Don't call me Mama (2) - The time I felt like ripping my baby apart



My first trimester was a very rough and challenging one. I became someone I didn't recognize.

I found out that I was pregnant on February 9. The first wave of weakness hit me on February 14 when I went to my parents’ house to pack some items from my old office room. Things I would normally lift sent me to a realm of tiredness I couldn't come out of hours later. The sweet and sour Chinese sauce my husband ordered to celebrate valentines didn't go down well in my mouth and stomach.

It was like a downward descent from that day. Morning sickness hit me like Anthony Joshua’s punches. I could hardly climb the stairs without almost passing out. Sometimes climbing the stairs to the fourth floor rendered me immobile for 3 hours. My tiredness and weakness made me very unproductive. And the unproductiveness sent me into depression because I was... well, unproductive. I felt I was producing nothing and had nothing to show for my existence on earth. During this period, I resented the whole pregnancy thing, and almost felt like slashing my stomach open and ripping out the baby.

Spices irritated me. Cooking my breakfast for was left to my husband. I threw up a lot in the mornings. I threw up till my eyes bulged out, veins showed on my temples, and specks of blood came out sometimes.

I was so convinced that my tiredness was peculiar to me. Surely, pregnant women can't be feeling this way. I see them all around going strong with their business and other affairs. I was a novice, my husband was a novice so I pressured him to call doctors and find a solution to my problem immediately because I just couldn't continue life this way.


The two doctors we talked to said it was a normal situation for some pregnant women, while I kept arguing with them that mine wasn't normal, that mine was worse than other people’s own. How can I not be able to climb stairs because I'm pregnant. For God’s sake, my stomach was still as flat as anything.

It was during this first check-up that we found the fibroid!

I had been expecting twins since my husband is from a family of twins in abundance, but it was fibroid instead. Gosh!

Before this discovery, my knowledge about fibroid was pretty vague. It was those things that happened to older women, making their stomach bulge out, causes some blockage and eventually leading to infertility. Sometimes, it was life threatening, and they’d have to remove it. I definitely didn’t fit the profile. People like me don’t have fibroid, not after leading a perfectly healthy life, and having very nice flat stomach.

How ignorant of me?

Anyway, some weeks after I discovered the fibroid, I started having a condition called red degeneration of fibroid. It is a condition when the baby starts growing and start crushing the fibroid, leading to contractions. I experienced these contractions and I experienced pregnancy contractions. The contractions as a result of red degeneration of fibroid are 100 times worse than pregnancy contractions. In fact, I believe this experience was one of the reasons I didn’t flinch during my pregnancy contractions (I had seen worse), though I used an epidural to have the actual baby

This condition got me admitted into the hospital three times between April and May. Read more about the first admission here. The last time I was admitted, the contractions resonated from my lower abdomen to my right leg, and it is not something I pray for my enemy to experience. Those two months were my most challenging. After the last admission, I told myself I honestly didn’t have time for these useless ailments. I didn’t have the time to waste. I didn’t have the money to waste (it was taking a toll on my husband’s purse), and I didn’t have the emotional and mental energy to waste. The doctors really can’t do anything about it. They just manage the pain by pumping you with loads and loads of saline water, causing you to swell with water retention for about 2 weeks so that your joints will loosen a bit.

So I told my husband that we are not going to the hospital again. This red degeneration of fibroid ends right here. We made our confessions and prayed, and that was the end of it. We never got admitted again. The excruciating pain never came back, and everything became a thing of the past.

Have you ever gone through a terrible time at any of your trimesters? How did you handle it? Please, I need you all to comment whether you have been pregnant or not so I can be encouraged to finish this series, lol.

Next week, I'm going to talk about six things no one ever told me about pregnancy.

42 comments

  1. It's so nice to follow your series on how you met your husband, your wedding pictures, and now pregnancy and baby. I'm so happy for you. Women really go through a lot. Please, finish the series. I always enjoy reading your blog posts

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    1. Thank you very much. It's very interesting how much happens with the passing of time. Right?

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  2. Yeah me too. I love the series pls don't stop oh.
    And nope, no children yet so I can't comment on that.Thank God for safe delivery and the new addition to your family.

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    1. Thank you very much. I really really value your comment.

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  3. Agreeing with your husband ended that issue? There is truly power in prayers.
    Look forward to next week.

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    1. Yes ooo. The prayer of agreement is strong. We thank God for his power.

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  4. Awww! I understand you perfectly because I had a similar experience with my first baby. I threw up so much even when I had no food in my stomach. Vomiting blood was the norm, I didn't even believe my baby would survive.
    I didn't drink water in my first trimester because I just couldn't swallow it, I had to always mix a little water with a lot of" Dansa mango juice"(this company should pay me o because I drank cartons of their products)... don't be too nice by buying me any other juice because right before you, I will throw up, lol! My hubby even nick named me as a result of my constant vomiting and carrying plastic bowls to spit out saliva, lol

    Of course I had diabetes, doctor called it pregnancy induced diabetes, can't really remember the exact name but thank God it vanished in my 3rd trimester.
    Thank God you for seeing you (us) through.

    Every woman has a unique story to tell. Mothers are indeed super heroes!

    I'm waiting for part 3 Mama BBB... *smiles* Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

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    1. Aww sorry. It's called gestational diabetes. Funny enough, my stomach was always empty when I threw up. I had to stop my early morning water therapy because it just wasn't working anymore, lol.

      As for the spitting, just wait till my next post, lol.

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  5. Aww congrats. i'm single but i also found out i had a fibrod last year. my tummy is still flat and except for monthly menstrual cramps, it has been a bit bearable. i hear people react to pregnancies differently. i was even told no two pregnancies are the same for a particular woman. i pray for you that your next experience is better. i also pray to have it easy when my time comes. please continue the series so i can learn before my time comes

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    1. Aww sorry. I pray your fibroid will have no interference with pregnancy for you in anyway. Yes, not 2 pregnancies are the same.

      Thank you so much for your prayers. I really appreciate.

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  6. much respect to mothers! They dont look like what they've been through! I think it'll be good to join some women support groups that you can confide in and ask questions so that you do not go crazy alone, lol!

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    1. Thank you for the advice Annette. I have finally joined one, lol. But that was 2 weeks after I had my baby, lol.

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  7. Pregnancy is so unpredictable. everyone's journey to motherhood is different and unique. I had a rough first trimester ( nausea/vomiting). when things started to get better, at 24 weeks my water broke. I had my daughter 3 weeks later. she turns 2 in a few weeks. Though it was a traumatic experience, God is ever faithful!!
    keep WRITING!! LOL

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    1. Oh my gosh. Thank God your daughter survived. Mehhhnnn, I can't even imagine.

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  8. The Bible says honour your father and mother, it definitely knows what it is talking about. Women go through a lot to bring forth life and to take care of that life once it is born. That is why you see some mothers losing it when you touch their children. I pray subsequent pregnancies will be easy for you. In Jesus Name Amen.

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    1. Looollll. I love your angle. Now, I appreciate my mother more.

      Amen to your prayers for me.

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  9. Im so happy for you Atilola and i enjoy your series because they are always insightful and sincere. Please don't spare the details.
    I guess im ignorant too as i had always thought that having fibroid inflates a person's stomach. oh wee, we learn everyday.

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    1. I'm very happy that you are learning from the writeups, albeit little.

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  10. Hello Atilola,
    Congratulations to you dear, My pregnacy story is quite similar to yours...I vomitted all through pregnancy, it got to a point i started vomitting blood, was admitted twice and later placed on some drugs that i used till delivery day,..2 yrs ago i had a surgery to remove an ovarian cyst(degenerated right ovarian cyct)...so when my baby started growing....the pain on my right side was epic..i mean it was out of this world and the level of tiredness was another thing...but i kept confessing the word and praying..My princess will be one next month

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    1. Awwww, thank God for sparing your life. I'm glad it all turned out well for you and your family in the end.

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  11. Glad to see you back to work so quick ;)
    Congratulations again. Thank God for grace bear all and Answered prayers!!

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  12. Wow...what an experience you had my dear. Thanks for sharing your experience, it makes me give God all the Glory for my pregnancies...mine was a pleasure I loved being pregnant. Sure there were rough days but most days were good, especially when the nausea stops and I began to feel the baby move. God made us women so strong and men have no idea what we go through to bring a child into this world. Hats off to you for staying strong and congratulations on your bundle of Joy.

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    1. Aww. Thank God you had a good experience. That's gold.

      Thank you for your kind words.

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  13. Oh wow. That’s really bad, I had never heard of those types of contractions before asides from Braxton-Hicks. Thank God for preserving you and your baby.

    I usually have really bad morning sickness with my kids. For my 2nd child I threw up so much that I could close my eyes and describe what the inside of my toilet bowl/bathroom sink looks like. My first child still runs to the bathroom to tell me sorry anytime I’m brushing my teeth over the sink and maybe I’m coughing or coughing out phlegm (apologies for the ewwww visuals), because he thinks I’m vomiting, it’s cute and funny at the same time. Lol.

    No one can ever tell you all that motherhood entails, it’s such a frustrating, overwhelming but insanely rewarding journey as well.

    I love my babies so so much, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just wanna have my 3rd so I can know I’m through with this phase of my life.

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    1. Isn't it funny how we are always ready to do it all over again despite the pain we go through in the whole process? Hmmm. I remember saying I was never going to have another child when I was in my first trimester.

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  14. Blessings....
    Every pregnancy is different as is every delivery. I didn't have morning sickness with any of my children what i did experience with my first pregnancy was sleepiness to the point of narcolepsy--of course i am exaggerating but that is how it felt. Anytime I sat down i fell asleep. I remember walking from work one day to go to the subway station to take the train which was about 20 steps away. Next thing I new I was at a subway station almost 3.9 km (about 36 blocks) from where i started. I had walked, (more like sleep walk) for almost an hour. I had no conscious memory of walking that far. I can laugh now but Lord that scared me. It also made me realize that there truly is a God because all that time i was walking nothing happened to me.

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    1. Really? Wow. Thank God for preserving your life. Is that a very common phenomenon in pregnancy? It's just one lady that I've seen go through that.

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  15. I'll say I have fairly easy pregnancies, my first was a breeze but labor was a storm. My second was ok, considering I could still do much of what I usually did and still walk for 2hrs daily till the end ( tho I had stomach flu, gastro entrities and chicken pox in that one pregnancy, God saw me through)... Labor was still a storm so I guess I'm cut out for stormy laborings 😂. One thing I couldn't stand in both pregnancies was chicken and vegetable oil stew. The package (child)at the end makes it all worth it and you almost forget how much you went through in the process.

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    1. Yeah, I didn't eat chicken too, only the freshly killed and cooked ones, not all those frozen grilled ones.

      The children always make it worth it in the end. It becomes like those struggles never existed at all.

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  16. Lol @ people like me don't have fibroid.
    Now you know berra.
    Depending on the size of the fibroid and growth rate some women can go on and complete their family size with coexisting fibroids (like my sister).

    A close friend had a similar story as you, she got married in Jan, got pregnant in Feb and also experienced red degeneration in pregnancy. I got an ear full of complains during that period.

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    1. Thank God it's just complaints you got, and that she wasn't admitted.

      Tell me something, does fibroid shrink off sometimes?

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  17. I still marvel at how similar our stories are. Well thank God for d different stages I have been going thru. Somedays it's a atruggle. Somedays I feel light as a feather. And yes ze-hubz man has been very *there*. Thanks for sharing. Congrats.

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    1. Thank God ooo. It ends in praise for us all.

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  18. I still marvel at how similar our stories are. Well thank God for d different stages I have been going thru. Somedays it's a atruggle. Somedays I feel light as a feather. And yes ze-hubz man has been very *there*. Thanks for sharing. Congrats.

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  19. All glory to God.
    Hands in my mouth (in my head) till I got to the prayer and it stopping at once. Read that twice.God is good. Holy anger is good. Sometimes we take things we shouldn't all the while God waits for us to just say "no more"

    Reminds me of this scripture:

    By your sword you shall live, And you shall serve your brother; And it shall come to pass, when you become restless, That you shall break his yoke from your neck.”
    Genesis 27:40 NKJV



    The curse may last but when we get restless and say no.. we will break the yoke from our neck.

    Glory!

    Congrats again Atilola and family!

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    1. I read that part twice too. Prayer is our surest bet!

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    2. I was angry o, I can't lie. Especially when I got back from the hospital and I would be swollen for a week because of the plenty IV fluids they had pumped into me. It wasn't funny at all. It was reducing my quality of life and affecting my productivity. I have never been a sick person, so I wasn't used to all the hospital bizness. It had to stop

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  20. Atilola, I love your blog
    P.S. It's Shay ��

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    1. Aww shayyy, thank you so much for visiting and commenting.

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  21. first time commenting ever...this resonated with me though..similar case of the red degenerative whatever...when we first went to the hospital, the Doctor said it was the baby growing until i felt pain like no other..i mean i've had the worst type of period pain but mehnnnn i can;t even wish this on my enemy...like you i was admitted, like you we prayed oh we prayed...plenty confessions and plenty anointing oil..lol...best part is the last scan i did the Dr didnt see the fibroid...she said it was almost non-existent...i was like look at God! currently 30weeks and no pain no nothing...

    P.S i always read but never comment...

    P.P.S congrats on the baby

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    1. Aww, see God ooo. I tap into your miracle. My firbroid has disappeared in Jesus name. Amen!

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