Hello beautiful people. If you are a Nigerian, I wish you a Happy Independence Day in arrears. My prayer is that Nigeria will be the great nation it really deserves to be.
It's been a long time that I've been excited the way I am now. Last week, something good happened to me, and it set me aflame. It got people talking on Social Media, Instagram especially. I released my first Spoken Word Video titled The F-WORD.
There is an ongoing, albeit unnecessary battle between sexes in this age. The F - WORD has become a vulgar word that is forbidden to be uttered in many places, but unless we face, head-on, these battles that are threatening to tear us all apart, we'll all be headed downhill, and no side will come out as the winner.
Showing posts with label insights. Show all posts
Five selfish traits babies reveal in humans
Monday, February 12, 2018
Before I had a baby, I was never really a fan of babies, and have never really observed how grown up adults react to babies, apart from saying they are so cute, and wanting to carry or play with them. As for me, I just congratulate you, and walk away. When I saw a baby, I didn’t see a human being, I just saw a time-guzzling creature with limbs, and time was a commodity I never had to give to a creature whose communication I couldn’t grasp, lol. The only baby I ever cared for was the last born of my family.
Of course, that changed when I got pregnant. I began to take interest in the biology of creating a new human being, and when my baby arrived, I saw things from a totally different light. More importantly, I began to observe the way adults behave with babies, and handle baby issues. I found it amusing the things a new baby in a family can cause. Most importantly, I observed how self-serving adults could be when it comes to baby matters, and here are some.
1. Everyone wants the baby to look like them
The argument about who the baby looks like is always the most common. You start hearing things like he has my grandmother’s nose to he has my uncle in-law’s toe nails. Every family member desperately wants the baby to look like them or someone in their family, such that they share the baby’s body parts into pieces and attribute different parts to different family members. The worst case is when couples fight because
Five things to do when life begins to overwhelm you
Monday, February 20, 2017
Being a driven person who takes life more serious than she takes it easy, I have been overwhelmed by life more times than I would like to be. My recent experience with this made me take a hard look at my situation, and say some truths to myself. I realised that I was not the only one who needed to hear these truths because there are so many people going through similar things. So I have decided to share these tips to help everyone, apart from obvious things to do like 'rest' and 'pray', cos really, we are all going to be overhwelmed at some point in our lives, so we can learn from this.
1. Remind yourself that life is mostly vanity
Some of us are naturally prone to taking life too serious (I’m the number one culprit here). While we need to approach life’s assignments with determination and focus, always remember that there’s a place for balance. And in the end, we take nothing six feet below. Only our legacy and impact in the lives of others will count.
2. Learn to push back
Say you have 30 tasks to complete in a week, and you humanly speaking, you can only finish 7, ask yourself
How to use the Vision Board to get whatever you want in life... including marriage
Monday, October 31, 2016
On my ‘Journey to Marriage’ series, one thing that was recurrent in my posts and many commenters kept talking about was the vision board and how it helped me. This post is my attempt at delving into how it works and how you can utilize it effectively
The vision board is a very powerful tool. Creating one is simpler than ABC. First of all, a vision board is just a picture of what you want to see manifest in reality. If you want a big pink house, your vision board will have a picture of a big pink house, or its representation.
What makes the vision board so powerful is that the more you look at it, the more it spurs you into action. Therefore the vision board won't really be effective if you are not regularly looking at it, and seeing yourself achieving all that you have documented on it.
As a Christian, you can go further by attaching scriptures to each vision or picture. Read these scriptures aloud and meditate on them whenever you look at your vision board. This would continue to reiterate God’s will for you concerning that vision and the more your confidence and faith builds up in that area. This can apply to whatever your heart desires
If you need children, attach pictures of children, along with scriptures on fruitfulness
If you need money, attach pictures of whatever represents money in your life (graphs, fake notes, cheque, written figures, etc) along with scriptures if you desire
I'm sure you get the idea by now
You can attach pictures of anything, write figures , etc. just put images of whatever represents what you desire.
For my marriage vision board, I put the image of
So whatever it is you want in life, you can use the vision board to implement it.... as long as it can be envisioned.
Please note.
The vision board is not an automatic ticket to achieving what you want i.e. Just because you wrote it down doesn't guarantee success. What the vision board does is reminds you of what you are supposed to be working towards and the steps you should be taking towards your goals. It boosts your faith and moves you to work cos faith without works is dead.
A practical example
When I was in 500 level engineering, I made a first class GPA in my first semester, which I really needed to boost my GP. So I said to myself, I should be able to make all As for once in my life before leaving school. Anyone who studied engineering should know how difficult this feat is. Normally, As become harder to get as you move up in grade. Your early years are the time to cement your GP, not the final years. But here was I, thinking. Not only did I was 1 A , not even 2 or 3. I was looking for about 8 As. I didn't think about how wicked or sadistic the lecturers were, or how hard the course was, or that I was in my final year. The truth was that I didn't really need all As that semester cos my CGPA was already decided but I wanted it. I wanted to know how it felt to have it as it wasn't common place, I wanted it just for the thrill and excitement of it. So I wrote it down on a paper... all the courses I was taking, with A beside each. I pasted it on my bed head. First thing in the morning, it was all I saw. When I got back to my room and stepped to my bed, it was the first thing I saw.
And guess what? I got it!
That was the first time I worked with it a vision board.... and I didn't even know it was what people call a vision board. Only that now, I use pictures, attach scriptures to each goal, and steps to take
Did I achieve everything on my vision board this year? No
And it was my fault... because after sometime, I stopped looking at it and letting it spur me on, especially because that particular board was not placed in a strategic position in my room. I got carried away by life’s stress, activities, rhyme and reason, courtship wahala, and the fact that I had achieved almost everything on the board. And this is where we need to be careful… never ever let anything distract you from achieving the goals on your board. Life will try, but remain focused. This is where I will improve next year.
The practical tips below are very important in making your vision board effective
Two scriptures that helped me work on my belief was psalm 37:4, Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. This means whatever in the world I desired, I would get, as long as delighted myself in God. It is God giving me, not me achieving it by myself.
The second one was John 16:24, Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. Can you catch the rev here? Even God wants me to be happy. He’s very willing to give me whatever I want just so that I can be happy. All I need to do is ask.
This is the kind of confidence to implement your vision board. I need to stop now, cos I don’t want this post to be too long. I might do a part 2.
I hope I have been able to help you out with this vision board thing even though I couldn't fully exhaust it in one post.
Please lemme know if you have questions in the comment section. I will reply
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| A typical vision board: Source |
What makes the vision board so powerful is that the more you look at it, the more it spurs you into action. Therefore the vision board won't really be effective if you are not regularly looking at it, and seeing yourself achieving all that you have documented on it.
As a Christian, you can go further by attaching scriptures to each vision or picture. Read these scriptures aloud and meditate on them whenever you look at your vision board. This would continue to reiterate God’s will for you concerning that vision and the more your confidence and faith builds up in that area. This can apply to whatever your heart desires
If you need children, attach pictures of children, along with scriptures on fruitfulness
If you need money, attach pictures of whatever represents money in your life (graphs, fake notes, cheque, written figures, etc) along with scriptures if you desire
I'm sure you get the idea by now
You can attach pictures of anything, write figures , etc. just put images of whatever represents what you desire.
For my marriage vision board, I put the image of
- My desired proposal ring,
- A man and a woman dancing together (cos I wanted to be best friends with my husband, not just spouses),
- A man and a woman laughing together (cos I wanted true happiness in my marriage),
- Denzel Washington in suit (cos I wanted a confident, handsome, focused, visionary man who knew where he was going ... and just cos I love Denzel too, lol).
So whatever it is you want in life, you can use the vision board to implement it.... as long as it can be envisioned.
Please note.
The vision board is not an automatic ticket to achieving what you want i.e. Just because you wrote it down doesn't guarantee success. What the vision board does is reminds you of what you are supposed to be working towards and the steps you should be taking towards your goals. It boosts your faith and moves you to work cos faith without works is dead.
A practical example
When I was in 500 level engineering, I made a first class GPA in my first semester, which I really needed to boost my GP. So I said to myself, I should be able to make all As for once in my life before leaving school. Anyone who studied engineering should know how difficult this feat is. Normally, As become harder to get as you move up in grade. Your early years are the time to cement your GP, not the final years. But here was I, thinking. Not only did I was 1 A , not even 2 or 3. I was looking for about 8 As. I didn't think about how wicked or sadistic the lecturers were, or how hard the course was, or that I was in my final year. The truth was that I didn't really need all As that semester cos my CGPA was already decided but I wanted it. I wanted to know how it felt to have it as it wasn't common place, I wanted it just for the thrill and excitement of it. So I wrote it down on a paper... all the courses I was taking, with A beside each. I pasted it on my bed head. First thing in the morning, it was all I saw. When I got back to my room and stepped to my bed, it was the first thing I saw.
And guess what? I got it!
That was the first time I worked with it a vision board.... and I didn't even know it was what people call a vision board. Only that now, I use pictures, attach scriptures to each goal, and steps to take
Did I achieve everything on my vision board this year? No
And it was my fault... because after sometime, I stopped looking at it and letting it spur me on, especially because that particular board was not placed in a strategic position in my room. I got carried away by life’s stress, activities, rhyme and reason, courtship wahala, and the fact that I had achieved almost everything on the board. And this is where we need to be careful… never ever let anything distract you from achieving the goals on your board. Life will try, but remain focused. This is where I will improve next year.
The practical tips below are very important in making your vision board effective
- Make your vision board exciting with things like pictures, numbers, etc so you feel good just by seeing them each day.
- It doesn't have to be a board. It can be a cardboard with several pictures stuck on it or even small paper like my 500 level all As vision.
- Don't overload your vision board with hundreds of visions, such that it becomes a fantasy. If you have lots of them, keep updating the board by deleting and adding more as you meet previous set goals
- Put your vision board in a place where you can see it every morning and night or else it won't be effective
- Don't let your vision board be another decor in your room. Consciously walk up to it daily, look at it, picture yourself achieving the things there, and how you'll celebrate when it comes to pass, meditate on the things written there, and walk in that notion.
- Most importantly. If you don't believe that thing is possible, please don't put it on your vision board. If you don't believe God is capable of giving you a million dollars, don't put it there. If you don't believe you can get married in a year even though you are single now, don't put it there. In summary you have to believe it is possible, even though you don't know how it will happen. You have to work on your belief system. If you want it, if you believe you deserve it, and you know God desires for you to have it, and you believe it is possible, then put it there. It is not a fantasy board, it is a vision board. BELIEF PRECEDES EVERYTHING.
Two scriptures that helped me work on my belief was psalm 37:4, Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. This means whatever in the world I desired, I would get, as long as delighted myself in God. It is God giving me, not me achieving it by myself.
The second one was John 16:24, Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. Can you catch the rev here? Even God wants me to be happy. He’s very willing to give me whatever I want just so that I can be happy. All I need to do is ask.
This is the kind of confidence to implement your vision board. I need to stop now, cos I don’t want this post to be too long. I might do a part 2.
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| One of my boards: with scriptures attached. The confdidence part was alluding to the fact that mine lies in God, so I will get what I want |
Please lemme know if you have questions in the comment section. I will reply
Who trains the woman? Parents or Marriage?
Monday, December 28, 2015
A friend of mine told me something about how somebody she had to work with was very difficult to get along with. She said she always liked to have her way, etc. Seeing, I had no solution to offer, I said “don’t worry she will change. She has no choice. Once she gets married, she will learn.”
Some weeks later, I remembered what I said, and pointed guilty fingers at myself for making such a statement.
Why do people always wait for marriage to teach their female wards some lessons?
Let me explain better. You have a daughter/sister/friend who has a very bad character flaw, one so bad that you know that it might hinder her in some areas in future. Instead of you to correct that character flaw, you leave it to fester because “marriage will teach her. Marriage will mellow her. Her husband will teach her real sense… etc”
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| Source |
We therefore bring up severely flawed ladies, unleash them to the claws of marriage to do what the parents couldn’t succeed in doing.
Yorubas even have a proverb for it “Ile oko, Ile eko.” Meaning “Husband’s house is training house.”
Sometimes, it is really bad, as the character flaw that wasn’t corrected makes the marriage unbearable for both parties, and things go south.
Someone told me a true story of this Igbo man...
His daughter brought a man home, saying they wanted to get married. The man refused to allow his daughter marry her suitor. She pleaded with him. He refused. She said they had both prayed. The suitor kept telling the man that the lady was God’s will for him. The man told the suitor that “my daughter is not your wife. Go and find your wife. This girl is not yours.” They called family members, friends, church members, etc. to plead with him, but he refused to budge.
The couple had no choice but to go their separate ways.
Two years later, the daughter brought another man home, who wanted to marry her. Without any stress, her father gave his blessing. Everyone was shocked, as they had started planning how they would have to beg the man to allow his daughter go.
The daughter later went to meet her father in confusion, stating how she didn’t understand her father. She said two years ago, she brought home a very good guy who was every girl’s dream, and he said no. And now, he didn’t even raise any objections. She asked why he didn’t like that other guy enough to allow them get married.
The man’s response…
He said he really liked the guy she brought home 2 years ago, that he was a great guy really in love with his daughter. But his daughter was not a great person, which is why he doubted the whole “God’s will for me is your daughter.” He said his daughter could not keep a home, maintain a kitchen, or raise a family. Her head was too out there, and had absolutely no home-making skills. He said their marriage would have been a disaster, and he didn’t want to do such an injustice to the man. He said he had watched her for the past two years, that ever since she was denied her first marriage, she had calmed down, and started learning basic home-training skills, and was much more better as a person. This is why he did not hesitate when she brought the second guy, because she was now ready for marriage.
His reaction had nothing to do with the men she brought, but his daughter as a person.
This is a true life story.
I really respected the father in this story. Many parents would have been eager to unleash their ill-mannered daughters on such an unsuspecting young man, so she could go and complete her home-training in marriage. But this man was wiser.
I think this is how it should be. Well-rounded girls, and well-brought up men coming together to become and raise a family. That way, marriages have a chance of lasting longer, and they wouldn’t be dysfunctional.
The Robot who dressed in Human Flesh
Monday, October 5, 2015
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| Source |
People do things to please family, friends, foes, everyone but themselves. We are all aware of the radical decisions people make to please others, but that is not what I want to talk about now. I am talking about simple everyday decisions.
Do you know that choice is not a gift or privilege to you? It is your right as a human being, and you should exercise it every day of your life, knowing that every choice you make has its consequences.
As a child, you have the right to obey or disobey your parents. It is your choice, but you must fully understand the consequence of disobeying your parents. So you can choose to obey them because you understand that the consequence of not doing so will spell doom for your future, not because you are a robot devoid of choice.
As an adult, you have a choice to be lazy or hardworking. You have a right to choose how exactly you want your life to play out. You shouldn’t graduate from school and then look for a job just because society expects you to. You should understand that you have the choice to be a lazy bum just occupying a space on earth, and you must understand the consequence of that choice, which is that you will become no one to be reckoned with, and possibly poverty-stricken, suicidal, and depressed.
Why am I taking this angle?
The lack of understanding of choice and consequences is what has driven so many people to frustration today. People live by the guideline that society has set for them. I have to obey my parents because I was groomed to do so. I have to study hard and excel in school because my parents would like it. I must then get a job because that’s the next thing society expects. I would then get married because well… that’s the next thing on the agenda. I have to slave for a promotion at work or strive for my business to expand because my children have to go to good schools. And so it goes on and on and on. After 50 years, we get a successful but frustrated individual perfectly cooked up in the pressure cooker of ‘societal expectations.’
Do you know what? No you don’t! You don’t have to obey your parents. You don’t have to study hard. You don’t have to get a job. You don’t have to get into a relationship or get married. You don’t have to strive for a better pay. In fact, you would be exercising your right as a human being if you do the opposite of all these. You won’t be doing anything wrong
But…
You must understand the role of choice and consequences. Each choice leads to an outcome, and you must choose wisely. So let’s flip the script a little bit.
I choose to obey my parents because disobeying them would cause my future to be doomed (or earn me serious thrashing if you are an African child, lol). I choose to study hard and excel in school because I understand the role it plays in the opportunities presented to me later on. I choose to get a job or start a business because I understand that I have been placed on this earth for a purpose, and I want that purpose fulfilled before I die. I choose to get married because I understand the role of companionship in the life of an individual, I found someone I love and loves me back, and life would be dreary without him/her. I choose to strive for promotion at work or business expansion because I want a better quality of life, and to give my family the opportunity to make well-informed choices like I have done. I choose, I choose, I choose.
After 50 years, we get an individual who knows that no matter how his life turns out, he can rest knowing that he made his own choices. This individual is bound to be more fulfilled, and would makes less mistakes because his life is well thought out.
I pray that in raising children, parents would explain well the principle of choice and consequence rather than take the because-I-said-so approach, which is what most people do. A child who understands choice and consequence to the tee turns out well in life.
And to the fully-formed adults, let us all drop the I-have-to-do-it attitude we approach life with. No you don’t. You don’t have to do it because it is expected of you. You have a choice. You have a choice. You have a choice.
You don’t have to marry that man. You can wait for a better man, even though you would have to wait a little longer. Why marry into misery?
You don’t have to stay in that job. You can resign, and fulfill your purpose on earth, even though you might have to be broke for a little while, and be more financially prudent. Why live a life of frustration?
You don’t have to join every trend you see in real life or social media even though you don’t understand it. You can choose to stand out of the pack, and be counted for something more reasonable. Why lose yourself just because you want to blend in?
You don't have to go to every friend's house to play and gossip. You don't have to buy that extra Aso Ebi, whether you have a similar colour in your closet or not. Trust me, you would save a lot of time and money by doing these two things. People will laugh at you, insult you, and say all sorts, but remember you have a right to choice. Any other thing is you handing that right over to society.
It is your life. It is not your father’s life, friend’s life, sister’s life, or brother’s life. It is your life!
You are not a robot disguised in flesh. You are a human being.
You have a choice! Exercise it.
Inner Court of Relationships
Monday, July 6, 2015
Don’t be deceived by the first two paragraphs, this is not a religious post. Just stay with me, I am going somewhere.
Remember in the Old Testament, the temple had the outer court, inner court and holy of holies. Your level with God basically determined the areas you had access to. Almost everyone was limited to the outer court, which is where people offered sacrifices, and most of the general activities happened.
Some of the people who served at the temple were in the inner court, and they were all Levites, the tribe God specifically chose to serve Him. Then only one person was allowed into the holy of holies, and that was the high priest. Before he can enter, he must be clean and have made some atonement. He must be deemed blameless and sinless in the sight of God. Anything short of this, and he will be struck dead if he enters the presence of God. That is why they always tie a rope to the leg of the high priest so that if he is struck down, the Levites in the outer court can pull him out since they cannot enter the holy of holies.
As human beings, we also have different levels of access in our lives. We have our outer court, inner court, and holy of holies. When we meet people, it is just natural that they be in our outer court for a while, and depending on the level of the friendship that evolves, they graduate to the inner court, and very few people get to the holy of holies. Some people will forever remain in the outer court, and some will graduate to the inner court faster than others.
Pains and betrayals that occur in our lives basically happen when people in our lives have access to courts they have no business having access to. Imagine someone who is supposed to be in our outer court being in our holy of holies. It is madness for someone to meet us yesterday and call him our best friend tomorrow.
We are most guilty of this in relationships. We meet a guy today, start tripping and even when the guy hasn't worked hard to gain our trust, we give our whole heart to the guy. When the guy walks out of our lives, or doesn't give us what we expect, and we become so heartbroken. This happened because we let people into spaces in our hearts they have no business being. And I am not even talking about sex here. I am talking about our vulnerabilities, our care, our passion, love, deep-seated feelings, etc. We need to reserve them for guys and ladies that have at least made it to the inner court. At least, we can hold them accountable in case of any mess ups.
We need to let people prove themselves. Failure to guard our hearts will lead to continual disappointment and eventually, bitterness.
This does not give us the license to be cold to people. We need to be warm and friendly, but be wise to watch how we let people into intimate areas of our lives. Don't just hand the keys to every tom, dick and harry you see in the outer court.
I once heard of a woman who went to her fiance’s house, and got talking to his parents. She came from a very dysfunctional family. She started telling them negative realities about her family, parents, siblings, etc. Basically, she downloaded her family history for them. The intended in-laws were just looking and smiling. Immediately she left, they told their son “you cannot marry her!”
Did she lie? No! What did she do wrong? She gave information meant for people in the holy of holies to people in the outer court. And the in-laws, either out of disgust for the dysfunction or fear that she would be divulging their own family secrets to outer court people when she marries into their family, gave her the boot.
Let us assess our relationships today, and properly determine what court each of them belong to, and then give away information accordingly. Only by this would we be able to save ourselves from serious trouble in relationships.
So what do you guys think?
Remember in the Old Testament, the temple had the outer court, inner court and holy of holies. Your level with God basically determined the areas you had access to. Almost everyone was limited to the outer court, which is where people offered sacrifices, and most of the general activities happened.
Some of the people who served at the temple were in the inner court, and they were all Levites, the tribe God specifically chose to serve Him. Then only one person was allowed into the holy of holies, and that was the high priest. Before he can enter, he must be clean and have made some atonement. He must be deemed blameless and sinless in the sight of God. Anything short of this, and he will be struck dead if he enters the presence of God. That is why they always tie a rope to the leg of the high priest so that if he is struck down, the Levites in the outer court can pull him out since they cannot enter the holy of holies.
As human beings, we also have different levels of access in our lives. We have our outer court, inner court, and holy of holies. When we meet people, it is just natural that they be in our outer court for a while, and depending on the level of the friendship that evolves, they graduate to the inner court, and very few people get to the holy of holies. Some people will forever remain in the outer court, and some will graduate to the inner court faster than others.
Pains and betrayals that occur in our lives basically happen when people in our lives have access to courts they have no business having access to. Imagine someone who is supposed to be in our outer court being in our holy of holies. It is madness for someone to meet us yesterday and call him our best friend tomorrow.
We are most guilty of this in relationships. We meet a guy today, start tripping and even when the guy hasn't worked hard to gain our trust, we give our whole heart to the guy. When the guy walks out of our lives, or doesn't give us what we expect, and we become so heartbroken. This happened because we let people into spaces in our hearts they have no business being. And I am not even talking about sex here. I am talking about our vulnerabilities, our care, our passion, love, deep-seated feelings, etc. We need to reserve them for guys and ladies that have at least made it to the inner court. At least, we can hold them accountable in case of any mess ups.
We need to let people prove themselves. Failure to guard our hearts will lead to continual disappointment and eventually, bitterness.
| Source |
I once heard of a woman who went to her fiance’s house, and got talking to his parents. She came from a very dysfunctional family. She started telling them negative realities about her family, parents, siblings, etc. Basically, she downloaded her family history for them. The intended in-laws were just looking and smiling. Immediately she left, they told their son “you cannot marry her!”
Did she lie? No! What did she do wrong? She gave information meant for people in the holy of holies to people in the outer court. And the in-laws, either out of disgust for the dysfunction or fear that she would be divulging their own family secrets to outer court people when she marries into their family, gave her the boot.
Let us assess our relationships today, and properly determine what court each of them belong to, and then give away information accordingly. Only by this would we be able to save ourselves from serious trouble in relationships.
So what do you guys think?
The real meaning of CHANGE!
Monday, April 20, 2015
So on my way from church yesterday, four young adults decided to hitch a ride with me. The sun was really out in full force, and the guy on the right hand side of the back seat wound down the window. As soon as I noticed, I told him to wind it back up because he wasn’t allowing the AC to circulate well. Because of this, I locked all the windows from my side, and later dropped the guy off at his nearest stop.
Later in the right, the lady sitting on my right wanted to wind down, but noticed it wasn’t winding down. She then asked me to wind down, and I asked her why. She said she wanted to throw a sweet wrapper out. The next thing that came out of my mouth was...
“Are you alright?”
I was extremely surprised. I expected that she of all people would know better.
“You want to throw something out of my car window on the street.”
Because of my scolding, she tried to defend herself. “It’s just a small sweet wrapper.”
“Ehn ehn, so what? And you go to ABC church. You are supposed to know better.” I continued my scolding.
“You are a Christian, and are supposed to make a difference.”
She tried to say something else to defend herself.
I now said “Thank God you didn’t throw it out. If you throw anything out of my car window, I will stop the car, you will get down, and you will pick it up! How can you litter the road?”
At this point, she got the message.
“Anytime you have something like that, just put it in your bag, and when you get home, throw it in the bin.”
End of conversation.
I am actually surprised that in this day and age, with all the awareness and shouts of CHANGE up and down, enlightened people can still think throwing things out of cars and littering streets is normal. I just cannot wrap my head around it. And to think she actually asked me to allow her wind the glass down, when she knows I like things being done properly. She must have really thought that it was very normal.
So people, when next you see Nigerians doing or trying to do funny things like littering the streets, jumping queues, urinating in gutters, etc. and you have the power to do something about, please do something about it. Speak out, and the ripple effect of this action will pay off in future. And that people, is how we really CHANGE the country, not by shouting CHANGE.
Later in the right, the lady sitting on my right wanted to wind down, but noticed it wasn’t winding down. She then asked me to wind down, and I asked her why. She said she wanted to throw a sweet wrapper out. The next thing that came out of my mouth was...
“Are you alright?”
I was extremely surprised. I expected that she of all people would know better.
“You want to throw something out of my car window on the street.”
Because of my scolding, she tried to defend herself. “It’s just a small sweet wrapper.”
“Ehn ehn, so what? And you go to ABC church. You are supposed to know better.” I continued my scolding.
“You are a Christian, and are supposed to make a difference.”
She tried to say something else to defend herself.
I now said “Thank God you didn’t throw it out. If you throw anything out of my car window, I will stop the car, you will get down, and you will pick it up! How can you litter the road?”
At this point, she got the message.
“Anytime you have something like that, just put it in your bag, and when you get home, throw it in the bin.”
End of conversation.
I am actually surprised that in this day and age, with all the awareness and shouts of CHANGE up and down, enlightened people can still think throwing things out of cars and littering streets is normal. I just cannot wrap my head around it. And to think she actually asked me to allow her wind the glass down, when she knows I like things being done properly. She must have really thought that it was very normal.
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Motivational Speakers or Motivational Fraudsters?
Monday, February 2, 2015
I am very angry with some set of fraudulent people out there. This post is strictly my opinion, so you don't have to agree with me. My paragraphs are not well structured, so please pardon me. I will be using the word Motivational Speaker and Life Coach interchangeably. In the context of this post, they mean the same thing.
I get put off when I see BCs or invitations to a seminar by one roadside ‘life coach’ or ‘motivational speaker’. They have risen, in pathetic numbers, from left, right, and centre. It is as if they said to themselves “Oh, wow. Look at Fela Durotoye. He’s a motivational speaker and a life coach. He gets paid billions to talk. He is so rich. I can talk too. I was the noise maker of my class, my name was always on the list of noise makers, but I have the added advantage of being brilliant. I will be the next Fela Durotoye.” And then, they print Business Cards – Atilola Moronfolu, Life Coach (Or motivational speaker – whichever sounds nicer with their names).
I don’t know what reaction to give when I see my friend, who I know is broke, cannot pay rent, doesn’t have a car, in short, hasn’t gone through any process, or really achieved anything for himself telling me to come for a conference because he is a Life coach. What in the world are you going to coach me about? How to run my business? Or how to get maximum output from my staff? If you were that knowledgeable, why hasn’t it worked for you? The same book you are reading all these theories from, I have access to them too. Are you really trying to coach me, or you are just desperate for that N2,500 gate fee?
Many people are guilty of this – fresh graduates, people looking for jobs, people looking for side gigs. They just feel life coach/motivational speaker is easy money because they can talk.
You don’t need to look too far to find them. They are everywhere. Their full time job is ‘life coach’ and ‘motivational speaker’. They do nothing else, they have no other job or business. They send endless broadcasts about one seminar or the other. They tell you about how they have one more solution or package for you. They sign you up for their newsletters, and bug your email with it weekly. They always have one special gift just for you, but you have to watch one video or the other to access it. They have fancy names. They organize twitter conversation all the time.
From what I understand, a coach is a counsellor. They look at where you are now, and where you desire to be at a certain period, and help you get there. They walk with you very closely. In developed countries, you even become certified to be a life coach. The word ‘life coach’ is not what we should be throwing around carelessly like “My name is Atilola, I am a life coach. This is my husband, he is a life coach. Did I tell you I am three months pregnant? And yeah, my baby will grow up to be a life coach too. Even the nanny that will raise him is a life coach.” just because we are looking for an easy source of income.
Now Fela Durotoye… let’s talk about that man a bit. The first time I heard him speak was years ago in University of Lagos. Even as at then, this man was a bundle of experiences. In summary, this guy worked, went through some things, learnt some lessons, made some sacrifices, saw some rewards, became a motivational speaker, and that’s putting it as simply as possible.
These motivational fraudsters have found a way to flip the coin. In the past people used to gather real life experiences first (mostly from working with several clients, as consultants) and then become teachers, speakers and coaches. But nowadays, people want to become speakers, teachers, and coaches first, and then maybe or maybe not gather life experience. Plainly putting it, they are doing it just for the money, and not because they have anything fantastic to teach or speak about. Maybe I should not blame them too much. It is the situation of the country right? We all want to fend for ourselves.
You want to teach me about purpose? Have you fulfilled purpose yourself? Life is not all about theories, so before you organise your seminars, make sure you have your practical real life experiences to back up the theoretical crap you are spewing. If the ‘seven laws of financial freedom’ or ‘five steps to living a happy life’ you want to sell to me are so magical, how come it has not performed any magic in your life? Why aren’t you so free yourself, why are you waiting for that gate fee you want to charge me?
If someone like Jumoke Adenowo invites me to a seminar, I wouldn’t think twice about going. She is a mother, a wife, a prophetess, a leading architect in Nigeria (designed federal ministry of Finance at the age of 23), featured on CNN, organizes the annual women’s prayer summit, the head of the ministry, Awesome Treasures Foundation, broke a long-term record when she graduated from OAU, and so much more this post wouldn’t be able to contain. When she stands on stage to talk, you keep quiet because you know for a fact that someone is talking. Now, this is someone who can be called a life coach, someone that will show you the valleys and mountains, not one fresh graduate or jobless youth looking for the easiest source of income.
Let’s stop the menace. First, everyone jumped on the bandwagon of cake-baking, then party-catering, events-planning, makeup artistry. Now it is the turn of ‘Life Coach’ and ‘Motivational Speaker’ to take the bandwagon hit.
If you aspire to be a life coach, motivational speaker, purpose teacher, or whatever fancy words are being thrown out there, kudos to you. There is a proper way to go about it. Please and please get some real life experiences up your sleeve, so you can have something to actually speak to me about, before telling me you want to come to your seminar with a gate fee of N2000, N10,000, or N20,000, depending on how sophisticated your level of begging is.
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I don’t know what reaction to give when I see my friend, who I know is broke, cannot pay rent, doesn’t have a car, in short, hasn’t gone through any process, or really achieved anything for himself telling me to come for a conference because he is a Life coach. What in the world are you going to coach me about? How to run my business? Or how to get maximum output from my staff? If you were that knowledgeable, why hasn’t it worked for you? The same book you are reading all these theories from, I have access to them too. Are you really trying to coach me, or you are just desperate for that N2,500 gate fee?
Many people are guilty of this – fresh graduates, people looking for jobs, people looking for side gigs. They just feel life coach/motivational speaker is easy money because they can talk.
You don’t need to look too far to find them. They are everywhere. Their full time job is ‘life coach’ and ‘motivational speaker’. They do nothing else, they have no other job or business. They send endless broadcasts about one seminar or the other. They tell you about how they have one more solution or package for you. They sign you up for their newsletters, and bug your email with it weekly. They always have one special gift just for you, but you have to watch one video or the other to access it. They have fancy names. They organize twitter conversation all the time.
From what I understand, a coach is a counsellor. They look at where you are now, and where you desire to be at a certain period, and help you get there. They walk with you very closely. In developed countries, you even become certified to be a life coach. The word ‘life coach’ is not what we should be throwing around carelessly like “My name is Atilola, I am a life coach. This is my husband, he is a life coach. Did I tell you I am three months pregnant? And yeah, my baby will grow up to be a life coach too. Even the nanny that will raise him is a life coach.” just because we are looking for an easy source of income.
Now Fela Durotoye… let’s talk about that man a bit. The first time I heard him speak was years ago in University of Lagos. Even as at then, this man was a bundle of experiences. In summary, this guy worked, went through some things, learnt some lessons, made some sacrifices, saw some rewards, became a motivational speaker, and that’s putting it as simply as possible.
These motivational fraudsters have found a way to flip the coin. In the past people used to gather real life experiences first (mostly from working with several clients, as consultants) and then become teachers, speakers and coaches. But nowadays, people want to become speakers, teachers, and coaches first, and then maybe or maybe not gather life experience. Plainly putting it, they are doing it just for the money, and not because they have anything fantastic to teach or speak about. Maybe I should not blame them too much. It is the situation of the country right? We all want to fend for ourselves.
You want to teach me about purpose? Have you fulfilled purpose yourself? Life is not all about theories, so before you organise your seminars, make sure you have your practical real life experiences to back up the theoretical crap you are spewing. If the ‘seven laws of financial freedom’ or ‘five steps to living a happy life’ you want to sell to me are so magical, how come it has not performed any magic in your life? Why aren’t you so free yourself, why are you waiting for that gate fee you want to charge me?
If someone like Jumoke Adenowo invites me to a seminar, I wouldn’t think twice about going. She is a mother, a wife, a prophetess, a leading architect in Nigeria (designed federal ministry of Finance at the age of 23), featured on CNN, organizes the annual women’s prayer summit, the head of the ministry, Awesome Treasures Foundation, broke a long-term record when she graduated from OAU, and so much more this post wouldn’t be able to contain. When she stands on stage to talk, you keep quiet because you know for a fact that someone is talking. Now, this is someone who can be called a life coach, someone that will show you the valleys and mountains, not one fresh graduate or jobless youth looking for the easiest source of income.
Let’s stop the menace. First, everyone jumped on the bandwagon of cake-baking, then party-catering, events-planning, makeup artistry. Now it is the turn of ‘Life Coach’ and ‘Motivational Speaker’ to take the bandwagon hit.
If you aspire to be a life coach, motivational speaker, purpose teacher, or whatever fancy words are being thrown out there, kudos to you. There is a proper way to go about it. Please and please get some real life experiences up your sleeve, so you can have something to actually speak to me about, before telling me you want to come to your seminar with a gate fee of N2000, N10,000, or N20,000, depending on how sophisticated your level of begging is.
"I'm Nigerian, therefore I'm inferior."
Monday, September 1, 2014
I spoke to a first-time customer last week. After concluding our sales agreement, she later calls me and asks why I haven't responded to her message. I apologise, saying we are in the middle of production, so I can't text now.
She says “wait, are those products made in Nigeria?”
And I say “yes”. I then go on blabbing about the delivery arrangement and a natural hair salon.
And she says “you know what? Now that I just found out they are manufactured in Nigeria, I'm not sure anymore.”
I'm like “you are not sure about what?”
She says “I've lost confidence in the products.”
I’m like “because they are manufactured in Nigeria?”
She says “I'm sure you understand.”
I reply saying “No, I don't understand.”
I then give her a long lecture of how many natural hair products company make use of raw materials found in Africa, but we refuse to buy those same products if they are made in Africa. I told her I can understand if she loses confidence in our products because they are not working well or it damaged someone's hair, but I can't understand why she would lose confidence because of the location of production. I said Unilever Nigeria’s products are as good as Unilever France's products. It’s not about the location, but about the standards. African Naturalistas has come a long way. Right from the days we were using paper stickers and buying plastics at Gbadebo market, we are where we are now. I'm sure if we were not good, we won't have come this far, this fast. I even went ahead to ask her if she's inferior to people in America, just because she lives in Nigeria, lol.
It’s sad to think that some Nigerians lose confidence in a product, just based on the fact that it is made in Nigeria, and not based on what the product can do. How then will our economy grow to match that of the country we love to buy our products from? How then will we encourage new businesses to start? Let the pictorial evidence below tell you by themselves how long we have come.
I am glad that at the end of the day, I was able to convince her that she had nothing to worry about. But what about the thousands of people who think like she had been thinking, whom I don't have access to convincing? What about them?
Sad indeed.
She says “wait, are those products made in Nigeria?”
And I say “yes”. I then go on blabbing about the delivery arrangement and a natural hair salon.
And she says “you know what? Now that I just found out they are manufactured in Nigeria, I'm not sure anymore.”
I'm like “you are not sure about what?”
She says “I've lost confidence in the products.”
I’m like “because they are manufactured in Nigeria?”
She says “I'm sure you understand.”
I reply saying “No, I don't understand.”
I then give her a long lecture of how many natural hair products company make use of raw materials found in Africa, but we refuse to buy those same products if they are made in Africa. I told her I can understand if she loses confidence in our products because they are not working well or it damaged someone's hair, but I can't understand why she would lose confidence because of the location of production. I said Unilever Nigeria’s products are as good as Unilever France's products. It’s not about the location, but about the standards. African Naturalistas has come a long way. Right from the days we were using paper stickers and buying plastics at Gbadebo market, we are where we are now. I'm sure if we were not good, we won't have come this far, this fast. I even went ahead to ask her if she's inferior to people in America, just because she lives in Nigeria, lol.
It’s sad to think that some Nigerians lose confidence in a product, just based on the fact that it is made in Nigeria, and not based on what the product can do. How then will our economy grow to match that of the country we love to buy our products from? How then will we encourage new businesses to start? Let the pictorial evidence below tell you by themselves how long we have come.
I am glad that at the end of the day, I was able to convince her that she had nothing to worry about. But what about the thousands of people who think like she had been thinking, whom I don't have access to convincing? What about them?
Sad indeed.
I know why bad things happen to good people
Monday, August 25, 2014
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This is a question many people find themselves asking, especially when they see a world-acclaimed sweetheart go through an inexplicable suffering no one in the world seems capable of saving them from. In helplessness and empathy, we ask ourselves, "Oh why do bad things happen to good people?"
Mr Martins has served in the church all his life. He gives to the poor, helps the needy, is an honest man at work. His integrometer level is always 100/100. If you put water in his mouth, you come back and meet it there five years later. Mr Martins goes out with his family to a charity event. A drunk driver collides with his car. He loses his wife and three of his four children. The only surviving one is the one with Down syndrome. Mr Martins is completely paralysed, as his spine broke. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Or this true life example... Dr D K Olukoya has a deliverance ministry. Through his ministry, God has delivered people from oppression, depression, sickness, demons, legions, childlessness, poverty, spiritual manipulation of all kinds, yet this Man of God searched for a child for fifteen years. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As mysterious as this question seems, such that people have been searching for the answer like they are digging for gold in a London, a land which we all know has no natural resources, the answer is quite simple. And if we are really sincere with ourselves, we will find this to be true. Stay with me, I am going somewhere.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
First let’s dissect the question, and define some important terms in it.
What is the definition of a bad thing? Something that hurts people, make people cry, the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, etc? What exactly qualifies for something a situation to be called bad?
What is the definition of a good person? Someone who is good? What does that even mean? He gives to the poor, does not lie, does not cheat, does not curse, goes to church/mosque regularly, tithes, gives to the less-privileged, is polite? What exactly qualifies for someone to be called good?
I will not answer the both questions for you, but I’m sure you tried to get the point I made. What we see as a bad thing might not be a bad thing, and who we see as a good person might not be a good person. It all depends on what angle you are looking at it from.
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But still… that is not the point of this post.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
With the way many humans ask this question, I believe if we had our way, then bad things will happen to bad people, and good things will happen to good people, and that is exactly how we want God (if you believe in His existence) to play it… just the way we see it.
So if God obliged us and made bad things happen to bad people, and good things happen to good people, what would that amount to?
It basically means we can tell the future of any person. We can know who will die young, who will die old, who would lose a child (in which case both the child and the parent would have to be bad for the formula to apply), who would be falsely accused (in which case it would not count as false, since the person has to be bad), who will live a fulfilled life, who will be rich, who will be poor, etc. We can all tell the outcome of people’s life just by knowing whether they are good or bad. Soothsayers will definitely be put out of business.
Basically, we would be able to manipulate the outcome of our lives! No need for effort, no need for hard work, and surely no need for God!
And the concept of freewill will disappear like we never even heard of it before. Or tell me, who wants to live a life where only bad things happen to them? Why would you want to be an armed robber, if you can’t even rob successfully? Even armed robbers and assassins have good things happen to them… until they get caught. The outcome is that we would all be good, and we would all be walking robots.
Since we all love freewill, we all love to choose, to do things the way we want to, we will have to accept the fact that bad things are allowed to happen to good people. That is the only way it can work.
Before I continue, don't get me wrong. I am not making a case for licentiousness. We will receive the consequences of our actions. We reap what we sow, so we can't start murdering people on the street, or doing wrong to people. In this case, I am talking of random and inexplicable series of what we have termed bad things, and not consequences of choices.
If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that the below statements are true.
Bad things happen to good people
Bad things happen to bad people
Good things happen to good people
Good things happen to bad people
The reason it always seems magnified when bad things happen to good people, and not when bad things happen to bad people, is that we feel the bad people deserved the bad things that happen to them, and believe it is an injustice of destiny for good people to suffer a similar fate. But sad to say, life doesn’t always agree with us.
Therefore on no account will your conduct or your character determine whether a good thing or bad thing will happen to you. Events in life will not pick you based on your being good or bad.
That is the only way the world can run well
That is the only way freewill can work
That is the only way you will understand that you can’t always control the outcomes of life.
And there is my two cents… and if you are sincere, you know I’m speaking the truth.
P.S: I saw Ayo of 1 + The One yesterday. OMG, she is so gorgeous from head to toe, forget the picture you see. That lady is foooiiinnneee. And I am glad to say I will be seeing more of her in the next couple of months. Are you jealous yet? Lol.
Cascaded Little Things
Monday, August 4, 2014
My cousins came to visit us in Nigeria, after 15 years of being away. A total of 5 siblings left, the youngest being 2, and the oldest, 13. Three of them came to visit, and they ranged from 17 years old to 26 years old. It was really fun hanging out with them, but that I am not ready to bore you with the details of our fun, in this post. I want to mention one or two lessons I learnt from hanging out with them.
Of course, they were shocked about how much Nigeria had changed, positively and negatively. Immediately they came, I started feeling for them because NIDs receive their welcoming shockers right from the international airport, talk less of those that have no idea of what Nigeria looks like.
We went to Genesis Deluxe cinemas to catch a movie, in order to avoid the Jakande-Ajah week day traffic. After the movie ended, the youngest one looked around, and told her brothers “I don’t think we are supposed to take that.”
Apparently, my three cousins, out of habit, carried their bottles and popcorn packs to go and dump in the trash, while every single person in the hall, including me, left ours where we had sat during the movie. One of the boys said “We are the only ones packing up. Everyone will know we are not from around here,” in his American accent. They started looking around for trash cans as we walked out of the viewing room, but they did not find and until we got out, towards the ticket sales stand.
I tried to cover it up with smiles and senseless talk of how the cleaners will come and pack it all up, and they shouldn’t have bothered packing up, but inside of me, I was ashamed. These guys were sticking out like sore thumbs, just because they conducted themselves properly in a system where chaos is normal.
Two days later, we went to ice cream factory, again to avoid the Jakande-Ajah traffic. We sat outside, under the shade. Three of us had cones, while one had cup. When we were about to leave, instinctively, my cousin took his cup, went into the restaurant, searched for a trash can, dumped it, and came out. It was very instinctive. It had become part of him, so much so that he was not even thinking when he did it. It was quite robotic. I didn’t say anything this time. I just watched and observed him.
Earlier that day, we were in front of yellow chilli, and waiting in line to park inside, for about 30 seconds, and then the security guy beckoned on me to drive into the compound, and one car behind us just swerved, and wanted to take my space. Like seriously? He wasn’t even hiding his senselessness. My cousins observed what happened, and couldn’t believe their eyes. To say they were shocked was an understatement. They couldn’t believe a human being with a human brain, and not a goat brain, just did that.
I mumbled something like ‘that’s how many people do here o. They said if it happened in the US, everyone will get down from their car, and fish the guy out, lol.
At Genesis Deluxe cinemas, two of my cousins waited in line to get our drink and popcorn for the four of us, cos we didn’t think all four of us had to queue. Then a girl came out of nowhere to beg my cousin to get her own drink and popcorn, because her movie was showing. The thing is our movie too was already showing. He, being the Mr nice guy of them all, agreed, and then she brought out like three popcorn and drink tickets. Seriously? He realised she just wanted to use him to cheat her way through the queue, and he was already getting stuff for us anyway. He respectfully declined, and told her point blank that it wasn’t fair for everyone that was on the queue. He didn’t tell me about it until two days later.
I then realised that it is little actions like these that form a cascaded effect in setting apart countries like Nigeria from developed countries. Largely, we lack the culture of responsibility, being responsible for things as minor as your trash, staying in line, and respecting other people’s time. In my opinion, this is not a government or leadership problem. This is a system issue. The government doesn’t tell us not to pick our trash, but the system supports litter. We are even encouraged to litter cinema halls and restaurants, while our servants pack up after us.
The thing is we all know this is wrong. We travel out a lot, and see things being done properly, and even do things properly ourselves. So we know we have the ability to do things properly. But it sometimes takes us observing people like my cousins to come into this same system, do things different, and watch them stick out like a sore thumb, for us to know that what we are doing is not normal.
Even though I bring you no big solution, we can start small by doing little things right, things we don’t need anyone to tell us, things like not jumping queues, not littering roads or public places, not trying to be too smart, not being impatient, not running red lights, etc.
If each and every one of us can do this, you will be shocked at how much these little things will go a long way in making a big difference in restoring order to this chaotic system.
Of course, they were shocked about how much Nigeria had changed, positively and negatively. Immediately they came, I started feeling for them because NIDs receive their welcoming shockers right from the international airport, talk less of those that have no idea of what Nigeria looks like.
We went to Genesis Deluxe cinemas to catch a movie, in order to avoid the Jakande-Ajah week day traffic. After the movie ended, the youngest one looked around, and told her brothers “I don’t think we are supposed to take that.”
Apparently, my three cousins, out of habit, carried their bottles and popcorn packs to go and dump in the trash, while every single person in the hall, including me, left ours where we had sat during the movie. One of the boys said “We are the only ones packing up. Everyone will know we are not from around here,” in his American accent. They started looking around for trash cans as we walked out of the viewing room, but they did not find and until we got out, towards the ticket sales stand.
I tried to cover it up with smiles and senseless talk of how the cleaners will come and pack it all up, and they shouldn’t have bothered packing up, but inside of me, I was ashamed. These guys were sticking out like sore thumbs, just because they conducted themselves properly in a system where chaos is normal.
Two days later, we went to ice cream factory, again to avoid the Jakande-Ajah traffic. We sat outside, under the shade. Three of us had cones, while one had cup. When we were about to leave, instinctively, my cousin took his cup, went into the restaurant, searched for a trash can, dumped it, and came out. It was very instinctive. It had become part of him, so much so that he was not even thinking when he did it. It was quite robotic. I didn’t say anything this time. I just watched and observed him.
Earlier that day, we were in front of yellow chilli, and waiting in line to park inside, for about 30 seconds, and then the security guy beckoned on me to drive into the compound, and one car behind us just swerved, and wanted to take my space. Like seriously? He wasn’t even hiding his senselessness. My cousins observed what happened, and couldn’t believe their eyes. To say they were shocked was an understatement. They couldn’t believe a human being with a human brain, and not a goat brain, just did that.
I mumbled something like ‘that’s how many people do here o. They said if it happened in the US, everyone will get down from their car, and fish the guy out, lol.
At Genesis Deluxe cinemas, two of my cousins waited in line to get our drink and popcorn for the four of us, cos we didn’t think all four of us had to queue. Then a girl came out of nowhere to beg my cousin to get her own drink and popcorn, because her movie was showing. The thing is our movie too was already showing. He, being the Mr nice guy of them all, agreed, and then she brought out like three popcorn and drink tickets. Seriously? He realised she just wanted to use him to cheat her way through the queue, and he was already getting stuff for us anyway. He respectfully declined, and told her point blank that it wasn’t fair for everyone that was on the queue. He didn’t tell me about it until two days later.
I then realised that it is little actions like these that form a cascaded effect in setting apart countries like Nigeria from developed countries. Largely, we lack the culture of responsibility, being responsible for things as minor as your trash, staying in line, and respecting other people’s time. In my opinion, this is not a government or leadership problem. This is a system issue. The government doesn’t tell us not to pick our trash, but the system supports litter. We are even encouraged to litter cinema halls and restaurants, while our servants pack up after us.
The thing is we all know this is wrong. We travel out a lot, and see things being done properly, and even do things properly ourselves. So we know we have the ability to do things properly. But it sometimes takes us observing people like my cousins to come into this same system, do things different, and watch them stick out like a sore thumb, for us to know that what we are doing is not normal.
Even though I bring you no big solution, we can start small by doing little things right, things we don’t need anyone to tell us, things like not jumping queues, not littering roads or public places, not trying to be too smart, not being impatient, not running red lights, etc.
If each and every one of us can do this, you will be shocked at how much these little things will go a long way in making a big difference in restoring order to this chaotic system.
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| All kids of two sisters. Same blood, different mindsets. |
The “It is well” generation
Monday, July 14, 2014
Before reading this post, if you haven't voted for me, please, take about 20 seconds to vote for African Naturalistas hair products for the youth entrepreneurship competition. It requires just one click. Pleeeaaaaasssee. Thank you in advance. Click here to vote now, and come back to continue reading the post after.
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It Is Well - The statement Nigerians make when they find themselves helpless, or just looking for ways to escape responsibilities, or find excuse for laziness or inactivity.
First let us establish where this statement that has now become a virus in our Nigerian vocabulary, came from.
It all started when the son of a Shunemite woman, whom Elisha was the prophet behind his existence, died. On seeing that her son had died, she did not say anything, but started riding straight to prophet’s abode. Whenever anyone asked her what was wrong with her, seeing she looked so agitated, she always said All is well.
It was none other than Horatio Gates Spafford who brought this ‘It is well’ phrase mainstream, when he wrote the famous hymn, ‘It is well with my soul’, after losing all his children in a shipwreck. He wrote the hymn when he passed the spot his children died, on the way to meet his wife who had survived the wreck.
The Shunemite woman used this sentence to keep herself from speaking negatively about her situation, despite the fact that everything she saw around her told her it was over. Horatio Gates Spafford used it as a source of encouragement, after suffering what can be called a major loss in this life, believing that all things work together for his good, in the end.
It is thus funny when we use this phrase as an excuse for our laziness, and our preference to do nothing about our situation, a phenomenon which can be particularly attributed to this generation of Nigerians.
When our government collects taxes, yet we sit down and provide all the amenities we already paid for, for ourselves, we lie down on our bed, and say, it is well. We must remember that before the Chibok Girls were kidnapped, Boko Haram had gone to a secondary school, and gunned down about 40 boys. What did we do? We smiled and said it is well. Politicians are robbing us clean, taking our commonwealth, and stocking it up for their children. But as long as we can be friends with those children, and receive our own share, then it is well. Even if we cannot receive our share, it is still well. At least, we can still afford to put food on our table.
People like Femi Otedola and Farouk Lawan can openly steal, slap over 170 million Nigerians in the face, walk freely in the land, knowing nothing will happen, because it is well. Let him cruise his gigantic black and silver boat jare, it is well. At least, I can still drive my 1992 camry.
Frankly speaking? Is it well with me in the midst of the storm? Yes, it is. Is it well with me when I lose everything that matters with me? Yes it is. But…
Let’s be objective a bit, when the Shunemite woman said it is well, what was she doing? She was on her way to meet the prophet, to tell him to find a solution to her dead son, because she never asked him for a son in the first place. Now that he gave her a son, why should he not live a full life? She did not sit by the bedside of the dead son, wailing “All is well.” Her “All is well” was backed up with corresponding actions. She was not lazy, she put her actions where her mouth was.
Should we say it is well when it comes to Nigeria? Well, I will not answer the question for you. But one thing I will say is this. If you ever say it is well, make sure you are actually doing something to make it well, because the people that are making it unwell are doing something. They are planning, strategizing, and putting things together to make sure it would not be well with Nigeria. This is not the time for us to fold our hands, run to church and pray for personal breakthroughs and the latest range rover. If we keep up with that, one day, there might be no bridge for us to drive that range rover on. Of what use is prosperity in the midst of chaos?
The problem with our generation is that we have become complacent, more selfish as the day goes, and social media has not even made it better. It is easier for us to sit down, snap pictures, create hash tags which the people that matter would never see, than actually do something, because that is what is in vogue now. After all celebs all over the world are doing it, why don’t we?
It is now cooler to design DPs, and upload than to go out to do something, the DP being a reaction to something that had already taken place, and not proactivity to prevent something from taking place.
Let me shock you, the people causing the chaos are not doing it via social media. They are not using hash tags or humorous DPs. They are actually in the real world doing things. Why on earth do we think we are going to be able to spark change by being social media parrots?
What the social media does is that it creates awareness, it sheds light on issues that would have been otherwise obscure.
The question is after the awareness-creation, what next? After you have gained knowledge, how have you applied it? How have you solved the problem social media exposed to you?
This social media rants, while excessively loud, is not exactly effective, because it has become akin to preachers preaching to the choir, while the sinners lay waste in whore houses. So it gives us the illusion that we are actually doing something, when all we are doing is spitting e-saliva all over the place, while our country runs down.
This it is well culture we have imbibed in so many aspects of our lives is what has followed us to the way we deal with many things in our country.
Husband batters wife. Parents say “you must not leave him. We went through it. Stay there, it is well.”
Uncle rapes niece. Family says “we can’t report this o. it will bring disgrace to the family. Let’s bury it. It is well.”
Yes, we know it is well. You don’t need to tell me, my bible already told me. The question is, what are we going to do about what it is well about? Are we going to save our daughter from dying in the hands of her lion-in-form-of-a-man husband? Are we going to help our niece recover from her traumatic experience, and teach her to learn to trust again? Are we going to rise up and save our country from going down in runs? What exactly are we going to do?
We have become the ‘it is well’ generation. Passively sailing through life, waiting to be victims of circumstances, soaking up whatever sucking thing life throws at us, like a mattress that can never have enough, and yet never getting to saturation point.
The question is when we will stop saying ‘it is well’, and do something about it? When will something gruelling happen, and I won’t see a response on Facebook saying “it is because we have sinned in Nigeria, and should learn to live holy?”
When will we understand that we actually have the right to question our government? We appointed them, and so we can talk to them. This is not the military regime, so let’s drop the mentality of not being able to ask questions. Don’t be over-religious, and afraid to question the government, saying we cannot rebel against the authority God placed over us. Questioning a democratically-elected government, and making them accountable is not rebellion, it is your responsibility. Anything else is laziness. After all, these are your resources, and you appointed them to oversee its use. Let’s not hide our irresponsibility behind religion.
If we fold our hands, and sit at home, saying “it is well.” One day, you might step out of what used to be the four walls of your house, and ask yourself “is it really well?”
So, I welcome you to the “it is well” generation, the generation where intelligent Nigerians have resorted to replacing common sense and proactivity with inertia, in order to mask their laziness and mere lack of willingness to do something about their situation, as long as it doesn’t affect them directly.
After all said, it is well, my brothers and sisters.
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It Is Well - The statement Nigerians make when they find themselves helpless, or just looking for ways to escape responsibilities, or find excuse for laziness or inactivity.
First let us establish where this statement that has now become a virus in our Nigerian vocabulary, came from.
It all started when the son of a Shunemite woman, whom Elisha was the prophet behind his existence, died. On seeing that her son had died, she did not say anything, but started riding straight to prophet’s abode. Whenever anyone asked her what was wrong with her, seeing she looked so agitated, she always said All is well.
It was none other than Horatio Gates Spafford who brought this ‘It is well’ phrase mainstream, when he wrote the famous hymn, ‘It is well with my soul’, after losing all his children in a shipwreck. He wrote the hymn when he passed the spot his children died, on the way to meet his wife who had survived the wreck.
The Shunemite woman used this sentence to keep herself from speaking negatively about her situation, despite the fact that everything she saw around her told her it was over. Horatio Gates Spafford used it as a source of encouragement, after suffering what can be called a major loss in this life, believing that all things work together for his good, in the end.
It is thus funny when we use this phrase as an excuse for our laziness, and our preference to do nothing about our situation, a phenomenon which can be particularly attributed to this generation of Nigerians.
When our government collects taxes, yet we sit down and provide all the amenities we already paid for, for ourselves, we lie down on our bed, and say, it is well. We must remember that before the Chibok Girls were kidnapped, Boko Haram had gone to a secondary school, and gunned down about 40 boys. What did we do? We smiled and said it is well. Politicians are robbing us clean, taking our commonwealth, and stocking it up for their children. But as long as we can be friends with those children, and receive our own share, then it is well. Even if we cannot receive our share, it is still well. At least, we can still afford to put food on our table.
People like Femi Otedola and Farouk Lawan can openly steal, slap over 170 million Nigerians in the face, walk freely in the land, knowing nothing will happen, because it is well. Let him cruise his gigantic black and silver boat jare, it is well. At least, I can still drive my 1992 camry.
Frankly speaking? Is it well with me in the midst of the storm? Yes, it is. Is it well with me when I lose everything that matters with me? Yes it is. But…
Let’s be objective a bit, when the Shunemite woman said it is well, what was she doing? She was on her way to meet the prophet, to tell him to find a solution to her dead son, because she never asked him for a son in the first place. Now that he gave her a son, why should he not live a full life? She did not sit by the bedside of the dead son, wailing “All is well.” Her “All is well” was backed up with corresponding actions. She was not lazy, she put her actions where her mouth was.
Should we say it is well when it comes to Nigeria? Well, I will not answer the question for you. But one thing I will say is this. If you ever say it is well, make sure you are actually doing something to make it well, because the people that are making it unwell are doing something. They are planning, strategizing, and putting things together to make sure it would not be well with Nigeria. This is not the time for us to fold our hands, run to church and pray for personal breakthroughs and the latest range rover. If we keep up with that, one day, there might be no bridge for us to drive that range rover on. Of what use is prosperity in the midst of chaos?
The problem with our generation is that we have become complacent, more selfish as the day goes, and social media has not even made it better. It is easier for us to sit down, snap pictures, create hash tags which the people that matter would never see, than actually do something, because that is what is in vogue now. After all celebs all over the world are doing it, why don’t we?
It is now cooler to design DPs, and upload than to go out to do something, the DP being a reaction to something that had already taken place, and not proactivity to prevent something from taking place.
Let me shock you, the people causing the chaos are not doing it via social media. They are not using hash tags or humorous DPs. They are actually in the real world doing things. Why on earth do we think we are going to be able to spark change by being social media parrots?
What the social media does is that it creates awareness, it sheds light on issues that would have been otherwise obscure.
The question is after the awareness-creation, what next? After you have gained knowledge, how have you applied it? How have you solved the problem social media exposed to you?
This social media rants, while excessively loud, is not exactly effective, because it has become akin to preachers preaching to the choir, while the sinners lay waste in whore houses. So it gives us the illusion that we are actually doing something, when all we are doing is spitting e-saliva all over the place, while our country runs down.
This it is well culture we have imbibed in so many aspects of our lives is what has followed us to the way we deal with many things in our country.
Husband batters wife. Parents say “you must not leave him. We went through it. Stay there, it is well.”
Uncle rapes niece. Family says “we can’t report this o. it will bring disgrace to the family. Let’s bury it. It is well.”
Yes, we know it is well. You don’t need to tell me, my bible already told me. The question is, what are we going to do about what it is well about? Are we going to save our daughter from dying in the hands of her lion-in-form-of-a-man husband? Are we going to help our niece recover from her traumatic experience, and teach her to learn to trust again? Are we going to rise up and save our country from going down in runs? What exactly are we going to do?
We have become the ‘it is well’ generation. Passively sailing through life, waiting to be victims of circumstances, soaking up whatever sucking thing life throws at us, like a mattress that can never have enough, and yet never getting to saturation point.
The question is when we will stop saying ‘it is well’, and do something about it? When will something gruelling happen, and I won’t see a response on Facebook saying “it is because we have sinned in Nigeria, and should learn to live holy?”
When will we understand that we actually have the right to question our government? We appointed them, and so we can talk to them. This is not the military regime, so let’s drop the mentality of not being able to ask questions. Don’t be over-religious, and afraid to question the government, saying we cannot rebel against the authority God placed over us. Questioning a democratically-elected government, and making them accountable is not rebellion, it is your responsibility. Anything else is laziness. After all, these are your resources, and you appointed them to oversee its use. Let’s not hide our irresponsibility behind religion.
If we fold our hands, and sit at home, saying “it is well.” One day, you might step out of what used to be the four walls of your house, and ask yourself “is it really well?”
So, I welcome you to the “it is well” generation, the generation where intelligent Nigerians have resorted to replacing common sense and proactivity with inertia, in order to mask their laziness and mere lack of willingness to do something about their situation, as long as it doesn’t affect them directly.
After all said, it is well, my brothers and sisters.
N.B: The funniest thing is I wrote an 'It is well' post two years ago. I said some things then, and pointed out our reactiveness. Now, it is worse. I hope I won't have to write something like this again two years from now. You can check the post out here.
Five things I learnt from hanging out with Berry and Cakes
Monday, June 23, 2014
Before reading this post, if you haven't voted for me, please, take about 20 seconds to vote for African Naturalistas hair products for the youth entrepreneurship competition. It requires just one click. Pleeeaaaaasssee. Thank you in advance. Click here to vote now, and come back to continue reading the post after.
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Okay, as you guys know, I like Berry cos I feel she is down to earth, open, free, and fun to be with. I was not really sure about Cakes, even though he has sent me free cake in the past. I had only met him twice, when Berry brought him to one Natural Hair meet up, not long after they started dating (I just said hi, cos I didn’t know he was her BF then), and at their wedding. So, I had never really had the opportunity to talk to him.
I was supposed to meet up with Berry at Nike Art Gallery on May 24, after I was done with my teens. When she said she brought Cakes, I was fearing internally cos I pictured Berry being all happy and fun, while Cakes facial expression will be like “Lady, why are you here? Don’t you know three is a crowd?” But since my appointment was with Berry, I dragged myself to the venue.
Let me just say by the time I was done with Berry and Cakes, I was blown away. So what did I learn from this amazing couple?
Don’t be insecure
You know that thing where you are talking to your friend, either male or female, and their spouse comes, and you start changing the topic? There was nothing like that. Most of the time, the whole thing went like this. Berry introduces a controversial subject with Cakes, they argue, argue, argue, I look dumbfounded as each of them tries to convince me that he/she is the right person, Berry stands up, starts roaming about to God-knows-where, while Cakes gists with me for so long, in the line of the topic, Berry comes back, and tells me not to mind him, and then leaves again to roam about, Cakes continues… and I think this happened like thrice. I did not see any shred of insecurity in Berry, and Cakes did not have the three-is-a-crowd look I expected. It was the exact opposite. If I did not know better, I would have said he even planned for me to be there.
Be your spouse's best friend
The strong friendship between this couple is just so apparent. No one needs to tell you, and I think that’s what makes their whole union interesting. They laugh, argue, banter like kids, it’s just so great to watch them in their elements. There’s no such way anyone can put up that kind of front, no matter how good an actor you are. They told me they fight, though I did not see them fight, and gisted me about an occasion. They argue… mostly about relationships, lol. How both of them ended up at the venue is another story. Let’s just say they are full of drama.
It is cool to be down to earth
You think Berry is fun and down to earth? Then you should meet Cakes. He is very open, and obviously deals with people with an open mind. I mean, right in front of me, this guy told someone on the phone where he was without even knowing the person he was talking to at first. I learnt a lot about him, his past struggles, business, relationships, family, etc., all the time when Berry left me to babysit her husband, while she was roaming about exploring artwork. The kind of attitude they display obviously draws people towards them, and is an amazing combination.
You just need a good example
Many people complain about marriage, its burden and all. After hanging out with Berry and Cakes, I told them the truth, which is that ‘They are such an amazing couple, and hanging out with them just makes you want to get married.’ I told them I like them, and that is when they started talking about their ‘serious fights’. My prayer for them is that they just maintain whatever they are doing to make their marriage great, and they will surely see it through to the end. So whenever you are doubting the whole marriage institution, just get a good example to inspire you, whether younger couples like Berry and Cakes, or older ones that have weathered storms together.
Don’t overindulge
I was so intoxicated with the whole Berry and Cakes combination that when they said we should go from Lekki to coldstone at the palms, I should have said no, but they tempted me, and I couldn’t resist the temptation. I had a truckload of work waiting for me at home. In fact, Cakes insisted that I watch an 8.50pm movie with them, and I have to sit in-between them. I respectfully declined. I did not want couples holding hands behind my back, with me in the middle, or worse, arguing over my head, because that was bound to happen. Cakes rejected my refusal, but Berry saved me from his hands. In the end, we went to coldstone, and we had ice cream… just Cakes and I, while we left Berry to eat the breeze blowing, lol. I knew I shouldn’t have gone with them there, but I just couldn’t resist them. They are just such a great couple. I had a series of Spoken Word ministrations at a Redeemed church the next day. In fact, it was extremely important, because the whole church service was built around my Spoken Word ministrations. I got home that night, and I couldn’t rehearse one bit. Thankfully, I had rehearsed well before that day. If not, ehn, overindulging in Berry and Cakes would have just destroyed my ministry. All my work was therefore moved to Sunday also, and my whole week suffered just because of the enormous work load caused by that simple shift.
They were so great that the only thing left for me was to go and sleep in their house, which they actually suggested jokingly, lol, but the love for my bed was just too strong for me to betray it.
At the end of the day, by 9.00pm, I hugged the couple, left them to go and watch their movie, while I left, exhausted.
-----------------------
Okay, as you guys know, I like Berry cos I feel she is down to earth, open, free, and fun to be with. I was not really sure about Cakes, even though he has sent me free cake in the past. I had only met him twice, when Berry brought him to one Natural Hair meet up, not long after they started dating (I just said hi, cos I didn’t know he was her BF then), and at their wedding. So, I had never really had the opportunity to talk to him.
I was supposed to meet up with Berry at Nike Art Gallery on May 24, after I was done with my teens. When she said she brought Cakes, I was fearing internally cos I pictured Berry being all happy and fun, while Cakes facial expression will be like “Lady, why are you here? Don’t you know three is a crowd?” But since my appointment was with Berry, I dragged myself to the venue.
Let me just say by the time I was done with Berry and Cakes, I was blown away. So what did I learn from this amazing couple?
Don’t be insecure
You know that thing where you are talking to your friend, either male or female, and their spouse comes, and you start changing the topic? There was nothing like that. Most of the time, the whole thing went like this. Berry introduces a controversial subject with Cakes, they argue, argue, argue, I look dumbfounded as each of them tries to convince me that he/she is the right person, Berry stands up, starts roaming about to God-knows-where, while Cakes gists with me for so long, in the line of the topic, Berry comes back, and tells me not to mind him, and then leaves again to roam about, Cakes continues… and I think this happened like thrice. I did not see any shred of insecurity in Berry, and Cakes did not have the three-is-a-crowd look I expected. It was the exact opposite. If I did not know better, I would have said he even planned for me to be there.
Be your spouse's best friend
The strong friendship between this couple is just so apparent. No one needs to tell you, and I think that’s what makes their whole union interesting. They laugh, argue, banter like kids, it’s just so great to watch them in their elements. There’s no such way anyone can put up that kind of front, no matter how good an actor you are. They told me they fight, though I did not see them fight, and gisted me about an occasion. They argue… mostly about relationships, lol. How both of them ended up at the venue is another story. Let’s just say they are full of drama.
 |
| Don't be fooled. Berry is not taller than me. I was wearing the only pair of flat sandals I have, while she cheated. |
You think Berry is fun and down to earth? Then you should meet Cakes. He is very open, and obviously deals with people with an open mind. I mean, right in front of me, this guy told someone on the phone where he was without even knowing the person he was talking to at first. I learnt a lot about him, his past struggles, business, relationships, family, etc., all the time when Berry left me to babysit her husband, while she was roaming about exploring artwork. The kind of attitude they display obviously draws people towards them, and is an amazing combination.
You just need a good example
Many people complain about marriage, its burden and all. After hanging out with Berry and Cakes, I told them the truth, which is that ‘They are such an amazing couple, and hanging out with them just makes you want to get married.’ I told them I like them, and that is when they started talking about their ‘serious fights’. My prayer for them is that they just maintain whatever they are doing to make their marriage great, and they will surely see it through to the end. So whenever you are doubting the whole marriage institution, just get a good example to inspire you, whether younger couples like Berry and Cakes, or older ones that have weathered storms together.
 |
| I repeat. Berry is not taller than me. I was wearing the same pair of sandals. She made everyone wear flats, while she wore something high |
I was so intoxicated with the whole Berry and Cakes combination that when they said we should go from Lekki to coldstone at the palms, I should have said no, but they tempted me, and I couldn’t resist the temptation. I had a truckload of work waiting for me at home. In fact, Cakes insisted that I watch an 8.50pm movie with them, and I have to sit in-between them. I respectfully declined. I did not want couples holding hands behind my back, with me in the middle, or worse, arguing over my head, because that was bound to happen. Cakes rejected my refusal, but Berry saved me from his hands. In the end, we went to coldstone, and we had ice cream… just Cakes and I, while we left Berry to eat the breeze blowing, lol. I knew I shouldn’t have gone with them there, but I just couldn’t resist them. They are just such a great couple. I had a series of Spoken Word ministrations at a Redeemed church the next day. In fact, it was extremely important, because the whole church service was built around my Spoken Word ministrations. I got home that night, and I couldn’t rehearse one bit. Thankfully, I had rehearsed well before that day. If not, ehn, overindulging in Berry and Cakes would have just destroyed my ministry. All my work was therefore moved to Sunday also, and my whole week suffered just because of the enormous work load caused by that simple shift.
They were so great that the only thing left for me was to go and sleep in their house, which they actually suggested jokingly, lol, but the love for my bed was just too strong for me to betray it.
At the end of the day, by 9.00pm, I hugged the couple, left them to go and watch their movie, while I left, exhausted.
 |
| Just look at everyone's feet. You see I wasn't lying when I said she made everyone wear flats? Who does that on their wedding day? |
Close Shaves Series – part 4 : The AUR Story
Monday, May 19, 2014
Warning! This episode of the series might be a bit gross or extreme for you. Don’t say I did not warn you.
This is one is about a complication that shouldn’t have arisen in the first place. It all started from regular constipation, which ended up as something else.
I think the constipation started during a weekend in 2006. After like 2 days or so, when I realised I had to do something, I started taking things like castor oil, paraffin oil, laxative, and anything to ease the constipation. It never occurred to me that this was not the usual kind of constipation, as the faeces blocking the whole stuff was like stone.
As the days progressed, the situation became worse. Urinating now became a chore, and eating was completely out of it. I increased the laxative, and what happened was that I had the increased pressure to use the toilet, but nothing ever came out. In fact, the paraffin oil was so effective that it kept pushing in my stomach, and found a way to seep out by itself, without doing anything. Let’s just say my underwear always found a way to be as oily as Dodo Ikire.
One morning, about 6 -8 days later or so (can’t be exact right now), my cup became full. I knew for certain that death was knocking at my doorstep. I couldn’t walk, everything in my body was full, and I was going to burst anytime from then. This was the period I was doing IT, and it was so bad that I couldn't go to work. I was the only one at home, so nobody was around to save me. I called my mum, and said if she didn’t find a way to get me to the hospital immediately…
Anyway, she called our mechanic family friend beside our house, and arranged for me to get to the hospital. They couldn’t find our family card, and I had to buy a personal one. By the time the doctor saw me, he shook his head. From my stomach downwards was as swollen like that of a pregnant woman. They said it was a case of Acute Urinary Retention.
They immediately passed a tube inside me, and started extracting the urine, because the constipation had already shut down my urinary tract. I had never had sex before, I had never delivered a child before, but trust me, I was not ashamed to open my legs for that man. When you stare at death in the face, ehn, every ounce of shame flies out of the window. Not to exaggerate o, about 30 minutes, they were still extracting urine from me. It filled about three kidney bowls or more. The two doctors and the nurse that were there were just shaking their heads. They said that it was hard to believe that I had that much urine in me, and that if I had waited any moment later than I did, we might have been telling a different story.
By the time I was done, they gave me some drugs, and told me to use orange fibre. Then the doctor said something disgusting to me. He said...
It is at this point I would cut off the story, lest you never eat in your life again, as the procedure to solve the main constipation is just too gross.
I went back home that day, relieved my mum was not going to mourn just yet. Things happened, and a day later, my life returned to normal.
After then, I remembered the horror of the fact that the doctor passed a tube inside of me, and ran back to the hospital. I asked the doctor if I was still a virgin, because I plan to remain that way until my wedding night. I seriously believe the guy fought hard to keep a straight face, like see this ignorant child (I was in 400 level in Uni).
He then went on to lecture me about the difference between the vagina and the urinary tract (like I did not do biology), assuring me that all he touched was what needed to be touched, so I shouldn’t fear. Ehm, lemme just stop here.
Congrats if you read it all the way through. You deserve a model of the urinary tract as a gift.
This is one is about a complication that shouldn’t have arisen in the first place. It all started from regular constipation, which ended up as something else.
I think the constipation started during a weekend in 2006. After like 2 days or so, when I realised I had to do something, I started taking things like castor oil, paraffin oil, laxative, and anything to ease the constipation. It never occurred to me that this was not the usual kind of constipation, as the faeces blocking the whole stuff was like stone.
As the days progressed, the situation became worse. Urinating now became a chore, and eating was completely out of it. I increased the laxative, and what happened was that I had the increased pressure to use the toilet, but nothing ever came out. In fact, the paraffin oil was so effective that it kept pushing in my stomach, and found a way to seep out by itself, without doing anything. Let’s just say my underwear always found a way to be as oily as Dodo Ikire.
One morning, about 6 -8 days later or so (can’t be exact right now), my cup became full. I knew for certain that death was knocking at my doorstep. I couldn’t walk, everything in my body was full, and I was going to burst anytime from then. This was the period I was doing IT, and it was so bad that I couldn't go to work. I was the only one at home, so nobody was around to save me. I called my mum, and said if she didn’t find a way to get me to the hospital immediately…
Anyway, she called our mechanic family friend beside our house, and arranged for me to get to the hospital. They couldn’t find our family card, and I had to buy a personal one. By the time the doctor saw me, he shook his head. From my stomach downwards was as swollen like that of a pregnant woman. They said it was a case of Acute Urinary Retention.
 |
| Source |
By the time I was done, they gave me some drugs, and told me to use orange fibre. Then the doctor said something disgusting to me. He said...
It is at this point I would cut off the story, lest you never eat in your life again, as the procedure to solve the main constipation is just too gross.
I went back home that day, relieved my mum was not going to mourn just yet. Things happened, and a day later, my life returned to normal.
After then, I remembered the horror of the fact that the doctor passed a tube inside of me, and ran back to the hospital. I asked the doctor if I was still a virgin, because I plan to remain that way until my wedding night. I seriously believe the guy fought hard to keep a straight face, like see this ignorant child (I was in 400 level in Uni).
He then went on to lecture me about the difference between the vagina and the urinary tract (like I did not do biology), assuring me that all he touched was what needed to be touched, so I shouldn’t fear. Ehm, lemme just stop here.
Congrats if you read it all the way through. You deserve a model of the urinary tract as a gift.
Why are some kids born of the devil himself?
Monday, April 28, 2014
There’s something I really want to hear your opinion about. It is the whole nature versus nurture argument. For a long time, I have always felt children are born blank, i.e. not good or bad, but then a series of events happen in their lives, right from the day they are born, and later how they choose to handle those situations determine whether they become good or bad. But now, I don’t hold on to this belief anymore.
One major reason I have ceased to believe that children are born blank is because of my neighbour’s kids, who are also my family friends. They have three kids, the oldest being about 8 years old, and I know when every single child in that family was born. They are a very balanced Christian family, and do all what they can to care for their kids. But you see, the first child, who is the only guy, he was born with a scowl on his face… no exaggeration. When he was a child between 0 and about 3 years old, this guy never smiled. Never! He was very very quiet, never talked to anyone, and never smiled. He looked wicked and unapproachable from the first day. Later in life, he had two younger ones, my sister came from US to Nigeria, and my cousin came to live with us. This means this guy, who is now 8 years old, has playmates, laughs and is very cheerful and playful.
But the thing is, that wickedness has not left him. He actually derives joy from seeing people suffer or in pain. Whenever he comes to my house, and I am punishing any of my younger ones, you can see the glee on his face. His joy comes from seeing his peers in pain. I know this because I have studied him over the years, since he was born. This gives me cause for worry, because I am afraid in future, he might end up hurting people deliberately, just so he could be happy and fulfilled. I know his parents discipline him well, and try their best. He is the only one in his family that is like that.
Then the second case is the popular family care pastor, Rob Parsons. He is the founder of Care for the family, in UK. I used to listen to him a lot, as a guest presenter on Focus on the Family. He has two children, Katie and Lloyd. According to him, Katie was born an angel, and had an angelic character all her early years. And Lloyd, he was born bad… in fact to come and torment their life. In his own words “Lloyd came out of the womb, smoking a cigar.” Now, this is even before the child has a chance to know what life is about, they’ve already formed their character, so it wasn’t about being born in a Christian home.
Now, here is the twist. When Katie got into late teens or so, she became a rebel, and walked out of her parents’ house, which had her parents crying to God for a couple of years or so, not having any idea where their daughter was. She became a very bad girl, but walked back in to her parent’s house one night when loads of people held vigil specially for her. And the guy that was born bad? He cooled down later in life, maybe like late teens or early twenties, I can’t remember. So the good became bad, due to her choices, and the bad became good, due to his choices. The two kids are now great, involved in Christian ministry work, and have their own families.
So now, if a child, from the first day, came to the world with the intention of making life hell for everyone around him, should he still be blamed for his choices? After all, he was born that way. Lol.
In conclusion, I no longer believe children are born blank, from the real life examples I have given here. I believe children are born with a certain personality, which can either be skewed towards the good or the bad. Plainly speaking, I believe it is possible that a particular child can be born with a character which poses a high risk of him being bad, and as such, must be trained with a different hand from a child than a child who was born with a high propensity for being good. As you know, these are just my opinions. I am no scientist or behavioural psychologist. Please, let me know what you think in the comment section.
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But the thing is, that wickedness has not left him. He actually derives joy from seeing people suffer or in pain. Whenever he comes to my house, and I am punishing any of my younger ones, you can see the glee on his face. His joy comes from seeing his peers in pain. I know this because I have studied him over the years, since he was born. This gives me cause for worry, because I am afraid in future, he might end up hurting people deliberately, just so he could be happy and fulfilled. I know his parents discipline him well, and try their best. He is the only one in his family that is like that.
Then the second case is the popular family care pastor, Rob Parsons. He is the founder of Care for the family, in UK. I used to listen to him a lot, as a guest presenter on Focus on the Family. He has two children, Katie and Lloyd. According to him, Katie was born an angel, and had an angelic character all her early years. And Lloyd, he was born bad… in fact to come and torment their life. In his own words “Lloyd came out of the womb, smoking a cigar.” Now, this is even before the child has a chance to know what life is about, they’ve already formed their character, so it wasn’t about being born in a Christian home.
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So now, if a child, from the first day, came to the world with the intention of making life hell for everyone around him, should he still be blamed for his choices? After all, he was born that way. Lol.
In conclusion, I no longer believe children are born blank, from the real life examples I have given here. I believe children are born with a certain personality, which can either be skewed towards the good or the bad. Plainly speaking, I believe it is possible that a particular child can be born with a character which poses a high risk of him being bad, and as such, must be trained with a different hand from a child than a child who was born with a high propensity for being good. As you know, these are just my opinions. I am no scientist or behavioural psychologist. Please, let me know what you think in the comment section.
"I have decided to stop attending church!"
Monday, March 10, 2014
“All these pastors of nowadays sef, all of they are hypocrites, liars. They only want to collect our money. Last week my pastor bought another car, after he just completed his third house, yet many of the church members are homeless. His children are schooling abroad, yet many of the church members cannot afford school fees. The assistant pastor was just uninstalled after he impregnated the worship leader. I wanted to port to my brother’s church, but a soft-sell magazine published a picture of him in Okija shrine last week. I am fed up. All these pastors are just there to make their own lives better by deceiving members of the church. Even the church members nko? That’s a story for another day. These are the end times, and they are all false prophets. In fact, I am no more attending church. After all, I don’t have to attend church to make heaven… bla bla bla, and some more boring blaaa.”
*Yawns*
Firstly, you agree that you are a Christian, which is why you made these statements above. Who is your God, the pastor or God? Your being a Christian means you are a part of the Kingdom of Christ, right? No matter how you put it, you have a stake in the kingdom.
Imagine you are a part of a company, and some of the managers and even low-level staff have been misbehaving recently, they have been going against company policies. Some have been caught and disgraced, while some have been hiding their acts, but there are snide comments going on about them. On Monday morning, you are still on your bed by 9.00am, then your colleague calls you to ask where you are ‘cause the boss has been fuming about your lateness. Then you tell your colleague you don’t think you will be working anymore because some people have been going against company policies. You are not quitting because of the work, salary or boss’s attitude, but because of your colleagues who are going against the company policies.
Well, that look on your face as you consider the foolish reasons of the worker in question is the same way you should look at yourself if you decide to stop going to church because some pastors and church members are hypocrites, and don’t truly represent the Christ they preach.
YOU are the light of the world. YOU are the salt of the earth. If some people have decided to become rotten eggs, and pollute the work of God, why don’t you be the light you have been called to be, and stand out of the pack. In the body of Christ, everyone should serve in expanding the kingdom one way or the other (not necessarily by being a church worker). If you decide to switch your own light off because someone else is displaying faulty light, you have also contributed to the darkness all around. Why should another person’s light affect your own light?
This indicates the fact that you are going to church to be served, and the moment you found out the people serving you are not really what they portrayed themselves to be, you decide it is time to shift base. If one goes to church to actually serve, then you know that the thought of severing yourself from the body because of the stupidity of other servers will not occur to you, because your own serving has nothing to do with their own serving.
If these are the end times as you say, trust me, a reputable church is where you want to be taking refuge at the moment. As the day goes by, it is getting harder by the day, for Christians to take a stand, so you need to take cover.
The agenda of the devil is to destroy the church (the body, not the building). One of the ways he is trying to do that is to make the church turn against itself. The question is, are you going to help the devil meet this agenda by deserting the church because of what a pastor you trusted did? We all know that when the devil wants to destroy someone, he doesn’t make it very obvious, the first thing he does is to play the isolation card. He isolates you from church, friends, family, etc. and makes you think you can be fine by yourself. By the time problem shows up, you see that you have no covering at all.
If you tell me that you are no more going to church because you are now a Muslim, a Buddhist, atheist, etc. that is a reason that actually makes sense. But to say you will be a Christian, but will dissociate yourself from the church (the body of the one who you claim you serve), because of what some pastors did actually makes no sense at all.
Contrary to what you might think, this is not a post about religion or Christianity. It is more about reasons that make sense or not. And also, I know the truth is that many pastors actually do all sorts, and let power get into their heads. I experienced one of such, and I wrote about it here.
"The reason you have not found any fake thirteen naira note is because there are no originals. No one counterfeits what does not exist. You will find fake hundred naira notes, fake one thousand naira notes, but never a fake three hundred naira note. Any counterfeit you see is evidence that the original exists, even in larger quantities than the fake." (Original quote by Atilola Moronfolu).
The reason there are fake men of God is because there are real men of God. The same way the fake men of God are making you consider leaving the church, let that be the same way the real men of God pull you back to being a strong part of the church.
Instead of us to focus on the fake minority, we can choose to be encouraged by the real men of God out there, and there are still a lot of them.
Drop that attitude about going to church to be served. Go to church, and BE THE LIGHT!
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*Yawns*
Firstly, you agree that you are a Christian, which is why you made these statements above. Who is your God, the pastor or God? Your being a Christian means you are a part of the Kingdom of Christ, right? No matter how you put it, you have a stake in the kingdom.
Imagine you are a part of a company, and some of the managers and even low-level staff have been misbehaving recently, they have been going against company policies. Some have been caught and disgraced, while some have been hiding their acts, but there are snide comments going on about them. On Monday morning, you are still on your bed by 9.00am, then your colleague calls you to ask where you are ‘cause the boss has been fuming about your lateness. Then you tell your colleague you don’t think you will be working anymore because some people have been going against company policies. You are not quitting because of the work, salary or boss’s attitude, but because of your colleagues who are going against the company policies.
Well, that look on your face as you consider the foolish reasons of the worker in question is the same way you should look at yourself if you decide to stop going to church because some pastors and church members are hypocrites, and don’t truly represent the Christ they preach.
YOU are the light of the world. YOU are the salt of the earth. If some people have decided to become rotten eggs, and pollute the work of God, why don’t you be the light you have been called to be, and stand out of the pack. In the body of Christ, everyone should serve in expanding the kingdom one way or the other (not necessarily by being a church worker). If you decide to switch your own light off because someone else is displaying faulty light, you have also contributed to the darkness all around. Why should another person’s light affect your own light?
This indicates the fact that you are going to church to be served, and the moment you found out the people serving you are not really what they portrayed themselves to be, you decide it is time to shift base. If one goes to church to actually serve, then you know that the thought of severing yourself from the body because of the stupidity of other servers will not occur to you, because your own serving has nothing to do with their own serving.
If these are the end times as you say, trust me, a reputable church is where you want to be taking refuge at the moment. As the day goes by, it is getting harder by the day, for Christians to take a stand, so you need to take cover.
The agenda of the devil is to destroy the church (the body, not the building). One of the ways he is trying to do that is to make the church turn against itself. The question is, are you going to help the devil meet this agenda by deserting the church because of what a pastor you trusted did? We all know that when the devil wants to destroy someone, he doesn’t make it very obvious, the first thing he does is to play the isolation card. He isolates you from church, friends, family, etc. and makes you think you can be fine by yourself. By the time problem shows up, you see that you have no covering at all.
If you tell me that you are no more going to church because you are now a Muslim, a Buddhist, atheist, etc. that is a reason that actually makes sense. But to say you will be a Christian, but will dissociate yourself from the church (the body of the one who you claim you serve), because of what some pastors did actually makes no sense at all.
Contrary to what you might think, this is not a post about religion or Christianity. It is more about reasons that make sense or not. And also, I know the truth is that many pastors actually do all sorts, and let power get into their heads. I experienced one of such, and I wrote about it here.
"The reason you have not found any fake thirteen naira note is because there are no originals. No one counterfeits what does not exist. You will find fake hundred naira notes, fake one thousand naira notes, but never a fake three hundred naira note. Any counterfeit you see is evidence that the original exists, even in larger quantities than the fake." (Original quote by Atilola Moronfolu).
The reason there are fake men of God is because there are real men of God. The same way the fake men of God are making you consider leaving the church, let that be the same way the real men of God pull you back to being a strong part of the church.
Instead of us to focus on the fake minority, we can choose to be encouraged by the real men of God out there, and there are still a lot of them.
Drop that attitude about going to church to be served. Go to church, and BE THE LIGHT!
Let's have a frank talk about our haters. Shall we?
Monday, March 3, 2014
One of the things you get to learn in those courses where they teach you how to win people over to your side is that, that for every single person, 30% of everyone who knows you will hate you. No matter what you do, whether good or bad, they will hate you. 30% of everyone who knows you will like you. No matter what you do, whether good or bad, they will always like you. 40% of the people who know you will not have any definite feeling about you for some time, and it is this 40% you are supposed to concentrate all your efforts on, in influencing how they feel about you.
If there is anything I hate to hear, it is the term ‘my haters.’ I don’t think anyone should be concerned one bit about people who hate them, so far those people are not trying to kill them. For some people, once someone doesn't like them, then the person is transferred to the 'my haters' category.
There is no need tweeting, creating DPs, subbing, writing posts, making videos, waxing albums, etc to send a message to your haters, unless you are an attention-seeking rap artist. There is no need spending so much energy trying to think of how to diss your perceived haters. I’m sure they don’t spend so much energy thinking about you. Contrary to what you might think, many times, you are not as important to people as much as you think, especially if you agree that these people don’t like you in the first place.
Someone offends you, you get pissed, and then start ranting up and down about your haters, in which I don’t understand how someone offending another person turns the offender into a hater. You let them dictate your feelings, and live your head rent-free. You give the person the right to determine how you live, talk, or act meanwhile, that person has moved on with his/her life, and has no inkling whatsoever that you are writing, blogging and vlogging about him or her. No one should have that much power over you. No one.
Some people even go as far as fulfilling an ambition such as becoming an engineer instead of being the fashion designer they love to be, or getting married to someone they don’t love, just to shut haters up, and shame them. And when they achieve these goals, and the haters take no notice, then they hate the hater, lol.
The truth is that as a person, everyone cannot like you, it is life. And if you are honest with yourself, it is not everyone you like too, so let’s not make a fuss about this hater thing, and keep ranting on and on about haters.
But seriously, won’t the world be boring if everyone was on your side, everyone likes you, you have no human obstacles or challenges? What kind of world would that be? Haters are a part of life, and they make it more interesting.
So how do you deal with haters, assuming the people you call haters are really haters? Ignore them. Don’t sub them, don't write about them, don’t upload videos about them, don’t even act like they exist. As long as the person is not trying to physically hurt you, leave them alone. Don’t in turn, hate the hater, that makes you a bigger hater. Life is too short for all these hater iranu*. One day, you will die, the hater will die, e don finish. Lobatan, abi.
Haters come, haters go. Haters will always exist. If you are wise and have work to do, you will suck it up, take it as a part of life, and concentrate on achieving what God has sent you to achieve in this world.
If there is anything I hate to hear, it is the term ‘my haters.’ I don’t think anyone should be concerned one bit about people who hate them, so far those people are not trying to kill them. For some people, once someone doesn't like them, then the person is transferred to the 'my haters' category.
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There is no need tweeting, creating DPs, subbing, writing posts, making videos, waxing albums, etc to send a message to your haters, unless you are an attention-seeking rap artist. There is no need spending so much energy trying to think of how to diss your perceived haters. I’m sure they don’t spend so much energy thinking about you. Contrary to what you might think, many times, you are not as important to people as much as you think, especially if you agree that these people don’t like you in the first place.
Someone offends you, you get pissed, and then start ranting up and down about your haters, in which I don’t understand how someone offending another person turns the offender into a hater. You let them dictate your feelings, and live your head rent-free. You give the person the right to determine how you live, talk, or act meanwhile, that person has moved on with his/her life, and has no inkling whatsoever that you are writing, blogging and vlogging about him or her. No one should have that much power over you. No one.
Some people even go as far as fulfilling an ambition such as becoming an engineer instead of being the fashion designer they love to be, or getting married to someone they don’t love, just to shut haters up, and shame them. And when they achieve these goals, and the haters take no notice, then they hate the hater, lol.
The truth is that as a person, everyone cannot like you, it is life. And if you are honest with yourself, it is not everyone you like too, so let’s not make a fuss about this hater thing, and keep ranting on and on about haters.
But seriously, won’t the world be boring if everyone was on your side, everyone likes you, you have no human obstacles or challenges? What kind of world would that be? Haters are a part of life, and they make it more interesting.
So how do you deal with haters, assuming the people you call haters are really haters? Ignore them. Don’t sub them, don't write about them, don’t upload videos about them, don’t even act like they exist. As long as the person is not trying to physically hurt you, leave them alone. Don’t in turn, hate the hater, that makes you a bigger hater. Life is too short for all these hater iranu*. One day, you will die, the hater will die, e don finish. Lobatan, abi.
Haters come, haters go. Haters will always exist. If you are wise and have work to do, you will suck it up, take it as a part of life, and concentrate on achieving what God has sent you to achieve in this world.
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*Iranu - Yoruba for Nonsense.
e don finish - Pidgin English for It has finished
Lobatan - Yoruba for It has finished.
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