My Husband stopped me from working!

It's rainy season here in Lagos Nigeria, and the rains have been heavy in the past few days. Unfortunately, I now live in an area where when the sky cries, the whole estate feels it because the topology of this 'high brow' estate doesn't really make sense when it comes to properly draining off rain water.

So basically, when the rains are very very very heavy, just forget about going out, at least through the estate's main gate. Not even a very high SUV can pass, talk less of tiny cars like mine. There's one tiny back end road that they open in times like this, but it takes about one hour to get out of this estate, using that road, and it is so bad that it spoils cars, plus the final exit is not even close to the estate at all. What many people do is just to stay and work from home in these situations, or they find a way to walk on water like peter, or get their cars to swim in waterlogged bad roads.

Image result for heavy rainfall
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Anyway, last week, one of these very very very heavy downpours happened, and we were all 'trapped' in the closet estate.
I had mad deadlines to meet for production in the factory, so I headed out inspite of the rain. We were all diverted to pass this hellish 'alternative route', but before I could even start plying that route, my car started overheating. I parked, and realised that my fans were not working.

I was immediately about to start crying about the setback. So I called my husband who drove his own car down to where I was. After assessing the situation, he told me to take my laptop out, and let's start going back home.

At this point, I was trying not to fume. I mean, this guy was not even going to try to find a solution to my problem? How on earth am I supposed to get to work and meet my deadlines? I tried communicating this to him, and he said there's nothing we could do cos there was no way a rewire could get in through the waters at the gate to sort the car, and there was no way he would spend over one hour taking me past the hellish 'alternative route'. So I should just FORGET ABOUT GOING TO WORK TODAY and wait for the waters to recede.

By now, I was already gone. Forget about going to work today? I looked back at all the cars (mostly SUVs) plying the hellish 'alternative route', and imagined how lucky they were. I should have been amongst them. So I accused my husband of not even thinking of more options or putting himself in my shoes. I said "what if I hitch hiked with one of those SUVs, and take a cab from the exit?" He looked at me like I had gone mad, and said "I now insist we go back home."

Haaaa, I was fuming by now. I had two choices. One was to defy him, get down from the car, and find a way to hitch hike my way. The second was to just follow him home like a blind sheep. Gosh, I was pained but I knew stubborness was not going to do any good in this situation. Also, by this time, my bones were getting tired because of the cold weather.

We got home, and I sulked the whole day. About an hour later, he called the rewire who came around about five hours later. My husband asked me if I wanted to come along with him to sort the car out. If you see the speed with which I carried my laptop and bag, and jumped into the car?

About one hour later, I was out of the estate, through the receding waters, getting to work about 6-7 hours later than expected. We worked late into the night, and I was able to meet my target.

Now to the main point of this post. My husband didn't want me to go to work for one day, mainly for my own safety and protection, and I almost hated him for it. But there are women whose husbands have stopped from working against their will, due to one reason or the other. Many of them have resented their husbands, and later been forced into submission, eventually accepting their situation.

It is a different case if it is the choice of the woman to stop working, just like it would have been different if it was my choice to go back home that day. But when husbands force their wives to stop working, doesn't she lose part of her essence? I went through this for 5 hours, and it wasn't funny.

I don't know. What do you think?

7 comments

  1. I can't imagine the lost careers and dreams of women who've had to stop working to raise a family or other. Well on the bright side, at least you got to meet your deadline. Greetings!

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    1. Yeah. It's most painful when the woman resents the man cos she was coerced into doing what she doesn't want to. Hope you are good?

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  2. I completely feel you. I would hate to be told I couldn't work against my will. It would infuriate me. especially because I know I wouldn't be the best stay-at-home mum or wife. My family will enjoy me best if I have my own career and can fulfill my own dreams. That's the truth of the matter. Lol.

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    1. Self awareness is key. Anything to ensure the mental stability of the woman of the house is always very important. Been a while.

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  3. Wives can be asked to stop working for multiple reasons especially when it has to do with her children or health. I remember my pregnant friend fell into an overflowing gutter when it was raining heavily one night as she was returning from work, pregnancy that took a while to come after fasting and prayer, she had bruises, her husband told her to resign! She had more kids before he opened a shop for her.

    Some women were not working before they got married, so looking for a job after the babies starts coming in without a good support system or creche, can become difficult. Listen, someone MUST be at the homefront running things for a woman to have a successful career or business, regardless if she puts all her kids in a creche. Many times, I helped out my friend to pick her kids from the creche when she is running late or they stayed with me, when they are dropped off by the owner of the creche, if she is late when I was in Nigeria. Now, they stay by themselves locked in until she comes back from work. That is the blunt truth! It could either be a maid or a relative staying with them or her husband Or the kids will learn to be on their own at an early age.

    Even 'in the abroad' husbands tell their wives not to work, but look after the home, while they do 2 jobs. Especially when their kids are still young and have not started school or she is still having babies. Why? Because daycare don't come cheap! It is cheaper for her to be at home.

    Though, I am working now, after being a SAHM for 12 years out of 15 years of marriage, I will stop working if my hubby asks me to. Yes, I might not like it, but again, money is not everything, family is ALL.

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    1. I understand that this is a dicey situation. Health reasons are understandable, and it is usually temporary, most times. For her to stay home to take care of the kids is always sensitive, especially if she is not the kind of woman wired that way. All in all, I think it should be something both parties agree to do for the betterment of their marriage, not that the woman feels forced, and ends up becoming bitter because she feels she had no choice but to submit.

      Women have callings too, and it might not be being a SAHM for some. Imagine a man getting married to a woman like Tara durotoye, building a business empire, and the man tells her to quit her business, and become a full time SAHM, against her will... that's pure wickedness.

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  4. I think it depends on the mutual understanding of the couple. When the woman is forced to quit her job against her will, and for reasons the couple don't agree on, it breeds resentment.

    There are also women who would gladly quit their jobs for the family.

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What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.