Inner Court of Relationships

Don’t be deceived by the first two paragraphs, this is not a religious post. Just stay with me, I am going somewhere.

Remember in the Old Testament, the temple had the outer court, inner court and holy of holies. Your level with God basically determined the areas you had access to. Almost everyone was limited to the outer court, which is where people offered sacrifices, and most of the general activities happened.

Some of the people who served at the temple were in the inner court, and they were all Levites, the tribe God specifically chose to serve Him. Then only one person was allowed into the holy of holies, and that was the high priest. Before he can enter, he must be clean and have made some atonement. He must be deemed blameless and sinless in the sight of God. Anything short of this, and he will be struck dead if he enters the presence of God. That is why they always tie a rope to the leg of the high priest so that if he is struck down, the Levites in the outer court can pull him out since they cannot enter the holy of holies.

As human beings, we also have different levels of access in our lives. We have our outer court, inner court, and holy of holies. When we meet people, it is just natural that they be in our outer court for a while, and depending on the level of the friendship that evolves, they graduate to the inner court, and very few people get to the holy of holies. Some people will forever remain in the outer court, and some will graduate to the inner court faster than others.

Pains and betrayals that occur in our lives basically happen when people in our lives have access to courts they have no business having access to. Imagine someone who is supposed to be in our outer court being in our holy of holies. It is madness for someone to meet us yesterday and call him our best friend tomorrow.

We are most guilty of this in relationships. We meet a guy today, start tripping and even when the guy hasn't worked hard to gain our trust, we give our whole heart to the guy. When the guy walks out of our lives, or doesn't give us what we expect, and we become so heartbroken. This happened because we let people into spaces in our hearts they have no business being. And I am not even talking about sex here. I am talking about our vulnerabilities, our care, our passion, love, deep-seated feelings, etc. We need to reserve them for guys and ladies that have at least made it to the inner court. At least, we can hold them accountable in case of any mess ups.

We need to let people prove themselves. Failure to guard our hearts will lead to continual disappointment and eventually, bitterness.

Source
This does not give us the license to be cold to people. We need to be warm and friendly, but be wise to watch how we let people into intimate areas of our lives. Don't just hand the keys to every tom, dick and harry you see in the outer court.

I once heard of a woman who went to her fiance’s house, and got talking to his parents. She came from a very dysfunctional family. She started telling them negative realities about her family, parents, siblings, etc. Basically, she downloaded her family history for them. The intended in-laws were just looking and smiling. Immediately she left, they told their son “you cannot marry her!”

Did she lie? No! What did she do wrong? She gave information meant for people in the holy of holies to people in the outer court. And the in-laws, either out of disgust for the dysfunction or fear that she would be divulging their own family secrets to outer court people when she marries into their family, gave her the boot.

Let us assess our relationships today, and properly determine what court each of them belong to, and then give away information accordingly. Only by this would we be able to save ourselves from serious trouble in relationships.

So what do you guys think?

30 comments

  1. Mhen! Atilola, This is a very deep post. Little wonder some friends let out their secrets after a little fight. This is also in line with the Bestie trend. i know of someone who has introduced 3 people as her bestie and I'm like what!!!
    www.debrasmuse.com

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  2. I agree. I am a very private person and even though I blog semi annonymously I am still very careful and guarded about personal details (inner court) areas of my life and very selective about what I share.

    In real life, I am very observant and careful about pleople I let into my personal space as well wich is VERY few.

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    1. I think it is for the best. I am not a clique-of-friends type of person.

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  3. Definitely food for thought indeed.

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  4. Your comment box swallowed my comment without publishing o. Anyway I wrote a small epistle blaming social media that I can't rewrite

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    1. No o. I won't agree o. You berra rewrite it. You don't want me to learn from your sagacious words?

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  5. What I think? THIS IS AN AWESOME POST!!!
    I like your analogy.
    Words of wisdom noted down.

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    1. Thanks ma'am. Knowing you, I am sure this echoes with your ways.

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  6. Wow! I just learnt something new...it's safer to be mysterious most times.

    Nma's Blog 

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    1. Yes o. But overly mysterious is not good sha, lol.

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  7. This post rings so true. We sometimes forget that we cannot stack blocks on sand and expect it to stand the test of time. Learnt this the hard way and am sticking to the rules going forward.

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    1. Hmm, I hope the lesson wasn't too bitter. Yikes

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  8. Blessings.......
    greatly shared wisdom.
    Though in life we may not always know whom in our holy of holies will walk that line of betrayal until they walk that line of betrayal. It just is what it is and discretion is needed when lending access to once inner and holy courts. I say lend because at times it may be necessary to deny access where one once had free rain.

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    1. True. I completely agree with you. People just surprise us at times, even when they've previously been true.

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    1. Youuuuu? I will break your head soon.

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  10. Ati you are smart fa. How long did your mum breastfeed you sef? I love love the way you see things.
    In other news, you are damn right. You just inspired a post in my head. We all should know and determine who deserves to know the little things and the bigger things. Thanks maams

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

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    1. Loooolll. But you read some posts ago that I didn't take breast milk naa. Abi you have forgotten? I have read your inspired post. Tito is just something else.

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  11. I have a similar analogy that classifies relationships as a set of concentric circles with you at the centre. People you meet in life are placed on a ring of one of the circles. The more they prove themselves "worthy", the more you advance them to rings of shorter radii (i.e. they become closer to you), the more "unworthy" they show themselves, the more they advance to rings of larger radii (farther away where they can cause less harm).
    Note that less & less people can stand as the rings get closest to you while more people(acquaintances) can be placed as the rings extend away from you. With this mindset/classification of relationships, everyone is always in their right place per time.

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    1. I think we have exactly the same message but different analogies. You are a wise one, lol.

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  12. Relationships can't be rushed. They take time. If rushed, they won't be authentic relationships. The values of the people you make your close friends also matter.

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  13. Relationships can't be rushed. They take time. If rushed, they won't be authentic relationships. The values of the people you make your close friends also matter.

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  14. I have definitely learned from this post. Thanks for sharing Miss.

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  15. Very insightful and apt piece, Ati.
    I have let people into my inner circle, in the past, who had no business being there and I definitely got my fingers burnt so I can say experience taught me what I needed to learn.
    I'm not jaded about relationships- not in the least bit- but I'm a lot more selective about who stays where.

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What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.