. It went on for six weeks (14 classes), and we learnt a whole lot. We were the couples with the shortest courtship, though I wasn’t the only proposalless and ringless lady there.

There were about 2 more.

By the time the class was over, we already had our introduction date, traditional wedding date, and wedding date, but I was still wearing no ring, and had no proposal story to share.

Question: Do you think formal proposals and engagement rings are important/necessary, especially when you are already making plans to marry? What level of importance do you place on premarital counselling, especially church ones?

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Journey to Marriage 11 - Much ado about tribe

I had decided that I was going to tell my mum about BH during the last week in March, and I wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

The thing about BH is that his tribe wasn’t straightforward, and I did not know what tribe to tell my mum he was.

I am Yoruba, and I have never been with a non-Yoruba person. I have never thought of being with a non-Yoruba person, or even conceptualised the idea. Ever since we were young, even before the age of 15, we knew we were supposed to marry Yorubas only. So there was no way my mum would start telling me at my age who to marry, cos we already knew.

Because of this, I wasn’t sure how my mum would react. If I were 24, I’m sure she would have spun her head around, and never agreed with the idea, but at this moment, I just didn’t know… not because I was older, but of past heartbreaks.

More importantly, I had told God, myself, and my friends that if truly God was involved in the relationship between BH and I, the most damning evidence would be total acceptance of us by every stakeholder, especially mum. Our least worry would be parental approval.

BH is a mix of delta and igbo. His roots are in delta, his father’s roots are in delta, but he’s of igbo lineage... just the Obama being from Kenya situation. Whenever anyone asks me, I just say he’s from delta, cos even though he has an igbo name and of that lineage, he’s never been raised as one.

So one day, I was lying on my bed, and I just felt a nudge to go and inform my mum even though it wasn’t yet the time I set for myself. I went upstairs to my sister’s room, and asked her to follow me to my mum’s room. The reason was that just in case my mum starts to object, my sister can join mouth in convincing her.

I said “Mum, I’m getting married o.”

It started with shock on her face, and I said “I met someone and we are getting married this year.”
Then it followed with excitement. And I was like

Oh, oh, I’m about to break this woman’s heart. 

Believe it or not, my mum was about to get on the floor, and kneel or roll.

My sister and I were like “No no mummy. Don’t be happy yet. Don’t get excited. There’s something we need to tell you. There’s something you need to know.”

Then she looked at us, and said “What is wrong?”

I said “Guess.”

She said “What is wrong? He’s not Yoruba?”

I said “Yes… but you will love him when you meet him.”

“Where’s he from?” I replied “Delta.”

And then the miracle happened.

She said “Who am I to stop you if that’s what you want?”

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt? Adonbilivit.

What the f?

This is my same mum who even gave us the configuration of Yoruba you could bring home, cos not all of them were acceptable for marriage.

“Where in Delta?” I told her.

I kept saying “Mummy, don’t worry, you will love him. He’s such a great guy. Once you see him, you will fall in love with him.” And that was the song I was singing into her ears all through cos to me, I felt it was important to elevate the person over the tribe, after all, people from all tribes have good character and bad character.

The next day she called me, and asked if I was sure I was doing the right thing, and not going with this guy because I was desperate. I told her that if it were desperation, I would have been with someone else cos he’s not the only person dancing around me.  That was the last time the issue of tribe came up.

A week later, I told my brother. He kept saying I’m not serious. I tried to play the same you-will-love-him-when-you-meet-him card, but it did not work.

He just kept saying “you are not serious”. I kept smiling and saying “I’m serious.”

He wasn’t happy about it at all… the tribal difference, short courtship and all. According to my brother, he was Igbo, no matter the explanation. When I told him that he’s a great guy, he said all guys are great to the women in their lives. No matter the defence, he wasn’t buying it. But he ended with the fact that I can do what I want since I’ve made up my mind, and not exactly seeking his approval.

BH and my brother are cool now, so I’m believing his first reaction was due to the shock that came with that kind of unexpected information.

After this, we set dates to physically meet all the powers that be.

First my pastor… who basically gave his approval cos BH is cool like that, lol.

Then his pastor… who believe I’m very good for BH, and we are good together

Then his mum: We travelled all the way to Asaba for this. She wasn’t happy about the fact that I was smallish (she’s not so tall herself). She’s so funny, and was really good to me. She made banga soup for me.

And lastly, my mum… whom BH was so eager to meet that he crashed my house just when we got back from Asaba, just to see her, before returning during the weekend for the official meeting.

Right now, everyone is family, and all hurdles have been scaled. The same friends who were sceptical cos they felt he rushed me, and rushed me to his mum are all very cool with us now. Cos even though we made the decision to get married very early, we intentionally pushed the date far. So it is not exactly a short courtship.

Now that we have all the required systemic support, we can now move into less important and juicier details of things like proposal.

Question: What do your parents think about intertribal marriage? Close or opened to it?

Monday, October 3, 2016

Journey to Marriage 10 - Scaling the hurdles

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My status as a girlfriend was short lived. No we didn't break up or anything like that. Before we made it official, BH had started painting pictures of the future of us... Home, career, children, etc. He had referred to his dad as my future father in law, and dropped several innuendos here and there.

So I didn't have the luxury of being a girlfriend for long.

That week we made it official, he asked me a second time. "When do you want to get married?"

This time, I didn't lie. I said I wanted to get married towards the end of the year. I asked him when he wanted to get married.

He said "yesterday." I mean BH was high on euphoria, he couldn't even hide it anymore. He said he wished we could get married immediately but it won't be possible because of stakeholders.

Long and short, I was no more a girlfriend, I was now a fiancé. We knew people would think we were crazy cos we hadn't known each other for very long.

I told Berry about it, how her friend was in love with me, and how we were already talking about marriage. Of course, she was shocked.

She was even more shocked a week later when I told her we had decided to attend the next premarital counseling class in my church.

And that was when we knew we had a whole lot of hurdles to cross. Unlike BH, I don't roll on cliques. But his friends will wonder when he even started seeing a girl, talk less of marriage. His business partner would eventually ask him over and over again if he was sure of what he was doing and advise him to take it slow. It was just hard for everyone, including me to wrap one's head around what was going on.

We set a date to see my pastor, his pastor, travel to see his mum and then my mum was last on the list of stakeholders that must agree for the marriage to go on.

I prayed for God's will to be done. In my past, I was rejected by the family of my ex fiancé for whatever reason best known to them, and I couldn't afford to go through that experience again, neither would I want to be the reason why someone would have that experience. It's a terrible thing.

He told his mum about me, and how we were already planning to marry and all. From his account, his mum seemed pretty okay with it.

In my mind, these were the major hurdles

1. My pastor - wasn't really an issue cos they were with me on the journey right from the very day I was going to set my eyes on BH for the first time and through the emotional ups and downs. They knew every single detail and were in support

2. His pastor- who's also his elder friend. I had no idea who he was and I was uncomfortable being introduced to him to scrutinize me.

3. His mum - I wasn't looking forward to meeting her because of my past experience. Affliction shall not rise a second time.

4. My mum - the major principality. We had been warned not to bring a non Yoruba home, and I was about to spring up information that I want to MARRY someone she's never heard of, who is not Yoruba. And she never even knew I was seeing anyone. Major disaster!

5. Premarital counseling interview- I felt they would turn us back because it was a really short courtship. And they'll also require the written consent of the above 4, which we might or might not get. The good thing was that the interview was two months later, which would give us time to build on our courtship portfolio.

All in all, number 4 was the major one, and here's where God would prove Himself to be the author of my relationship with BH.

How did He do it? Well, next edition will tell.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Journey to Marriage 9 - The end of the beginning

Hi people. Thanks for following me through this journey. I have now decided that I will be taking down the posts in this series once they are two weeks old. That will help me create a balance between making sure the people interested are reading and not putting my life out there for everyone to dissect for eternity.

Before the one month period was over, I kind of already knew I was going to marry him (like I said in the previous edition), also because he had already fallen in love with me, though there was still some degree of holding back. Remember we had just seen twice (the first day we met, and our first date)

Still I was nervous as to how the one month review would play out. During that one month period, we had asked each other questions, me being the one with the most (he said he already knew most of what he wanted to know about me. I know he'd been snooping me out on social media, lol)

I want to recall one time. He had asked about my age, which he already knew from one of my newspaper interviews. Then he asked when I want to get married. It was really awkward for me.

Please let's calculate this together. A guy who you like and likes you but you are not sure about his intentions on marriage asks for your age, and then asks when I wanted to get married.

Everyone who has been following this series knows the answer to that question. I had been telling the whole world I was getting married this year. It was on my vision board, staring right at me, from my wall. The answer was everywhere, but I didn't want to seem desperate to him or that everything we were doing was just a ticket out of singleness for me.

So I lied

I said "I don't know, I'm not sure. Maybe sometime next year."

It was a big fat lie!

His reply was "okay, that's fair enough."

Anyway, moving on, the one month review was supposed to end on a Sunday, and our date was supposed to be Monday.

BH sends a message on Thursday to bring it backwards to Sunday cos Monday would be stressful. On Friday night, I was at vigil, and went straight to our annual women's conference in church on Saturday, which was all day (my church is not really far from BH's house)

Towards the last segment of the conference, BH calls me and says he's coming to my church. He's moving the date, which is no longer a date one day backwards again because he has to be at a study group almost all day on Sunday and he won't want our date to be late into the night. In my mind, I was like "Hmm, this guy really can't wait to see me, that's why he's so much in a hurry." Lol.

Let's just say I wasn't prepared at all. I had hardly slept after vigil, and if I was going to be getting into a relationship, I should at least be ready for it. Yellow Sisi, who was with me at this time quickly gave me her perfume to spray, told me to wear light makeup and assured me that the Ankara jacket and denim I had on was good. Thank God my hair had just been made four days earlier.

At the conference, the last segment was the breakout session. There were 5 groups, parenting, singles, finance, and two more I can't remember, maybe career and wives, I'm not sure. Naturally, I chose the singles focus group. Immediately I stepped into the singles group to sit (which was supposed to be my first gathering with singles as a single person for the year), I had hardly sat down for 10 seconds when BH arrived and asked me to come to the basement.

To me, this was a prophetic sign. I just had no business being single this year.

When we met, he started asking if I had made up my mind about him, and if I see him as a husband material. I kept dodging his questions and ceding the responsibility to him since the one month thing was his idea. I can't gaan be jumping into conclusions, and then he would now say he has prayed, and we are not meant for each other. God forbid baadddttt thing. Talk your own first.

Even though the signs were all there, one can never be too careful in things like this.

He basically said he's made up his mind, and if things keep going the way they are going, he's most likely going to get married sooner than he expected.

I quickly did a mental chicken dance.

But let's just say that's the most definitive response he gave throughout that day.

At first, I was pissed. I mean it was like we were already in a relationship but he didn't want to define of right there. He said we would meet the next week and do things the proper way. He also joked about needing one more week to mourn the death of his singleness.

After a while, I just let it go, and we spent three hours in the car, basically doing nothing serious but chitchat here and there. He took our first selfie as an unofficial couple. The attraction was so strong and concrete, you could hit the atmosphere with a stone and hear the thud.

We stayed in church till late at night, and then called it a night. I don't care what he called it but in my mind, I was in a relationship, lol.

The one week that followed was so intense, we could hardly stay away from each other via phone calls and chats.

Three days into the week, he said "I love you." I was so shocked that I could hardly respond. I was like "did you just say what I think you said? What did you just say?"

He responded with "what did you think I said?" I pushed for like 5 seconds, and he repeated it.  I just said thank you. I didn't want to say I love him because it would sound like a mechanical response to what he said.

He said and still says "I love you" in such a way that I've never heard before. There's nothing mushy and emotional about it. It sounds like "I love you and you must never ever forget that I love you." Lol.

And that was the beginning of the I love you I have come to hear from him every single day, from that day.

In the meantime, We still had the date to look forward to. Towards the end of the week, he was like "here's how Sunday will go. I will officially ask you to be my girlfriend, and you will say yes. Even if you say no, you will be my girlfriend."

On the other end of the phone, I was just grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

Three days later, we went on a proper date, our second date ever and fourth time we were seeing each other. We talked and talked. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.

We walked hand in hand out of the venue, as a couple, and my life has never been the same again.

Question: Who was the first to say "I love you" in your relationship? Does it even matter who the first is? Is it important to continuously say it in the relationship?

P.S: This is not the end of the story o. See you all next week.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Journey to Marriage 8 - Traumas and Roller Coasters

Firstly, I'm excited. I entered for the BBN Wonderland competition for 30 lucky brides, and I made it! Yaayyy! It was a writing competition about how your special friend(s) have been influential on your special day. Y'all know I'm a writer na, and I have a special story with a special friend, lol. All I did was just pick the first two editions of this series, and sent them. Of course, the story revolved around the one and only Berry Dakara. And I wonnnnnnnnnn! For that, I get to be treated like a princess. It's going to be my mini vacation before my vacation, cos immediately I get back from the wonderland this Sunday, I leave the country for my last vacation as a single woman that same day, and for that, I'm mega excited.

Back to the series...

The next one month of my life was not funny. That’s all I can say. A and K felt it was a very good sign. They said a guy does not make such a statement to a girl is not seriously considering. In K’s mind, I had already married, I should just go and claim my husband, lol.

Cakes, being the closest to him, said it was very good, and basically echoed what A and K said about his seriousness. All these while, this guy never said anything to Berry and Cakes about the date. Berry was shocked that he could have said such a thing to me, cos he was being mute to them.

As for me, a day later, I became pissed… yes, pissed. My mind had started playing tricks on me.

How dare he say I should go and pray for a month? Yes, I know we were hooked up, but who does he think he is self? Me, I should be praying about a man? He should be the one on his knees, praying, and asking God to give him direction. If he wants, let him come. If he doesn’t want, let him go!

Thing is whenever I like or I'm considering someone, I always pray concerning the issue. I don't need any special period dedicated to praying about many things in life, except in special cases. So definitely, I had been praying concerning this issue from the first day

Two days after this, I was extremely troubled in my spirit. I had a very expository dream, which revealed some things to me, concerning delays in marriage, and how I had gained my victory.

When I woke up, I knew what exactly I had to do. I went to my sister, and talked to her. We decided on a 21 days prayer and fasting concerning this. We did this, not fight demons or enemies, but purely to enforce the victory God had already wrought.

And that was how I started praying and fasting, even though I had earlier wondered about praying about him. Let’s call him BH (Better Half). My prayer was about enforcing victory, asking God to direct me concerning decisions about marriage. I put all sentiments of emotions aside, and was very sincere. I said things like “I like BH, I really do, but take him away if he’s not yours for me.” It was a spiritually intensive period for me, but I knew I had to pay that sacrifice to change the course of my life forever.

Apart from being spiritually intensive, it was also an emotional roller coaster period . First of all, I didn’t know how to start asking questions, without appearing desperate. I didn’t want it to seem I was the one doing all the one-month assignment. We were building friendship, learning about each other, but I felt he wasn’t there yet, where I wanted him to be.

I used to tell D during the fast period, I have sense strongly in my spirit that this guy is my husband o, but anyway let God’s will be done. I told her also that if eventually I decide to marry this guy, the final confirmation from God will be that we would have no single issue with parental approval, concerning tribal differences. That will be the real miracle.

A lot of times, I wanted to cut BH out of my life. I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere with him, and everything was just a waste of my time. Hot today, cold tomorrow, and I was just tired.

About half way through the fast, I said to God sincerely “I like this guy, and I need direction concerning him. He’s still holding back a bit, and unsure. If he’s your will for me, I want him to like me much more than I like him, and it will be evident for all to see. He’s your son, deal with him yourself.”

And that’s exactly what happened. From then on, that he fell head over heels is an understatement. I had done my bit, but this one was completely God.

Two days to the end of the fast, I made a statement of conviction to myself, I was as sure as the back of my hand… I said “I am going to marry this guy.”

But for now, we must wait for the imposed one month to be over to know what direction to go.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Journey to Marriage: I'm very sorry

I was chatting with Toinlicious this evening when she asked why today's post was not yet up. To say I was shocked was an understatement cos I had scheduled the post since Sunday. I quickly went to by blogger backend, and saw that I had mistakenly scheduled it for next Monday, as is my default mode, instead of Thursday.

Unfortunately, it was almost 10pm, and we know that blog traffic for the week usually dies around Thursday evenings, and ressurects on Monday, so it was no use putting the post up so late at night.

I'm really sorry for the mix up. I am one who keeps to my word, as it is the only thing I have, so the lack of post really pained me, no be small.

I hope you all understand.

The series continues on Monday.

And thank you all for your comments

Monday, September 19, 2016

Journey to marriage 7 - What manner of Date is this?

Thanks to everyone who has been following my journey, and commenting. I love to read your comments because they encourage me to keep going on even when the greates thing I want to do know is go back to my shell.

Yes, the date took place a month after our first encounter, but it seemed more like 5 years because of the drama that had ensued, more like the drama I had put myself through.

The date had been fixed on a Thursday, and was to take place on a Sunday. The next three days passed without anxiety. We chatted lightly in between. I didn’t get the venue until the morning of the date. And no, it wasn’t a tacky place at allllll. It was where you took people you are seriously considering, lol.

Maybe if we had the date like a week after we had met, I would have been nervous, but a lot of drama that had gone down, and honestly, I was too busy to even be nervous (it was my rhyme and reason preparation season).

Of course, I wore a very fitted tight dress (of which he took no notice, lol), I changed my hairstyle a side woven frohawk, light make up (basically because I’m not a pro at makeup). I think I looked good, and I thought he noticed that I looked good. I would later come to find out that he actually saw me, but did not really see me.

The whole date lasted for a little over 5 hours, of which he talked for 80% of the time. He talked about his last break up, business, illness, etc. I talked about my last break up.

I basically enjoyed the fact that he did almost all the talking while I was only listening. It was a lazy date for me, but I enjoyed it. I could listen to him go on and on and on, talking. As of now, he says I like gist too much.

The only reason the date ended was because we really had to go home. No, I didn’t want to go anywhere. I just wanted to keep looking at his face, as he talked. All through the date, what kept going through my mind was “So a girl saw this one, and let him go. How stupid?”

In hindsight, I am now sorry for that ignorant thought because no one is perfect, not even my husband-to-be. The fact that we can walk and work together doesn’t mean he’s exactly an innocent or holy person, lol.

Let me quickly divert here, and say I wasn’t entirely innocent and leave-it-to-God in all these. By this time, I had already known I was interested in this guy, at least from what I knew about him so far. I was praying seriously, for me not to make a mistake. I didn’t want to want what God didn’t want for me. But I was also doing things on him, of which he had no idea. These things are what you do to basically get someone to start eating out of your palms, without them even realising you are doing anything to them.  I am not going to mention them on this blog for two reasons

1. I invested so much time learning those skills, and I am not going to just paste them on the face of public internet

2. He doesn’t know that I did some things to him, and I don’t know how he would feel if he reads this post. I know he will still read it, that's if he's not yet reading them. Some of his friends are already seeing it.

So basically, I had started wetting the ground. On the day of the date, I also used one of the skills I had gathered, and I will tell you this one. It is called the Epoxy eyes. To summarise it, throughout the date, I looked straight into his eyes… yes, for five hours nonstop. He was mostly talking, I was mostly quiet, and looking straight at him. It was all for a purpose.

Anyway, when the date was almost over, the tone changed a bit. He made a mention about how he was enjoying his single life, balling, doesn’t want to ask ladies to be patient with him when he’s not ready, and the timing for a relationship right (how sharply the tides would change in a matter of weeks).

His statement started getting me confused, so I was just looking at him. In my mind, I was thinking...

What nonsense is this one talking? The timing is not right? What exactly are you doing here, gisting for all these hours? These bonds we have been forging nko? 

Bill Cosby WTF?

I was confused, and I decided that I wasn’t going to go home confused, so I asked him…

“You have said you don’t want to ask people to be patient with you. Concerning you and I, what exactly are we going to do about us? Should we go home and continue chatting, building friendship, or should we just forget and just say hi once in a while?”

He sat back, paused, looked into my eyes, and said

“This is what we would do. We will go home now. For the next one month, you are free to ask me any question in this world, I will answer. I will also ask you any question in this world. You will also pray, and I would pray too. Exactly a month from now, we would meet again, and we would decide whether we are going to move on with each other or go our separate ways.”

At this point, I basically fainted in my mind.

Did this guy just tell me that in exactly a month from now, there are possibilities that my life would never remain the same?

He then added “Do we have a deal?”

I was weak, even though it was the most shocking thing I have ever heard a guy propose to a lady, of course, I couldn’t have said No so I managed to mutter “Yes.”

And from then, I entered the most emotionally stressful one month of my life in 2016.

Question: What would you do if a guy you liked told you and him to pray about each other?

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Journey to marriage 6 - The Pivot point

A felt I shouldn’t have deleted him, but leave him alone cos it’s wrong for him not to have kept to his words. K, whom I narrated the whole story to, cos she wasn’t in on it from the beginning, felt I shouldn’t have deleted him, and I should have sent a message to tease him, about not keeping to his words, cos he should even feel privileged that a girl like me is interested in talking to him. She said it’s how you see yourself that matters. D wasn’t in the picture at this point.

So that weekend, K composed a very light friendly message, sent it to me to send to him, about just checking up on his Sunday in the spirit of being a good Christian, and not hearing from him for a long time. I didn’t want to play the Christian card, so I changed it the word “Christian” to affability, and sent to him, with the greatest reluctance ever, after sacrificing my pride.

He read the message about 3 hours later, chatted me up with one or two lines… and then…

He called me! He really called me.

Image result

We talked and talked and talked.

Okay, not exactly. We only talked for like 25 minutes… mostly about work, ministry, purpose, etc. No, I didn’t ask him about why he didn’t keep to his word. nWhen the call ended, I kept thinking about how sound and intelligent he was. I had now gone from the level of curiosity to “Hmm, this guy doesn’t seem bad o.”

Now, I am going to speed up this story, and ditch the melodrama.

From that day onward, we chatted regularly, like every one or two days. His responses were delayed a lot, even though he was checking his whatsapp. It was like he was blowing hot and cold at the same time. I get that he was very busy, but I was also busy too. And I feel if you are interested in knowing someone, then you are interested, busy or not.

THE TRUTH: He was just holding back, and didn’t really know what to do with me.

For the next three weeks, we went back and forth. I would pull back for days when I sensed any indifference from his side, while screaming in silence, with the intention of blanking “this guy” for real this time around. He would then be forced to seek me out after not hearing from me for a while.
And no, I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t all ants on sugar on me. I wanted the overwhelming wooing, but all I got was someone trying to taste alomo bitters and squeezing his face. A said the overwhelming love will come late, but it was hard to believe.

So back and forth we went, me trying to be friendly without appearing desperate, one or two calls here and there.

On the Monday of week of my birthday, he had just come back from a burial in his hometown, and I had tried to reach him at the airport. Bad network wouldn’t let us be great. He called me as soon as he got back to Lagos that night, and we talked for over 3 hours. I felt that because of how close and open to each other we were getting, he would sustain the communication by more calls.

No way. I didn’t hear from him for the next three days, not even by chat. But I knew that if he found it my birthday was that week, and I didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t be happy. So I told Berry all that had been happening, how we had gotten a bit close, and had been chatting. She was very surprised cos none of us had told her we were still in touch, especially after the deleting episode. She was also surprised that even though we had been talking, we hadn’t gone for an official date.

Anyway, on the evening my birthday, I got a call from him. I thought it was just an ordinaty call, because Berry said she wouldn’t tell him, and the number of people who know my birthday can be counted on two hands. It is nowhere on social media.

So he calls and says “Happy birthday. I heard im the sixth person in the world who knows your birthday.” Aww, my hear melted. So he kept talking randomly, asking why I wasn’t celebrating, why I didn’t tell him before, etc.

And then I said “Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?”

I confess, this ingenuity was not mine. K was the one who told me to tell him about my birthday, and use this statement on him, so we could prompt it for a date if he had been thinking about it. But I said I couldn’t do it, cos I had become lily livered over the years. My scheming and manipulative life was basically dead. I didn’t call him, but I still got to use the statement.

So when I said “Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?” He paused a bit, and said let’s go out together on Sunday.

Wait, what??? Just like that. I am going on a date. I am going on a date. Woo hoooooo.

Goofy Dance
And that... was how I landed the first date, exactly a month (28 days) after our first encounter.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Journey to Marriage 5 - Mind Tricks

You have spoken. I will be posting twice a week for now (Mondays and Thursdays). Depending on how slow or fast the story goes, I might increase the frequency. My major challenge is time.

A lot of people might be thinking “why did you have to delete him?” Couldn’t you just blank him without deleting him? The truth is people operate differently. For some people, it is easy for them to put someone away mentally, and move on to more important things. But for some others, especially people whose minds play tricks on them, and love control and manipulation, it is most times necessary to block all forms of access to such channels. That way, no matter how your mind does you, you will have to stay within your zone.

That was why I did what I did. I didn’t like all the whatsapp stalking, and mind games my mind was playing. I just wanted to gain control of my mind, and moved on.

Afterwards, I went back to Berry, and asked why she even introduced us in the first place. Did the guy ever ask to be introduced? I was trying to gauge whether he was even ready for anything, or if it was just for sport. She then mentioned differences that we had, and would complement each other, how he was getting serious with life, etc.

Anyway, I told her I deleted him, and she started screaming hell about how I was too serious with everything in life, how I overthink things, how I’m not fluid and dynamic, how I’m pressuring myself, how I could be so rash with someone I just met 4 days ago, etc.

She never defended me for once, or even mentioned that he didn’t keep to his word. It was all on me. At that point, I knew that no matter what happened between this guy and I, Berry would always take his side against mine. So Berry as my confidant was no more an option for me. But it didn’t matter, she had given up on us at that very moment.

Talking about confidants, there were three major people who helped me through intense period, without whom I would have lost my mind.

A – My pastor’s wife, who believed in us, and felt I should just let things run their course, start with friendship, and everything will fall into place, no matter how it ends

K – My very close friend, who felt the guy was already my husband from day 1, and was a fan of him, asking me to keep being friendly.

D – Opposite of K and A. She felt I should stay in my zone, and let him do every single pursuing. I should only be friendly when he has shown himself worthy.

Together, the three of them brought balance of perspectives. One thing they all had in common was they felt I take things too seriously, and you can’t put a formula to many things life.

Back to the story. Even though I had deleted him, it didn’t do anything to douse mu curiosity one bit. Closing loopholes has always worked for me in the past, but this time, it even fuelled the fire more.

Day 1 after deletion
I realised that even though I had deleted him from whatsapp and my contact, I hadn’t deleted his incoming call from my call log, so I went there, and deleted it. I was covering part of my eyes to delete it, cos I have a photographic memory when it comes to figures. I can just look at something, and it would stick there forever. So on deleting, my eyes accidentally caught a glimpse of the first five digits.

I already knew the last four digits from the time he gave me, after the day we met, cos they had lots of zeros.

Day 2 after deletion
I started wondering if he knew I had deleted him. Maybe there’s a way for whatsapp contacts to know they’ve been deleted. I even researched it, and didn’t find any conclusive evidence. Well, if that was the case, maybe he would realise I’ve deleted him, and see me as too serious and rash, and wonder what kind of weirdo Berry introduced him to.

Maybe I shouldn’t have deleted him. Oh my gosh, what did I do? This is how I have just lost a good person. Hmm… thinking about it let him be lost. It was his fault

 My mind started playing tricks again. But the reality was he’s been deleted, and forever gone… or so I thought

Image result
NO YOU CAN'T. Source
Later that day, I decided to guess the number and add him back since my curiosity hadn’t been cured. I knew the first five, and last four. If I could get the middle 2 right, then that would be it.

So I put the numbers together, added the middle two numbers I suspected, and that was it. I didn't have to try twice. It was his face staring back at me on whatsapp.

So yes, I added him back two days after deleting him, and life was beautiful again.

There was still no difference though. He was still a rubbish guy who didn’t keep to his words, and I wasn't going to initiate contact. Berry was completely out of the picture, and I moved on with my life… back to my serene singleness in just one week.

Have you ever had your mind play tricks on you when it comes to the matters of the heart?

Monday, September 5, 2016

Journey to Marriage 4 - Good Riddance?

Guys, first of all, I want to say thank you all for your comments. I respond to every single one of them.  I'm thinking I should make this series twice a week. It is coming on so slowly. If I continue at this rate, I would still be writing the preliminary part when I am getting married later this year.

From the day after we met for the first time, and the tribal sentiments vapourised from my mind, something set into my mind. Even though I had no feelings whatsoever for him, there was something else present.


I have never been curious about anyone in my life as I became curious about this guy. I wanted to know who he was, what he does, etc. Maybe my curiosity was fuelled because Berry never told me anything. I was blind before the meetup, and after the meetup, I was still blind.

The next day, my pastor’s wife, who is very close to me, asked how the date went. I said it was just there. She began to ask questions about the guy, and I couldn’t answer a single one. All I knew was his first name and phone number. She then asked when I was going to call him, I said “Never!” I began to protest. I can’t call a guy o. abeg, I don’t want anyone to think I am desperate. She asked me to call him since he had called the previous night… at least, to show myself friendly.

After church, I begged Berry to give me details about him. She finally gave me his surname, age, occupation, and church. She said that was all she could give me, and I should go and relate with him myself to know him better. She was being mean strict, and wasn’t going to fuel my laziness. She also asked me to call. Once again, I protested.

I chatted my sister up, and asked the strangest question… even to me.

You see… from the chats, I was so convinced that I would get married this year, even though I did not know the person. I was telling every single person I met. I was so sure. You see how my sister looked when I said I would meet, court, and marry in a year? I don’t blame her. Two weeks before then, I would have done the same.

In the chat, I referred to him as igbo, but in reality, I wouldn’t find out his tribe or the complications around it until much later. I only deduced Igbo from the surname Berry gave me. And forget the age thing. I wasn't 35 yet, as pointed out. Heck, I wasn't even 30 yet. We just feel parents begin to relax their rules when their kids get older, and we didn't want that to be my case.

Anyway, when curiosity got the best of me, I told Berry I was going to send him a whatsapp message instead to ask how his Sunday went (Berry’s idea). I still felt a call would make me seem too desperate.

So I chatted this guy up on Sunday evening. There was nothing fantastic about it. A bit of random politeness here and there, with like 5 to 15 minutes break in between some lines. He obviously wasn’t glued to his phone like I was. If he was, he wasn’t showing it. (Problem number 1).

Late into the night, the chat was going well, he asked about my routine, and said we would continue the next day, since we needed to go to bed.

I was sad, but the next day was just going to be 7 hours away

…or so I thought.

The next day, I expected to wake up to his chat…

Nothing… (problem number 2)

All through the  morning… nothing

Afternoon… nothing

Night… nothing

By this time, my CURIOSITY had gone into overdrive. It was a mixture of annoyance and curiosity. I mean, how would someone say they would do something, and not even do it. Why say you would chat me up, and then act like I don’t exist? Am I supposed to be chasing him? God forbid. Do you know how many guys are on my case

Puhleaaasseee… don’t even tell me something might have wrong with him. This guy was very alright. At least, he was active on whatsapp most of the day.

Yes… I monitored him on whatsapp. Please, don’t look at me like that, you would do the same to, lol.

Day 2
Morning… nothing

Afternoon… nothing

By this time, my mind was playing tricks on me. Had I appeared too desperate? What did I say wrong? Was the spirit of rejection all over me?

Who does he even think he is? Doesn’t he know I am the daughter of a king? How can he not keep to his words? I better get rid of this guy from my mind. He reminds me of Yemi, who is just a heartbreaker.

Night… nothing

Day 3
Morning… nothing


I didn’t even wait for afternoon

I went to my whatsapp, went to my call log…


What nonsense. This guy is bad news. I need to protect my heart. I don’t deal with guys without integrity.

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

What do you guys think? Was I too rash in my actions? What would you have done in my case? Initiated another chat, even though you were the one who initiated the previous chat?

Monday, August 29, 2016

Journey to Marriage 3 - It was not Love at First Sight

Berry told me outrightly that our outing wasn't a date. It was just an opportunity for me to meet the someone. Even if I wanted to get excited, her constant warning wouldn't allow me. She asked me to pick the movie, and all was settled.

Berry did not give me a single information about this person. Not his  name or what he does.
Time and time again, I wanted to ask her for the tribe of this someone but held back. I was going to tell her that if he's not Yoruba, she shouldn't bother cos my mum would not endorse intertribal marriage. I didn't think cakes would have Yoruba friends knowing he didn't grow up in Lagos. What prevented me from asking Berry were the following

1. I didn't want Berry to see me as backward and tribalistic (I'm not. I just wasn't ready to start arguing with my mum because of a man, especially when we were told as kids that we could only marry Yoruba)

2. If I asked and he wasn't Yoruba, I would miss my first date for the year and might not meet my monthly goals

3. I assumed Berry should know that I was a Yoruba girl and therefore would be with only Yoruba guys.

4. Something kept telling me not to ask everytime the thought came to my mind.

Of all these reasons, number 2 was the strongest. I just needed to meet my goals

I went straight from vigil to a meeting. I felt my hair wasn't neat enough so my pastor's wife helped me tie a scarf I assumed was stylish. From my meeting, I went to the cinema in the evening, where Berry and cakes were already waiting, as the movie had started.

Cakes took me in, and the someone wasn't there. I expected him to be there cos I was already late. My heart sank but I couldn't bring myself to ask Berry why he didn't come cos I wasn't ready for her scolding. Cakes went to get my popcorn and later he was on the phone with the someone. I peeped at his screen and saw his name.

My heart sank. I don't know what he was, but he definitely wasn't Yoruba. What a waste of time. Right there and then, I decided to just concentrate on the movie and go home. The 'date' that wasn't a date was over before it even had the chance to start.

About 15 minutes later, someone walked towards us and sat near me. Berry and cakes did the proper introductions. He had hair, loads and loads of it. He was a fine boy and had a great speaking voice. But all that didn't matter anyway.

He was not Yoruba!

I offered him my popcorn which he declined. And that basically was it. I watched the remainder of the movie in silence, not saying a word. I wanted everything to end so I could go back to my father's house, never repeating such stupidity again. Thankfully, the movie was very engaging so it took my mind of my worries

He was one of those guys who joke loudly with their friends in the cinema hall, who you just want to tell "shut up." I roll my eyes internally at their kind.

When the movie was over, we all walked to my car so Berry could get her hair products. Berry kept talking and talking about me and my spoken word, how I have traveled all over the world, when next I'm traveling, just making unnecessary small talk that I wasn't down with. Cakes made me take off my high sandals to finally settle the beef between Berry and I about who was taller.

How Berry bullies me whenever we are together.

After Berry and cakes were tired of small talk, they left us together. He collected my number (just to fulfill all righteousness). I drove home without any hopes. About 30 minutes after I got home, he called me when he got home (to fulfill all righteousness). The call lasted for 20 seconds

I did the strangest thing. I got down on my knees and said "lord I met someone today and he's not Yoruba. Lord let your will be done."

Right at that very moment was the last time I ever put it in mind that he wasn't Yoruba. Almost 20 years of sentiments went up in smoke that very moment.

What do you think about intertribal marriage in Nigeria? Even though you might not be tribalistic, is it something you can engage in?

Monday, August 22, 2016

Journey to marriage 2 - How it all started

Inasmuch as I wanted to get married, I had grown complacent over the years. I had become so comfortable in my singleness and the beehive of things I had to deal with kept me constantly occupied that I hardly remembered I was single.

I was terrible at networking and meeting new people. I hardly went out. I worked from home all week, and was in church all weekend. If I was in church with full blooded male adults, it would have been better but I worked with teenagers and they definitely wouldn't marry me.

When I went for performances, I went straight from my house to the stage, and when I was done, I went straight home, not even taking time to network.

The only way African Naturalistas survived networking with other brands was purely because of one person, Berry Dakara. It was a win win for me. She networked, I worked. Everyone was happy.

I was lazy about meeting people. So I remained happily single

Another thing is that I am one of those people who does not see anything wrong in matchmaking. Two reasons: I believe there's no prescribed way of meeting one's spouse. I also believe a matchmade couple already have a primary support system in the person who matchmade them. The only downside to matchmaking is that one or both of the parties might feel pressured to please the one who matchmade them if things are not working out. And that's where maturity comes in.

So if you put these two factors together i.e. I was lazy at meeting people, and I believed in matchmaking, it is not rocket science to know what I did.

I told one or two very close friends who knew my values to hook me up with a serious God-fearing person who wants to settle down. These didn't amount to anything.

So I told Berry, the networking expert to hook me up... again and again

Again and again, Berry turned me down

She asked me to start going out more, networking more, going to the adult church more, and attending my singles fellowship. For everything Berry told me, I had a perfect reply as to why I couldn't do it, so she dismissed me as an unserious person.

As at December 31st, I had an encounter while writing my vision board for 2016. The summary was "Lord, I'm actually ready this time for real. I'm getting married this year."

I knew in my heart then that my single life was over whether I liked it or not. It was like I heard something say move to the next phase. Your time here is up. So I moved but I didn't even have a boyfriend.

So in the step details of my vision board, I wrote that I would start going out to events at least once a month in order to network and meet new people.

Look at my vision board above I prepared on 31st December 2015. I had two of them, one for business, influence, finance, etc, and this one above, for marriage, rhyme and reason, and two other things. The yellow post-it notes on the left have the scriptures attached to the visionary pictures, while the ones at the bottom right have the steps I would take to actualise the vision, based on scriptures. The direct writings on the cardboard were the desires of my heart, such as the kind of friendship I want between my husband and I, the kind of man he will be, statements like "I am getting married this year." "My husband is a visionary, knows where he is going in life, etc."

By the grace of God, almost everything on my vision board for the year has come to pass, even up to the kind of proposal ring I got, and even the inscription on my proposal cake (which were not things I specifically prayed for, but were written on the board). As you can see, the theme for my vision board this year was "A lot can happen in a year." I will talk more about the vision board, the power behind it, and how it helped me later in this marriage series. Though I need to reiterate that my vision board had other things on it, apart from marriage desires.

To be honest, once a month was a very lazy goal, since I perform at events. All I needed to do was to stay back at one of the events, and I'm settled for that month.

In the first week of the year, Berry and I got chatting. She recounted how lazy I am at meeting people and told me about her neighbour who said she was getting married this year but had no boyfriend. I told her it was possible because I was getting married this year (I had started saying it to everyone who came my way with so much conviction). Berry basically laughed at me. I told her about my decision to go out once a month, and asked her to be my first date for the year, so I could tick January as completed.

And next thing she said was, I'm going to introduce you to someone. Let's all go out together, i,e. Berry, cakes, me and this someone.

I was beyond excited. Right there, Berry told cakes. They told this someone, and he agreed.

And that... was how it all started... right from first week in January.

What are your opinions about matchmaking? Is it something you can consider?

Monday, August 15, 2016

Journey to marriage 1 - One Year Marriage Miracle?

Hello everyone. How's everything? I feel like I have so much to say, but hesitant to say them. Over the past few years of my life, I've been extremely cautious about what I put in this blog about my personal life, knowing I'm not an anonymous blogger. I guess I stopped being bold like Berry Dakara and Sisi Yemmie, somewhere along the way.

The truth is that this blog will be changing sometime soon. It's about to get personal. The way my life used to be is coming to an end very soon. There are some changes happening that I might not necessarily like and welcome, but are necessary, so I guess I have no choice but to accept the change. One thing is sure, by the time this year is over, things would be completely different from how I started this year.

This brings me to my muse

Have you heard of the one year marriage miracle?

It means you meet someone, start dating, make the decision to marry, and then marry the person, all in one year.

The first time I heard about someone marrying a person he/she never knew under a year, I was sceptical. I mean my ideal time for courtship was 2 years. I was young, with lesser responsibilities, enough time, starry eyed, believed more in man's strategy than God's plan, and so on and on and on.

But a year or two ago, when 1 + the one blogged about it from one of those Christian relationship blogs, featuring a couple, I began to see it in a different light. Maybe it was because I was older this time with a great wilderness experience in my portfolio. I wished it would happen to me, but it never did. Such things are not forced. It is pure divine arrangement.

If there's someone who enjoyed singleness, that person is me, which is strange, as my plan was to get married at 24. But as it stands, I rocked the life out of singleness. I ran businesses, organised events, travelled the world without a care, and I'm still doing these things. In fact, I became so comfortable in my singleness that my only worry was how I would be able to adjust when I'm getting married, since I have become so set in my ways.

Enjoying the single life without a care
I was enjoying my single life, and the only way I was going to give it up was if the person was really worth it. No one is chasing me from my father's house. I have my office, my room, food, house helps, everything to make my life comfortable, so I would not even lend an ear to the pressure to get married, talk less of succumbing to it. It didn't help the case for singleness that I kept looking younger by the day. Some of the things I alwatys say to myself, even till now is.

It was obvious. I would rather die in my singleness, that get married to the wrong person out of pressure.

I wanted to get married alright, but my eventual choice had to be worth the wait, so I enjoyed my life in peace, and kept running businesses, organising events, and travelling the world without a care.

But now...

All that has changed

I am getting married... All in a year.

To be honest, I am sceptical about sharing this journey here, especially because of monitoring spirits on social media, but I will brave it and do so.

What changed? How did we meet? How did my status change in just one year? The journey of courtship. Doubts and Struggles. Becoming a wife.

Let's keep it a date here every Monday. What do you guys think? Do you look forward to reading about this new phase of my life? Talk o, before I become a hermit again. Lol.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Sights and Views of The Gambia: Streets and Roads + Problem with Gambian Military

This week is going to be my last on my Gambian trip series, and it is just basically bringing to you the pictures of the normal Gambia.

It seems to be a very peaceful country, with heavy military presence. I was stopped twice by military men, when they saw me snapping, and they checked my phone to make sure I wasn't taking anything incriminating.

Asides that, they are very friendly to foreigners, and always willing to help, which is not a surprise since the country is positioned for tourism anyway.

Remember I said it is a coastal country. The sad part is that some of their beach front is already suffering from erosion. Some of the pictures below reveal that fact. Unfortunately, I was too tired and in a hurry to walk to the beach front for pictures

GTBank: You find them everywhere.

The billboard below shows their president, whose picture is virtually everywhere. His name is Yahya Jammeh. You can research more about him. When I took this picture, there was a police man and military man there. They took my phone, searched me, questioned me, and released me. I left, and continued taking pictures.

 The picture is the entrance to the town called Senegambia. The town is just one street in Banjul. Yes o, a whole town. You cam literally drive around a town in two minutes, and the distance between to towns can be like one minute. It's such a small country.

The street of Senegambia, and other parts of Banjul is filled with sleeping dogs everywhere.

Gambian Mall  below

Yes, that's a donkey below. They still use donkeys to transport things in the market. In this case, it was being used to transport waste.

This is the police station and bus park below. I was following Olamide around, so we entered bus. I can't remember when last I boarded these kind of buses in Nigeria. It was an experience, and also jampacked like Lagos buses. Moving around in The Gambia is pretty cheap and easy. No bikes and keke marwa, thank God.

 Our conductor below, lol. Gambia is very big on preventing child trafficking, female genital mutiliation, modern day slavery, and all those things, so you find billboards like this everywhere. If they catch you ehn...

I took many of these pictures on our way to the Nigerian High Commision, because Olamide wanted to see the Consular General. I took pictures of the buldings, and police people stopped me again, and started questioning me. I told them it was for my blog, and after all, these pictures are online, so it's not a secret how the building looks.They deleted all the pictures after so much talk on terrorism and boko haram.  I was just too tired of their wahala, that I stopped taking pictures of Gambian streets and roads.

I don't know why our problem is just so much, especially with authority and law enforcement. I had a completely different experience at White House in DC, where everyone was welcomed, and that's where Obama lives o. Upon all, they sniff out terrorism faster and better than we do.

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