My Best Friend’s Wedding(site)

Hey people, long time. Sorry there has been no post for a while, I’ve been doing some things that made me lose creativity and go blank. Plus where I am now is killing my inspiration. So therefore, this post might sound a bit watery to you. Beware!
A very close friend of mine is getting married soon but what is unusual is that this friend of mine is a very young guy and most guys don’t usually get married at his age.
Well, he sent me the link to his wedding site for me to check out sometime ago. On visiting, I saw something very interesting and shocking. On the how they met segment, he said his ‘wife to be’ was the first person to see his first employment letter (obviously to make the story sound very romantic). My eyebrows rose at this statement immediately because I was actually the first person that saw the so-called letter, I could even remember the salary structure and the excitement on his face.
Lesson: never believe anything you see on these wedding sites, everyone wants their story to sound very nice and they spice it up a bit.
The reason I actually saw the letter first was that he really liked me and was planning to ask me to be his girlfriend. He was trying to make up his mind between me and his fiancée (this, I found out from him about a year later). But he asked me a test question which revealed my lack of interest in a relationship with him and that’s how I got kicked out of his list of options. If it had happened otherwise, I’d have been getting married to my very young friend next week or I’d have broken his heart four years ago thereby losing our friendship. That is to say, I am satisfied with the way things went.
Well, trust me, after seeing the story, I got back to my friend ASAP and asked why he lied, he then said it was a mistake. This was my reply to him:

You have to do one of these

1. Go back to the site and tell the truth, say 'your fiancée is d second person that saw the letter, the first person was ‘@ilola’.

2. You can leave the statement but change the picture and the name to mine, just to preserve the truth. The implication of this is that you will have to marry me on that day.

3. You can leave it that way and let me come and disrupt your wedding day when it gets to the 'how they met' segment.

YOU CHOOSE!!

To say that my friend was scared after reading this would be an understatement. He has always had a knack for taking me serious when I am just joking. I had to calm him down and put his mind at rest. I hope when he sees my face on his wedding day, he won’t start urinating in his trousers!

Something to Lighten you up

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Operator: That’s what I said. I’m Saw Ree…

Caller: Oh… God!!

If you don't like the Story, Change it!

I am someone that hates stories and movies with sad endings. They have a way of making me feel really bad. I am of the opinion that a lot of tragic events occur in reality and I should be able to use books and movies as a means of escape to fantasy. A fiction, no matter how good the story line is, shouldn’t remind me of how bad the state of the world is, reality should do that, even if the story is sad, the end should be happy (just my opinion).I am referring to books like Tess of D’Urbervilles and films like million dollar baby and The girl next door (the 2007 film not 2004 film).
I realized that since I can’t pick a good movie or book and predict whether it’s a tragedy or not just by looking at the title, I run the risk of encountering such stories. Last week, I watched a movie titled ‘Drag me to hell’. The movie went well till the very end. I was so pissed and then, I made up my mind and said to myself ‘Nice story but I don’t like the end, I don’t care about what the writer thinks, I am going to rewrite the last scene’. And then, I took a mental ink and paper and did some editing. The writer had his final story and I had mine, we were both contented. I did not have to accept his story since it was going to ruin my night but I could not negate the fact that the story was already in my head.

This write-up is not about films and books, not even about story writers. After all, they are just being creative in their own way. This write up is about the real world. When we don’t like the way some things are going in our lives, we can change the story. We can always take active stance against some things, even demanding drastic actions sometimes. I am also talking to myself. If you think your life is charting a course you are not comfortable with, you can change the story. If you feel you are getting outdated, get a certification, improve yourself in different ways. If you feel you are in a relationship that’s going anywhere, get out. Take perfect control of your life, pick a pen and paper and change the story and don’t let the ‘writer of destiny’ dictate how your life is going to play out. There are only 2 beings in control of your life. Number one, God and number two, You. Don’t give that control to any circumstance or past event that might be taking hold of your life, don’t even give it to anyone whom you might think has a strong influence on your destiny. Don’t let anyone tell you the way your life ought to go, what course to study, whom to marry, what career path to follow. Take full responsibility for your life, do the writing and acting, and if you don’t like the story at any point, change it! That way, you alone will have power over how interesting your life is going to be.

CNN, BBC, etc. ARE NOT BEING FAIR TO NIGERIA

How many times have you seen a nice seen a nice picture or video of Nigeria on BBC or CNN? Apart from that Zenith bank advert (which was paid for), hardly ever. These people have a way of making this country look worse than it really is.
The first wake-up call I got was about 10 years ago, I saw an American cartoon (the likes of voltron) on a Nigerian station. I can’t remember the story line but I think the hero was supposed to go and catch a villain hiding in Lagos. This is how Lagos was depicted, a place filled with cows and nomads moving them cows with stick. I was so dumbfounded, I have lived my entire life in Lagos and I’ve never seen even a stray cow on the road. The only place cows are found are in the meat market where they are sold.
I don’t know if you readers have noticed this short footage that has been running on CNN IODesk for about 3 weeks now, it says that “Talking about Breast cancer in Nigeria is considered a taboo”! What? Am I the only one that is seeing something wrong here? I’m sorry, but I think CNN should get their facts right before broadcasting such lies about us. I’ve been hearing about Breast cancer and its dangers since I was 11 years old, I have even been taught how to do self examination of Breast cancer, I’ve heard so much about breast cancer for over 10 years that it is beginning to sound like a broken record. What about Rhythm 93.7 fm that keeps on drumming the breast cancer message before and after every news reading? So what does CNN mean about that statement? I don’t know if there is a particular village in Nigeria where talking about it is a taboo, but when you start referring to the whole nation, it shows how wrong CNN can be at times.
There is also this footage on the same CNN IODesk that talks about over 300,000 people in Nigeria dying of malaria every year. I really don’t know how many people die but the painful part is that in this particular footage, they ‘implied’ that we cut leaves from trees and burn them in order to keep the mosquitoes away! Again, I don’t care if some people do that, but why didn’t CNN mention that we use insecticides, mosquito nets, mosquito coils and other sensible preventive measures that we use here in Nigeria? Why did they have to depict our efforts in such a negative way? Accompanying this footage was a horribly looking man who couldn’t speak English burning something strange. Whenever CNN and BBC want to talk about us, they go to the very remote Nigerian villages I have never seen or heard about to get pictures and videos and they depict it as Nigeria. I read BBC online a lot and I have never seen a good picture of Nigeria or Nigerians. Aren’t they being myopic that way? They don’t show pictures of places like Port Harcourt, Kano, Ibadan, Lagos, etc and if they do, they’ll pick Ajegunle and depict it as Lagos, leaving places like Omole, Victoria island, VGC, Ajah and co out to rot. Did they ever talk about the things Governor Fashola did? Did they ever show footages of his beautiful works? No, all they show is what they want the rest of the world to believe about Nigeria. And how do they depict her citizens? Let’s not even begin to talk about that.
Well, it is not their fault. After all, we are the ones who are still running to their countries instead of staying to develop our own. I know our leaders have failed us but they don’t have to make our situation look worse than it actually is.

Perfect People

I hate ‘perfect’ people! And this is why I say so, they have a way of making people like me look bad, incapable, inadequate, etc. Anytime I come across a nice, accommodating, always smiling, friendly, ‘never do wrong’, etc. person, I cringe. It always seems to me that the person just makes my weakness obvious.
I have this aunt that stayed with us for about a year. She was perceived to be very hardworking. She woke up every morning to clean a very large part of the house, she always made me look lazy and my mum always fell for it. Anytime my mum saw her working, it would suddenly occur to her as to what a horribly lazy child she had in me. Never mind the fact that I am the first girl and started washing my clothes and plates at the age of five, and since then I did a lot of house chores and still do till date. My ‘perfect’ aunt will wake up by 6.30 am and start cleaning an already clean house and then my mum will wake up and start shouting at me, 'the lazy daughter'. I’d just be looking soberly but inside of me, I really couldn’t be bothered, if she wants to work, let her work, I didn’t care. The day she crossed the line from perfection to eye service was when she carried out a duty reserved for me. I used to clean my mum’s bathroom every Saturday after washing my clothes and cleaning my portion of the house. That day, I woke up a bit late and before I could finish my earlier chores, she had gone to the bathroom and cleaned it. I was perplexed, since she knew that it was my duty and my mum was going to shout at me. As expected my mum complained about me, 'the lazy daughter'. I later told my grandmother about it because it was obvious she was trying to steal my mum’s affection from me (as if that is possible) and she wanted to be getting a lot of things from her.
It would happen that after my ‘perfect’ aunt left our house to her husband’s, it did not take 2 weeks before an issue developed between her and my mum which resulted in her shunning my mum showing her true colour. Who did my mum whine and complain to? Well, me, 'the lazy daughter'.
Time after time, I meet people that after spending like 4 weeks with them, you still cannot find any weakness in them, I mean no single one. If you want to find, you’d have to spend a lot of months with them. I compare them to people like me that before encountering our strengths, you’d have noticed all our weaknesses but after then, you find countless strengths. I know many of my weaknesses and sometimes I wish I could pretend in order to cover them up for a while, but I just can’t. You see why I hate ‘perfect’ people? They know how to be accepted anywhere, by anyone, under any circumstances. They know how to fix plastic smiles. They are hardly sad, bored or angry. they know how TO PRETEND. And believe me, there are a lot of perfect people in this world. I run away from them as much as I can because they always make me look bad. I know my weaknesses, you don’t have to make it obvious. Thank You!

Would you get a ticket if the Courtship cop pulled you over?

Joanna Purswell. She liked the sound of it. Joanna Marie Purswell. Yes, it definitely had a ring to it. Joanna Stockwell was dreamily playing the Last Name Game in her head. Hi, I’m Mrs. Purswell, she practiced. Hello, I’m Mrs. Joanna Purswell. This is my husband.
Shawn was driving her home after an enchanting evening together. They’d only begun their courtship a few weeks before, but she’d already decided that if Shawn proposed, she would definitely say yes. Shawn had so many wonderful qualities. He was cute, he drove a great car, and he was… well… so cute. He’d look so handsome in a black tuxedo standing next to her in her white satin wedding dress. What colour bridesmaid dresses did she want? Pink or emerald green?
Next to Joanna in the driver’s seat, Shawn was in his own dream world. he looked over at her and smiled. She smiled back. The sunroof was open, and the cool summer air was blowing through her hair. There was so much about Joanna he admired… her hair, her legs. He’d kissed her for the first time two nights before. He accelerated the car as he anticipated kissing her again when they said goodbye. If they got married, he wouldn’t have to say goodbye. What would the wedding night be like? Ahhh, the wedding night….Flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror jerked him back to reality. “Oh this is just great!” he said angrily as he eased his car to the side of the road.
“Were you speeding?” Joanna asked.
“No,” Shawn answered bitterly. “At least I don’t think so.”
He fumbled in his glove compartment for his insurance card, and then rolled down his window. A tall, meticulously dressed policeman was already walking briskly to the car.
“Uh, hi,” Shawn said, talking quickly. “Sir, I honestly don’t think I was going over limit back there and….”
“Not here to talk about the speed of your car, son,” the officer interrupted. “We need to talk about the speed of your relationship.”
“My what?” Shawn asked.
“You heard me,” the officer said, pulling off his dark glasses and hunching his body down so that he was eye level with the couple. “How long have you two been in a courtship?”
Shawn and Joanna looked at each other in open-mouthed shock.
“I’m a Courtship Cop,” the officer explained. “It’s my job to make sure couples like you don’t speed your way into bad marriages.” He whipped a flashlight off his belt and pointed it in their eyes. “Just as I suspected,” he said. “Bloodshot eyes. Young man, you’ve probably been thinking about sex. And you, young lady, have the glassy eyes of a Premature Wedding Planner.”
The color drained from both their faces
“When did you start your relationship?” the cop asked again.
“Um, about a month ago,” Shawn stammered. His mouth was dry
“And did I just see you pull out of the parking lot of Marquee Jewelers a few miles back? The cop asked.
“Uh… well, yeah,” Shawn said.
“Don’t tell me you’re already looking at engagement rings!”
“Well, um, we were just browsing,” Shawn said sheepishly.
“It was his idea,” Joanna interjected.
“Hey!” Shawn said defensively. “You wanted to look too!”
“I really don’t care whose idea it was,” the cop said dryly. “I pulled both your records, and neither looks good. You both have a history of quick emotional entanglements. You’ve only been courting three and a half weeks; and our reports show that most of your interaction so far has been superficial and based on fantasy. No real friendship. No spiritual relationship. And there’s been no serious discussion of values, goals, or expectations for marriage. Even worse: zero counsel from others!”
“Could you let us off with a warning?” Shawn asked meekly.
“I don’t think so,” the officer said sternly. “I’m writing you both up for ‘considering engagement while under the influence.’ Do you realize the danger you put yourselves in by speeding towards marriage while romantically intoxicated?”
At that, Joanna started wailing and tugging on Shawn’s arm.
“My mum is going to kill me!” she moaned. “She’s a member of MADE- Mothers Against Dumb Engagements! She’s going to freak out. This is all your fault!”
Shawn didn’t say anything. He was already beginning to sober up…

An excerpt from Boy meets Girl by Joshua Harris

ALARORO 2: Bridesmaid Palaver

@ilola: Good evening.

Mum: It is you I have been waiting for.

A statement I wouldn’t want to hear from my mum after getting home tired on a Tuesday night.

@ilola: Do you want to talk to me?

What a stupid question

Mum: Yes

@ilola: About what?

Mum: Your distant auntie’s daughter is getting married in December and ‘you are ‘one of the bridesmaid.

Shoo! I didn’t realize I could be a bridesmaid without knowing it.

@ilola: (With a confused look on my face) Why me, How does she know me…………?

Mum: Your auntie called and requested for my first daughter to be among the maids of honour.

@ilola: (My face has changed from confused to worried) So how much is the cloth?

Mum: 100 pounds for the dress and you will buy two sets of traditional which will amount to N8,000.

@ilola: Is that not N25,000 (I am a Nigerian so I always think in naira)

Mum: Yes, depending on the exchange rate.

@ilola: Am I the one that is going to pay or is it you?

Another stupid question

Mum: Ok, Ok, I will take the N8,000 burden off you. Pay the N25,000.

Naah, naah! Don’t you think it’d have been better the other way round?

@ilola: (Still annoyed at the fact that I had to spend N68,000 yesterday) Where do you want me to get that kind of money from?

Mum: From your salary.

@ilola: (Now grumbling seriously) Why would anyone spend N25,000 on a maid’s dress? Something one will never wear again. Why are people so extravagant? You people just want me to waste money. Oh ooooooh! (now pacing up and down my mum’s room)

Mum: Cool down, I’m sure you will still be able to wear it after that day, maybe because it’s being bought from London (who cares?). You know, all other bridesmaid are coming with the bride from London, you are the only Nigerian resident amongst them (I really wonder what I am supposed to do with that information).

At this point, I am wondering why I was chosen to be one of her bridesmaid, because I have never seen the bride in question in my entire life even though she is a distant cousin, I don’t even know her name neither does she know mine. Why the hell have I been picked for the unfortunate task of throwing ‘my own’ N25,000 into the fire. If she wanted me on her team so badly, couldn’t she pay for me? After all, we are family!!!

@ilola: Why do people spend so stupidly on their wedding and forget about the marriage? After everything, it will be over and we’ll all forget that day. (I kept on grumbling and sulking and my mum was just looking at me)

Mum: (Ignoring my grumbles). You are supposed to pay the 100 pounds into a domiciliary account, I will give you the account number. Tell Bose to pay the money into the account for you and reimburse her later.

Lailai, I no go gree for this one. It’s bad enough that I was chosen to be a bridesmaid, they even want me to start jumping about to pay money into one London account as if I am being done a favour.

@ilola: You pay the money, do it anyhow you like. Get the money across to the bride. I’ll give you N25,000 later (I really don’t care about the exchange rate). All I know is that once money leaves my hand, dress must show in December.

Mum: Ok

@ilola: And I am not giving you any money until October

Mum: October is fine

I looked at the woman who knew she had won the battle and kept on sulking and grumbling. As I wondered why it’s me that should be initiated into an unknown relation’s club of extravagance, I stomped out of the room!

ALARORO 1: My Accounting Standards

I always prided myself in the fact that I am not a materialistic and demanding person but recently, I have begun to think differently.

For people that know me well, they know that I am a serious money manager, I am not stingy in any way but I always like to get the best out of every penny I spend. And this is one of the reasons why I normally don’t eat out, I prefer to cook my food from home because I believe that there’s nothing I want to get outside that I can't make for myself, considering the fact that I get to spend much less. Another reason is that I believe the food sold in my firm is just too boring for me to spend money on everyday.

It happened that on one week day, I had a date in an eatery, it was about 3 weeks ago, during my break time at work. We went out, and I was asked to take my order. Without looking at the prices, I just ordered what I wanted although I didn’t order too much because I used to believe that I am a considerate person (now I know better), my date also ordered, by the time the bill was collated, it was somewhere between N2000 and N2500. I was like wow, this thing is just too expensive, ahn ahn, what did we buy? Anyway, the guy had money so I didn’t bother again and if he did not, I had the money (our net income falls in the same range but I just don’t like to spend), so I was sure we couldn’t run into troubles. Well, the date went well and was over.

Two weeks later, I decided that I wanted a day off my cooking and so I chose a particular day to go to the same eatery I went to earlier because I could not bear to eat the boring food in my firm. I budgeted a maximum of N1000 even when I know that I could afford so much more. The inclusion of a budget is the first indication that there’s a difference when I am the one paying. And so I embarked on the eye-opening outing. When I got there, the accounting standards I always live by came into full play. First thing I did was to check the prices of everything I was interested in so that I could get the best bargain. It was then I realized that most of what I ordered during my last date was what took a large percentage of my friend’s bill. I was so ashamed, my selfishness confronted me in the face.

By the time I finished using my ISA, SAS and ISRE IFRS standards (don’t think too far, I did not major in accounting), I ended up having to spend about N450, I thought it was too small since I came to ‘spoil’ myself, so I upped it to N730. I ended up with one small fried rice, one miserable goat meat, 5 pieces of plantain and a bottled water, I wanted to die. I could easily get all these from my mama’s cooking pot at home but no, I had to pay to be cheated. Anyway, I tried to forget about the money and enjoy my food.

You see, same scenario, two different mindsets. What was the difference? I was the one paying this time. I realized that this is not the first time that someone will take me out without me trying to correlate the price with the person’s capability but when it is me spending, the story changes. By the time I was through, I vowed not to go there anymore (at least not alone).

When does it become 'Cheating'?

The topic of this post speaks for itself. When do we cross the line that we can actually say that we are cheating on a loved one? Is it

(1) when you double date

(2) when you have a fling or one-night stand

(3) when you have fantasies about someone else when you are in a relationship or

(4) when you act on those fantasies?

I, personally,  think it is very difficult for one to be with someone for quite a while without being attracted to another person. Even if you are the most holy angel in this world, you will always find someone better in one way or the other than who you are with. It’s the commitment made that matters. I call this other person a ‘passing fancy’ and sometimes ‘useful distraction’. I believe we cross the line when we start acting on the attraction.

It is even worse when sometimes we seek advice when we find ourselves in this situation and the so called ‘advisor’ tells us “follow your heart”. We then get ourselves caught in a web of lies and deceit. I wonder when our hearts became something we could trust? No wonder our hearts and mind are at war most times.

And for those who believe that cheating starts when we are attracted to someone else in any way, then I’ll tell you that I am a born cheater. In fact, I will say I have been cheating all my life and I am still cheating as we speak!

Please drop your comments on this, I need to know your opinions. Thanks

Dressing down?

When I started work at my current firm, we were told not to ever put on our native wears, commonly called trads, at anytime whatsoever, it is termed ‘dressing down’. I understood their point of view because it is not exactly a Nigerian company but a global network of firms.
The one that I found hard to understand was my church, my church also does not allow its workers (in which I am one of them) to put on trads. You can only put on English wears, trousers are not allowed for ladies. also, we don’t sing Nigerian praises (Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa or English), we only sing foreign songs. Just come to my church on either thanks giving Sunday or new year’s crossover service, you will see another side of the church. I will mention here that these two services are when we are allowed to wear trads and sing Nigerian praise. For me, this points to the fact that Nigerians can’t fully feel free until they get down to their roots. During these services, I am always amazed at the demeanor of my church members, it changes totally. From the ‘bigz boiz and galz’ to ordinary people like me, the transformation is always mind-boggling.
After a session of training I had in church, I had about 2 months break before starting another session and so I took the advantage of this and wore my trads, trousers, etc. When the 2nd session of training was to start, a church colleague laughed at me and said, “shey you were enjoying your period of ‘dressing down’”? It then made me to wonder, what is this about? Why would Nigerians call wearing English clothes dressing up and calling wearing Nigerian clothes dressing down?

Hiding under a Bushel

We all know about the power situation in Nigeria. I wake up as early as 4am every week day and most times, its darkness all around. Everything I do then, I do it with a rechargeable lamp. The lamp is old and faulty. It has two fluorescents which are now very dim and sometimes, when you put it on, you dare not put if off until you are through using it because it might not come on again until it is recharged, but I still manage to use it like that because I feel it is better than going to switch on the electric power generator so early in the morning and disturbing every one. The first thing I do every morning before I put my foot on the ground is to read my devotional, I then check my phone to see if I can afford to sleep for about 10 more minutes and if this is possible, since I cannot afford to put the lamp off for the fear of it not coming back on, I just lay it horizontally and put it under my bed. The effect: the whole room becomes dark again. It doesn’t matter whether the light is still on, the fact is that it’s been hidden someplace where it won’t have an opportunity to reflect and so the light becomes useless.
I try to relate this to the light each of us have in us. Many of us have talents and other wonderful things that can be showcased to the world, things that the world can immensely benefit from if we dare allow them reflect. We hide under the umbrella of shyness, selfishness, laziness and different forms lackadaisical attitudes, forgetting that no particular person owns this world and that we are all supposed to contribute our own quota. Because of this, no matter how valuable what we have inside of us is, both in quality and quantity, it will be useless if it is hidden.
I challenge everyone that gets to read this blog to let their light shine because there’s no use for it if it’s hidden under a bushel.

For my Friends

I have written about different things but never about my friends. I consider the word ‘friend’ very sacred and I don’t use it lightly. Because of the kind of person I am, I have so many acquaintances and few friends and so therefore, those few are very good ones. With all these said, I am dedicating this post to the people who have remained with me through thick and thin.

Bose- The faithful one
Tejiri- The generous one
Dolapo- The understanding one
Kolapo- The listening one
Oba-t- The sacrificial one
Rita- The honest one

With these descriptions, whenever I make reference to any of them in future posts, you will have an idea of kind of people I am talking about. Thanks guys, for being who you are to me.

Tearing down my House

I have recently been talking to an old friend of mine who is in his early forties and considering a divorce. According to him, He can’t take any more of ‘what He is getting’. For most part of the marriage, they have not lived as husband and wife, only that they stay in the same house. No spousal form of communication at all and the reason why He tarried this long is because of the only thing that binds them together, His child. I am not so sure that I can do justice to the description of what He is facing but I will try.
What will you call a woman that does not give a hoot about her husband, what He eats, drinks or wears and also refuses physical intimacy with her husband? Yet, the husband still pays the bills and takes care of her responsibilities. I still find it very hard to believe that a woman will use her own hands to tear the house she built for years apart. According to him, nothing happened, she just changed. One thing I have wished for constantly since my friend has been talking to me about this issue is for an opportunity to speak to his wife (without letting her know what I am up to) to get her own side of the story, which I don’t think will ever happen. If everything my friend told me is true, then I must say that he has gone through hell and high water. After hearing phase one of his story, my heart went out to him and I was depressed for a whole day (I am still depressed on his behalf).
Before putting up this post, I sent it to the guy in question for review, just to ask if there was anything he’d like to add or delete. He agreed with everything I wrote, only that it was one-sided. According to him, his wife is very nice, caring and friendly but she is just not a ‘wife’. In order words, the qualities of a wife cannot be found in her. He said she is more of a ‘trophy wife’ than a wife material. Nice, after all these years of unusual treatment, he still loves her enough to put up a defense for her.
I was brought up with the indoctrinated mindset that wives are supposed to care for their husbands and vice versa (weren’t we all?). I will derive joy every time I look at my husband and see the effect of the value I was able to add to his life. I won’t go tearing down my house for any reason. From his story, I have learnt part of what not to do if I don’t want to lose my marriage and with God on my side, I am sure I will not.
I posted this with my friend’s permission so that we can all learn something from it.

My Irresponsible Hair

"Your sister will get married before you, with this kind of hair you have on your head!!!". This was what an old distant relative of mine said when she saw me. She had not seen me for about 4 years and when she sees me, without even greeting me, all she could talk about was marriage and my appearance. I just smiled.
Why must African women find a way to link everything in this world to marriage, anytime they look at a young girl, all they consider is ‘marriageability’. What she does, what she wears, how she carries herself, anything at all will be linked to her chances of settling down ‘happily’ because they don’t want their daughters to become old maids. The marriage song has always been sung into my ears right from when I was about 13 years old and I am still not free from its lyrics. I dear not say that I am not interested in marriage, I will be taken straight away for spiritual deliverance!
Secondly, what has my hair got to do with my chances of getting married? Ok, I am on dreadlocks, but that does not mean I am irresponsible or that no responsible man will want to marry me. Personally, I think it’s only a myopic person like my aunt that would think I am not a ‘wife material’ because I am on dreadlocks. We are no more in the seventies. Hair and marriage, how do they correlate?

Life's Ambition

For a very long time, I saw people give their whole life to ambitions. Fruitless, worthless ambitions, because after all said and done, they died and left all they slaved for and sometimes, not even enjoying the fruits of their labour. I would confess that sometimes, I had judgmental opinions about this kind of people. I used to ask myself why someone will go through hell and high waters just to gain material stuffs and then lose family, friends, loved ones and many times, the love of the wife and children we thought we were slaving for. Every time I thought about all these, I promised myself that I will not give the whole of my life to any ambition, company or firm. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not lazy but I promised myself that when I get there, I’d balance it out. I’d have time for my children, husband and have fun in life while still working hard and achieving my goals. I felt that it just is not right for me to slave for any man or company, make some people rich and then lose my own life. At least that’s how I saw it.
Guess what people, its 9pm now and I am still at work. I am in my early 20s, young and very energetic and I am doing the very thing I promised myself not to do, I was quick to judge and now the tables have turned. Everyday, I leave home by 5am, get home by 10pm and as for family, I see them for about 3 minutes every weekday and I am just too tired during the weekends to have time for anyone. I guess I shouldn’t be quick to judge people again especially if I have not walked in their shoes. I will still change though, maybe when I am married with kids, just maybe!

A Thorn in my Flesh

Ouch!?! I cried out as my friend tried to get a thorn out from underneath my finger nails. He clipped of a part of my nails and started piercing my skin gently. All these, He did out of love for me because it would have been more cruel if he left it there.
If you have ever had a thorn in your flesh, you will agree with me when it comes to the level of the pain, it is not bearable at all. One characteristic of a thorn is this, only one party can win. Either you get rid of the thorn or the thorn gets rid of you. Take for instance, you have a tiny chip of wood under your nails, the truth of the matter is that no matter how small the chip is, you will have to get rid of it. If you do not, the pain will get more serious, a pulse will develop in your skin, your finger will decay and at the day, you will have to cut off the finger. In short, one will have to give way for the other.
Another characteristic of a thorn is that they are most times very small.
Applying this to life, some people and some issues in life come up as thorns in our life and we will never be able to live life comfortably until we get rid of those thorns. If we do not get rid of them, it might be very disastrous and can even lead to death in extreme cases. Examples are abusive marriages and relationships, bad friends that influence badly etc.
My advice, get rid of that thorn in your flesh immediately or it will get rid of you.

What are you looking for?

I love quotes, popular and meaningful ones and I always wish I could write quotes that will make sense and be used all around the world. It’s a way for one’s name to continue to live through generations even when one is long gone. With this said, I release my first quote publicly.

‘When you don’t know what you are looking for, even when you see it or it sees you, you will never recognize it and you will keep searching’.
My mum called me into her room sometime ago and asked me to look for a particular cloth, she described it but I just couldn’t picture it in my mind. So many cloths she had fitted the description and at that point, I knew that I would never find the cloth even if I saw it. So I showed her everything that fitted the description she gave me but none passed the test so I just pretended to continue searching, even looking in irrelevant places but deep inside of me, I knew that the only person that could find it was my mum.

The cloth was later found by my mum and guess what, it was among those I brought out earlier for her. I had seen it but I didn’t know I had because my mind just couldn’t capture it.

A wise man once said, ‘if you don’t have an idea of your destination, how do you know when you have arrived?’ many of us have no clear vision of what we want or where we are going to. We just have vague descriptions and unrealistic expectations and therefore, golden opportunities pass by us times without number and we later cry out saying, ‘life is not fair’.

Most people in this life are only happy when they have what they want. Therefore readers, if you want to have what you want, the first step is to know it. Have a crystal clear description of it and the next is to have a realistic plan on how to get it or if it’s a destination, have a plan on how to get there having first the destination in mind and the rest is just like following a road map!

Long Time

Wow, its really being long. To all my facebook followers, I'm sorry for going AWOL. For so many reasons, i cannot even begin to count here, I could not blog. I will start blogging again as from next week so watch out!

Grandma's Magical Remedies

I happened to have spent the first 2 yrs of my life with my grandmother and great grandmother. Although I am not the first child, I guess it was a convenient arrangement for me and my ‘then young’ parents. I was later removed form my grandmother’s custody when my parents moved into her neighbourhood but I still spent time with her like Christmas and Easter holidays including lots of weekends. After so many years, some other cousins of mine took her away saying I and my siblings had monopolized her for too long (as if it is my fault that we live near each other).
All through my accumulated stay with my grandmother, she taught me so many unorthodox way of solving physical problems and since I did not pay for these useful knowledge, I have decided to share some of them with you.
1. Brushing your teeth with charcoal actually makes it whiter. I don’t know the explanation for this but maybe dentist can explain to us what element is in charcoal that actually makes the teeth whiter, all I know is that it works and my grandmother used it on my cousins and I when we were kids. We had to this before proceeding to use fluoride toothpaste every morning.
2. If your nose is blocked, rub your nose ridge with palm oil, leave the palm oil on for 20 minutes, and then pour cold water on your nose. Let the water slide on your nose ridge right form your fore head in a downward slope. Guess what? All the mucus in your nose will come out. It sounds unbelievable but it really works.
The funny thing is that the highest form of education my grandmother has is the secondary education yet she knows so many things people of our generation don’t. I think if we have access to elder ones, let’s go and learn from them before they take their tricks to the grave.

I will give you more of my grandmother’s tricks later but you will have to pay for it then because I (and my grandmother) need money. You really have to agree with me that I just gave you a whiter smile, also, you don’t have to buy that inhaler next time you nose is blocked.

Afterwhile

How can I forget
The times you held my hand
And wiped the tears from my eyes
How can I forget
That when I needed someone
You were right by my side
I know you had to be an angel in disguise
Sent from God to bring joy to my life
And now you are gone back home
And I want you to know

I still hear your voice
I still feel your touch
And when I close my eyes
I can see your smile
Though you are gone away
To a better place
I can’t wait to be with you
Afterwhile… Afterwhile

Sometimes, I break down
But I accept God’s will
In spite of the way I feel
Sometimes, I wish that
I can take your place
You should not have gone that way
But I know that you were an angel in disguise
Sent from God to bring joy to my life
And now you are gone back home
And I want you to know

I still hear your voice
I still feel your touch
And when I close my eyes
I can see your smile
Though you are gone away
To a better place
I can’t wait to be with you
Afterwhile… Afterwhile

- Deitrick Haddon

Christian or Yam?

The word ‘born again’ has caused one of the greatest havocs in this world. What is the meaning of ‘born again christian’? In fact, it is now a general opinion that there are two types of Christians namely, ordinary Christians and born again Christians and the latter are on a higher spiritual plane than the former.
Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but if you are really conversant with your bible like you should be, you will agree with me that there is no where from genesis to revelation that anything like born again Christian was mentioned. The term ‘born again’ was used just once as an illustration when Jesus was trying to explain the process of salvation, please note the word 'illustration'.
Its either you are a Christian or not and just in case you are confused, to be a Christian means to live a life that portrays Christ in all aspects. We do not have types and species of Christians (this is not yam and beans). Christian is Christian.
One more thing, Christianity is not a religion, it is the way to eternity. Religion says there are many ways, choose one, Christianity says there is just one way. Thank you!

Africa Magic

This post is just for people whose minds are very creative and think right, not just average thinking minds. With this said………….

Have you ever been forced to watch Africa magic (which really should be called Nigerian magic because everything about it is Nigerian.) for about 2 weeks? Well, I am sure that for the people I described above, it sure is a very disturbing experience. I stayed in my uncle’s house recently for 2 weeks and before he goes out, he would tune the decoder in his room to Africa magic and the lock his door. He did this because he assumed the people in the house love Africa magic (actually, they do). Unfortunately for me, I went there without books because I wanted to travel light. Because of this, I was regularly forced to watch Africa magic all day till my uncle got back. It was actually a very painful experience for me as I couldn’t switch off the TV because I was not the only one watching, I would sometimes turn my face away from the TV. I got annoyed at the shallow mindedness of the Nigerian film industry form the producers to the directors and a few actors. Well, I must commend most of the actors, they try their best but some of the just annoying and not talented which makes me wonder how they landed such roles. It is no wonder many intelligent Nigerians do not watch Nigerian films. Sometimes, I even wonder what kind of people carry their money to but these films. On the other hand, very few of the films I watched impressed me but majority was messed up.

I think it is time for fellow right thinking Nigerians to rise up to the occasion and show these half-baked directors, producers and writers what a movie should be like (note: I am only talking to creative minded people). Let us take the Nigerian movie industry to the next level and show the world that Nigerians are not actually as shallow minded as our movie industry has portrayed us to be. This is why I respect directors like Tade Ogidan, Amaka Igwe, Tunde Kelani, as far as I am concerned, most of the others are jokers.

Thumbs up to Funke Akindele (aka jenifa), it’s your time to shine and please, do not join the jokers.

More to Life

What do you do between the period when you surrender your life to Christ and when you actually drop this earthly body to go and meet Him? For some people, this period is long while for some others, it is very short. This then points to the fact that the primary aim of salvation is not to make it to heaven but to reconcile us back to Christ while we are here on earth because if it was to make heaven, people should start killing themselves after getting saved or better still, people should not get saved till they are about to die.

Back to the issue, for some people who had divine wisdom to get saved early enough, what do you do during this waiting period? We have no choice but to live out our salvation here on earth but this is where people miss it on two different extremes.

CASE1: Some people think its think to live like they are not on earth again. Yes, we are spiritual beings but we still need the body to help us exist here on earth but they don’t realize that they get so spiritual that they forget the physical and by the time reality deals with them, it might be too late.

CASE2: On the other hand, some people just don’t think they can keep up with the ‘difficult standard’ that salvation required and they then decide to derail a bit and take the grace of God for granted hoping to get back in line later in life because they just can’t afford to ‘waste’ their prime years living out their salvation.

There’s got to be more to life and salvation than living for ourselves only or trying to be ‘so spiritual’. In our daily interaction with family, friends, colleagues, we have to try to make our salvation have impact on everything around us so it won’t be that we came, lived and died and at the end, we realize that we were just a statistic in the human race.

Let us discover the purpose for which we were created and live out our salvation through that purpose. After all said and done, I leave you with one of my favorite quotes: when its time to die, make sure that’s all you have to do.

Obituary

‘With great sorrow, we deeply regret to announce the passing away of our beloved father, grandfather , great-grandfather and uncle, Mr. John Doe, who passed away peacefully in his sleep on December 12, 2008 at the ripe age of 98.
He is survived by children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nephews and nieces. The burial arrangement goes thus…….’
This is a format of an obituary that caught my attention on my way to work last year December. I stopped to read well and started laughing. I began to asked myself, why are these people announcing this with sorrow and regret, they were supposed to be happy that this man had finally died because
1. If people as old as this don’t die, there wont be space for new born babies
2. It is better for a 98 yr old man to die than for a 40 or 50 yr old man to die

In fact, I strongly believe that once a man clocks 90 years, his children should make sure he is prepared for eternity in heaven then start praying him to die peacefully and very soon (ouch! I must sound cold).
But above all, I think the people that put up the obituary were either hypocrites or they just didn’t understand the meaning of what they put up (which wouldn’t surprise me at all because they are remote villagers).

Bikers and Helmets

I came back home after a long time away and found out that a lot of things had changed in Lagos state. The most noticeable thing was the helmets all the bikers and their passenger wore. The first thing that came to my mind was a positive thought. I thought wow, if there is a bike accident, the likelihood of death will be minimal because of the helmet and that it was all for our safety. I do not normally take bikes so I did not see myself having to use the helmet anytime soon.
To my chagrin, I found myself in a situation in which I had to take a bike 4 days later. Several things went through my mind, who was the last person that used the helmet, did the person have lice on his or her head, or worse, did the person have ringworm? Also, considering the fetish thinking of many Nigerians, some people will believe that wicked people will want to use this opportunity to steal their good fortune through the helmet.Sitting on the fence, looking at the positive and negative side of this development, I want to be safe if I fall off a bike but on the other hand, I do not want to catch deadly diseases that can be transferred through the use of public helmets. Can someone, please, tell Governor Babatunde Raji Fashola about this other side of the story?

Why?

I was walking on a busy street 2 nights ago, running an errand for my mother, I ran into some problems and had to talk to my mum on the phone in order to clarify issues. My handkerchief was in my second hand, the direction of the traffic was facing me. A public bus was coming towards me and as usual, the conductor was hanging on the entrance. As I was talking on the phone, the conductor was staring at me from far, he was holding a jerry can with his free hand. I was wondering why so I thought maybe he wanted to snatch the phone that I held to my ear so I held it tightly and tried to shift as the was about 2 speed past me. All of a sudden, as the passed by me, the conductor smacked me hard on the hips with the jerry can. I was so dumbfounded, the smack was very hard and painful. I just looked at the conductor whose bus had already gotten ahead of me, he was still staring at me. Another pedestrian that saw the whole incident just told me to forget about it and move on.
As my hips kept hurting, I couldn’t help but think. I did not know the guy from Adam, never seen him before in my life, why would he derive joy in inflicting pain on me for no just cause. Why are some people just wicked? It doesn’t make sense, am still in shock. Please, do u have an explanation for me?

Ageing Gracefully

Considering the title of this post, one might be tempted to think the blog writer is in the 50s or 60s which is not the case here. I just decided to write about one of the phobias that I have not dealt with.

All through my year in school (from primary till the end of university), I have always been the youngest in class. Sometimes, it felt good, sometimes, it felt bad. I remember someone teasing me seriously towards the end of high school which made me to make up my mind not to let classmates know my real age. From then on, I started lying about my age. I started by adding 3 yrs to it, then later, I added 2 yrs and finally reduced it to 1 yr. it got to a point that I didn’t even know my age anymore. Anyways, later my friends got to know the truth one way or the other.

The irony is that now, I feel like reducing my age, as I celebrate any birthday, I realize that I am getting older(which was what I wanted initially), but I want to be young forever and this makes me sigh. When I was 21, I wanted to be 21 forever, when I became 22, I wanted to be 22 forever which is not possible.

I greatly suspect that this feeling is not peculiar to me alone, most people go through this but happiness will only come when we learn to face reality and age gracefully. I have not yet found that happiness and this reminds of a particular poem that goes thus…

It was spring, but it was summer I wanted-
The warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted-
The colourful leaves and the cool, dry air.
It was fall, but it was winter I wanted-
The beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season
I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted-
The freedom and the respect.
I was 20 but it was 30 I wanted-
To be mature and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged but it was 20 I wanted-
The youth and the free spirit.
I was retired but it was middle-age I wanted-
The presence of mind, without limitations.
My life was over,
But I never got what I wanted.

-Jason Lehman

The Honeymoon is over!

A friend of mine told me about a male friend of hers who, after the honeymoon period in his marriage, his wife asked him to do something for her and he replied my telling her, ‘look here lady, the honeymoon period is over!’ That single statement almost shattered the marriage and he had to spend four good years convincing the wife that nothing would change in their marriage.

A somewhat similar thing happened to me, I was chatting with a ‘friend’ online and I told him that I missed him, he then replied saying ‘but we talked yesterday’. I felt like cold water had been poured on me, I couldn’t express myself freely from then on. Incidentally, a male friend of mine was beside me when all this online drama took place. So after I logged off, I kept ‘raking’ for the friend beside me about the whole thing, guess what he said, ‘@ilola, the honeymoon is over’. He asked me if I expected my friend to treat me like we were just starting a relationship and is still trying to impress me. He went further to say that my friend’s statement proved that the relationship between my friend and I had moved to a more serious stage. Many of us will agree with him but I consider the whole theory to be jargons.

In most cases, the man sets out to get a wife or girlfriend, does all he can to impress her, he becomes the most loving guy on earth and then after the honeymoon period, he says to himself, ‘my work here is finally done’ and then he changes totally.

Some people say this is reality but it doesn’t have to be. If you can’t keep the fire that was burning in your courtship to still be burning in your marriage, then the whole marriage thing becomes another boring aspect of life that we have to face. This sometime leads to couples growing apart, separation or even divorce.

We know there are more commitments in marriage than courtship like the kids, career, etc but it is very ironic since your spouse is the main reason you took on these commitments in the first place. Consequentially, you end up losing the interest of that person or losing that person totally.

If your marriage is lacking fire, ignite the sparks by doing those things you did during courtship, it might seem strange at first but with time, you will get used to it again. For newly weds young marriages and people in courtship, never ever have that ‘ The Honeymoon is over’ mentality. Be creative, find new ways to make the marriage fun and most importantly, keep the fire burning.

Right under your nose

Many times, we desire something, seek for it or pray fervently for it only to find out later (sometimes, rather too late) that what we were looking for had been right in front of us all along.
There is this interesting story in the book of Acts 12. some apostles gathered to pray, without ceasing, for the release of peter, whom king Herod had planned to feed to the lions during the games that would take place the next day. Well God heard their prayers and sent an angel to release peter. Peter was then released and when Rhoda told the ‘prayer warriors’ that peter was at the door, they called her ‘in sane’. Can you believe that? What, as u may ask, had they been prayin for all along? Their prayers got answered but they couldn’t believe their prayers got answered. Why, then, were they praying in the first place?
I am of the opinion that they had faith and they believed their prayers would work but they just didn’t expect it to work that way and that fast. Sometimes, we pray for money, we then get business ideas and opportunities and we say our prayers were not answered. Sometimes, we pray for wonderful husbands, we get some shabby looking guy that we can polish and add value to and we say God is wicked.
Well, sorry, God’s methods are not our methods so we should stop expecting Him to do things the way we envisage, just like our ‘prayer warriors’ in acts, what matters most is that what we want done gets done.
I prayed for something last year may, I wanted it by September and I got what I wanted by September. The unfortunate thing was that I didn’t know that I had already gotten it because it did not come the way I expected. Due to shallow mindedness on my part, I almost lost this wonderful gift, but thanks to right-thinking friends, I was able to retrace my steps.
Is there something you are really seeking or waiting for? Check around you, it might just be there, disguised in another form, right under your nose.

Light of the Church?

I have been away from home for a while now and have been finding myself in unfamiliar terrains. This, I do not have a problem with. What poses itself as a problem when I find myself in a situation like this is answering the question ‘what church will I attend this Sunday?’
In times past, when I found myself in situations like this, I would just forget about the whole church thing completely till I get back to my familiar terrain because choosing a church to attend has never been interesting to me. But lately, since I have mostly been away from my familiar terrain, I have always been faced with this daunting task because I do not want to be labelled ‘sinner’ by shallow minded people.
Well, today, I settled for a certain church. From the time I laid my feet in the church till when I stepped out, I had to restrain myself from expressing the speechlessness that I felt. Firstly, the church is smaller than my living room, four rows, six columns, like ten extra seats and the pastors’ and choirs’ seats. The choir in my home church is actually more than two times bigger than the whole congregation. Secondly, the church service lasted for over 3 hours but the sermon took about only 15 minutes. You will be asking yourself now that what were we doing the whole time, right? Well, I asked myself the same thing. By the time the service was over, I was hungry, tired and ready to bail but it seemed like 3 hours was not enough for them because after they service, they began FAF (fellowship after fellowship) and series of departmental meetings were still scheduled for the day.
Anyway, I am not writing to criticize this church, they are just doing their own thing and maybe that is the order the in which the Holy Spirit moves in their church. My point here is that with so many churches springing up left, right and centre in Nigeria, on every street, in every corner, even in our living rooms (just like the church I attended), it is such an irony that it remains one of the most corrupt countries. Majority of Nigerian citizens are Christians that go to church every Sunday and we are the same ones degrading this country, even our dirty ‘chop money’ politicians go to church every Sunday.
Further speaking, what is the role of the church or Christian in the world? Are we called to be the light of the church or the light of the world? There is at least one church or more on every minor street and at least 5 churches or more on the major ones. This is a good thing because it makes the gospel spread because no one will say he/she did not hear the good news when judgement calls.
On the other hand, why would almost everyone rush to their place of worship on Sunday morning and then we do not even wait till Monday before we resume our corrupt practices, we start immediately we leave the church. I think it will be better if we just sat at home and label ourselves atheists.
I personally think it is time for the church and Christians in general to rise up, stop shining the light on Sunday mornings only and forming unnecessary caucuses and cliques in the church. Let us start shining our light in the world and be the light we have been called to be. Some people and churches have already started, let us follow suit.

It is not about age

Maturity – is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction

Maturity- is patience, the willingness to give up immediate pleasure in favour of long term gain

Maturity- is perseverance, sweating out a project, despite setbacks.

Maturity- is unselfish, responding to the needs of others

Maturity- is the capacity to face unpleasantness and disappointment without becoming bitter

Maturity- is humility, a mature person is able to say ‘I was wrong’ and when he is proved right, he does not have to say ‘I told you so’.

Maturity- means dependability, integrity in keeping one’s word

Maturity- is the ability to live in peace with things we cannot change.

School of Hard Knocks

When I was in my second year in school, my results dropped real bad. I had always thought I was very brilliant and could tackle any obstacle that came my way. When this unfortunate incident happened, it was so painful but I felt it was just part of life and that I would rise back the next semester.
Guess what, it was worse the next semester and then the next and then the next. My grades just kept dropping. Let me derail here and tell you that I was not an unserious student, I read my books, prayed and fasted before exams, I did not party, I thought my colleagues and they passed and everyone knew I was one of the top students (a position I later lost). By now, my CGPA was on a 2-2, to cut the long story short, I gave up trying to improve my grades when I got to my fourth year. By now, with some missing results in and out of my department, the hope of rising was just too minimal. I concluded it was over, I was not going to go for my convocation and so on.
When I got back from my industrial training to start my fifth and final year, I found out that my CGPA had had improved slightly but it was still too low and my SGPA was actually a 2-1, I did not have much hope again because I had just a year left and then in just 3 weeks, my CGPA was something else, suddenly all missing results were rectified. Though it was still a 2-2, my hopes rose and I was really energized.
The next 2 semesters were something else, CGPAs were just dropping and sinking, left, and centre, but mine was skyrocketing. I started working toward As only, Bs were no more my friends and I knew that Cs were fatal enemies. So I had to cover all grounds, understand all things, do all assignments, get inside information, etc. I laid down my pride and acted like I did not know anything. I stopped fasting before exams and I ate enough to gather strength to read more. My result: 1st SGPA (4.08), 2nd SGPA(4.83). I don’t think I need to tell you what grade I finished with, you can guess and guess what, I attended my convocation.
It then hit me, I was too proud of myself, skills and ability when I got to school and I had to be humbled because it is not by power or might (Zech 4:6). In my fifth year, the only thing that sustained me was mercy and grace because I was not doing any special thing I had not done before and I was so tired. Series of tests and assignments, and all the social engagements that come along with being in your final year, all that changed was my mentality. At last my position was restored, I graduated being one of the top students.
University days ended a long time ago and my CGPA does not really matter anymore. I was hardly fulfilled academically through out my days in the university, but I learnt a lot from that experience in school. . It was a lesson that took me six solid years to learn. Never again will I go out setting to achieve solely by my ability, skill or power.

My Duty

As I wandered in my room, bored, one morning, I thought about my relationship with a particularly wonderful man, with nothing to hold on to in the relationship but calls that I hardly got and a series of text messages, I wondered what the hell I was getting from the relationship and then, an inspirational thought flashed through my mind, to write down what I had to give. The note went thus,

My duties

I will love him despite his shortcomings

I will submit to him

I will respect him

I will not nag him

I will pray for him and cover him spiritually

I will satisfy him sexually (when the time is right)

I will be romantic

I will help him fulfil his purpose in life

Guess what, after I logged this list into my archives, I felt better. I never for once considered what I was going to get again, but what I will give and things improved tremendously.
The ‘mr man’ in question here has probably been wondering how come there is an improvement but I think this is the secret.
Sometimes, it can be easier said than done but since I have what it takes to love (at least 1Cor 13 says so), and I know the one who understands true love, I can strive to be like Him and pass it to my fellow man.
On the second hand, when you have someone that appreciates you, doing the things on this list becomes very easy. So another kudos goes to the ‘mr man’ in question.
Are you having problems in your relationship or marriage? Maybe you should try this technique, give without caring what you will receive. Consider your duties first before complaining about your partner’s.

Content versus Container

Have you ever bought a can of soda just because you admired the artwork on body or a pack of cereal because the packaging looks beautiful. Ok, maybe you have, but what if this packaging really attracted you and then you get to the confines of your room, opened the pack, only to find out that you have been terribly deceived.
I can bet that no matter how attractive the pack is, you will never go back near that product again because truth is that even if the pack is what attracted you, you never were interested in the container in the first place but the content.
So no matter how much time you invest on superficial things like appearance (physically and materially), concentrate more on what really matters, the inner man because what people see when they look at you is not really you but your container.

Press Yourself

There is a popular saying that who you are under pressure is the real you. How true. For example, you can never know what is in a tube except you apply pressure to it no matter what d outer covering says. If butter comes out, then it is butter and if toothpaste comes out, then it is toothpaste.
On the other hand, you can never get the true worth of a thing until you apply pressure, just ask the orange fruit. The pressures of life are designed to bring out the best or the worst out of us.
I have found myself in situations that I reacted in ways I never knew i could, then i realized, this must be the real me. So now that you know, how do do like me now?

Just my thought

Sometimes, we try to hold on to our desires and wants whether or not its best for us or not. We find it so hard to let go. But if we dare to lay down our will and let God have His, we will find out that he always had something far better in stock for us. Something we could never have found ourselves even with our eyes wide opened.
Always remember this, whoever you are, you are a very special person so if anyone rejects u, you are not the one that lost. Its d person's loss and someone else's gain. Too bad