Monday, September 26, 2016

Journey to Marriage: Traumas and Roller Coasters

Firstly, I'm excited. I entered for the BBN Wonderland competition for 30 lucky brides, and I made it! Yaayyy! It was a writing competition about how your special friend(s) have been influential on your special day. Y'all know I'm a writer na, and I have a special story with a special friend, lol. All I did was just pick the first two editions of this series, and sent them. Of course, the story revolved around the one and only Berry Dakara. And I wonnnnnnnnnn! For that, I get to be treated like a princess. It's going to be my mini vacation before my vacation, cos immediately I get back from the wonderland this Sunday, I leave the country for my last vacation as a single woman that same day, and for that, I'm mega excited.

Back to the series...

The next one month of my life was not funny. That’s all I can say. A and K felt it was a very good sign. They said a guy does not make such a statement to a girl is not seriously considering. In K’s mind, I had already married, I should just go and claim my husband, lol.

Cakes, being the closest to him, said it was very good, and basically echoed what A and K said about his seriousness. All these while, this guy never said anything to Berry and Cakes about the date. Berry was shocked that he could have said such a thing to me, cos he was being mute to them.

As for me, a day later, I became pissed… yes, pissed. My mind had started playing tricks on me.

How dare he say I should go and pray for a month? Yes, I know we were hooked up, but who does he think he is self? Me, I should be praying about a man? He should be the one on his knees, praying, and asking God to give him direction. If he wants, let him come. If he doesn’t want, let him go!

Thing is whenever I like or I'm considering someone, I always pray concerning the issue. I don't need any special period dedicated to praying about many things in life, except in special cases. So definitely, I had been praying concerning this issue from the first day

Two days after this, I was extremely troubled in my spirit. I had a very expository dream, which revealed some things to me, concerning delays in marriage, and how I had gained my victory.

When I woke up, I knew what exactly I had to do. I went to my sister, and talked to her. We decided on a 21 days prayer and fasting concerning this. We did this, not fight demons or enemies, but purely to enforce the victory God had already wrought.

And that was how I started praying and fasting, even though I had earlier wondered about praying about him. Let’s call him BH (Better Half). My prayer was about enforcing victory, asking God to direct me concerning decisions about marriage. I put all sentiments of emotions aside, and was very sincere. I said things like “I like BH, I really do, but take him away if he’s not yours for me.” It was a spiritually intensive period for me, but I knew I had to pay that sacrifice to change the course of my life forever.

Apart from being spiritually intensive, it was also an emotional roller coaster period . First of all, I didn’t know how to start asking questions, without appearing desperate. I didn’t want it to seem I was the one doing all the one-month assignment. We were building friendship, learning about each other, but I felt he wasn’t there yet, where I wanted him to be.

I used to tell D during the fast period, I have sense strongly in my spirit that this guy is my husband o, but anyway let God’s will be done. I told her also that if eventually I decide to marry this guy, the final confirmation from God will be that we would have no single issue with parental approval, concerning tribal differences. That will be the real miracle.

A lot of times, I wanted to cut BH out of my life. I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere with him, and everything was just a waste of my time. Hot today, cold tomorrow, and I was just tired.

About half way through the fast, I said to God sincerely “I like this guy, and I need direction concerning him. He’s still holding back a bit, and unsure. If he’s your will for me, I want him to like me much more than I like him, and it will be evident for all to see. He’s your son, deal with him yourself.”

And that’s exactly what happened. From then on, that he fell head over heels is an understatement. I had done my bit, but this one was completely God.

Two days to the end of the fast, I made a statement of conviction to myself, I was as sure as the back of my hand… I said “I am going to marry this guy.”

But for now, we must wait for the imposed one month to be over to know what direction to go.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Journey to Marriage: I'm very sorry

I was chatting with Toinlicious this evening when she asked why today's post was not yet up. To say I was shocked was an understatement cos I had scheduled the post since Sunday. I quickly went to by blogger backend, and saw that I had mistakenly scheduled it for next Monday, as is my default mode, instead of Thursday.

Unfortunately, it was almost 10pm, and we know that blog traffic for the week usually dies around Thursday evenings, and ressurects on Monday, so it was no use putting the post up so late at night.

I'm really sorry for the mix up. I am one who keeps to my word, as it is the only thing I have, so the lack of post really pained me, no be small.

I hope you all understand.

The series continues on Monday.

And thank you all for your comments

Monday, September 19, 2016

Journey to marriage: What manner of Date is this?

Thanks to everyone who has been following my journey, and commenting. I love to read your comments because they encourage me to keep going on even when the greates thing I want to do know is go back to my shell.

Yes, the date took place a month after our first encounter, but it seemed more like 5 years because of the drama that had ensued, more like the drama I had put myself through.

The date had been fixed on a Thursday, and was to take place on a Sunday. The next three days passed without anxiety. We chatted lightly in between. I didn’t get the venue until the morning of the date. And no, it wasn’t a tacky place at allllll. It was where you took people you are seriously considering, lol.

Maybe if we had the date like a week after we had met, I would have been nervous, but a lot of drama that had gone down, and honestly, I was too busy to even be nervous (it was my rhyme and reason preparation season).

Of course, I wore a very fitted tight dress (of which he took no notice, lol), I changed my hairstyle a side woven frohawk, light make up (basically because I’m not a pro at makeup). I think I looked good, and I thought he noticed that I looked good. I would later come to find out that he actually saw me, but did not really see me.

The whole date lasted for a little over 5 hours, of which he talked for 80% of the time. He talked about his last break up, business, illness, etc. I talked about my last break up.

I basically enjoyed the fact that he did almost all the talking while I was only listening. It was a lazy date for me, but I enjoyed it. I could listen to him go on and on and on, talking. As of now, he says I like gist too much.

The only reason the date ended was because we really had to go home. No, I didn’t want to go anywhere. I just wanted to keep looking at his face, as he talked. All through the date, what kept going through my mind was “So a girl saw this one, and let him go. How stupid?”

In hindsight, I am now sorry for that ignorant thought because no one is perfect, not even my husband-to-be. The fact that we can walk and work together doesn’t mean he’s exactly an innocent or holy person, lol.

Let me quickly divert here, and say I wasn’t entirely innocent and leave-it-to-God in all these. By this time, I had already known I was interested in this guy, at least from what I knew about him so far. I was praying seriously, for me not to make a mistake. I didn’t want to want what God didn’t want for me. But I was also doing things on him, of which he had no idea. These things are what you do to basically get someone to start eating out of your palms, without them even realising you are doing anything to them.  I am not going to mention them on this blog for two reasons

1. I invested so much time learning those skills, and I am not going to just paste them on the face of public internet

2. He doesn’t know that I did some things to him, and I don’t know how he would feel if he reads this post. I know he will still read it, that's if he's not yet reading them. Some of his friends are already seeing it.

So basically, I had started wetting the ground. On the day of the date, I also used one of the skills I had gathered, and I will tell you this one. It is called the Epoxy eyes. To summarise it, throughout the date, I looked straight into his eyes… yes, for five hours nonstop. He was mostly talking, I was mostly quiet, and looking straight at him. It was all for a purpose.

Anyway, when the date was almost over, the tone changed a bit. He made a mention about how he was enjoying his single life, balling, doesn’t want to ask ladies to be patient with him when he’s not ready, and the timing for a relationship right (how sharply the tides would change in a matter of weeks).

His statement started getting me confused, so I was just looking at him. In my mind, I was thinking...

What nonsense is this one talking? The timing is not right? What exactly are you doing here, gisting for all these hours? These bonds we have been forging nko? 

Bill Cosby WTF?

I was confused, and I decided that I wasn’t going to go home confused, so I asked him…

“You have said you don’t want to ask people to be patient with you. Concerning you and I, what exactly are we going to do about us? Should we go home and continue chatting, building friendship, or should we just forget and just say hi once in a while?”

He sat back, paused, looked into my eyes, and said

“This is what we would do. We will go home now. For the next one month, you are free to ask me any question in this world, I will answer. I will also ask you any question in this world. You will also pray, and I would pray too. Exactly a month from now, we would meet again, and we would decide whether we are going to move on with each other or go our separate ways.”

At this point, I basically fainted in my mind.

Did this guy just tell me that in exactly a month from now, there are possibilities that my life would never remain the same?

He then added “Do we have a deal?”

I was weak, even though it was the most shocking thing I have ever heard a guy propose to a lady, of course, I couldn’t have said No so I managed to mutter “Yes.”

And from then, I entered the most emotionally stressful one month of my life in 2016.

Question: What would you do if a guy you liked told you and him to pray about each other?

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Journey to marriage: The Pivot point

A felt I shouldn’t have deleted him, but leave him alone cos it’s wrong for him not to have kept to his words. K, whom I narrated the whole story to, cos she wasn’t in on it from the beginning, felt I shouldn’t have deleted him, and I should have sent a message to tease him, about not keeping to his words, cos he should even feel privileged that a girl like me is interested in talking to him. She said it’s how you see yourself that matters. D wasn’t in the picture at this point.

So that weekend, K composed a very light friendly message, sent it to me to send to him, about just checking up on his Sunday in the spirit of being a good Christian, and not hearing from him for a long time. I didn’t want to play the Christian card, so I changed it the word “Christian” to affability, and sent to him, with the greatest reluctance ever, after sacrificing my pride.

He read the message about 3 hours later, chatted me up with one or two lines… and then…

He called me! He really called me.

Image result

We talked and talked and talked.

Okay, not exactly. We only talked for like 25 minutes… mostly about work, ministry, purpose, etc. No, I didn’t ask him about why he didn’t keep to his word. nWhen the call ended, I kept thinking about how sound and intelligent he was. I had now gone from the level of curiosity to “Hmm, this guy doesn’t seem bad o.”

Now, I am going to speed up this story, and ditch the melodrama.

From that day onward, we chatted regularly, like every one or two days. His responses were delayed a lot, even though he was checking his whatsapp. It was like he was blowing hot and cold at the same time. I get that he was very busy, but I was also busy too. And I feel if you are interested in knowing someone, then you are interested, busy or not.

THE TRUTH: He was just holding back, and didn’t really know what to do with me.

For the next three weeks, we went back and forth. I would pull back for days when I sensed any indifference from his side, while screaming in silence, with the intention of blanking “this guy” for real this time around. He would then be forced to seek me out after not hearing from me for a while.
And no, I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t all ants on sugar on me. I wanted the overwhelming wooing, but all I got was someone trying to taste alomo bitters and squeezing his face. A said the overwhelming love will come late, but it was hard to believe.

So back and forth we went, me trying to be friendly without appearing desperate, one or two calls here and there.

On the Monday of week of my birthday, he had just come back from a burial in his hometown, and I had tried to reach him at the airport. Bad network wouldn’t let us be great. He called me as soon as he got back to Lagos that night, and we talked for over 3 hours. I felt that because of how close and open to each other we were getting, he would sustain the communication by more calls.

No way. I didn’t hear from him for the next three days, not even by chat. But I knew that if he found it my birthday was that week, and I didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t be happy. So I told Berry all that had been happening, how we had gotten a bit close, and had been chatting. She was very surprised cos none of us had told her we were still in touch, especially after the deleting episode. She was also surprised that even though we had been talking, we hadn’t gone for an official date.

Anyway, on the evening my birthday, I got a call from him. I thought it was just an ordinaty call, because Berry said she wouldn’t tell him, and the number of people who know my birthday can be counted on two hands. It is nowhere on social media.

So he calls and says “Happy birthday. I heard im the sixth person in the world who knows your birthday.” Aww, my hear melted. So he kept talking randomly, asking why I wasn’t celebrating, why I didn’t tell him before, etc.

And then I said “Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?”

I confess, this ingenuity was not mine. K was the one who told me to tell him about my birthday, and use this statement on him, so we could prompt it for a date if he had been thinking about it. But I said I couldn’t do it, cos I had become lily livered over the years. My scheming and manipulative life was basically dead. I didn’t call him, but I still got to use the statement.

So when I said “Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?” He paused a bit, and said let’s go out together on Sunday.

Wait, what??? Just like that. I am going on a date. I am going on a date. Woo hoooooo.

Goofy Dance
And that... was how I landed the first date, exactly a month (28 days) after our first encounter.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Sights and Views of The Gambia: Streets and Roads + Problem with Gambian Military

This week is going to be my last on my Gambian trip series, and it is just basically bringing to you the pictures of the normal Gambia.

It seems to be a very peaceful country, with heavy military presence. I was stopped twice by military men, when they saw me snapping, and they checked my phone to make sure I wasn't taking anything incriminating.

Asides that, they are very friendly to foreigners, and always willing to help, which is not a surprise since the country is positioned for tourism anyway.

Remember I said it is a coastal country. The sad part is that some of their beach front is already suffering from erosion. Some of the pictures below reveal that fact. Unfortunately, I was too tired and in a hurry to walk to the beach front for pictures

GTBank: You find them everywhere.

The billboard below shows their president, whose picture is virtually everywhere. His name is Yahya Jammeh. You can research more about him. When I took this picture, there was a police man and military man there. They took my phone, searched me, questioned me, and released me. I left, and continued taking pictures.

 The picture is the entrance to the town called Senegambia. The town is just one street in Banjul. Yes o, a whole town. You cam literally drive around a town in two minutes, and the distance between to towns can be like one minute. It's such a small country.

The street of Senegambia, and other parts of Banjul is filled with sleeping dogs everywhere.

Gambian Mall  below

Yes, that's a donkey below. They still use donkeys to transport things in the market. In this case, it was being used to transport waste.

This is the police station and bus park below. I was following Olamide around, so we entered bus. I can't remember when last I boarded these kind of buses in Nigeria. It was an experience, and also jampacked like Lagos buses. Moving around in The Gambia is pretty cheap and easy. No bikes and keke marwa, thank God.

 Our conductor below, lol. Gambia is very big on preventing child trafficking, female genital mutiliation, modern day slavery, and all those things, so you find billboards like this everywhere. If they catch you ehn...

I took many of these pictures on our way to the Nigerian High Commision, because Olamide wanted to see the Consular General. I took pictures of the buldings, and police people stopped me again, and started questioning me. I told them it was for my blog, and after all, these pictures are online, so it's not a secret how the building looks.They deleted all the pictures after so much talk on terrorism and boko haram.  I was just too tired of their wahala, that I stopped taking pictures of Gambian streets and roads.

I don't know why our problem is just so much, especially with authority and law enforcement. I had a completely different experience at White House in DC, where everyone was welcomed, and that's where Obama lives o. Upon all, they sniff out terrorism faster and better than we do.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Sights and Views of The Gambia: Hotels and Resorts

So in the last two editions, I wrote about my experience going to The Gambia, mostly negative and stressful, majorly due to my fault, and had nothing to do with the country itself.

I stayed in The Gambia for three days and two nights, instead of two days and one night, thanks to Arik who are experts are ruining people's plans.

If you have heard any stories about The Gambia, it is that it is a very beautiful country, and a very good vacation spot.

Well, here is the truth. Gambia is a very good tourist destination. In fact, in the hotels, you see loads and loads of white people, but the country itself is not a beautiful. It's not even as beautiful as Nigeria, it is just like a typical northern state, and they are not as developed as Nigeria (just like many other African countries).

The Gambia, which is the smallest country in Africa (about the size of Victoria Island + Lekki phase 1) is a coastal country, i.e. it is along the beach front. The country is very sparse in population so you won't find loads and loads of people on the road, like you would in Lagos.

But... The Gambia is marketed and built to be a tourist destination, so there are loads of beach front hotels and resorts, and that's exactly where the beauty lies. That's why you find loads of foreigners there, ready to spend their money.

Anyway, too much talk for now. Let's move on to pictures. I will make them as few as I can so I don't overload you. This week, I will show you the hotels and resorts, and next weekm you would see the streets. You yourself can make a comparison

My first day there took me to Coco Ocean Beach Front Hotel, where they have a mostly white administrative staff.

 And then to Coconut Residence, which is stronger in rooms, than in environment.

After this, I went to Senegambia Beach Front Hotel, and I was blown away. It's very tropical, even more then Coco Ocean. It's the busiest hotel in The Gambia, and I wasn't surprised that it was dominated by whites

My tour guide is below.

 The food I had at Senegambia. I told them I wanted it very spicy, and believe it or not, what they did was cut rodo pepper (scotch bonnet) in halves, and put it by the rice.

By this time, I was tired. I just stayed at the reception of Senegambia Hotel, and worked on my iPad before heading back to my own hotel. The next day, I set out on another day's waka. I started by taking pictures of the regular streets.

But for now, let's go to The Kairaba before we call it a wrap this week.

The Kairaba is also very tropical like Senegambia Beach hotel, but more carved, and looks more official.

I wonder what they do to the foreigners who disobey the rule below.

They are very big on pools and green areas in Gambian hotels

 And their resorts have birds, butterflies, cats, and many beautiful animals

I hope you enjoyed seeing these pictures. To be concluded next week
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