The Puff puff maker

Source

I have become perfectly skilled in the art of making puff puff, thanks to Chill and relax, the program which I have to host every month. Not like I wasn’t good wth making puff puff before, but my puff puff making skills reminded me for my digital electronics days back in university, where we had to work with binary codes, 1 today 0 tomorrow. Translation: I served you a perfect party puff puff today and a ‘wharraheck is this thing’ tomorrow. 

I have graduated from making a giant mass of amoeba, or as the secondary school students will call it, HamoEba, to making a kind of puff puff that would give 9jafoodie and dobby a run for their money.

You might ask yourself why I have to make for puff puff for Chill and Relax, when I could just buy cupcakes. You might even wonder why I am stressing myself, wasting my time, my mummy’s ororo, and the family gas cooker. Well, the money I get from Chill and Relax donations is very interesting. I have stopped wondering why some pastors shamelessly employ innovative means for their congregation to drop fat offerings. I don’t blame them, and I think I would have take more lessons from them. So if 30 something people want to come to Chill and Relax and hurdle around six tiny cupcakes, be my guest. Else, I am confined to making puff puff.

As you might be suspecting by now, this article really has no point. It is just a useless article to let you know three things

• I am a good writer, and inspiration can come from the basest things, even as base making puff puff
• To do a shameless publicity for chill and relax
• I am now skilled in the art of making puff puff. And if you doubt me, come for Chill and Relax. You yourself will testify.

Hey! It's giveaway time

Hi Everyone,

As you might already know the fourth edition of Word Up, the biggest Spoken Word concert in Nigeria is holding on 18 May, 2013. Please, click here for more details about the concert this may. The flyer is below

I will be giving away 6 DVDs of past Word Up editions, 3 for volume 2, and the other 3 for volume 3. Trust me when I say, you really want to watch this. And for those who love DEF Jam Poetry Slam, you would even love this more.

How do you win? Just count how many times I appeared in the trailer below. Simple, right? Ehm, maybe not so simple, considering the flashing images and all. Just count how many times I appeared, after disappearing.

Yay. I am still alive.

"It’s all because of Jesus I'm alive

It’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ

It covers me and raises this dead man's life

It’s all because of Jesus I'm alive"

                                        - Casting crowns

Don’t fear, this blog is still a writing blog, not a religious one, but I would be the most ungrateful if I do not testify the goodness of God.

I was coming from vigil on 30th of March when my car’s electric system my battery started shutting down bit by bit. It started with the dashboard function, the window, and automatic light. I turned on the light manually, hoping that since the car had already started, it won’t stop until I turned the engine off. Later, the light started shutting down completely, the horn stopped working, locks stopped working, the whole electric system. I was driving in the dark, and my lights were out. I was like if you will die, die on the island o, not on 3rd mainland, but I am still thinking since I won’t turn it off, the engine won’t die. I got on 3rd mainland and was going, if the dashboard functions were working, I'm sure I'd have known that the car won’t get me home. Cos I must have been going at 120 but the car must have been moving at 60. You know what… the car shut down completely!... In the middle of 3rd mainland… at 5:25am. Immediately I noticed it slowing, I knew there was trouble. I moved to the slow lane and believe it or not, I kept on pressing accelerator that wasn’t responding, my foot was shaking, sweating. Panic! I thought is this where my short life will end? In the middle of 3^rd mainland bridge? Everyone jokes about being stranded on the bridge at night. Some comedians say if you are stranded on the bridge at night, you jump inside the river or lock yourself in your boot, cos it will be better than what your eyes will see. People my case was worse, it was 5.25 am. Everywhere dark, people were sleeping. Suddenly, the comedians’ jokes didn’t seem funny anymore.

In the dark, I saw smoke coming out of my car. I was like, there’s no way I am coming out of this car by this time, in the dark. The only thing that would make me come out of this car is if it goes up in flames, so I stayed put.

I called my rewire and told him wasup, and then my credit finished after like 8 seconds. The phone that had the main credit was off due to a weak battery.  I started panicking like a Christmas goat. I didn’t know who to call at that time. So I sent BBMs to like 3 church people cos I felt they would still be awake, since we left church around the same time. Only one person responded.

People I was confused. I started singing “I plead the blood the blood of Jesus.” Then I prayed a bit and spoke in tongues small, so I could build an atmosphere of worship and no attackers would come, all the while, trying to get one church person to pick my rewire and drive back to 3rd mainland. The BB battery had almost died. If it died, that was gonna be the end cos they won’t be able to reach me again. My laptop was in the boot, and I knew that whatever happens, I shouldn’t step out of the car cos I would expose myself to the attackers that might be watching. I had gone from sitting in a car to sitting in an ordinary metal box. I couldn’t put on hazard light cos the electric system was down, so all the cars that were passing would almost reach me before seeing that there’s a dead metal box on the road, since it was still dark. I am sure those cars were either coming from vigils of clubs, since it was Friday midnight into Saturday morning. It was by God’s grace that I didn’t get hit.

After a while I just stopped worshiping and kabashing. It was a panic prayer mixed with faith, but I couldn’t do panic prayer for long. It’s just not my thing. So I just asked God to take control and laid back. I knew only two things could happen, I could lose my life and/or my possessions. There was no way I could lose the car. Whatever thief wanted to steal the car would have to come to start it with his own battery first, lol. But something just kept telling me that it was not time for me to die. So that left the loss of the possessions. After I kept scolding myself for not backing up the latest piece of story I had been writing, I calmed a bit, and just kept waiting for help. It wasn’t until past 6.00 am that it occurred to me to start hiding my possessions under the car seat. I hid my wallet, kindle, the dead phone and charger, iPod. I even hid my Hollandia yoghurt. Why should the robbers get to drink the yoghurt I bought with my money? Lol

At the end, I had my mini umbrella, lip gloss, watch, pen and some pieces of papers left in my bag. If the robbers came, I will just give them the bag. The weight of the umbrella will make it seem like there’s something there. I called the Lagos state distress emergency number. An automated voice said someone would be on the line shortly, and then it cut off. This happened twice. The emergency thing is just rubbish!

I turned off Twitter and Facebook on the BB that was already almost dead. Some guy pinged me by past 6 am asking if that was my hair in the pic, saying its beautiful. I was pissed. Who pings people by 6.00 am to strike up conversation? Obviously, the lady on the BB flyer was a model. I told the guy not to ping me again cos I was stuck on the bridge, I needed the last one bar I had left I that time.

A tolling van came. I don’t know how he knew I was there. Probably the same way robbers always know too. When he realised I didn't have money, he left without a word. He didn’t even offer to take me to the end of the bridge, even though he was going that way, at least that way I would be safe from cars that couldn’t see me and robbers. He left me there alone, wickedly. His face was the only face I saw until the rewire and my friend came.

I was grateful because they must have either gone back all the way to the island to turn or passed Ikorodu road to come out of Adekunle. Either way, they took a big risk for me.

Without a word, my rewire changed the battery, drove me home and took the car to his shop. I got home, thanked God preserving my life and properties, and typed this testimony.

I thank God for everything, that I am alive. I didn’t end up as one of the 3^rd mainland bridge casualty statistics, and wicked men did not find me.

Source

Aww, Vacation is over :(

Source

Okay, so my blog vacation is over. Phew. I am not sure I was eager to come back because from my google reader, it seemed like Myne and Eya were blogging every minute, and then no one else one blogging at all. Where is everyone o? Did people just disappear because I did? Lol.

Anyway, I am back, and trust me, I am back with a breath of fresh air. Seriously, I am coming with something new. I saw all the fights and all from my google reader. And after all that, something new is what we need in blogsville. I will be starting this in June. Anyway, just start sniffing around, and you might know what I am talking about.

In summary, I am back from my blog vacation, and you would be feeling my presence on your blogs.

And for people who think over-seriousness is worrying me, I think they should ask Michael Onobote, one of the bloggers I meet on a regular basis. With my sweet-mongering gymnastics and my wahala, I am sure he might have a different testimony. This is just a jara picture for you guys, so it won't be like I did not blog anything today.

Project Feed @ilola

You are all enjoined to take part in the project feed @ilola to commence in April 2013.

It all started after life happened to her in 2012, and she fell drastically ill, causing her to lose weight seriously, and thus becoming a bag of bones. She however thought it was not a serious issue as she would soon regain the lost weight in no time, but this dream of hers has not materialised.

Just in case you were wondering, those are the same pair of trousers.

After careful deliberation, mostly due to 1 year failure in getting back to herself, and seeing that she's not getting better, but rather worse, she has come up with a realistic one month food plan for her to gain weight. She would however need the following to make this a reality

1. A carton of juice - 1 million naira

2. A carton yoghurt - 2 million naira

3. A carton of any type of cereal - 5 million naira

4. A carton of soya milk - 2.5 million naira

5. A carton of high in sugar biscuits - 1 million naira

6. 1 bag or rice + 2 crates of eggs + 2 cartons of noodles + 2 tins o milk = 20 million naira

7. Miscellaneous - 50 million naira

What you can do

• Donate a minimum of N10,000 to her account. You know how to reach her if you are interested.
• Pray and fast that God increases the size of her stomach so she can actually consume three square meals, and so your money won't go to waste.

Please note, @ilola is not sick in anyway. She is also not looking to become fat (she has never been), but just wants to become the curvy British size 6 she used to be. At least, then her clothes would fit her again, and she won’t look like a bag of bones any more.

Bloggers, let's stop this menace!

I know I am supposed to be on a blog break, but I decided to come back here just for this week to blog about an issue affecting many bloggers, and has rendered many of us helpless. For me to actually come back, then you should know it’s serious.

We all know the internet can be a shark at times, devouring people up without mercy, and should you dare to speak out, you would be devoured some more. When many of us see what’s happening, and see we can’t beat them, we in turn join the sharks and bite too, thereby leading to bloody internet fights with no winners. Twitter is especially known for the most vicious shark casualties, and I do my best to stay away from it, apart from when I have to publicise one thing or the other.

The intellectual ones who feel they have something better to say are known to go the direction blogging. We all know that not everyone can maintain a blog, as you must be able to say much more than kk, lol, lwkmd, famzing thinz, Eleko Beach sturvs, etc., and do more than spew 140 or less characters of random words that either make sense or not, to run a blog. It is with this that everyone has come to acknowledge that bloggers are a different kind of internet people. They are not just idle babblers who devour people all over the place, they actually know what they are talking about. And should they decide to attack in a shark-like manner, it is not always pretty, cos they do it with intellect. They do it the right way, they don’t attack the person, they attack the post, which is more than I can say for Nairalanders.

We also know that bloggers, especially in Nigeria, form a very tight-knit community, and they know how to protect their own. They look out for one another, and many times genuinely care for one another. Thus the surprising turn of the issue I am about to discuss.

A blogger contacted me, asking about how to deal with bloggers who steal, even though they reference the source. I told her I don’t know, and I am a victim too. She said “aren’t you the blogsville police?” Please, people how does doing 3 posts about blogsville make me a blogsville police?

Anyway, I digress. On a normal day, I would have laughed and gone back to what I was doing, but I had to discuss with her because if there's someone who has been affected much by blog and internet thieves, that person is me. Anytime I find out that one more post of mine has been stolen, I feel helpless and close to tears. Most times, I don’t always find out until much later, when I am looking for a post of mine via google. Ever since I published my first book, I have been a victim too many times to count. I commented on one of the thieves’ posts, telling him to please, mail me cos he had no contact on his blog, but the person never got to me. I considered putting a sign on my blog header to say, 'all blog and forum thieves should steer clear if they can’t do the right thing by asking for permission'. Yes I was that pissed, but I considered it too aggressive, so I went back to ‘mode helplessness’.

You would think we should be happy that we can write articles quality enough to be stolen by internet and blog thieves. No. The thing is, when you steal someone’s article, you become a direct competitor with that person when it comes to traffic and SEO. You share in the person's stats, and if your site is really popular like nairaland or other very popular blogs, you take 99% of the person's stats. Someone takes their time to write a post (comedy and satire in my case), and gets almost no credit for it.

Source

Source

Yes, we know they write the person's name at the end but why should one copy the whole post, if it is not stealing? Why do it without the person's permission? Why not take a bit, and redirect the remaining to the person’s blog if you really want the owner to get credit? Duplicating an entire content is a no, no, whether you reference the author or not. Complete content duplication is actually criminal, I researched it.

Ask yourself, why did you copy that post? Is it to bring attention to your blog or the real author? The honest answer will determine whether you stole it or not. There was even an instance when someone took the whole of my post, and referenced me in a way that wasn't even noticeable at all, such that in the comment box, everyone kept referring to how they agreed with the blogger, despite the fact that she wasn’t the author. They just did not notice the reference because it was too obscure. We are a tight-knit family. We shouldn’t be killing ourselves by stealing from one another. We should build one another. If you must lift my post, ask for my permission first, and if I grant you, take only a paragraph, and redirect the rest back to me. That way, we both benefit.

The truth is that bloggers and many forum posters are stealing, and they steal posts they know would direct traffic to their sites, and it is bad. Let’s call a spade a spade. We must stop it if we are guilty. Let’s build others up, not tear them down. If other people outside blogsville are stealing from us, we are supposed to try to come together, and do something about it, but what of when bloggers are stealing unashamedly from one another? Who will help us? Bloggers are complaining about this menace on the increase. Please, can we suggest different ways to stop it? We have been known to stand by one another in the past, let’s not stop now. Drop your suggestions in the comment box, and redirect bloggers to come and read this post. Let’s not fold our hands, cos anyone of us can fall victim tomorrow.

One last thing please, don’t steal this post. It is written by me.

Atilola Moronfolu
@ilola

N.B: Once I respond to all the comments this post generates, I am going back on my blog break

Taking a break

Hi people. How are you all doing? Hope cool. I have had do  many things on my plate recently, and I need some time to clear them.

Source

I am writing this post to inform you all that I will be taking a break from this blog for a period of 4-8 weeks. By the grace of God, when I get back, I would have achieved all I set to achieve. I will still be reading all your posts via google reader, but I won't be commenting as usual. Toinlicious, this doesn't give you the license to exclude me from the giveaway I entered for, and I might pop in to enter for more giveaways since I like free things, lol.

Just in case you need my editing services, please click here for more details on how to reach me on that.

Sorry for the short post. See you guys soon. Just blink, and I'll be right back.

Warning Alert: There is a bug biting bloggers

Hi People, been too busy and uninspired to do a blog post this week. Trying to clear out my table. All bloggers should start getting scared now. Why? You may ask. Have you guys noticed how the food bug has been biting bloggers lately? 

Source

I followed Eya’s blog as a regular blog. While I was still enjoying her posts, she decided to merge her numerous blogs into one. Next thing, the food aspect seemed to win the battle for her blog attention. Na wa o, Eya, na so you go do us, just tricking us into following a food blog? Lol.

Then came along Myne, with her romance blog. She started doing the food thing too. And I am like you too Myne, what a trickster you are. I am watching and waiting to see if stelzz would toe the same line, cos that’s what her latest post indicates. Some other bloggers I did not mention have been bitten by the food bug too. Suddenly, several regular bloggers are sending food posts to Eya to put up.  9Ja Foodie, where are you o? We are being infected.

One thing is sure, if you post foodie updates on your blog, though I might not comment, trust me, I eat the pictures. I even sometimes believe the pictures are more delicious than the food.

The main objective of this post is to inform you that very surprisingly, I have been bitten by the food bug too. You can find evidences on Eya's blog here and here.

I want to burst some bloggers' bubbles

Hi people. I think I need to be whipped, cos I have been feel like being mischievous recently, which is really unlike me. But for now, I just feel like busting some people's bubbles. All you curious bloggers will thank me for this, cos as some people know, most times, I really cannot be bothered.

Source

1. You know that scripture in the bible which says we cannot hide anything from God? If you don't know, check Hebrews 4:13. That saying applies to your blog posts 100%. What I mean is once you type something in your blog, and hit that publish button, it is over! I repeat, it is over! It can never ever be undone. You can backdate it, update it, reschedule it, but it can never be deleted. This is because there are feeds attached to your blog, so even if you delete the post, it would have fed to who ever has subscribed to your blogs. When I see someone has put up a post, and has deleted it, I just laugh, get more curious, and go to my 'backyard' to read the deleted post. This is the reason why you have to be sure you want to let that thing out before hitting the publish button. I am writing this because I read something a feed from a blogger on my phone today, which I felt was pretty revealing, so I wanted to see the kinds of comment people would drop on her blog, only to see that she had deleted it post. But here it was, sitting on my phone, and also in the feeds of God-knows-how-many-people who are connected to her blog. I know you want to know how to find deleted posts, but be patient, I would get to that.

People, I know you always hear statements like "say whatever you like on your blog, it is your personal space, if people don't like it, they shouldn't come by, etc." I was even guilty of telling Simply Mee that recently. I retract my statement now. Contrary to whatever opinion you might have, your blog is not your diary! If it is something you would ashamed to show your mother, boss, spouse or future spouse, don't publish it on the internet. You shouldn't just write everything and anything, especially if you are not an anonymous blogger. This also reminds me about what Naijalines wrote about Freedom of Speech being a myth. I completely agree with her. Be careful what you put out there, it might come back to bite you in the butt.

I am begging you. Please, please, please. I know you might be young and carefree now, because you might be in your twenties or so, but please, have foresight. Foresight is the ability to envisage the future based on your current actions. All the vulgar words, curses, and all can act against you in future. Even if you are anonymous, some people can still know you. I am one blogger that has met quite a number of bloggers, not only in Nigeria, in person, including anonymous bloggers. I have them on my BB and we are friends, and trust me, I will be meeting more in future, so that anonymous thing is not absolute. Remember, once you hit the publish button, it can never be undone. You can sin against God, and God will forgive you and remember your sins no more, but blogger never forgives, it remembers your sins for life!

So to the people who are interested in sniffing out deleted posts, I will burst the bubble now. It is easy. Just go to your google reader, and that's where all posts, including the deleted ones sit, waiting innocently to soil the owners' names, should there be any need for it.

2. Onto less serious matters. I noticed some people for make the text colour of the number of their followers the same as the number of their background, so people won't know the number of their followers. I also noticed people who do this have very few followers, so I am guessing they don't want people to know this fact. First things first, there is nothing wrong with having few followers, take that from someone who had only four followers for over a year, because I had no idea what blogging really entailed. So if you have few followers and it is bothering you, instead of wasting your time hiding the fact, concentrate on getting followers by being blog friendly, and putting up quality posts.

If you want to follow someone, and you notice you cannot find the number of their followers, don't worry, I am about to burst their bubble. Highlight the area where the number of their followers is supposed to be, like you want to copy the text. Immediately you highlight, you will see the text appear in white, against the background.

Yes, so I have been mischievous again. But seriously, I hope you would look beyond my mischief and be careful about what you put out there, especially if you are not comfortable with people knowing such things about you. Remember, once its done, it can never be undone!

It all started when...

It all started during Christmas season, when my mum brought some hens home. No, it wasn’t the type you killed to celebrate Christmas - she bought these chickens at a giveaway price, off people who rear them to lay eggs, and felt they had made enough money from them.

These chickens did a good job of laying all the eggs we boiled and used in the Ofada rice sauce we served at my mum’s birthday at the end of the year.

After then, they kept laying. The problem is we are a very small family. My mum, in her usual giving manner, then started a new project – Project ‘Feed my friends eight eggs each’. My mum started giving eggs to everyone, and the eggs in the kitchen gradually reduced by the day.

As for me, my diet changed. I started eating one or two eggs almost every day, I even became worried that my mum’s Project eight eggs would shorten my egg ration. Sometimes, I would wake up when the house was empty, go to the kitchen, and find that my mum had emptied the crate of eggs. In my worry, I would then go down to the chicken cage, and find about eleven eggs, and with relief, eat about two of them. From my little knowledge of eggs and cholesterol, I guessed a fully developed adult shouldn’t be doing what I was doing, but I felt I should just indulge. As a child, my siblings and I were never allowed to indulge in anything. Absolutely nothing, wait a minute, the only thing we had in excess was cane and punishment. So this was like a first time for me.

In my house, we always buy our food in bulk, like grains in sacks, and pepper in baskets, but never eggs. So this was the first time I was just seeing eggs idle in the kitchen all the time. I work from home, so I am always the only one at home almost all day, until late in the evening when others start getting back. I was therefore the only one that was subject to the temptation of eating loads of eggs – the eggs stared at no one but me.

So I felt, “Wharraheck, lemme just indulge now, after all, these chickens would stop laying eggs one day, and I would return to my two eggs a week routine.” The problem is my issues did not want to wait for the chickens to stop laying eggs before they started surfacing.

The first thing I noticed was intense migraine. I was and still am not sure whether I can link this directly to the eggs, but I sure could not say my grandmother was the one ‘doing me’ from the village, because she died last year, although she might have buried the jazz under the ground somewhere, and somebody might have chosen that spot to pound yam every day, and the more they pound the yam, the more ferocious the migraine. As there was no way to link this to the eggs, I kept eating them.

One day, I then looked at my laps, and they looked bigger. I was like “wow, I am adding weight again. 2013 is indeed my year of restoration and bigger things. All the hips and weight I lost in 2012 is now being restored to me. God is indeed good.” After thinking this way, I quickly went online to check the link between excess eggs and growing fat – I saw none. So I kept eating the eggs.

The next thing was that I started noticing irregularities in my digestive system, my throat felt like there was a big stick in it, the upper part of my stomach was painful, I stopped feeling hungry even till late in the afternoon. If not for the water therapy I usually do every morning, I am sure this problem would have surfaced earlier than it did. At this point, I knew there was a problem. It sure couldn’t be my grandmother’s jazz, she is dead, for heaven’s sake. And in no way could pounding on the jazz affect my whole digestive system. But I still wasn’t sure, so I kept eating the eggs.

Later that day, things got worse. Whenever I got up from the seat I worked from, I noticed my legs were bigger, and harder. It was later at night that I realised that blood was not circulating in my legs. So all the while I had been deceiving myself that I was adding weight, I was actually swelling. Gosh, adding weight is not the same thing as being inflated like a balloon. The last time I had a problem with blood circulation in my legs was when I had an accident three years ago, and my legs were affected. I was also on medication. So I wonder what foreign object was in my body to make it swell. As of this moment, I was finding it hard to eat one meal a day.

So what in the hell could have gone wrong that would affect my blood circulation, digestive system, and give me migraine going into two weeks? Maybe it is the devil because he knew I was to be featured as an author and a Spoken Word artist at a literary event in Ibadan, and that event could be a big break for me. He’s such a destiny-destroyer.

“No @ilola, it’s not the devil. It’s one thing and one thing only – your greed! The fact that you see something doesn’t mean you must have it all the time.”

Source

So the next morning, I go to the kitchen, eye  the eggs, which by now is increasing massively in numbers, as my mum’s Project eight eggs is over, yet the chickens won’t stop laying eggs, and then I walk away. The upper part of my stomach is so tight and painful that I can no longer do my water therapy.

My literary program is the next day, yet I can hardly walk well without flinching in pain. I cannot stand straight. My head is pounding. My stomach is tight, I can’t eat because I cannot even get hungry. After some medical advice on the internet, I have therefore changed my diet from indomie and egg or bread and egg to oats with banana and groundnut, orange and pawpaw. Damn cholesterol, damn eggs, I have overdosed on you long enough. Because of you, I can’t even enjoy food this year, and it’s just January.

I just look at these eggs. If only I had orders to deliver hair Deep conditioning mix I sell as one of my hair products, at least, the eggs would serve a purpose for me and other ladies out there. As for now, they are just useless.

At this moment, I am still in pain, due to my over-indulgence, and I don’t even have the luxury of blaming my grandmother or the devil.

You see, don’t blame me or my greed, blame the chickens because it all started when my mum brought them to this house.

Source

Dear Nigerian in Diaspora by Atilola Moronfolu

Source

Note before reading: This letter is in no way generalising all Nigerians in diaspora, so please, don't take offence  If you are guilty of the points mentioned here, i.e. sapping the hope of Nigerians in Nigeria  then you are the one I am addressing this letter to.

Dear Nigerian in Diaspora,

Time and time again, you have justified your reason for leaving our fatherland. Or is it motherland? You said it is because you want to give your children a better life and opportunity than you had. We accepted your reason, as looking at the current state of our nation, we see every validity in your reason. We therefore did not trouble you or hassle you over that decision.

Just like we did not hassle you over this decision, we would like you to reciprocate this gesture by not hassling us over our decision to stay back.

Dear NID, I have noticed that the way you talk about issues pertaining to our country is far different from the way we here take it. Have you ever wondered why the tone of your comments about this country is far different from the tones of the Nigerians in Nigeria? Once there is a tragic event, you have a way of blowing it over the top, exaggerating, and wondering what our dear country is turning to. If only you reacted this way to every good thing that happened in our country, maybe the western world won’t always present a single story about us in their press.

Your comments of “I can never send my children to Nigeria on a holiday because they would either be robbed, kidnapped or used for rituals,” doesn’t really sound encouraging, especially as you have never suggested one solution to this problem we are facing. Please tell me, what percentage of the ones who came here last holiday were subject to this cruel fate you imagine?

But Dear NID, I begin to wonder

Why are you always the one to point out just how bad our country is to us, as if we are too blind to see it?

Why are you the one that always hammer on the fact that we here are the stupidly religious ones? That we all follow our pastors like blind fools? Please, let the people that want to buy jets for their pastors do so. As you have tied your hope to the white man giving you a better life, they have also tied their hope to their pastors giving them miracles, since many of them would never have the opportunity to leave this side of the world. After all, they learnt it from the numerous pastors in America, who also bought private jets from money they got from televangelism and offerings too. Our pastors still have a long way to go when it comes to acquiring private jets.

Why are you always the first to mention how you don't see Nigeria ever getting better, how you lost hope in Nigeria a long time ago? We know about your lost hope, your exit already tells us that much.

Why are you the one who dismisses songs of hope in Nigeria, such as Great Nation by Timi Dakolo, The Future is here by TY Bello, etc. as wishful thinking? Just because you have lost hope in our country doesn't mean you should try to kill the hope of those left.

You have left, fine! Your children and grandchildren would probably never visit Nigeria in their life time, fine! We don’t have an issue with that, it’s your family, you can do whatever you like with them. You have said over and over again how you don’t care for Nigeria and her issues anymore. Yes, we get that. Since that is the case, we expect you to follow suit with your words, and really NOT care again, by forgetting that Nigeria exists in your dictionary. Or does the fact that you can’t stop talking and complaining about Nigeria despite the fact that you claim not to care really mean that your ‘care-less’ statements are not true? Selah

Dear NID, you should know that not all of us have the opportunity to leave like you, and even when some of us do, we just don't want to. We have chosen to stay. We were not forced to stay, we chose to. Live with your choice and let us live with ours.

Dear NID, even if you have stopped believing in Nigeria, and do not see yourself ever returning here, can you please stop asking us to do the same? Can you please, stop expecting us to stop hoping that we would get better, just because you stopped hoping? Cos unfortunately, some of us have nowhere else to go, and no matter how many people leave, some of us here still have to stay back, and make Nigeria good again.

Dear NID, you forget that when your family is bad, and you choose to run to another family because they are good, it won’t solve the problem of the ‘badness’ of your family. Your family will still be bad. Selah

Dear NID, why is it that whenever I ask you about the solution to this country you claim you do not care about, but can never stop talking about, you tell me the only solution is to split? Unity or splitting - which of the options would cost more? Are you ready to sacrifice the remaining family you left here to the unavoidable bloodshed that would happen if your splitting fantasies ever became a reality (no pun intended)? Wait no, you would move all of them out of the country and make them fellow NIDs like you - another fantasy that would never become a reality, thanks to the white man who would rather die than see that happen.

Nigeria is a big menace and it is like a time bomb waiting to explode, with the injustice, corruption, insecurities, and other negative nouns I would not even bother to mention, but rather leave for the political bloggers and writers to deal with. One thing we know is this, in no way would leaving the country ever solve all the migraine-generating problems of our country. But as we have said before, we don’t have any problem with the choice you made. After all, there is the fight or flight approach to be taken in any battle. You chose the flight, while we chose the former.

It is okay that you have decided to have as little as possible to do with us, but please, live and let live. Don’t tell me to shut up when I say something good can still come out of Nigeria – I will still say it. Don’t try to take away the hope we have left with your comments of how failed and hopeless we are. Hoping in this k-leg country of ours is very difficult, and we should be encouraged and commended for doing so. In the face of the unexplainable nonsense our leaders put us through in this country, our hope is honestly the only thing we have. Take that away from us, and we had better started committing suicide because a hopeless person is a walking-dead.

And if you are a NID because your parents stole our commonwealth, sent you out to have a better life, and you in turn, pay us back by trying to kill our spirit with your hope-sucking statements, thereby making me spend time to write this letter which would most likely generate comments I would rather not deal with, my way, well… since I have no power to do anything to you, I leave you for God to judge. That is not because I am meek like Moses, it is because I really have no power to do anything to you – at least, for now.

Dear NID, in spite of all the nonsense happening in every sector of the country, you can call me deluded, but I still say Nigeria has a great future. Okay, I said it. Come and flog me. Oh I forgot, you would have to come down to Nigeria to do that.

Dear NID, I think I should stop here for now, as I strongly suspect that I am beginning to ramble.

Yours sincerely,

Nigerian in Nigeria

Atilola Moronfolu

Please people, I need your help... again.

Hello everyone, from the blog topic, you can already tell that I need your help. I hope you are not tired of me asking for help, as I would be asking for another one in two weeks time. Lol

So, my second book is ready. No, I did not just complete it. I finished it since last year October but did not really do much to it, as there are some things I want to accomplish with it. Anyway, it is a comedy book - not serious literature, its just pure comedy, to make people laugh. The bloggers that took part in the analysis on the book last year understand what I am talking about. So after doing all my background check, I titled the book 'For Laff's Sake', and the book went on to be designed along that line.

The problem is that I have now developed a kind of not-good feeling towards that title. I feel it's too explicit, simple, etc. I told Geebee I was looking for a title that is very catchy. I suggested 'I dare you to laff' and 'I think I am funny'. He did not like both of them. I think the latter sounds lame too, after considering it again.

So here is where I need help. Can you suggest titles for a comedy book? It is not one story, it is several short stories, written for the sole purpose of easing stress and making people laugh. Here is what I want.

1. The title shouldn't sound Nigerian. The book has some Nigerian contents in it, but it's for the international market, so I tried as much as possible to balance it.

2. The title should sound catchy. This should be something that would make people take a second look at it when they see it on bookshelves. Something like 'I will kill your father', lol. I don't plan to kill anyone's father, but at least that title got your attention.

3. The title should hint at comedy/humour, but does not have to spell it out explicitly. An example is Ellen Degeneres's humour book, 'Seriously, I'm kidding'. You get the drift here.

4. The title should possess some form of magic, lol, that would just make people love it.

Thanks in advance for your help. Please, please, I need it ASAP. Don't leave this blog with the intention of thinking about it later, you would most likely forget. Please, think now and drop your suggestions in the comment section, more than one suggestion is welcome.

As an appreciation, I would release the back page that was designed for the book for you to see and read. If a publisher eats this dodo I am frying for them, I probably would have to drop this back cover.

In the mean time, enjoy it and let the suggestions flow.

Back Cover - Cick to enlarge and read

Introducing Koryarts and Hidden Ville

Koryarts is an artistic company that renders art services such as graphic designs, album cover artworks, drawings, paintings, handmade cards and photography works.

They recently launched a comic series titled ‘HIDDEN VILLE’ with the help of a team of creative individuals.

Hidden Ville comic series tell the story of how a young boy named Kiba, who happens to be among seven extraordinary beings, born with supernatural powers struggles to scale through many adversaries coming his way. From difficult training sessions on how to control his powers to dealing with all forms of enemies which include villagers, warriors and even countries, his strength and character will yet face many tests. Hidden Ville in an attempt to take readers into a fantasy world is subtly filled with humour and can be enjoyed by all ages.

With its splendid storyline and conceptual pages, Hidden Ville is set to be an outstanding release into the market. For the comic screenshots and strips, visit the Koryarts Blog. http://koryarts.com/index.php?/category/3

Contact Info

Web: http://www.koryarts.com

Tel: 08057347070, 080805663218

Follow us on Twitter: @koryarts

Facebook: www.facebook.com /koryarts

Sales Outlets

Debonair Bookstore

Address:  294 Herbert Macaulay Street, Sabo, Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria.

Interesting: The BBC Booklist Tag

Happy new year everyone. It is a new year, so let us start start this new year on blogsville with something very interesting.  

This tag will make some people spread the wings in pride, like an eagle, while some would just cover their eyes in shame, lol. 

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people would have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. 

source

Instructions: Copy and do a blog post on it. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Asterisks mean I've read the book over and over again.  Tag 25 (book loving) bloggers, and inform them on their blog about the tag.

[P.S: The first time I did this tag (In 2010), I had read 11 of them. If not for Harry Potter, I'd have almost fallen below BBC's standards then. But thank God, as for now, I have read 18. I try naa. At least, I am three times better than the BBC projection. Also note, watching the movies does not count ].

If I did not tag you, please, feel free to do it also, or just let us know how many you have read in the comment session

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien (this counts are three books, as it is a trilogy)

2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman (also counts as three books, as it is a trilogy)

4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling

6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne

8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell

9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis

10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller

12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë

13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks

14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier

15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger

16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame

17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens

18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott

19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres

20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy

21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell

22. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling

23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling

24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling

25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien

26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy

27. Middlemarch, George Eliot

28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving

29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck

30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson

32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez

33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett

34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens

35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl

36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson

37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute

38. Persuasion, Jane Austen

39. Dune, Frank Herbert

40. Emma, Jane Austen

41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery

42. Watership Down, Richard Adams

43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald

44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas

45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh

46. Animal Farm, George Orwell*

47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens

48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy

49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian

50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher

51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck

53. The Stand, Stephen King

54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth

56. The BFG, Roald Dahl

57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome

58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell  

59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer

60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky

61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman

62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden

63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough

65. Mort, Terry Pratchett

66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton

67. The Magus, John Fowles

68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett

70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding

71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind

72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell

73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett

74. Matilda, Roald Dahl

75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding

76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt

77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins

78. Ulysses, James Joyce

79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens

80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson

81. The Twits, Roald Dahl

82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith

83. Holes, Louis Sachar

84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake

85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson

87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons

89. Magician, Raymond E Feist

90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac

91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo

92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel

93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett

94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

95. Katherine, Anya Seton

96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer

97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez

98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson

99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot

100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

Bloggers I Tag

1. Sugarspring

2. Aloted

3. Myne Whitman

4. Toinlicious

5. Salt

6. Unyime Ivy-King

7. Atoskin

8. Strong Self

9. Ms Tizzle

10. Angels Beauty

11. Morounfoluwa Lukina Akibo

12. Inyamu

13. Geebee

14. Luciano

15. Priscy

16. Ginger

17. Dayor

18. Abi Tobi

19. MsJB

20. Relentless Builder

21. Naijamum in London

22. Daughter of her King

23. Ibifiri

24. jhazmyn

25. a-9ja-great