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Chasing the next level, WIMBIZ conference, et al

Why do we like looking forward to the next phase of our lives, so much so that we don’t enjoy the current phase? Societal pressure hasn’t made this easier. As a single girl, people are looking forward to your marriage. As soon as the wedding is over, the womb watchers won’t get their eyes off your midsection until they spot a bulge. And once your first child started toddling around, they ask you why you are taking too much time, with stories of how gaps between siblings shouldn’t be too wide. It’s as if we are always chasing the next level, and hardly catching it before it slips away again. Personally, I am guilty of not enjoying the moment because I am always worrying about how to accomplish the next goal on my list. I wonder if I will ever get to the point when I will be at peace enough to rest, and say to myself “I have tried.”

I don’t know if it’s just me experiencing this, but doing business hasn’t been so palatable this year of 2018. There has been more misses than hits, and lord knows I worked my head off this year. I can’t really tell if it’s because I took some wrong steps, and didn’t calculate well, or if it’s just an economic thing affecting everyone. I will like to hear what you all think about this.

I left Instagram… again. I wasn’t as pissed with it as I was in the past, but I wasn’t just having it. I think I have found a way to maintain a social media presence without being there, just that it might cost me. Anyway, I’m still exploring my options. Let’s see.

I went for WIMBIZ conference last week. It was really fun, and eye-opening in some aspects. I don’t think I will be going again though, cos I think it’s too expensive for what I got from it. I used to wonder how they always get to fill the hall, despite the high cost. It was when I got there I found out that 80% of the attendees were sponsored by their companies i.e. big corporations in Nigeria. Very few people brought out their hard earned money to attend, like me.

Below is my look for the Wakanda-themed after party for WIMBIZ. I felt overdressed cos most people didn't follow the theme at all. They just wore Ankara blazers and trads. Such party-poopers, lol.


My new friend, Chibu, photobombing my selfie, lol.

The Dangerous wave of Distorted Feminism



There’s a dangerous wave of distorted feminism sweeping through social media now, so dangerous that ignoring it will only guarantee its rise.

I was particularly taken aback this past weekend when I came across rants bashing women who were interested in fighting for their marriages, honouring commitments, or even wanting to get married. I really don’t follow trending topics so I wasn’t aware it had gotten bad… women directly attacking marriages and calling for its extinction, unabashedly spewing vulgar words, throwing morality out of the window, and preaching the gospel of indiscriminate sex since you know “we are all adults.” And if you are happily married, you dare not show face on such forums to defend the sacred institution, lest you be torn to pieces.

I do not doubt that there are bad marriages out there, but is the solution to bad marriage “no marriage?” There are bad bosses and jobs out there, how come people are not clamouring for job extinction? There are bad political leaders all over, but no one says we should eliminate civic leadership. There are so many bad things out there, as a result of the perversion of the good, but we don’t see people piking up placards to protest their continuation.

The Vain Body Journal: There's a new Celeb in town!



My days at the Gym have been going on well. I strive to make a minimum of 4 days in a week, though I almost did 5 days last week, but laziness got the best of me, lol. Have I lost weight since I started? I don't know but I think so. The thing is I didn't weigh myself before I started gyming so there's really nothing to compare with. One thing I can say is that I feel better internally, and my body is a bit more toned. If I keep at it, all my muscles will be popping in a few years time, lol.

Now guess who the most popular member of the gym is?
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A year since my life changed for the better



Hi beautiful people. I am so grateful to God for His faithfulness over me and my family. Can you believe it? My son is one year old today. Seems just like yesterday when he came into this world. The past one year has been a very interesting one. I have learnt and unlearnt. I can look back now, and just say Thank you Lord.

He has provided for us, and taken care of my son. We have never been to the hospital since he was discharged after birth. We have never had any accident, or domestic mishap. Everything has been smooth, and it's not because I am such a childcare expert.

I rarely put my son's on Internet but today is his birthday, and he has put this beautiful video together, for you to celebrate him. Watch and enjoy.


Let's talk about The F-WORD

Hello beautiful people. If you are a Nigerian, I wish you a Happy Independence Day in arrears. My prayer is that Nigeria will be the great nation it really deserves to be.

It's been a long time that I've been excited the way I am now. Last week, something good happened to me, and it set me aflame. It got people talking on Social Media, Instagram especially. I released my first Spoken Word Video titled The F-WORD.

There is an ongoing, albeit unnecessary battle between sexes in this age. The F - WORD has become a vulgar word that is forbidden to be uttered in many places, but unless we face, head-on, these battles that are threatening to tear us all apart, we'll all be headed downhill, and no side will come out as the winner.

The Vain Body Journal: I'm in love with the Shape of You



As you all know, I’ve been going to the gym for about two weeks, and I’m loving it so far. I am now more physically active than I was, I know have to deal with the guilt that used to plague me daily about me not working out.

I found out that the gym is a good place for networking, though I haven’t started doing that because I just have one hour to spend at the gym in the morning before I resume work, so right now, “ain’t nobody gat time for that…”

Anyway, one morning, as I was dressing up to leave, a lady came in to the dressing room. First thing I noticed was that she really had a great figure but her stomach was protruding. She was slim, but not very slim, slim with the right amount of hips, butts, and breast. If not for her stomach, she would have been a perfect hour glass. I automatically assumed that she’s just someone with a great figure, but just had a baby. She changed to her gym shoes, brought out a workout waist belt, which is the rave on social media, and wore it.

I them asked her if she just had a baby. She smiled with a surprised look on her face, and said “Me? No o. I am not even married.” I wondered who sent me message, but quickly improvised the situation, and said “Oh, sorry. I was asking because of the belt you are using. Please tell me, does it work?” She said it works a bit. She can even wear the belt all day, only that it will make your shoulders look abnormally bigger than your body. I thanked her, and told her it was important for me to know because I just had a baby (even though I really wasn’t interested in the belt. I was just making conversation because I really liked her figure, and wanted to let her know without being weird).

She went on to say she doesn’t have any child. The only issue is that she adds weight in her stomach region when she’s growing bigger, so she wants to work on her stomach so she can add weight in other regions while keeping her stomach flat.

All the bells in my head immediately rang at the same time, and my mind went

BLASPHEMY!

I screamed “Nooooooo, please don’t add weight. Your figure is perfect. Why would you want to do this? Just work on your stomach. People are killing themselves in the gym to have a body like yours.”
This lady wasn’t fat, wasn’t thin. The closest person I can compare her with is Ciara so you can understand better. I was just so surprised that someone who looked like that wasn’t happy with her body, so I just told her that “Well, I understand. We ladies are never 100% happy with our bodies, no matter how good it is. There’s always something we think can be better about it.”

She went on to say that it is not that she isn’t happy with her body, but she realized that people don’t respect her because of her body structure. They take her for granted because she doesn’t have the body mass to go along with whatever respect she wanted to command. To summarize the whole story, her figure was sabotaging her!

In my mind, I was like “what is this woman saying? So what does she want someone like me to say? I am short, petite, and not fat. Should I jump inside the river? Lol.”

In my own opinion, and according to my own experience, people might take you for granted when they first see you, but if you are good at your craft, know your onions, and are confident in the way you speak and carry yourself, once you open you open your mouth, everyone will take a seat. This is my opinion and I stand by it.

I made my opinion known, and she agreed. Her major worry though was the lack of respect given to her before she even opens her mouth to speak. However, I begged her not to add weight because people were dying to have her body. I told her how she would love this body in her mid-forties and fifties, when she doesn’t really age fast. We laughed over it, she kept thanking me for the compliments, and she said she won’t add it again.

As for me, I pondered on the irony. When it comes to body goals, many of us are not satisfied. We want what others have. Fat people want to be slim, slim people want to be fat. We want to be taller, we feel our legs are too long. We want bigger hips, while some are paying for hip reduction surgery. We wear coloured contacts, while some hate their naturally-coloured eyes. It goes on and on and on. We are always in love with other people’s body. We might as well be looking at other women out there singing “I’m in love with the shape of you.”

So at what point do we say “look at my body. I am 100% happy with it, and I wouldn’t change a single thing in it for the world.” I will be honest enough to admit that I haven’t gotten to that point yet. Please, let me know if you have or haven’t.


The Vain Body Journal: The Decision




Last Sunday, I came out of the blues, and decided that it was time, I have finally decided that enough is enough. I can’t take this anymore.

I would start going to the gym!

No, I am not big or fat or anything of that sort...

But still, I didn’t like my body. In my own estimation, my hips were flabby, bigger than they were before childbirth, I had “church mothers” arms, and my stomach hasn’t gone down totally (I’m not as bothered about this as I should be because if I’m going to be having another child, then why go to the stress to flatten something that would most likely protrude shortly after?). Anyway, I wasn’t just feeling myself, and I was unhappy about it, so I decided to take the bull by the horn.

I would like to state some underlying factors that made me start going to the gym.

Firstly, I believe every lady, no matter how modest they are, has something she is either vain, obsessed or near-obsessed about. It can be looks, fashion, shoes, fit-fam, cosmetics, hair, power, control, children, books (for the nerds), etc. For me, it is MY BODY. I won’t even lie or hide under the docks about it. I love to look at my body, and be okay and confident with it. If I am not okay with it, I won’t be 100% happy, and I will keep working and ranting till I get to the point when I am okay with it. A lot of things contributed to this vainness though, but there’s no need to mention them here.
When I told my husband that I was going to start gyming, I told him it’s because of some things, including not liking the way I look and feel. He said he likes me this way. But as far as I was concerned, if I don’t like it, that is what matters, since it is MY body, and I am the one stuck in it for life.

Secondly, I have always been team healthy-eating, healthy-living. Everyone who knows me or reads this blog knows that. For some years, I have been that lady who works out daily. I stopped in my first trimester because of nausea and vomiting, and resumed in my third trimester. I stopped again after delivery, and resumed 2 weeks later (just running at first). I kept trying to tailor the workouts to my new life demands, switching from mornings to night, styles to styles, etc. After a while, I just fell off the bandwagon because of time constraints. And for about three month, it had been hard to get back there. I had previously decided to be leaving my nanny at home with my son instead of us all going to work together, so I could trek to work and trek back home, which will take me about 1 hour 30 minutes per trip, but when my nanny disappeared, I ditched this plan because I need to get super-used to this new one before I leave her alone with my son. I then decided that maybe this home workout programs isn’t okay for this phase of my life… at least, till I get my grind back.

Lastly, I am a money manager, and I like to get the value out of every penny spent. I’m not a fan of paying for gym memberships when I can do the workouts at home. However, I know that at this point in my life, accountability is what I mostly need. If I can’t be accountable to myself, I will be accountable to my money, lol. If I bring my hard-earned cash, and pay for gym membership, lord knows I will squeeze everything out of that money, thereby making me get my desired results.

So yes, many changes are happening in my life, and going to the gym is one of them. What about you? Do you work out? Do you do it at home or at the gym? Which is the most effective for you, and why? Let’s know in the comment section.

P.S: I realize that I’ve been getting a lot of writing inspiration whenever I’m at the gym, so I will be doing a gym/workout/health/fit-fam series, from time to time, the first of which is this post. The name is of course, the Vanity Body Journal. I hope you all like it. Have a great week

Unbelievable Nanny Woes (2)

Hello people, hope you had a great week. I just want to update you on how my nanny woes continued, and eventually ended. I you haven't read the first post where I documented my nanny woes, you can read it here.

As at the time I wrote last week's post, I was waiting for three candidates to come to my house to be interviewed. I eventually interviewed them, and two of them stood out for me. I was quite impressed with them, their willigness, exposure, and other things, even though I was not okay with distance of their houses from mine, since it is a live-out job.

I decided to go for the lesser evil. She resumed the next day, did some cleaning in the kitchen, and prepped her food. On our way to work, we took a detour for nanny medical test. Her bloodwork was done, and we waited for the result.

When the attendant came out, she was like "Madam, carry your child." I instantly knew something was wrong, and I was like "Oh no, not again."



She had Hep - B, and was therefore not qualified to work as a nanny or in a restaurant. I was devastated, the girl was devasted. She kept begging me not to tell the agent (she was more concerned about the agent knowing than about the status of her health). She said she didn't want any of f her family members to know, but I told her she needed to get to the doctor to treat herself, and test her 3-year old daughter to know if she's infected. I doubt she listened to me though. On my own part, I had to disclose the truth to the agent so that he wouldn't send her to another family, who might be too carefree to carry out the appropriate tests. I also needed to get an immediate replacement, as the development threw a spanner in my wheel for that day.

I immediately called the second choice to resume the next day, even though she wanted to live-in. I had to increase her salary a bit because her house was much farther than the first choice. We did her medicals, and everything was fine. She's quite smart and literate. My only issue with her is that she said she is going back to her town in December, and might not come back because the stress in Lagos is too much for her. I was quite pissed cos if she had told me before, I probably wouldn't have employed her and done the medicals for her. I've informed the agent to start loooking for other options for me for that time.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.