I never thought I'd be one of them

Do you remember when you were younger, and you asked some people if you could offer them a particular food to eat, and they go “No, thank you. I don’t eat eggs.” And then you are trying to mask your irritation saying “You don’t eat egg? Who doesn’t eat eggs?”

Because they are not discerning enough, they go further to increase your annoyance by saying “Yes o. I am very picky with food. I don’t even eat yam, I don’t eat eba. I can only eat fish when it is fried. If I see onions swimming in any stew, I cannot eat it. I can’t eat chicken or turkey skin. I don’t eat okra or anything that draws. My bread must be sliced, and the crust must be removed. My rice must be green. A certain type of water must be used to cook my food. I’m picky about veggies. I don't eat tomatoes. I don't eat solids. I don't take liquids. I don't take pastes. In fact, a certain body part of mine must be used to cook the food or else, I cannot eat it…” bla bla bla, and some other boring blaaaa.

At this point you just want to stone your friend, and ask “So what do you eat then?”

Source

If you were one of these kinds of people, now is the time to say “Ouch!”

I could never understand them. They just seemed like spoilt people whose parents allowed to have their way. The amount of slaps my mum dished me would never allow me to say “mummy, I don’t like onions swimming in my stew.” By the time she is done with you, you will have a new definition for 'swimming', by the time stars start swimming in your eyes. In my house, any food that is cooked is what you eat. Whether you like it or not doesn’t fit into the equation.

And so, I learnt to eat everything given to me, i.e. except beans of course. I forced myself to eat beans until after I left boarding house after junior school, and I just gave up on the thing entirely. We could never be friends, except it came disguised as ewa aganyin. Now, I don’t even touch the thing at all.

Now, I am forced to cover my eyes in shame. And why?

I am now part of the league of the ‘spoilt children picky food eaters.’

My case is even worse. I actually don’t eat some food again, not because I don’t like them, but because I cannot afford to have them in my body. As I grow older, the number of food I can eat is gradually decreasing.

1. Dairy. Right from the time I started hearing the word lactose intolerant, I always suspected that I was a member of the elite but unfortunate group of people because I knew my digestive system was always messed up after I take milk. Also since I have rumination syndrome, ruminating milk was just a terrible ordeal. Another thing was that milk made me sleep because I always became whenever I drank milk as a teenager or young adult. It made me useless in university lectures, so I never took it on week days. Anyway, I kept taking milk till three years ago when I had to tell myself the truth that I was lactose intolerant. The major breaking was when I started becoming allergic to milk. It basically destroyed my face, upper arms and chest. It started spiking my sebum production and clogged every cloggable pore in those areas. I still have the scars to show for it till today. It was then I stopped it completely, and few years later, started with soya milk, which is absolutely nothing like milk. Let me quickly mention that I did not take breast milk as a baby. I always threw it up, and it made me terribly sick. I did not take baby food for a long time, and started feeding on very soft amala at about 3-5 months. That’s what my mummy told me o. No wonder I’m the only short member of my family.

2. Apples. Along with so many other food, apples make me bloat.  Nothing much to be said here. I basically go from a flat-bellied Halle berry to an aristo-bellied Alao Akala in a space of hours if I consume just one apple. The quote ‘an apple a day drives the doctor away’ is the opposite for me.

3. Cabbages. See the point for apple above.

4. Beans. See the point for apple above.

5.  Groundnut and Egusi: I actually stopped this as  teenager. I can always predict the effect of one groundnut seed on my face. There are some sins I can’t commit, because the consequence will be there for everyone to witness, and one of those sins is eating groundnut and any soup that has egusi in it. Acne and pimples don’t even waste time to let me know who the master is.

7. Mango. Yeah. I know this is hard to think about. But mango also gives me acne. I don’t know if it is the type of sugar in it that spikes my sebum, or the very unique oil contained in the juice, but what I know is this… mango gives me acne!!! It does the same to my maternal aunt too, and apparently some other people I discovered online.

8. Fried plantain. This is actually a very painful one for me, because one of my best food is actually fried plantain. I had to sacrifice it for boiled plantain when I let go of fried food because of my very oily face. The irony of it was that the oil my face was producing was enough to fry another set of plantain under the sun. Till today, if I walk under the sun for 5 minutes, my face is not something you want to touch. Also, my digestion is not something I want to play with. Stopping fried plantain is one of the most painful breakups I have had to go through, but the God who mends broken hearts is still alive, so I am healing.

9. Fried foods, eating out, pizza, floury products, junk food, etc, etc. I guess this explains itself. I am a healthy food enthusiast.

In conclusion, I eat separately from my whole family. Because of my very unique digestive system, and small stomach which is getting smaller by the day, I eat a high-fibre diet. I can hardly eat two complete meals in a day, so I try to make sure my food is highly nutritious so I don't become malnourished. If I try to ignore my digestive needs, and go with the whole world, I end up in serious trouble.

A quick gist. A guy who knew about my digestive system, and the fact that I am allergic to dairy came to pick me on my birthday. In the middle of the journey, I asked where we were going, he said cold stone to have pizza and ice cream. I was pissed because I knew that he really loves cold stone, and I knew the trip was more about him than me. Let’s just say I hardly said a word to him throughout that day. I ended up roaming around Ikeja City Mall, looking for proper food that had vegetable in it, but never found. By the time he dropped my home at night, I was unhappy, hungry, and my stomach was swollen and filled up with gas, so I couldn’t even eat. Anytime I remember the whole thing, I always wished I could stone him with a stone that is really cold. There goes your cold stone.

Now, I eat the food listed above on rare occasions, but it is once in an extremely blue moon, as in the moon must be very blue.

I never knew I would be one of them, but now, if you ask me I will say “My name is Atilola. I don’t take dairy, I don’t eat fried food, junk food, apples, cabbages, mango, beans, groundnut, egusi, etc. bla bla bla and some other boring blaaaa.”

37 comments

  1. Chai so what do you eat then? I have a friend who doesn't eat baked beans, goat meat, kidney and liver, pineapples, onion etc etc needless to say, whenever she's around mine I don't offer her nothing. Me I eat everything I'm very adventurous when it comes to food, I love to try new stuff.

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    1. Your friend is missing o. Who doesn't eat goat meat? Asun is da bomb mehnnnnn.

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  2. I have a long list of things I don't eat. Not eating stuff and being picky as a child doesn't mean you're spoilt. The main thing that stopped me from eating different things was smell. If I can't stand the smell, why would I eat it? Our senses of smell and taste are linked to each other.

    Berry Dakara Blog

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    1. You are spoilt jooooo, lol. *ducks chair*

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  3. I eat everything except anything that draws (Okro, ogbono and it's sisters) and oh, i hate water melons. As for your breakup with fried foods, I can totally relate. I never thought a day would come when my skin will be so intolerant of oils. I still binge on groundnuts/ fried plantains, once in a while though. Only when my schedule is free and I am certain I won't have any reason to show my face outside until the acne that comes with it clears.

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    1. Looll. I like slimy soups, but since I hardly take swallow, it doesn't matter. Water melons are cool o.

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  4. I am VERY particular bout what I put in my belly....VERY VERY mehn..

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    1. Wow. So we belong to the same club.

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  5. Ailola! You are a spoilt child o jare! Ahahahaha... Just teasing. You practically don't eat most of our food! I don't like beans either..it makes me fart so much...kai! My roommates teased me a lot when in school! The embarrassment made me hate it the more! But I cook it for the kids to have a balanced diet. Fried platain is one of our best meals at home. I am curious, how do your host entertain you when you visit them for weeks?

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    1. During vacation, I only stay with people whose kitchen I can be free in. This way, I can sort myself out. Since I don't eat a lot, it is usually not that hard.

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  6. I'm lactose intolerant too, but a mild one though. I found out in my first year in boarding house, milk made me puke so much and eventually led to fever. I never used to take tea at home and everyone thought I just didn't like it, until I had to leave for boarding house. I take fruits immediately when I take ice creams now to suppress the urge to throw up. But drinking or smelling milk in hot chocolate or tea nauseates me. Yam and egg used to be my favorite food, until a visiting aunt fried eggs for us with so much oil and large chunks of onions in their rings. I puked so much that Sunday morning I couldn't go to church and my mum had to stay back at home too.
    I hated semo, fufu and pounded yam too, I used to eat yam while others had pounded yam but only on days when my dad was around else my mum would force me till I puked and get the beating of my life. I can only have semo and fufu with draw soups now.
    I hated and still hate seeing onions in long curls in my food, I take them out.

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    1. Lol, pele. I love onions jare. I actually like milk, and wish I wasn't allergic. Okay, I hate semo. Never ate them since I was a child,

      I think I can call you a picky eater too.

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  7. Chai, this your list is long o...Lol. I disliked onions when I was younger but I can deal with it now. I also didn't like snail, I'd always throw up after eating that.
    We should go to Cold stone when i'm in Naija...haha kidding.

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    1. Lol. We can go to coldstone o, as long as you don't disguise it as a birthday treat.

      I love snail, it is sweet naaa.

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  8. Ahan! What do you now eat oh?? I need to start studying my reaction to food too... Like I feel bloated most of the time, so I hardly eat sef. Most of the time, I don't understand my digestive system, O ti su mi fa.

    The one I don't like is crayfish, fried fish and beans. But seriously, What do you eat?

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    1. Haa Tomi, surprisingly there's still a lot of food left for me to eat o. Oats, bananas, rice, countless fruits and veggies, boiled plantain, potatotes, different kinds of efo, chicken, turkey, fish, the list is endless. So far you are cooking all these yourself, you will be spoilt for options.

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  9. It's allowed, some people are just so preoccupied with themselves that they have to broadcast. At least your reasons are for "health" purposes. Groundnuts and chocolate give me raging pimples and scars from the outbreak. I gladly gave up chocolates but groundnuts?!?! Boiled, "fried", roasted, prepared with shell on, shell off, blended with akamu, soaked in gari, I love groundnuts MEHHHN...I guess that makes me undisciplined? I dont indulge often but when I do, its always worth it, lol.

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    1. Lol. I am thinking groundnut has not yet damaged your whole body. When that thing shows you pepper ehn, who no know go know. Nobody will tell you to stay away, lol.

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  10. Your list is long o. I don't eat goat meat since I was very young. I can't eat fresh fish except its fried. I don't like the smell of fried egg it makes me throw up..

    Www.trendwithgloria.blogspot.com

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    1. Lol. Sorry o. I love goat meat, fresh fish and eggs. Guess we are opposites. Thanks for dropping by.

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  11. Look at the bright side, you get to eat only nutritious food rich in vegetables and you get to save money from not eating out too much.

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    1. Exactlyyyyyyyy. You hit the nail on the head. I have always been prudent about spending on food, and trust me, it pays.

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  12. This is interesting.
    I eat everything and anything even those I know that I shouldn't.
    Mangoes give me rashes sometimes and some fish makes me puke if I let the taste linger in my mouth but me I no send.
    I don't like cray fish and crabs though I can still eat it.
    At first your post made me feel like an adventurous eater until I remembered being told today by my boss that she eats crocodile and alligator.
    As in she eats crocodile.
    I had to repeat it to be sure I wasn't hearing wrongly.

    My mouth is still open.

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    1. Wow, You don't like crayfish and crab? You are missing o,

      As for your boss, what I will like to know is that where in the hell does she get crocodile and alligator meat to eat? Is that even legal, lol.

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    2. My dear, that was the question I also asked oh.
      I don't think I have seen a live one before sef, if I have, maybe in a zoo as a kid. She comes from rivers state, so it's not strange to her.

      Now we both work in the south west and apparently there's a river or something around or on the way to Iwo were people catch it and sell.
      Her husband buys it on his way to work there. She made sure to tell me she doesn't eat snake cos it repulses her and I was like Really? You eat alligator and don't eat snake. Very good! Clap for yourself.
      Ok I thought that to myself,I didn't dare say it out. Lol

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  13. I eat everything! If i didn't i would have starved in boarding school. I have a cousin who cant eat rice with stew, she has to have her rice served hot and then she ladles butter on it.

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    1. Na wa for your cousin sha. That's another level. Which Nigerian on earth doesn't eat rice and stew?

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  14. Lol, let me not even start with my own list........milk tops the chart for things I shouldn't be taking...yes....I am lactose intolerant too but I haven't been able to stop it.....my stomach growls like a lion when I have milk in my system. This means my stomach is always growling cos I can't do without milk in two days.

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    1. Looll. It is not yet a life and death issue for you jare. If it gets to that level, no one would beg you before you stop. How body?

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  15. Dodo is on this list? I'm sorry, we just cant be friends anymore!

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    1. Ahn ahhhhnnn. Eesnot my fault naaa. I really tried o.

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  16. Hahaha! You are one of them Atilola!
    I have missed reading your blog. As funny as ever (you make even the seemingly random everyday topic interesting!)
    Pele.. I don''t want to face the truth but I think I'm lactose and nuts intolerant! Nooooooooooooo!!!!

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    1. Loooolll. Abeg I don't agree jo. The face of yours that I see is so fresh and clean. No way in the world that nuts have been destroying that face.

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  17. I must ask what do you eat...my stomach can take almost anything but I try not to experiment too much.

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    1. Lol. Funny enough, I am adventurous with food o. I experiment, but not with the forbidden ones, lol. This afternoon, I took grilled plantain (boli) with bush meat sauce. I made it all under 45 minutes. If that is not adventurous, tell me what is, lol.

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  18. Ati, someone cannot even want to surprise you and take you out, you will just go and fall my hand..hehe. Well, from past to present to what I hear, my mum loves me cos I can eat anything. She said people used to call me jeje (chop chop) as a child and anyone could take me out cos I was never a picky child.
    Thinking about it now, I think I am lactose intolerant cos I get pretty messed up after taking beverages or milk. I just start purging but I can't imagine a life without milo and milk mehn. I will pick going to the toilet over breaking up with beverages o. ahhh
    Fried plantain? Lemme die instead. God purnish the doctor that will say Moby you will die when next you eat plantain... well the doctor will die 1st then I'll die the next day. hahaha. I don't like beans but I will kill for beans and plantain mehn.
    Groundnut messes my face too. Got that from my mum. Just smelling groundnut gives me breakout so I avoid it alot but as a teenager, i loved taking garri, milk and groundnut o.but I care more about my fine geh status than groundnut o. hehe.

    Nice one Ati

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

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  19. Hmmm. Reading this just makes me realise that it is a privilege to be able to eat just anything you want without any fear whatsoever. Do you think there's any possible remedy to this? Anyways it's cool you already understand your system so it's easier not to get into trouble by eating the 'don'ts'.

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