My Tear-jerking speech to my five-year old - Atilola Moronfolu

Now that you are five years old, you are now a big boy. You have to take more responsibilities for yourself. You will no longer watch TV on Saturday morning. You will assist Miss xxx in cleaning the house. You will clean every surface in the house with napkin, while she sweeps and mops

You now have to start washing plates. You will assist Miss xxx. She will wash plates while you rinse. You will have your own rinsing basin. After 4 months, you will switch to washing with sponge

You now have to start laying your bed yourself. Miss xxx will teach you how to lay your bed

You will also learn to fold your clothes yourself, and learn the right place to place the clothes

You have been cleaning up after yourself after eating in the past, but you must now clean up the table completely

You have 4 months to complete the task of learning how to wash yourself when you are done in the restroom

You will start bathing yourself. Miss xxx will only help you wash your back. This also applies to using lotion on your body and hair

You have been brushing yourself partly, but you have to start brushing the insides well. You will have no assistance soon"

Needless to say, my son was very excited to hear this speech, and no tears were jerked in the process of reading this speech

Will someone help me inform him that adulting is a scam.

Happy birthday Mr Pie Pie

My kids start doing chores from 13 months old, and we graduate the chores as they grow. If you are big on having your children learn to do house-chores early, you can copy my speech. 

We will introduce cloth washing by 7 years old. My plan is to get them completely independent by 10 years old.

P.S: Don’t do this if you are not ready to follow through

What do you think? Long-term parents, how did you do it? Let newbie parents like us gain some sagacious wisdom from you

I’m waiting to hear from you in the comment section

Giving Birth in Canada (Part 2) | 17 things to know before you decide to give birth in Canada

In this second part of my Giving Birth in Canada series, I share 17 things you need to know before you decide to give birth in Canada.

If I could get a kobo for every request/call I get concerning giving birth in Canada, I would be a billionaire by now. So this video came by popular demand. I talk about 17 things to know before deciding to give birth in Canada.

I hope you learn a few things, and share with others who might need it.

There are more things, which might be discussed in a future video, and based on request.

Please watch, hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

USA or Canada? Where should I have my baby?

Since I had my second child, the most common question I have gotten from people who are familiar with my first experience is “which experience is better? USA or Canada?” or something like “Are they the same?” to which I answer, they both have their pros and cons

Left to me, I wanted to have my children in the same country, preferably USA, but my visa expired a few months before my due date, and I couldn’t get an early interview date. A lot of other things happened along the way (which I will try to summarise in a later blog post cos it is enough to fill a book), that kept blocking my decision to travel to the US. Almost three months after having my baby now, I still hadn’t gone for my interview, having missed two opportunities to go for interview before I went to Canada. But don’t let me get ahead of myself, as these things will be revealed later.

So to the meat of this post. I know there’s currently a lot of controversy and fear around having your child abroad, with Trump tightening up systems around illegal and legal immigration, causing Nigerians to panic and run to other countries like Canada. But the truth is that having your children abroad for the sole reason of citizenship is

Who said motherhood isn’t easy?

Hi people. How are we all doing? Sorry I skipped blogging for two weeks. I moved back home, and everything was in disarray cos we moved houses. I am basically just settling in, and it has been hectic with two under two. The tail end of last week was the peak of exhaustion because we were burying my grandmother and celebrating her exit in grand style. It was my experience that inspired the writeup below

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by WordsByAtilola.com (@hattylolla) on Jul 26, 2019 at 4:44am PDT

You wake up with swollen breasts, then quickly pump before the baby wakes up.

No, You cannot feed my Child!

What is it with Nigerians and their lack of understanding of boundaries? When we were children, our parents constantly drummed into our ears not to collect food from strangers, so you would assume that in today’s world, strangers with good intentions would respect themselves and not even give your children food without the parents’ permission.

My first son is at that age where he’s too old of a toddler to sit in one spot, yet too young to understand instructions like “don’t collect food from strangers.” Because of this, I’m having to do extra monitoring because of some people who just don’t know better.

Earlier this year, I went to the passport office to renew my passport. In the room where I was to capture, my 17 month old son was running around freely and I was awaiting my turn, while monitoring him with my eyes in the very small room. I looked away for about for about a minute, and he had walked towards one of the officers, who was eating small chops, and she inserted puff puff into his mouth just as I turned my head back towards him.

Twenty minus one ways my pregnancy journeys were different

I discovered I was pregnant in September 2018. I missed my period, and that was it. Unlike my first pregnancy, this was intentional on my path. There was unprotected sex, and the period was unsafe, and it happened. You remember when our parents used to lie to us that if a man dare looks at you, you will get pregnant, I am that person. My initial plan was to start trying in October 2018, but decided to start in September because I was too eager, and to get a head start in case September didn’t work out. I have only had unprotected sex in an unsafe period only once in my life, and I have been pregnant twice. So it is safe to say, I need to stay away from men as from today, lol.

After getting pregnant, I expected many things to go the same way my last pregnancy went, except the red degeneration of fibroid of course. I was quite surprised when a lot of things went differently. Looking at it with a bird’s eye view now, I believe this pregnancy was better for me than the previous one. I’m not exactly sure why, but one thing I know is that I was far more active this pregnancy, and went to gym, did treadmills, skips, and hard core work outs well over 30 weeks of my pregnancy.

Below are the similarities and differences I noticed in my two pregnancy journeys. Some of them took me by surprise, but most were pleasant.

Call me Mum of Boys: Two Under Two

Hello Beautiful people. It's been a minute since I last blogged. I took an unintentional break because I was concerting a lot of spiritiual and physical energy in other areas of  my life. A lot has happened in the past few months, scratch that, in the past one year, the most significant of them being that I had a new addition to my family six days ago, on the 18th of June, 2019. One thing I can say is that this boy is a warrior, and a victorious one at that. I honestly believe that if he is shot now, the bullet will deflect from his skin, lol. That is why he is called Lyon.

I currently do not have official pictures of him, so you will help me manage the ones below. In my usual fashion, if you know me, you will know that I will be doing a series on his journey soon. The story is actually more spiritual than physical, so if you are in a phase of believing for something, that looks like it is not forthcoming after such a long time, you want to stay tuned. Don't worry, you won't be waiting for too long, as you will be hearing from me before you can finish saying the word LYON.

Lyon

Two under Two

A completely honest post: The downside of marriage and motherhood

I interviewed some very smart young ladies over the phone this past weekend. I asked them for feedback over the shortcomings they have noticed on my business page. While their answers were very revealing to me, what struck me was the fact that majority of the trends in my life that I am currently not satisfied with was largely due to my fault.

I have been complaining of less productivity, declining results, etc. But as I traced the timeline in my head, I realised that this negative trend started when I got married, and later started growing my family. It is not that I became lazier or laid back, but I completely ditched some important aspects of my business, and outsourced what I couldn't ditch to people. Outsourcing is not bad, but I didn't occasionally supervise the outsourced areas. And I also realised that the parts I ditched should never have been ditched in the first place, at least, not for so long. This is because this is actually the engine that ran the entire business, something I was completely oblivious of.

Ever since I got married and started building a family, my creativity has been on the decline. Sometimes, I look at old articles and quotes, and ask "was I really the one who wrote these things? Where is my former brain?" It's like since I left my parents' house, my brain has shut down. After I had my son in 2017, I have been under constant pressure (self-imposed), I hardly smile, I can't remember when last I genuinely laughed, my level of productivity has declined, taking my income along with it. I like to think that I've been able to balance motherhood, marriage, and business, but if I am not producing as much result as I used to, then the balance is just an illusion. The truth is I haven't yet found a rhythm that works for me, like I had in my single days. It's like the world is moving forward, while I am receding

Please, if anyone reading this has gone through, or is going through what I am currently going through, let me know in the comment section. If you are already out of it, how were you able to free your mind from being held back.

P.S: I am talking about lack of, or decline in productivity and results, as a result of change in marital status or motherhood, not marital pressure in itself

Help: My Child doesn't listen to me

Happy New Year beautiful people. How are we all doing? Yes, I am back... and better. I am actually excited to be back, because I know that my blog is taking a new shape, :). Not necessarily in outlook but in the spirit of it.

I have decided that it will be more open, honest, authentic, like you are gisting with your friend thing. All these formalities, commercialism, etc. happening in the blog world nowadays is just so tiring. I need some of the old breeze and need to laugh more. Speaking of which I can count how many times I actually laughed in 2018. Apart from the gists with my husband, everything was just so serious serious, and stressful. I need my life to be refreshed, gosh.

Anyway, if you have been following this blog, you can guess that my son is now well over one year old. He is currently my only child, and mehn, he has a mind of his own. I don't know if this is how all one year olds are (I strongly doubt), but he keeps on doing the things I tell him not to do, and going to the corners I tell him not to go. I don't know what to do about it again o. I have shouted, begged, scolded, spanked lightly, spanked strongly, yet no progress. He clearly understands that I don't want him doing those things, yet he does that very thing.

Sometimes, he monitors me as I watch him, and once my eyes are off him, off he zooms to the very thing I warned him against. Like how can this one year old have enough sense to be monitoring me?

Sometimes, he goes to pick what I warned him against picking, from where I warned him against reach. Once he sees me, he runs as fast as he can from me, with the 'treasure'. Other times, he just walks up to me, and offers the 'treasure' back, like "sorry I took your stuff, you can have it back."

So here are the areas I need help, especially from experienced African Mothers (I don't want any Oyinbo solution that will tell me things like "lovingly find a distraction for your son, offer an alternative, etc. Those things are not working for this level of headiness, abeg).

Number 1. Is it all one year olds that have these kind of behaviour, or are some gentle, calm, and obedient? I need to know so I can decide what attributes to start praying for in my next child.

Number 2. If you have ever handled a one year old with similar traits, please, let me know how you effectively dealt with this issue. I'm not asking for a dummy, quiet, or calm child. I just want an obedient one year old, who does what I tell him to do, and doesn't do what I tell him not to do. Abi is that too much to ask for?

Now waiting for your responses.

The Vain Body Journal: There's a new Celeb in town!

My days at the Gym have been going on well. I strive to make a minimum of 4 days in a week, though I almost did 5 days last week, but laziness got the best of me, lol. Have I lost weight since I started? I don't know but I think so. The thing is I didn't weigh myself before I started gyming so there's really nothing to compare with. One thing I can say is that I feel better internally, and my body is a bit more toned. If I keep at it, all my muscles will be popping in a few years time, lol.

Now guess who the most popular member of the gym is?
.
.
.
.

A year since my life changed for the better

Hi beautiful people. I am so grateful to God for His faithfulness over me and my family. Can you believe it? My son is one year old today. Seems just like yesterday when he came into this world. The past one year has been a very interesting one. I have learnt and unlearnt. I can look back now, and just say Thank you Lord.

He has provided for us, and taken care of my son. We have never been to the hospital since he was discharged after birth. We have never had any accident, or domestic mishap. Everything has been smooth, and it's not because I am such a childcare expert.

I rarely put my son's on Internet but today is his birthday, and he has put this beautiful video together, for you to celebrate him. Watch and enjoy.

Good News! I still have some more years left to be a lazy wife and mother

It seems like lately, house work has been itching me, lol. It is as if motherhood has brought out one side of me that never existed, and this is very ironic considering my tight schedule. So I single-handedly made baby pap (consisting of guinea corn and millet) for my baby. With the help of my assistants, I did it from the scratch, i.e. buying the ingredients, washing, soaking, grinding, etc. Then I went home and spent three full hours sieving pap, lol. The next day, I ended up with 3 to 9 month supply of pap (I honestly don’t know how long it will really last). I was so proud of myself, I must say.

Anyway, I was feeling like a gee, and decided to make soya bean-plantain nutty meal that would last for about the same duration. In light of this energy, it occurred to me that I have never cooked moin moin since I got married, which is strange considering the fact that my husband likes chattering moin moin outside, and eating at home. So I told my husband that I am on a quest to fulfil his periodical moin moin cravings, and that the one I will make is going to be sweeter and better than the ones he buys outside. All I needed was for him to get me a food processor cos I wasn’t sure the blender I had at home would puree the beans to my satisfaction.

On listening to me, he told me to calm all my initial gra gra down.

The Disturbing trend of Baby Skin-Bleaching

There is a disturbing trend going on amongst new mothers in Nigeria, and it emanated from the glorification of light skin. It comes from the fact that many people elevate people will light skin over those with darker skin. It has always been an issue amongst black African adults, but many of us never guessed that it would be such a cancer that would permeate into the choices we make when we raise our children.

As a mother to a fairly light skinned baby, you get to hear comments like "Oh wow, he’s light. That's nice." To be honest, that is not an issue for me. The issue is when people start to compare their babies’ skins, with inference that the lighter the baby, the more beautiful.

This menace has gotten so bad that mothers are toning bleaching their babies’ skin. Oh yes. We now lie to ourselves saying things like “we are maintaining the colour of the baby’s skin. We don’t want the baby to lose the light skin, and be darker.” But who really are we kidding?

Firstly, if the baby is truly light, why does the skin colour need to be maintained? We know that to maintain the shine and true tone of a skin, what you need is to bathe the baby well, oil well, or moiturise well. A dash of Shea butter here, A teaspoon of Coconut oil there, and you will be maintaining the skin colour well. But when we begin to act like science students, using our innocent babies’ skins for experiment, mixing shea butter with Funbact-A, we are no more “maintaining” jack. Some mothers even mix the shea butter with other bleaching ingredients, while others outrightly use “toning” serums and bleaching creams. What is wrong with us?

The Reality (or Myth) of a Well-Balanced Woman

Source

Before I got married, and later had a child, I constantly heard about how a woman could not successfully balance the different aspects of her life, i.e. her career role, motherly role, wifely role, ministry role (if she is has one). It is said that at every point in time, at least, one aspect has to suffer for others to succeed.

I have listened to several views on this, especially with the rise of several interpretations of feminism. Some say it is possible, while others say it isn’t. Some ask how come men can do it, while women can’t. Some say it is possible, but very difficult, and a lot of sacrifices will have to be made.

After deliberating on this for a very long time, I came to my own conclusion last year, after having an eye-opening discussion with a friend. And this is it. Whenever there are varying viewpoints and philosophies flying around concerning a particular subject, that is when it is time for you to shut all external chaos and noise, and look for the truth. So I asked myself what God said concerning this issue. Is there anything in the word of God that says I can't have it all, and be a totally balanced woman? Yes, I know sacrifices will have to be made, but it is not an impossibility.

Most of the women mentioned in the Bible were not housewives. They were working women, and as far as was portrayed, well balanced women.  So why would I choose to accept man’s philosophy when God hasn't said so. We know that many people's opinions about this are based on the experiences that they and many other women have had. They said, it's the reality of the society we live in. But we also know that reality is relative. Your reality is not my reality

Last week was quite tight for me. By weekend, I found myself having to manage several fronts, and ensuring

Don't Call me Mama (11) - Let's get real: Your child is not your achievement

This week officially marks the end of this series. If this were a book, then this week's edition is the epilogue which is always as important as the book.

After I had my baby, I debated whether I should tell the world I was now a mother, considering the fact that I never even told anyone I was pregnant neither did I take a picture of me being pregnant. Not only did I blog about having a baby, I went into details about how it went down. Sharing things like this puts you in a vulnerable position, where people can attack you, but in the end, I'm glad I did. Even if it just proved to me that the demanding motherhood role doesn't mean I should drop my writing pen, it was a good thing I did.

This week’s edition is something that some people might not see eye to eye with me on. It might even draw criticism from older women and even some young folks, but this issue has always been a burden on my heart since I was a single lady.

When I said don't call me mama in the prologue of this series, I was very serious. Apart from the fact that I didn't want to become old school, lol, it was mainly because I didn't want to lose my identity.

The origin of women being called "Mama Sade" for example is because in those days, women were being defined by their children, which to be honest, might not really be a bad thing in itself, many women were proud of, and it has continued till this day. My issue with this was

Don't Call me Mama (9) - Labour is not that serious. Or is it?

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope we are all staying home, having a great time with family and friends. This fuel scarcity and traffic doesn’t have part 2, but we will still have a great time this holiday season because we choose to not let our spirit be down. I have a Christmas gift for you towards the end of this post

We are almost at the end of this series, and I’m very happy I went through with it. Without much talk, here goes my labour experience.

I always thought that when labour contractions start at home before you go to the hospital, the woman will be screaming and sweating and rolling on the floor, then she will stop and then start again. Or at least, if she doesn't scream, she will at least be moaning in pain

So continuing from last edition, when my labour started, I only knew because my contractions became more frequent. When the castor oil kicked in the contractions, I kept walking to and fro in a straight line in the living room for 2 hours and watching tv at the same. When the timing between contractions shortened, I knew I was definitely in labour. And when my mucus plug came out sometime later when I was on the phone, I knew there was no question about it. I casually said to the guy I was talking to on the phone

“I’m going into labour. You are the only one who knows now. Don’t tell the others yet. I will be a mother by this time tomorrow, and I will send you guys the picture of the baby.”

The guy was like “Oh wow, okay… congratulations.” I’m sure he must have been confused about what to say to me and how to respond because one minute we were discussing, and the next thing, I tell him I’m in labour, and then we keep discussing like nothing happened.  

After this time, I wanted to stay back home for one more hour just to be sure especially since I didn’t want to be charged for false labour at the hospital. I guess because I wasn’t screaming and rolling all over the floor, I didn’t want to take it too serious but my mum convinced me that it was time to go to the hospital. It was when I got into the car that I realised the reason I wasn’t feeling so much pain even though the contractions were very real.

I had gone through this process before but more severe and painful when I had the red degeneration of fibroid, so my pregnancy contractions were like child’s play compared to it.

Before I left for the hospital, I left a message for my husband about the development. My mother later said I shouldn’t have done that, so that I would just come out of nowhere and surprise him with a baby, lol. Apparently, she was just about to find out that my husband and I are gossip buddies number 1, and found it hard to keep things from each other. When I got to the hospital, the first nurse I met kept looking at me with suspicion like “girllll, you can’t be in labour right now.”

She kept asking questions “when is your due date, how severe is your pain, when was the last time you experienced contraction/pain?”

All I heard was “yeah right! Labour indeed. Madam, go home and don’t waste my time. You are not in labour.”

Anyway, she examined me. I expected that I was going to be about 1cm or 2cm dilated. My people, I was 5cm gone!

Don’t call me Mama... My name still remains Atilola

Hey my people. How's everyone doing?  I have a little something for you all. Be sure to read to the end, I promise, it will be worth your while. I gave birth to something and this time it breathes

If you have followed this blog for a while, you will know that I like delivering new projects from time to time. And for most of those projects, I always announce it on the blog when they are ready, mostly because you don’t know where support can come from.

I have delivered many things on this blog, from books to events and concerts, programs, etc. but never in all these times has any of those projects breathed life.

It is my great pleasure to announce to you that for the first time ever, I delivered something, and it's breathing, lol.

My baby is 15 days old today.