Public Disgrace of Singleness

So there’s this pastor I really like. He is actually my friend’s pastor, and leads a branch of one of those conservative churches - the non-trouser, non-earring wearing kind. I like him because he seems genuinely interested in my welfare, and he doesn’t use the “why are you wearing trouser, why are you wearing earring?” eye to look at me. He is married, with 3 kids, and really vibrant. He encourages me well in my down time.

Anyway, when I came back from Geneva, when I went to do the spoken word for the UN conference, my friend calls and says this man was asking after me, and I should call him. I called him, and told him why I wasn’t available to speak to him. So he said I should come and see him. Reluctantly – very very reluctantly, I dragged myself to his church on Sunday afternoon. I was still resting from my trip, and didn’t even go to my own church that morning.

On getting there, we talked a bit, prayed a bit, etc. He then drilled me about what the whole spoken word thing was about, and I explained the best I could. I showed him a video of one of my performances, and he seemed thrilled. Later, we ended the conversation, and I left.

A couple of weeks later, he called me, and said he wanted me to come and minister in his church because he has a special guest. You see why I like this man? Conservative pastor calling a trouser-wearing girl like me to come and minister.

I told him it would be inconvenient since it meant I had to leave the teens I’m supposed to teach in my own church. I told him I would do it but he had to slate me early, so I could leave to my own church.

I could swear that this was what I heard him say. “Please, can you come and do your spoken word in my church. I have a special guest coming to preach, and I want him to see your ministration.”

But he called me a week later, and started asking if I was ready for the ministration, to which I replied in the affirmative. He asked what my topic was, and I told him. He then suggested another topic which I can’t remember now. I told him it was too late because I couldn’t start writing something new and putting it together. I then asked him what topic the pastor was preaching on so I could see how I could manipulate his topic with my ministration during the introduction phase.

It was then the calabash broke.

“What pastor?” The pastor asked.

I was confused. “I thought you said you had a special guest coming to preach in your church, and that is why you are calling me.”

“No o. I mean there’s a guy coming to my church. He is one of our church members, but now works for an oil company in port harcourt. That is the guest I am talking about. He will be in church on Sunday. So I want you to come and do your spoken word, so he can see you. I will now ask him if he is interested in you.”

I’m guessing you are all speechless by now. At this point, I didn’t know what to say. So many things were running through my mind. Couldn’t this man just have called me to come and minister without revealing his true motive to me? After all, the guy also wasn't aware.

Source
“Ha, I didn’t know o. I actually thought it is a pastor.”

“No, it is not.”

Trust my straightforward talk. “Excuse me sir, you know I wear earring and trousers, and you want to introduce me to your church member.” I protested.

“No o, this guy is not like that o. He is the liberal kind.”

“Me, I don’t know o.” I continued.

My friend, who is the one who introduced me to my pastor friend, wasn’t around to witness the drama, cos she had gone to the states to put to bed. I reported the whole incident to her, and told her why it was a terrible idea. First, even though we were both Christians, our doctrines differed totally, and then I have a budding manufacturing business in Lagos. She disagreed with me, but that was her own opinion, and I wasn’t buying it.

I picture myself  married to the guy, always wearing wrapper and long skirt, never wearing earring, and always covering my head. It wasn’t a pretty imagination, lol. So I just determined to put all sentiments aside and do the ministration, forgetting the real story behind it.

In the meantime, I was praying hard that the guy will see me, and not like me. In fact, he should very disinterested in me, cos I don’t want any “Pastor said you are my wife” story in my life. I also don’t want anything that would cause me to reject the guy, and it will now be like “See this one that we are trying to help her case, she still has the guts to reject men.”

A day before the ministration, my pastor friend called me, and told me to make sure I don’t wear earring, and I cover my head, since I will be climbing the altar. I was glad he told me because I wouldn’t have thought of taking a hat.

Anyway, the day came, and I did the spoken word without mentioning anything about the drama to the pastor. All the while I knew that my maybe-potential-husband was in the crowd, watching me. I sha tried not to feel like a guinea pig on display, without earrings and a bowler hat. I wore a knee-length bodicon dress. At least, I met them half way on the earring issue, lol.

Till today, the pastor never mentioned the update to me. Maybe the Holy Spirit did not minister to the guy that I was his wife when I was performing, I don’t know. Maybe he didn’t like what he saw, then he must have been blinded by my prayers.

So that was how the story of my life was put up on public display, because someone was looking for husband for me, lol.

P.S: Please know that this happened two years ago, and as at today, I am still not even 30 yet, lol. This means people really care about my marital status.

58 comments

  1. Look on the bright side, at least you got folks looking out for you. Hilarious story though, must have been nerve wrecking!

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    1. Just did what I had to do, and left the stage.

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  2. Hian! I don't like his approach at all. Funny read though, bro could see through your bodicon dress, the absent earrings weren't enough decoy.

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    1. Hmm, now that you mentioned it. I didn't think about it from that angle o.

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  3. Marriage is a big issue in Nigeria. It's almost as though there's an unwritten law that says marriage validates a woman.

    Lol, at God blinding the eyes of the man.......he obviously doesn't know a good market when he sees one.

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  4. Tht pastor is very 4unny, he's trying to hook u up lol

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    1. Well, it is a funny world. What can we say?

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  5. Lol, that pastor is funny. I think he meant well sha.

    Berry Dakara Blog

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    1. Yeah, he did. He's concerned about me.

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  6. Lmao. I can relate very well with this.

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  7. Sister Atilola of God, my jaw dropped while reading this post. Your pastor friend meant well, he singled you out of the many single sisters that are in his church. I can't even begin to imagine how awkward it was for you knowing the real reason why you ministered.

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    1. I was shocked when I found out the real reason, but I couldn't decline.

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  8. Replies
    1. It wasn't funny when it happened o. Now it is sha.

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  9. I laughed while reading this, see hooking up something

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  10. Haha i was expecting a different end to this story!

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    1. What were you guys expecting? That the guy saw me and fell in love?

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  11. Lmaooo kai. This "Mrs" title will cause something o. See en, the pastor wants you cocooned in ail-filled arms loool

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    1. Looooll. Which one is ail-filled arms again?

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  12. Wow! People are really crazy mami! **shakes head** Oh well, humans will always be humans....like wow!

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    1. Loooll. 'Hooking people up' seems to be the in-thing now.

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  13. I experienced something similar last week... the pastor actually brought the dude to my house. like we say in Nigeria "it is well"

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    1. Loooll. So does the 'dude' have a chance?

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  14. The pastor must really like you oh to have picked you instead of the single girls in his church... or wait, maybe you weren't the only goods on display that day, maybe he arranged several so oil dude will have choices... oh well

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    1. Haaa, don't kill me with laughter o, abeg. The pastor is not as bad as that o.

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  15. Hilarious! But count it all joy when........

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  16. Oh what a nice Pastor friend trying to hook you up like that. Prepare for many more VIPS and Ministrations. Halleluyah

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    1. Lol. Thanks for prophesying into my life jare.

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  17. hahahahahahaha omggg this just made my morning. How did I miss this post

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  18. Okay maybe the guy was truly liberal and didn't want a no earrings, no trouser...wearing sister.

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    1. Hmm, I never thought about it that way.

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  19. I'm thinking he heard your spoken word piece and 'freaked out'. couldn't handle the heat.

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    1. Looollll, no kill me with laughter. Funny enough, my performance always brings toasters my way.

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  20. for curiosity sake why don't you ask him what the broda thot abt your performance.

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    Replies
    1. Cos I was never interested. I was there, with the mindset that the guy does not exist.

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  21. Replies
    1. Dolapo, what are you doing here?

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  22. As a guy in his early thirties the pressure is there. Tired of the uncle uncle. The difference is probably the biological clock for the woman however me no wan train pikin at 70. Unto d matter as long as u r not exposing ur body in public, u ve a GOOD relationship with God all the rest na story. He was probably blinded by ur prayers no go pray blind ur hubby's eye o.

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    1. Lool at your last statement. You have a serious point o.

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  23. Like seriously??
    Heheheh, loools.
    Wetin person nor go see...

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  24. OMG..... Ati, you are a very funny woman but I'm sure the pastor meant well. He shouldn't have told you of his intentions... Nice write up sha

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

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    1. Yes o, he meant well. I have even apologised for the post, lol.

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  25. Lol. This was funny. The pastor meant no harm.

    First time here.

    www.pynk360.com

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  26. I haven't stopped laughing. Hilarious! All in the bid to hook us up, what won't 'loved ones' do?

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