Cleaning up a man for Marriage's sake

Thanks to everyone who wished me well in my last post. I am very fine now, and to the cheeky comments, I laff at all of you o.

Two weeks ago, I was with a colleague of 42 years old, happily married with kids. She was talking about how some of our single colleagues of the same age can become married.

Her take is that older successful single women should take a guy who is not considered to be in their social class, financially and other ways, tush the guy up, and marry him. I was extremely shocked that she said this because I never knew people still thought in that light. I know this was a common phenomenon about 10-20 years ago, but I wouldn't imagine that it still happens rampantly.

I am, and have always been an advocate of
waiting, waiting, and waiting, until the right person comes your way. My colleague is of the opinion that these class of women have grown and developed so much in every area that it will be hard for any single man to match them, and the ones that can match them have so many issues because they are already older 'made men.'

Questions for you: Isn't tushing a man up to your standards for the sake of him being marriageable for you kind of manipulative? You are helping the man not out of love, but out of selfish interest. At the end of the day, it will a case of 'I made this man.' Does it make sense to 'make someone?' After making the man, is he indebted to you for life? What if he starts acting up, do you have a right to always call him to order since he is your 'manufactured product?'

As I said, I don't believe in tushing a man up to your standard, but in waiting until the right person comes your way, whatever you define as 'right.' Do you agree with me?

I have asked so many questions in these few paragraphs, what do you think?


  1. I don't see anything wrong with building a man up into a marriage material. It happens the other way round whereby a self made or rich man marries a lady and brings her up to his standard. We call that love but when a lady does it we frown on it. I see it as unconditional love. There are a lot of quality men that years back were from poor background and you many ladies will consider them not up to their standard but now have exceeded the standard. I believe a lady can do polish a man out of love. White women do it but it apppears African women frown on it. I remember when I was a student most of our ladies didn't consider us up to their standard but now when you meet them that attitude has changed and they wished they could have you but because of rejections in the past we don't consider it. I believe attitudes have to start to change concerning that attitude. I disagree with you Atilola. I don't think tushing a man up for marriage is manipulative. It is done out of love and not selfish interest at all. In fact I consider it as true love. It doesn't mean there will be no challenges but if its true love you can summount whatever challenges.

  2. I think that we all tush up a man before we marry him, may not always be financially sha. Mine had zero social skills, especially when it came to friends and family. He did not visit people, would not attend their functions, and did not invite people for anything. It's been a lot of pre wedding and post wedding work but I would not have married him if he had not changed a little. Others I know of have to fix bedroom skills, attitude, and the list goes on and on.

    I draw the line on tushing him financially sha oh, unless we are planning to bear my name (abomination!) I aint tushing nothing. If I liked him enough I would appreciate him as he is and enjoy spending what little he has. (No I do not believe in that equality BS, my money is mine and his is ours). Or enjoy his companionship in secrecy if he is so bad that I cannot be seen with him in public. Same woman will tush him up and wonder why he is not a provider ten days after the wedding. To each her own.


What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.