I would no longer shed a tear for you

Hi people. Sorry I will be skipping the Guess the Blogger series this week, and will resume next week. I'm sure that when you read the story below, you will understand why I had to do this.

22 August 2013

I heard a loud bang on the gate, accompanied by the screaming voice our family friend and neighbourhood panel beater, Uncle Bayo. He was screaming for my sister and cousin to come down and open the gate. Being used to the feigned deafness of the house rascals, I ignored the commotion, knowing they would still go down to open the gate.

The baritone voice of my brother rang in my ears as he shouted at my sister to get down and open the gate immediately. A few minutes later, I heard a sound like when a slap is being dished out on someone’s smooth cheek, and what sounded like my mother’s voice. “What would my mother be doing at home by 3.40pm when she would ordinarily be at work?” I thought to myself, puzzled. Whatever is happening in the living room would definitely sort itself out.

Five minutes later, my brother suddenly barged into my room. The abruptness with which he opened the door got me scared and got me to leap. I took a look at his 6-ft giant frame, and my eyes were immediately drawn to his face. Strange! They were swollen, and tears were streaming down his dark cheeks. What is it that would throw someone with such a stature into a sorrowful state? Just imagine a NFL quarter back wailing. Strange sight indeed. And then the first thing that registered in my mind was the slapping sound I had heard coming from the living room. Right there and then, a barrage of thought ran through my head, all at the same time, like pictures in a kaleidoscope.

“Armed robbers are in the living room of my house, and they slapped my brother, and that’s why his face is swollen.”

“No if armed robbers were in the living room, they won’t allow him to leave their site.”

I remembered I had heard what had sounded like my mum’s voice, so I quickly changed my thoughts to “My mum came home, and she slapped my brother.” Immediately realising how senseless this imagination was, I discarded it.

It was then I realized I had been screaming “What happened, what happened?” And he was responding with “Ha Tayo, it is Tayo.”

I said “Tayo.” I still couldn’t get the thought of the slap out of my head, and I thought “Maybe Tayo is the one that slapped him.”

“Wait, Tayo. We only know one Tayo. What can be the connection between Tayo and my brother’s tears?” The only logical answer is “Tayo must be dead.”

I did not want to accept it, so I allowed myself to hope for a few nanoseconds. “What happened to Tayo?” 

He kept on saying “Tayo, Tayo.”

I asked “What happened, is he dead?”

He went on “Its Tayo.”

“Please, tell me what happened. He’s dead?” More of a statement than a question. I was already falling to my knees at this point.

“Yes.”

I landed on the ground, letting out a wail that was louder than the combination of the slapping sound, my mum’s voice, Uncle Bayo’s screams, and my brothers yell, as I ran to the living room. I just couldn’t believe it. It was only four days ago we were together in my house.

A neighbour heard my cry, and ran to my house. Uncle Bayo immediately cautioned me to stop wailing, and drawing attention. He said my tears would further deepen my mum’s sadness, and make her cry more. Like a stop clock, my wail ceased immediately. I knew right there and then, I would no longer shed a tear for you.
I was instantly reminded when my father died, when I was crying immediately I heard about his death. My next-door neighbour told me not to shed tears since we do not yet know if my dad’s death was ordinary. And if it was not, the people that had a hand in his death might be lurking around, planning to wipe my tears with a material, and go and use it for diabolical reasons. I stopped crying then, and now eight years later, I have still not shed a tear. Thanks to African witches, I was not even allowed to shed tears for my dad for a period of five minutes.

I looked at my mum, asking her what happened, as I stilled myself not to cry, while she ignored my questions. I walked to my room, calmed myself for five minutes, and came out.

I asked again, and I got the story.

“You were changing your flat tyre, when a car came out of nowhere and ran you over. You couldn’t be revived. Just like that, it was all over.”

I sat and looked for five minutes, with a straight face. I finally got pissed and walked to my room, noting the finality of it all.

Two Sundays ago, I remember begging you to accept a pack of Toblerone, and sacrifice the t-shirt I intended to give you for another person, as I left you, just like that, to attend to other business.

Just this Sunday, I remember us arriving from church at the same time, and I harassed you to move your car from the front of the gate, so I could park in the compound. When you protested my harassment, I turned them to pleas. We gisted for about three minutes, and I went to my room to rest. If only I knew. Would I have taken those last moments with you for granted, and spent it on my bed?

You haven't even spent up to a year in Nigeria. You were happy to be back home, always talking about how you wanted to do business in Nigeria, how Nigeria is the place to make money, become an agent for change in Nigeria, and so on.

My grieving process has just begun, and sadly, I would no longer shed a single tear for you.

24 August 2013

"I would no longer shed a tear for you." Today, I realised this statement is as false as the snow being black. I cried as I stood by the rectangular hole in which you were being buried, and the finality and hopelessness of the situation dawned on me. Then I knew that as long as I didn't think about you, I won't shed tears, but when I'm forced to, like when your graveside imposed your thoughts on me, the tears won't stop coming.

"I would no longer shed a tear for you." A lie that even surpasses that of the devil.

RIP Temitayo Obasa

When People are about to die, does death have its handwriting inscribed on their faces, because four days ago, I saw no sign of it on yours.



Your last birthday on earth,
Two months before you relocated to Nigeria

You and I

You, I, and my sisters, when we were younger

Still finding it hard to believe...



96 comments

  1. Let his soul continues to rest in the Lord our maker, and the Holy Spirit gives his loved ones the fortitude to bear the loss. Amen.

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  2. I'm deeply sorry for your loss hun. I have goose pimples reading this. May his soul rest in peace. *hugs*

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  3. May God grant you and your family the strength you need at this time. RIP Tayo

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  4. No words...when the young departs so early...

    May God console you and everyone he left here behind, grant you peace and strength, give you His beauty for your ashes and the oil of gladness for your mourning.

    IT IS WELL.

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  5. OMG! OMG! OMG!

    I am so so so sorry for your loss. Why do these things happen?!

    I pray that God gives you and Tayo's loved ones the strength to deal with this tragedy. I pray that He envelopes you with comfort and peace that passes understanding.

    May Tayo rest in peace.

    :(

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  6. I'm really sorry for your loss.

    May God console you. Amen.

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  7. Oh...am so sorry.....I wish I could just hold and wrap you in my arms....Dearie, it is well..that's all I can say.

    He's in heaven, smiling down at you and asking that you stay strong.

    Bear hugs to your family. I pray God grants you the fortitude to ear this loss. Amen

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  8. Hmmm this is really sad.

    Hugs my Atilola, May God console you and your family.

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  9. So sorry for ur loss dear, may God comfort u and ur family and may his soul rest in peace.

    Such a sad way to die

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  10. I'm so sorry for your loss Atilola.. May God comfort you and his loved ones. May God give you the grace to go through this difficult period in Jesus name.

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  11. Hugs my dear. I pray the good Lord gives you and the family all the strength to bear the loss. like the good old saying... "its well" Blessings!

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  12. (((HUGS))!! May God see you all through this period. Only He can comfort you. My heart goes out to you

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  13. Such a sad way for him to dies, with all those hopes and dreams about Nigeria. May his soul RIP. Sigh

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    Replies
    1. Haa. Its really sad, cos he wanted to do so much here.

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  14. So sad. Sorry for your loss @ilola. *Hugs*

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  15. I am so sorry about your loss. May his soul rest in the bosom of the Lord. My prayers are with you.

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  16. So sad for your loss, and I hope God gives you and your whole family the comfort and strength to bear his loss.

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  17. Oh! Dear! May his Soul continue to rest in peace.

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  18. *Sigh* May the Holy Spirit comfort you all...This is incredibly sad...

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  19. May his soul rest in the bossom of The Lord. May The Good Lord grant you and the rest of your family the fortitude to bear the loss.

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    1. Amen. Thanks sir. Where have you been?

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  20. My condolences, Atilola. May his soul rest in peace.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. The 'where have you been?' in the above comment was actually meant for you?

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  21. Hmmm! This is sad! Such a fine young man cut off just like that at the prime of his life. These things happen and we just feel so helpless, so powerless, so bitter and so angry! We begin to ask 'Why? Why him?' Then we remember again that God remains unquestionable! Painful irony of life but we should take solace in the fact that he's gone to a better place. It is well with you, dear! May God strengthen you all at this time and beyond.

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    Replies
    1. Yes o. His ways are indeed mysterious. Thanks.

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  22. Oh lord! May his soul rest in peace and may God comfort you Atilola

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  23. Its well dear, may God comfort u and the whole family. Pele

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  24. So sad!
    Accept my condolence, dear
    May us soul rest in peace

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  25. This is really sad, I pray God grant you all strength to go through this period. (((HUGS)))

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    1. Thanks. Wosrong wit yo BB.

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    2. Hi Atilola, How are you feeling today? Trust you are holding up well. I'm off BB for now. Take good care of you and have a great week. ((HUGS))

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  26. Hi,
    Deeply sorry for your loss, may God grant you and his family the grace to bear this...May His soul rest in perfect peace...its so sad!!

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  27. It's so depressing when the good young personalities leave in such a hurry. Really touching! Sincere commiseration ma'am.

    May the gracious God grant you, and other friends and family the fortitude to bear the loss.

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    Replies
    1. Yea. Lives cut short isn't palatable at all.

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  28. Hugsss Atilola.
    May his soul rest in perfect peace Amen. May God grant you and your family comfort and peace Sweetie.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. He's the brother to the one in Dagenham. Remember?

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  29. This is so sad. I'm really sorry for your loss...

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  30. Death really does come unannounced. Felt your pain as I was reading this. It reminds me of the memories of a forgotten tragedy. May Jah give you the fortitude to bear this great loss and may He strengthen and uphold you.
    R.I.P Tayo
    May his soul rest in perfect peace. Amen

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  31. Pele, Atilola, i know you must feel at the moment. This year has been "annus horibilis" for my family and i. Lost my dad on the 17th of August but guess what, my sister puts to bed a bouncing baby boy ten days later so indeed the Lord taketh and He also giveth.

    May all the departed souls rest in peace, Amen..

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    Replies
    1. Aww. Sorry for your loss. I hope he lived a long fruitful life.

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  32. I'm so sorry about this. A similar case pushed me into doing this on my blog yesterday: http://ayoyebanji.blogspot.com/2013/08/between-death-and-i.html

    May his soul rest in peace.

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  33. Atty, personally dont know what to say right now that makes any sense.

    It feels like this really hit home,it is too close. He had so much dream, so much to give and offer... Yet again we are failed by a system that really shouldn't be.

    But,I have this niggling feeling that it will only propel you to actually make your dreams come true. You will be part of the people that will make Nigeria better. I know it sounds like words now but it will have meaning some day.

    He wasn't meant to die, he really wasn't, I don't know if I believe God allowed it or the foolishness of men allowed it.

    You are in my prayers.

    xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your encouragement, and seeing a silver lining. Your comment sounds like you know him.

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  34. Death is mostly one reason for my not knowing what to say.However,i pray God will give you the strength to bear your loss.It is okay to cry and grief.*hugs*

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  35. Just reading this makes me go sober because I know the pain of losing a sibling in the prime of their life- you can't make sense of it at all. Words do not suffice!

    Nothing can be said, but that God comforts you and your family because this is not an easy thing to bear. Time just eases the pain, and makes it more bearable. May the passage of time ease your pain, and someday, when the troubles of this life are over, may the Lord grant you the understanding to make sense of it all. Take heart. (((HUGS)))

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  36. Sorry about your loss! May God grant all friends, family and loved one the fortitude to bear this loss

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  37. Oh Lord, why am I just seeing this now?
    Hatty, may God grant you strength and the fortitude you need at this time. May he grant your family understanding. Amen

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    Replies
    1. Amen o. Thank you for your prayers.

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  38. I pray that God strengthens you and your family **HUGS*

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  39. Hope you are doing better, taking each day at a time. God be with you all. Hugs.

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  40. blessings and condolences....
    Death is never something we consider
    Death is something we are never prepared for
    Death is something we can never fully comprehend
    There are no words adequate to console
    You just take it moment to moment, date to date
    until one day you can wake up without your heart hurting, without your mind lagging and lapsing into disbelief.

    peace my sistah,
    peace.
    Rhapsody

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    1. Unfortunately, it is inevitable. Thanks for the consolation

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  41. It is well Atilola. May this never be experienced again. Sorry about this.

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  42. I'm so, so, so sorry about your loss Atilola. May his soul rest in perfect peace. And may the God of all comfort comfort you and your family. ***hugs*** to you my dear. xxx

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    1. Thank you ma'am. It has really been a long time. How are you doing?

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  43. Hello. I'm sorry for your loss. Quick question, is the girl in pink, you? and if it isnt, is ur sister's name Eniola?

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    Replies
    1. She is my sister. Her name is Eniola.

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  44. I am so sorry for your loss. May his soul rest in peace.

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  45. Although it's been a month, my eyes are wet. Sorry for the loss, it's really a horrible experience, may his soul rest in peace.

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  46. Wow, can feel your pain n loss....so sorry :(

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  47. Keep resting in the Lord, Tayo. ❤️

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