The day I stood before kings

...Continued from last week

Before I delve into how the D-Day went, let me just give you some facts about Geneva.

1. It is the third most expensive city in the world. So, it is definitely not the town to go shopping like you are on Oxford street.
2. Shops close by 6pm everyday, and don't open on Sundays. Apparently, they do this because it is a family-oriented town. I am still trying to correlate this with the fact that prostitution is legal, lol.

I was presenting on Thursday, and it was just when I was about to sleep on Tuesday, that is got the idea to take my clothes off on stage. I wondered if I would be able to pull it off in such a short time, plus this was a very formal audience. I was happy about the fact that the taking cloths off concept came to me because

1. It distracted me from the fact that I was slower than usual
2. It distracted the listeners from the fact that I was fast for them (I hope so).
3. I just felt the extra efizzy would be good for my spoken word career, lol.
4. It was good for those people who did not speak English.

At the instant I was performing, the piece was being translated to different languages. So if you don't understand it, all you need us to fix your earphones, and switch to the channel of your language. I just felt they wouldn't enjoy the punch lines, alliterations, and word plays, and all those poetic jargon, after being translated. So the extra drama was a form of compensation for them.

These is the mic, earphones and channels they use to switch between languages. Nigeria, what's the way forward o?

As looked around the room that morning, many things dawned on me about the crowd

1. 99% of them were not the colour of my skin
2. They were far older than me, and the crowd I normally stood in front of
3. They did not belong to the class I belonged to, they were political.
they did not understand poetic jargon like alliterations, punchlines, imagery, word plays and those words
4. They did not speak the way I do

The thing is, it is very easy to woo a familiar crowd, tickle their ears and give them what they want to hear. But in this case, you cannot really tell what would impress this crowd, or what they want to hear, because they we well, different. So I prayed... I prayed hard. There was no need coming all the way from Nigeria, and crashing my career on a global scale. I could have easily done that in Nigeria.  God, please, help me.

And help me, God did. Let's just say I almost ran out of complimentary cards by the time I was done. This group of people that hardly clap were almost forced to stop clapping. The lady in charge who used me as experiment was impressed, and Michel Sidibe, the head of UNAIDS was tripped. What more could I ask for?

Empty seats waiting to be filled with listeners who
would later listen to me

My game face on. Lol

Michel Sidibe (the brain behind UNAID),
and a teenage girl born with HIV

Famzing with the people in high places

Beautiful Fatima. She was married off at the age of 14,
and infected by her husband

And the covering came off completely

The youth delegates who anchored the last session. If you take out the two people on the extreme left, the 4 people on the extreme right, and Michel Sidibe in the middle, 98% of the people in this picture are either HIV positive, openly gay, or both
All the performance pictures are courtesy of Olivier Borgognon of 320 studio, Geneva.

So who can tell how many pieces of clothings I had on the ground by the time I was done with the performance?

Out of all the youth delegates that were present, it was just me and one other girl that was quite neutral. It was either they were gay, HIV positive, or both. And let me quickly mention that I just found out that the new political word for gay men in MSM. Don't think too far, it means Men who have Sex with Men.

Ehm, Toinlicious and Sykik. That is my hair with 60% shrinkage o. i.e, you can only see 40% of the length.

If you want to know how the clothes began coming off, watch this video below. And please, pay attention to the message. Feedback highly needed. Thanks

My journey to Geneva, as a Spoken Word Artist

So I had the rare opportunity of sitting in the same room with the united nation delegates all over the world in Geneva. Small girl like me, lol. No be God? Not only did I sit in the same room with these power changers, they actually sat to listen to me. When I got the memo that I had been selected to perform in front of these people, I was in shock for one whole week. I didn't tell anyone, lest the opportunity got jinxed.

By the time I started the preparations for my trip, I was too bugged done with stress to remain in awe. By the time I got there, some people kept introducing me to different top officials as the person who would open the conference on the last day. Let's just say, by the time my day came, the momentum had already built up, and everyone was eagerly anticipating what I would do, but I refused to allow this pressure to overwhelm me.

It did not help matters that I was sort of an experiment. I was brought in to do something that had never ever been done before. So they kept telling me they were really counting on me to change the whole dynamics of the meeting. Still, I didn't let the pressure get me.

I met different people all over the world including, HIV positive people, openly gay people, the high and mighty, people that actually change and influence world policies, AKA the United Nations Delegates.

It was a 3-day conference. On the first two days, the UN delegates took the front seat, while my generation sat behind them. On the last day, the older delegates were seated at the back, while we took the forefront. Everyone expected the last day to be more interesting, and I was the person to do this.

Here are points that were constantly drummed into my ears

1. Try not be too fast. Slow down for them. You have to be cautious of your speed, so everyone would hear you.
2. We are counting on you to shock the audience, by doing something different
3. We are counting you to wake the sleeping audience.

So what happened on the D-Day? I will share that story next week. In the mean time, enjoy some of the pictures. I took loads, but I could just share few.

That place is a freaking freezer. Froze my smile

Did I mention that that place is a freaking freezer?
See how the fog descended

In front of the WHO Head Office in Geneva
A cross section of the conference room we used.
It is actually bigger than this, but I can only capture
one side at a time

My iPad did not do justice to the beautiful
view from the ceiling

Another view

We were prepping for our D-Day

I was being prepped for the dry run of my presentation
the night before

Dry run. As dressed as I am, I was the most scantily dressed.

10 signs that your church is actually a cult

Well, I am back for real. The Guess the Blogger series was a way for me to take a break from blogging, without actually leaving the blog. Genius of me, right? I am sure when you read the title, you were like "Yes, that is the Atilola we know." Abi? Lol. Anyway, if that was not the case for you, I hope by the time you are done with today's post, you will agree that I am back.

So I am starting with my manual-format posts.

Many people are actually attending cults, but think they are going to church. Please, note that cult is not the same as occult, but some cults can be occultic sha. I am not talking of occult in this post, I am talking of cult in general.

So how do you know if your church is actually a cult?

1. You are not allowed to attend or visit other churches. This is the most obvious sign that your so-called church is a cult. Any church that has it as rule that its members must not set foot in another church is hiding the truth from its members, and is afraid that if they go elsewhere, their eyes might be open, and they would leave the church.

2. Attending other churches or fraternising with other Christian brings consequences like curse from God, poverty, etc. Since they cannot police their congregation, they often put a leash on them by threatening strange curses from God on them, should they leave the church, and go as far as invoking it.

3. The pastor does strange things like making church members bear his surname, sleep with several female church members without hiding it, and having several members as wives. This is self-explanatory enough. Many of these leaders are extremely charismatic. Many times, the leader sees the congregation as his followers or children. In many cases, the leader likes to sleep around, and even justifies his actions using anything he can lay his hands on.

4. There are rules in the church that are not in the Bible. Many of their doctrines are nowhere in the Bible.

5. Apart from the general bible, they have another bible, and another set of commandments that guard the doctrine of the church. Most times, in other to support the strange doctrines in number 4, they just have another book guiding them, along with the Bible.

6. Disobeying those rules leads to physical punishments like getting whipped, up to extreme ones like breaking a finger, etc. It doesn't matter your age, the existence of consequences should drive fear into you, and keep you grounded.

7. Sometime, you all live in the same compound or very close proximity to each other. This is done in order to keep tabs on you, and every aspect of your life. It might even be as extreme as you all calling yourselves one big family, you eat together, and put all your money together in order to have one big treasury you all draw money from.

8. You perform strange rituals. This can be one such as you all coming together to eat chicken without cracking the bone, and after, you all bury the bone at a location where you all must walk over. Once you guys jointly do something you feel odd, and don't have the confidence to tell people, it is most likely a strange ritual.

9. You fear the leader more than you fear God. The leader himself feels like God to you, most likely cos he has portrayed himself as the sole voice of God, and he is so domineering that you eventually begin to see him as God.

10. The thought of leaving this church drives deadly fear into you. This is because either you feel you will be dead cos they will send someone to kill you, kidnap you, force you back into the church, or even feel God himself will punish you with severe consequences because you left the church. So even though you want to leave, your mind is actually what keeps you there.

Of course, not all cults disguised as churches will have every single quality mentioned above. If your church has even just one of the qualities mentioned above, my dear, pick race. And don't worry, nothing will happen to you.

P.S: If you know Cherrywine, please, give her a hug and slimy wet kiss for me. She hosted me again last week, and I finished her sugar, grapes and moin moin. Isn't she the bomb?

All hail the King of Nigerian Blogsville

If you said the answer to my last week's blogger was Vera, I would say 'Really?' If there's a famous blogger whose blog I have never visited, then it is Vera. cos I always hear her name everyone, but we are not yet Bloygfriends. Anyway, if you said the answer is Beautiful, then you would be right. She is not only a gister on her blog, but in real life. Kai, she can gist. And me... I enjoy talking to her every single time. She is very down to earth with me. She is also a cheat o,  cos she kept pressuring me to give her the expo to the answer of several Guess the Blogger series, because according to her, I am a Nigerian, and can be fraudulent if I want to be. She said I should tell you all that she's sweet, so here I am telling you... Beautiful is sweet. *ducks flying chair*

So congrats to Tamie once again, You have officially made yourself an enemy to 1 + the one, lol.

Moving on, it my pleasure to officially announce the end of this series to you all. Are you all crying? Lol. I'm sure many people are secretly rejoicing. Now to my vote of thanks.

I thank Madam Ginger for hosting me for 2 days. It was my visit to her village in Milton Keynes that made me think up this idea.

I thank every one who participated by reading, commenting, complaining, threatening, participating in whatever way they could.

I want to make mention of all the bloggers featured in this series. Gee of Everything Weddings and More, Ginger, Aloted, Ibifiri, Berry, Sugarspring, Tomi Akibo, Beautiful, Madam Salt, Unyime-Ivy King, Michael Onobote, Gbenga of Geebee Chronicles, PET Projects, Rita of Ero Inspirations, Cherrywine, Sisi Yemmie, Dayor, Doll, and Olatoxic. Thanks for being great pals I can put a face to. If I have met you before, and I did not feature you, please pardon me. It was not intentional. I actually have a place where I record blogger's names after I meet them. The only bloggers I've met, and did not feature are Olufunke and Shally, cos I knew no one would know them.

I want to send a beautiful shout out to all these committed students of blogsville.

1. Beautiful, who participated once in a while, but gave up because she never got the answer, and I refused to give her expo on BBM. She is beefing me till now.

2. To people who took part once in a while, like Myne, Naija wife, MsJB, NikkiSho.

3. Priscy, 1 + The One, and Sykik, who kept persisting time and time again. They were consistent all through, even though they did not get any on time. That quality will get you guys very far in life. Take it from me.

4. One-time winners: Atoskin, Myne, Tomi Akibo, the OOhj, Doll

5. Two-time winners: HoneyDame

6. Three-time winners: Sugarspring, who won with three different profiles. Na wa o.

7. Four-time winner. Former champion Toin, who along the way, dropped the ball, and let the blogsville underdog overtake her.

7. All hail the one and only champion, our five-time winner. The Agbalagbi Agbalagba of Blogsville. We throway salute to you Madam Tamie. You were the underdog, whom no one expected to come from behind, and sweep it all up in a go, dusting reigning champions like Toin, Sugarspring, and Honeydame. May your reign as champion be fruitful ooo. Here is a crown and Irukere for you, as a symbol of your reign. We remain your loyal subject.


So that's it. We call it a wrap for now. I will be doing this series once in a while, if I meet any new blogger.

What next will be happening on this blog? Well, only time will tell.

P.S: I hooked up with Cherrywine last week. Mehn, it was so nice to be with her again. Of course, we gisted and gisted. This is just the usual when Atilola hooks Cherry. Lol. Than's how it would be written if two of us were to get married. She spoilt me with Fish and Chips at the Grill centre. Toinlicious and Honeydame, I hope your envy metre is springing out of control? Lol.

Things are happening

Na wa o. Things are happening in this Guess the Blogger series o. I don't understand why Toinlicious will let all her hard work just go down the drain like that. She just became so relaxed with her champion status, and now Tamie has finally caught up with her. So unfortunate sha.

So I guess we all know who the winner of last week's edition is. Tamie. I will send your gift to you once again. Unyime-Ivy King is the blogger in question. Sorry, I don't have a picture of us together. Na familiarity cause am. We see each other a lot, so I actually never thought of taking a picture with her.


So unto this week's blogger,

1. In my opinion, this blogger is just a spoilt person jare. She expects everyone to be loving her up, but I have blatantly refused to, lol. She is suffering from last-born syndrome, and I intend to cure her from it.

2. This blogger can giiiissssstttt, kai. She just like to gist about one thing or the other that happened, on her blog. It is quite fun to read all the gist sha.

3. You need another clue? By now you should know this blogger jo. Okay, this blogger is heavily endowed. *clears throat, and picks race*

Guess who.