This week officially marks the end of this series. If this were a book, then this week's edition is the epilogue which is always as important as the book.
After I had my baby, I debated whether I should tell the world I was now a mother, considering the fact that I never even told anyone I was pregnant neither did I take a picture of me being pregnant. Not only did I blog about having a baby, I went into details about how it went down. Sharing things like this puts you in a vulnerable position, where people can attack you, but in the end, I'm glad I did. Even if it just proved to me that the demanding motherhood role doesn't mean I should drop my writing pen, it was a good thing I did.
This week’s edition is something that some people might not see eye to eye with me on. It might even draw criticism from older women and even some young folks, but this issue has always been a burden on my heart since I was a single lady.
When I said don't call me mama in the prologue of this series, I was very serious. Apart from the fact that I didn't want to become old school, lol, it was mainly because I didn't want to lose my identity.
The origin of women being called "Mama Sade" for example is because in those days, women were being defined by their children, which to be honest, might not really be a bad thing in itself, many women were proud of, and it has continued till this day. My issue with this was
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Don't Call me Mama (11) - Let's get real: Your child is not your achievement
Monday, January 8, 2018
How education affects your shopping practice
Monday, September 25, 2017
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This is a research based on data and properly collected facts. Even if it wasn't, I'm inclined to agree. What about you?
If you agree with the research, why do you think this is the case? Is it because the more enlightened a woman is, the more empowered she becomes, causing her spending power to increase day by day?
The more empowered a guy is, the more interested he becomes in other things, his responsibilities increase, and the less he needs to prove to people that he's a success by what he puts on.
Let’s bring it closer to home a bit, and look at our Nigerian people. Who's more invested in the aso ebi thing? The women of course. We don’t see the men going all crazy about how they’ll shop for one Aso ebi or another. Sometimes, it’s like the richer the women, the more expensive the aso ebi.
The making of Yoruba Demon(ess)es
Monday, April 11, 2016

The pressure on young ladies to get married is real. It is like if a man doesn’t find you, then do yourself a favour and find a man. Many women therefore hustle to get this done, and once this is achieved, Hallelujah, we can now move to stage two.
This stage is where things get comical, where the ladies have to insert themselves into their boyfriend’s families, especially in Yoruba culture. I have seen demons turned to angels, stingy girls suddenly become Santa Claus, introverts turned extroverts, just to make sure they are accepted at first. The ploy to spoil the in-laws is very real.
In Yoruba community, the communal culture and respect is very important. In-laws seem to have so much power. They can make or mar the woman’s marriage if the man is not strong or mature enough to shield his family from external influences.
I therefore see the fake smiles plastered on young girl’s faces when they are with in-laws, the unwilling courtesies bestowed on every family member, the loads and loads of bribes disguised as gifts. The thing is the in-laws know these things too, in many cases. But what do they care? After all, they are the beneficiaries of these things.
Coming from a very small and private family, I have always wondered I would be able to fake my way through this process. Thankfully, my mother always told me to be myself, and not to start what I can’t finish. There’s no need going to a man’s house, and fawning over your mother in law if you are not a natural fawner.
You hear Yoruba ladies who sight their in-laws, and they go “Oh mummy, you are looking so young, your skin is glowing o, mummy. This your hair, where did you make it? Ha, you like fixing? Don’t worry, when next I’m coming, I will buy Peruvian for you, bla bla bla.” They say all these, knowing 90% of everything is a LIE. She isn’t glowing or looking younger. In fact, her hair isn’t properly made.
I have seen a situation where there was a lot of fake fawning. It was so bad that I just had to walk away in irritation.
The unfortunate thing is that such acts cannot be sustained. After a while, the real person comes out, and the in-laws feel cheated because they feel the initial actions were just a front to get into the family, and they start saying things like the woman is a pretender. They might even tag her a Yoruba Demon who is just showing her true colour.
One of my closest friends is from a family of 4, i.e. she has just one sibling, her brother. She got married into a royal family. When she was courting, she used to tell me of how they used to be at the family house every weekend, cos there was always one party or the other. She would enter a room, and there could be as much as 50 in-laws seated in a circle. The bad part was that you couldn’t stand in the middle of the circle, and greet them all at once. Each in-law would require his/her own greeting. Even though my friend was a natural fawner, it was just too much. It was at that point I knew I could never get married into a royal family.
My friend has been married for 6 years now, and they don’t go to the family house or buy aso ebi every weekend anymore. They don’t do all those greeting of 70 people. In fact, they stay away as much as they can. It just wasn’t sustainable.
My opinion is that if you are a naturally polite, friendly, respectful and well-raised person, there won’t be need for fake smiles or shady compliments whenever you have to meet in-laws. Even if you are quiet and reserved, your character will shine through and speak for you. You will naturally understand that there are some places you shouldn’t go empty handed the first time. It won’t be bribery or effort to win people to your side so you can get the man to propose, it would just be second nature.
The main thing is just to be yourself, and people would love you for you.
InterTribal Marriage can get you into trouble
Monday, March 7, 2016
First of all, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who volunteered to read my novel. You guys are far too kind. Even though I gave two weeks window for feedback, I already have two in already. At a point, I had to stop sending out the novels because I had already sent to 12 people, without counting. I might still send out to more people, if I don't get the feedback I require from others. Thank you. You pipu are just three mush, lol.

I was hanging out with my friends yesterday evening when something happened to inspire this blog post.
My friends (a guy and a lady) are engaged to be married this year.
Guy has been my friend for 14 years, since 2002. At a point, we were very close because we were in the same class and fellowship in university.
Girl has been my friend for about a year. We have ended up becoming extremely close friends. We work in the same department in church, with the teens.
Both are on fire for God. Girl is Yoruba, guy is Igbo, and they really love each other.
Again, they are getting married in a few months. Since it was Mother's Day, guy decides to call girl's mother to wish her happy Mother's Day.
So guy calls girl's mother and they start gisting and laughing. Girl's mother complains about something and next thing guy says "eeya, pele" obviously trying to commiserate in Yoruba.
Girl and I turned to look at each other and then look at guy. We shake our heads and say "see this one, he doesn't know what blunder he just committed." Guy is oblivious and keeps on shining teeth with girl's mother.
Immediately he dropped, we didn't hesitate to school him about Yoruba and the culture of respect. In Yoruba culture, to talk to elders, you have to put 'e' in front. You can't just say "pele"
Thank God girl is from a sane family. In many Yoruba families, that single blunder is strong enough to get a marriage cancelled, that is if they ever allowed intertribal marriage in the first place.
We told guy that it would have even been worse if girl was the one who was Igbo and guy was Yoruba. Imagine girl going to her Yoruba in laws and telling her mother in law "pele". Heaven would fall after they've called family meeting on her head.
So people how do you do it? How do you respect people of another culture when you don't even know what parameter of the language is considered polite, and what is rude? Or should we just stick to our own tribe and not bother intermarrying? If you choose to intermarry, how does one avoid getting blamed for a blunder one doesn't even know exists?
What is your take?
Inside Wole Soyinka's Forest and other fun events
Monday, July 28, 2014
So I had the privilege to be one of the 70 spoken word artists/poets to perform at the WS80 project, Wole Soyinka's 80th birthday celebration, which took place at Lagos and Abeokuta between July 11 and 18, 2014. It was a real fun and eye-opening event, which culminated in some real sturves that looked like a scene from an Abija Awara movie, lol.
I did not really take pictures of the Day 1, which took place in Lagos, as I was too busy thinking of my performance. We moved to Abeokuta two days later, and enjoy the pictures below. And yea Wole Soyinka really lives in a forest, probably for spiritual inspiration from the heavenlies. Ijegba forest, to be exact. And no, you cannot go and visit him there. You will soon find out why, from one of the pictures below.
Day 2
Day 3
As we got to the movie reception, the first thing that greeted us were the faces of many important people in Nigeria, actors, actresses, corporate bodies, etc, (excluding politicians. I don't think they like Wole Soyinka or vice versa, lol). Unfortunately, I was too shy to go around and ask for pictures. The only drink was palmwine, which you had to drink with calabash. Even water was absent. And the snacks were kokoro and Adun, made with Epo pupa. It was at this point we knew we were in for some serious different stuff,
And this picture below was the first message that greeted us at Wole Soyinka's forest residence.
Of course, since we are not trespassers, we all snapped pictures, and proceeded with confidence. And then...
Efun Worshippers started greeting us, and kneeling down for us. A lot of people were scared, saying "Hee, what is this?" lol. I even heard there was a lady around me speaking in tongues. As for me, I wasn't scared. Since I understand yoruba, I know there were just saying "You will live long, you will not die young, you will grow old..." basically traditional greetings they pass on to people who come to celebrate with the old. I was greeting the back with my simple "Ekale ma."
The below picture looks like I was transported into a scene of a babalawo shrine in a 1985 yoruba movie on NTA channel 7, lol.
We finally got to where we were to be seated, after walking through the forest for a while. The stage theatre was set up right in the middle of the forest. It was built my Zmirage. You would know that millions went down in setting up the whole drama. Colourful stage, colourful costume, excellent actors. Who said gret things don't happen in Nigeria.
I did not really take pictures of the Day 1, which took place in Lagos, as I was too busy thinking of my performance. We moved to Abeokuta two days later, and enjoy the pictures below. And yea Wole Soyinka really lives in a forest, probably for spiritual inspiration from the heavenlies. Ijegba forest, to be exact. And no, you cannot go and visit him there. You will soon find out why, from one of the pictures below.
Day 2
I'm small. I know. No need to rub it in, lol |
Wole Soyinka's birthday cake |
Professor Niyi Osundare |
Important people cutting the cake... where is the celebrant? |
Famzing with Muta Baruka, a world-renowned legendary poet |
Kuto cultural centre, Abeokuta where most of the events took place |
As we got to the movie reception, the first thing that greeted us were the faces of many important people in Nigeria, actors, actresses, corporate bodies, etc, (excluding politicians. I don't think they like Wole Soyinka or vice versa, lol). Unfortunately, I was too shy to go around and ask for pictures. The only drink was palmwine, which you had to drink with calabash. Even water was absent. And the snacks were kokoro and Adun, made with Epo pupa. It was at this point we knew we were in for some serious different stuff,
See this traditional centre mat |
Yemi Sodimu: If you are one of those Nigerians who wear Oleku, and you don't know this man, please return our cloth to Tunde Kelani, |
Do you remember the man on the right from all the Mount Zion movies you watch |
And this picture below was the first message that greeted us at Wole Soyinka's forest residence.
Of course, since we are not trespassers, we all snapped pictures, and proceeded with confidence. And then...
Efun Worshippers started greeting us, and kneeling down for us. A lot of people were scared, saying "Hee, what is this?" lol. I even heard there was a lady around me speaking in tongues. As for me, I wasn't scared. Since I understand yoruba, I know there were just saying "You will live long, you will not die young, you will grow old..." basically traditional greetings they pass on to people who come to celebrate with the old. I was greeting the back with my simple "Ekale ma."
The below picture looks like I was transported into a scene of a babalawo shrine in a 1985 yoruba movie on NTA channel 7, lol.
Traditional lanterns. Forgotten what they are called. |
I kid you not, Wole Soyinka was seated two rows behind me, watching his own drama, but you don't need the Holy Spirit to tell you not to approach him in such a setting, so I just pretended to be gentle, and not even allow the thought cross my mind.
Enjoy pictures of the stage drama, Dance of the Forest, written by Wole Soyinka at the age of 26 (@ilola, see your life). I wonder how he felt watching the drama. The drama was staged in the forest, as you know by now, and ran for about three hours
The actors ran away when the car drove in. Don't be scared, it was part of the act |
Can you see the tree spirit? lol |
I tried to get a shot of the whole cast. They were 203 renowned stage actors |
Fireworks after the event was over |
Governor Ibikunle Amosun of Ogun State. The only politician who would not be eaten up in the forest |
The governor and the people that put the drama together |
We all got this gift bag by the Ministry of Culture and Tourism when we were about to leave the hotel for Lagos the next day. Guess what it contained... A calabash to drink palmwine, a traditional wrist bead, and a clay bowl lantern, that you would light up with Epo Pupa (called Fitila in Yoruba). I passed them all to my mum, lol. I was thinking I would get an iPhone.
I stayed at Green Legacy, Obasanjo's hotel, and actually saw him and his entourage walking around the premises, inspecting some things. I'd have taken his picture if he weren't too far from me. Oh well...
It was really a great event, despite the whole Efun stuff, babalawo scenes and all. I am glad I was part of this, and exposed me more the yoruba culture.
The Sins of our Past: Bad Generation
Monday, May 21, 2012
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This is not fiction.
My family moved to a 3-bedroom flat on
the street I currently stay, two weeks before my second birthday. Almost all
the houses in the estate were storey buildings of several 3-bedroom flats.
However, there was this building that looked out of place in the estate. It was
the only unpainted building, and the only face to face building.
At about five years old, I was already
conscious of the difference in our status in life. My friends and I referred to
the kids living in that house as 'children of the uncompleted building’. It
wasn’t that the building wasn’t completed, but for us, the building just looked
to out of place for us to see it as ‘complete’.
We went to private schools, there barely
made it through public schools, we went to universities, they learnt trades or
became miscreants. We had cars, they did not. We gossiped about them, they
gossiped about us. We said they were unruly, they said we were proud. That was
the normal life we lived.
It was Blessing I first heard the word
'Bad Generation' from. I don’t know how the name came about, but I think her
family must have started referring to ‘children of the uncompleted building’ as
the Bad Generation kids, because of the little mischief the caused here and
there. They played on the streets, their clothes were dirty, they rolled
bicycle tyres with sticks, they could not speak English, they talked without
respect, etc. So I guess no one argued when they heard them being referred to
as the Bad Generation kids.
Before long, this name caught flame in
the mouth of every single person in the estate. They were no longer the ‘children
of the uncompleted building’. They were Bad Generation, everyone’s father
called them Bad Generation, everyone’s mother called them Bad Generation, every
single person called them Bad Generation. It was their label, it was normal. Whether
the bad generation kids were aware that we called them by this name, I am not
sure. Even if they knew, I am not sure they would have understood the meaning
of the name.
My estate was quite peaceful and free of
violence and the likes. This is because, when I was young, there was a period
when armed robbers tried tormenting my estate, so our parents formed a
vigilante. Our fathers had guns, and they took rounds to protect the estate. If
a thief was caught, he was shot in the leg and then handed over to the police.
No arguments! After a while, robbers never came to the area. They were scared
of my estate.
By the time we were teenagers, some of
the Bad Generation kids dropped out of secondary school. Blessing and her
family moved to their house in Ikorodu. Ada, my second friend, moved out of
area with her family and later moved to their own house. A lot of my childhood
friends left the area. But not my family... my father built a fourteen bedroom
mansion directly opposite the three bedroom flat we lived, and so unlike my
friends and their families, I was stuck on my street, at least, until a man
decided to change my surname and move me out of my father’s house.
But....
Many fathers moved out of the area, the
former landlords we met there grew very old. There were only two middle aged
landlords. My father and a man we called Mr Glory. Because of this inevitable occurrence,
the vigilante started losing its protective hold over the estate.
At this time... the Bad Generation kids had
grown. For most of them, they had turned out to be bad, just like we had spoken
negatively into their lives. Their numbers had increased, because they had
brought friends of theirs to live with them. Some of them became vocational
workers, some of them became miscreants, one of them was a confirmed armed
robber, none of them was educated. But at least, my estate was still peaceful. Then...
My father died... mid age...
My house is like this very big dead
house. Loads and loads of rooms, with no one to sleep in them. I live in the
house with my mother, brother and sister. My mother gets home earliest, which
is 7.00pm. The rest of us start getting home around 10.00pm. We live in a
monumental waste. The Bad Generation kids cramp themselves in their face to
face rooms, rooms smaller than the smallest room in my house, approximately
about seven people in each. The gap between my family and theirs has grown wider
over the years but no one blinks at this. It was normal. We all kept minding
our businesses.
After my dad’s death, this left Mr Glory
to protect the area. Somehow, the new set of young fathers who had moved to the
estate were not as active as our fathers had been. Maybe it is because thought they
had nothing to fear.
Mr Glory had seven children, but one of
them refused education and home training, and turned out to be a thorn in his
flesh. He became just like the Bad Generation kids, caused problem for his
family, smoked weed, destroyed his father’s properties, beat people up and did
every kind of bad thing one can think of. No one said anything, it was not our
problem, it was Mr Glory’s problem and he would do well to sort it out. Then
again...
Mr Glory died... mid age...
The Bad Generation have multiplied...
they torment the estate. They organised robbers to steal the cars of estate
residents. After the incident, guns and hard drugs were found in the building
beside Mr Glory’s, something that could never have happened if Mr Glory were
alive. We now live in fear, the cause of our insecurities resides with us, but
there is nothing we can do about it for now.
In the past, when we were young, we
laughed at them, we called them names, they were the Bad Generation kids, we
were the good ones. Now we have grown, we are educated, we have good jobs, we
have cars. They torment us, rob us and steal our cars. It seems the sins of our
past have caught up with us... poke their fingers in our eyes... laugh at us...
right in our faces.
* The name of Mr Glory has been changed
to protect the identity of the person
Yorubas: She is good, might even be better than you
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Titi speaks about learning Yoruba
This is the first video I will ever share on blog. I had to cover my eyes in shame while watching it, because she is better than me in some aspects. And for all those Nigerians ashamed of their language, this is food for thought.
Even her intonation is impressive
Na wo o
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