A completely honest post: The downside of marriage and motherhood

I interviewed some very smart young ladies over the phone this past weekend. I asked them for feedback over the shortcomings they have noticed on my business page. While their answers were very revealing to me, what struck me was the fact that majority of the trends in my life that I am currently not satisfied with was largely due to my fault.

I have been complaining of less productivity, declining results, etc. But as I traced the timeline in my head, I realised that this negative trend started when I got married, and later started growing my family. It is not that I became lazier or laid back, but I completely ditched some important aspects of my business, and outsourced what I couldn't ditch to people. Outsourcing is not bad, but I didn't occasionally supervise the outsourced areas. And I also realised that the parts I ditched should never have been ditched in the first place, at least, not for so long. This is because this is actually the engine that ran the entire business, something I was completely oblivious of.

Ever since I got married and started building a family, my creativity has been on the decline. Sometimes, I look at old articles and quotes, and ask "was I really the one who wrote these things? Where is my former brain?" It's like since I left my parents' house, my brain has shut down. After I had my son in 2017, I have been under constant pressure (self-imposed), I hardly smile, I can't remember when last I genuinely laughed, my level of productivity has declined, taking my income along with it. I like to think that I've been able to balance motherhood, marriage, and business, but if I am not producing as much result as I used to, then the balance is just an illusion. The truth is I haven't yet found a rhythm that works for me, like I had in my single days. It's like the world is moving forward, while I am receding

Please, if anyone reading this has gone through, or is going through what I am currently going through, let me know in the comment section. If you are already out of it, how were you able to free your mind from being held back.

P.S: I am talking about lack of, or decline in productivity and results, as a result of change in marital status or motherhood, not marital pressure in itself

8 comments

  1. Hmmm, hattylola. you r indeed a strong woman... I used to think I was a bad person 4 thinking thots like these. My 2 year Marriage and indeed one year og motherhood has topple a lot of things in my life as against the independent single life I once lived. We need to find ourselves again.... but how...🤔🤔🤔

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    1. Yes. We need to rediscover ourselves. One of my issues was the refusal to relinquish the past, and other things that came with it in my mind.

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  2. It depends on what could be causing it, what you need to ask your self is this : Is the baby and household chores taking too much of your time? Or do you have postpartum depression which do happen to most mothers after birth of their baby as a result of stress or other painful experience. Ask your self these deep questions so you can trace the root source of the problem. And what ever it may be try to resolve it. Chat up old friends, go to the beach, give your self a treat, go to the spa, read a book, eat

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    1. Thank you for your comment. I think I was just going through a phase of not finding myself, albeit longer than expected. I think I need to work on your last point though. Thank you.

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  3. Eat an ice-cream, Watch a movie, send the children to stay with a family member while you do all of this. Also make sure you have a nanny or someone to keep an eye on them to go with them.
    Having babies and doing all the crazy feeding at odd hours is quite demanding and exhausting when you've had cs. What kept me sane was listening to Christian praise and worship songs and watching faith channel on DSTV

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    1. Yes, I have nannies, and try to create balance for myself. I will try to implement the advice in your last paragraph. Thank you very much.

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  4. I completely feel the same way, as I have been married for 2 years, expecting a baby anytime soon and I feel like my single friends are advancing and making more waves than I am, and it's a constant feeling which I am getting wary of. I did some self reflection and concluded that though it seemed like I wasn't making any progress career wise, I can boast of a 2 year commitment and a kid underway, which is a great achievement on it's own. Been a mother is tough enough, and if society doesn't deem it fit to celebrate us, we need to celebrate ourselves, we are champions..so my dear, congratulate yourself, you are a champ!!

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    1. You are a real champion. Our journeys are different, and we all have different paths. You might have to slow down now, but will get to your destination soon.

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