How to tell if He loves you





There's a quote formed by a friend of mine. It helped me in my single days and has continued to shed light on so many things that crop up in boy-girl relationships up till today
In as much as I have tried to argue with this quote in my mind, time and time again, it keeps proving itself true. This has made me realise the more that no matter how hard we try, the truth will always prove itself right.

The quote says
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused 

As indirectly proportional as this quote is, it gives a simple formulaic solution to many issues that keeps single ladies awake at night especially when they are in rendezvous with a guy whose intentions they aren't sure of

I have a friend, who we can call Titi. Titi is a matured single lady who in my opinion is an awesome gift to any man, but she doesn't have a rested mind at the moment and is really eager to meet a guy who really loves her and she loves in return. So whenever Titi meets a guy who shows the slightest bit of interest in being her friend and it seems he also fits into her ideals of a husband material, she starts calculating in her head, and works herself up so much that she reads meaning into everything the guy does. Titi will call me, and talk, talk, talk about this guy who may or may not be interested in her, and become even more confused.

And here's what I always tell her. If he has not come out to clearly express his interest in a relationship, don't let yourself be led on. I was particularly unhappy with the way she allowed a certain guy treat her for about 6 months, leading her on, doting on her one week and ignoring her the next, excusing it with trust issues he suffered from his past relationship. She became so emotionally attached to this guy that it was so pathetic. One minute, she's all giggly because he called to apologise for his actions and they are friends again, and the next, she's so devastated because he hasn't picked her calls for two weeks

Both of us will be gisting, and right in my presence, she'll be calling him, unaware of what she was even doing, and her calls will go unanswered. Whenever her interest wants to wane a bit, he'll be back

It was like he had a leash around her neck, and he was just jerking her in whatever direction he pleased. After a while, I never wanted to hear his name again. I mean, she was an emotional wreck the entire time wondering whether he loved her or not. She was desperate for him, and he knew it so he fed on it, even though nothing was going to come out of it eventually. It was a miracle when she got out of that cycle.

After that episode, she has gotten herself into one or two similar cycles.

And each time I tell her, this thing is not hard as you are making it seem. Guys are not that confused at all. If a guy really wants you, he will chase you with all he has until he gets you. You don't need to scheme, calculate or manipulate him into a relationship. If he's sure about you, he will come straight for you.  We are not talking about guys in their mid-twenties who are not ready to settle down yet. Guys in their mid-thirties upwards (not playboys) are generally direct in their approach and don't have time for long winding courtships that lead nowhere

I told her, you toil too much. When your husband comes, you won't need to toil at all.  Everything will fall into place

So here I am, encouraging any single lady out there (no matter your age) that if a guy is confusing you right now about whether he loves you or not, please don't invest yourself emotionally in that encounter. The best you can do is be friends, with absolutely no expectations of nothing more. Whatever later comes out of it, it’s most probably for the best.

If you are in a relationship that has not been defined (I.e. You don't know if you are friends or boyfriend/girlfriend but you both have feeling for each other), that one is a different case, and easy to solve. Just ask the "what are we" question.

I hope this post has been useful to someone out that. Just remember
If he loves you, you will know, if he doesn't, you will be confused

8 comments

  1. Blessings
    Ah life. Truth is unchanging, it remains the same regardless.

    The important elements to support that quote is Self-worship, self-care & understanding ones value

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  2. You are right. If a guy wants you, there will be no confusion about his feelings for you whatsoever. Especially if he isn't a teenager. I dare say even teenagers are open to showing love and affection.

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  3. شركة تنظيف منازل وبيوت بتبوك شركة الصفا والمروه
    شركة الصفا والمروه شركة تنظيف منازل وبيوت شركة تنظيف منازل بتبوك فنحن لدينا احدث الالات والمعدات المتطوره وافضل المواد واجودها ويقوم بهذه الخدمات فريق عمل خاص ومتميز ولديه احدث الاساليب فى القيام بعمليات النظافه ونقدم جميع خدماتنا باسعار تناسب جميع العملاء دائما الناس يقعون فى مشكلات نظافة بيوتهم اما لمساحتها الكبيره او لانشغالهم بعمل ما او وجود مناسبه لديهم وبعض الامور لا يقدرون على نظافتها مثل تنظيف المسابح والخزانات فلا تحتاروا ولا تترددوا فلدى شركتنا شركة تنظيف منازل وبيوت بتبوك شركة الصفا والمروه
    شركة نقل عفش بتبوك

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  4. In your friends' defense, she is a desperado. Just like dogs can smell fear, men (twenties or thirties) can smell desperation.

    In the guys' defense, even if na me I go run. Who wants to marry a stranger? I want to watch you a little bit first...put yourself in his shoes; if a babe you just met is calling you daily, what will you think?

    I disagree with the confused part sha, cos men do not over analyse situations. If they want to marry whether they love you or not, if they think they can live with you, he will propose. Also women are the same way, ignore a guy and he will follow you around like Bingo, but let him for a second think that he is the sun, moon and stars and he will play you like kilode. It's all about balance don't over do the "interest" and balance the "indifference".

    The difference between a woman who marries in her fourties and one who is still playing desperado is that among other things, one of them is not ready to do the pursuing and does just the right amount of shakara to keep him interested. Shikena!

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  5. If you don't know whether you're in a relationship with someone, guess what... you're NOT in a relationship. I've been saying that for years and I'll keep saying it.

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  6. Spot on, Atilola! You don't know how much I needed this. Thanks a lot.

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  7. You friend should calm down before she shatters her heart with her own hands...she actually reminds me of a friend and I am also glad she was able to untangle herself from that web.

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  8. Your advice is right on point. Maybe I'll just add a line, "Make yourself ready and the ready man/woman will make himself/herself available".
    Sometimes people go into relationships with mapped out expectations especially qualities and attributes they are looking out for in the other person while neglecting to certify themselves ready first.
    Nice read!

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