I am scared of you - Atilola Moronfolu

When you meet someone for the first time, two things happen. It’s either they are interested in having a deeper relationship with you or they are not

Once they have determined that they are interested in you, they try to define you. This is not necessarily for any bad intentions, but their ability to define you helps them know how to relate with you

Many times, I’m engrossed in a conversation with people and their interest about me is heightened due to the trajectory or depth of the conversation and they cut it short and say “Wow, what state are you from?” Are you a Christian or a Muslim? Where did you school? What church do you attend?” 

While these questions may seem innocent, they are not harmless

What is happening is that people are trying to define and label you so they can understand you better. However, due to the stereotypical nature of these questions, it is a very lazy way to try to understand people

When you answer such types of questions, it makes it easier for people to put a label on you and say “You schooled outside the country. No wonder you are so smart. You are Benin, no wonder you reason this way. You are Igbo, no wonder you like money.”

They are more comfortable looking at you from the perspective they have of people in your “category” before they met you. And this is dangerous because they rob themselves of getting to really know you.

Once you allow them define you within their own terms, every conversation you have with them henceforth will always be viewed through coloured lenses, and not by who truly are

You lose, they lose, because relationship becomes coloured, and there’s no unfiltered exchange of personalities

Whenever I encounter these situations, and people cut me short to find out what state I’m from, I immediately disarm them by saying “I’m Nigerian. I don’t do State of Origins” and no amount of persistent will make me budge

I call it a war on stereotypical labels. You bring your weapon, and I draw my shield out. You persist, by trying to penetrate my walls of defence, but I guard them with all I have. If I should ever let it down, I lose the battle. Once you get tired of penetrating, you back down and I win

After this battle, the only way this relationship can continue is for you to do the hard work to know who I really am.

However, it has been said that people fear what they do not understand. Once people are not able to define you, they are disarmed and get scared of you because they are at loss as to how to relate with you

At this point, you have two choices, to draw back from the relationship or invest time in knowing me for who I really am, no stereotypes no lenses. This is the only way you can correctly define me and have a win-win relationship with me.

FALSE MIRRORS - BY ATILOLA MORONFOLU

 High School Physics taught is that there are different kinds of mirrors. Plain Mirrors and False Mirrors. The false mirrors are the concave and convex mirrors, which give a false of reflection of your image. 

If you ever have the misfortune of having a wrongly constructed mirror in your bedroom, like many people do, you will always have an issue with your image. These mirrors might be slightly concave or convex, but you will not suspect because they appear plane to you, especially since the distortion is not usually obvious

The implication of this is that you might be on a weight-loss journey, but you will always be discouraged because you can’t see any improvement when you look at the mirror. Ever heard of the saying “this mirror always makes me look fat”? Yes, it really does happen with false mirrors

We have badly constructed mirrors everywhere. One moment, you are at home, looking all curvy and toned, and you get to the gym, look in the mirror and you are plump and stout.  

This is the same way many of us look into false mirrors when we want to see how our lives really look like. We get opinions of how we look from people who are by themselves distorted in their perspectives, and they reflect a wrong image of us to ourselves when they give us feedback. We take these things to heart and feel bad, not knowing that the mirror is false.

Some make us look too good to be true, like concave mirrors, and become sycophants, that we refuse to work on our weaknesses. Also, some constantly make us look so bad that it becomes impossible to take a quantum leap out of the cycle of condemnation

False mirrors are not completely useless. They are perfect for doing things like magnifying imperfections on our face, making a near object appear far or vice versa, and a thousand more uses. However, these are not the mirrors we should be looking at when we want to see our true reflections

In the same way, feedback is generally not bad. But they must be sieved and put in proper context. Feedback and opinions taken from a very wrong perspective actually have the ability to send you into a downward spiral.

Whenever we want to see who we really are, we have to get neutral opinion, the opinion of God’s word, what He says we really are. Anything apart from this will lead to nothing but distorted life view, and not propel us into the reality of what God wants for us.

My Tear-jerking speech to my five-year old - Atilola Moronfolu

Now that you are five years old, you are now a big boy. You have to take more responsibilities for yourself. You will no longer watch TV on Saturday morning. You will assist Miss xxx in cleaning the house. You will clean every surface in the house with napkin, while she sweeps and mops

You now have to start washing plates. You will assist Miss xxx. She will wash plates while you rinse. You will have your own rinsing basin. After 4 months, you will switch to washing with sponge

You now have to start laying your bed yourself. Miss xxx will teach you how to lay your bed

You will also learn to fold your clothes yourself, and learn the right place to place the clothes

You have been cleaning up after yourself after eating in the past, but you must now clean up the table completely

You have 4 months to complete the task of learning how to wash yourself when you are done in the restroom

You will start bathing yourself. Miss xxx will only help you wash your back. This also applies to using lotion on your body and hair

You have been brushing yourself partly, but you have to start brushing the insides well. You will have no assistance soon"

Needless to say, my son was very excited to hear this speech, and no tears were jerked in the process of reading this speech

Will someone help me inform him that adulting is a scam.

Happy birthday Mr Pie Pie

My kids start doing chores from 13 months old, and we graduate the chores as they grow. If you are big on having your children learn to do house-chores early, you can copy my speech. 

We will introduce cloth washing by 7 years old. My plan is to get them completely independent by 10 years old.

P.S: Don’t do this if you are not ready to follow through

What do you think? Long-term parents, how did you do it? Let newbie parents like us gain some sagacious wisdom from you

I’m waiting to hear from you in the comment section

Seven things to consider before Homeschooling

Is Homeschooling for everyone? What are the pros and cons? Do the children really come out shy? Is it realistic? In this continuing conversation about our Homeschooling, I talk about seven important factors to consider before making the decision to Homeschool your child

Please, watch, learn, enjoy, and drop your comments. Hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

- How we started our Homeschooling journey

We are currently homeschooling our boys, a journey we started over 2 years ago. In this episode, I talk about what precipitated our decision to Homeschool, and how we are doing it.

Please, watch, learn, enjoy, and drop your comments. Hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

Getting Pregnant immediately after Marriage. Is it adivisable?

Many couples have the dream of bonding in their marriage before the start a family, but the women unexpectedly get pregnant immediately after marriage, even though the never planned for it. I also had an experience with this. 

In this episode of Let's DO Life, I talk about how it happened, my reaction afterwards, and if we were able to ever recover and have our time together again.

It is real, honest, and truthful gist I give to you all

Please, watch, learn, enjoy, and drop your comments. Hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

Are all Men are Scum or you just attract Scum?

Ever since I have been a child, I have been hearing the same song of "all men are cheat, liars, dogs, etc. Every few years, the nomenclature changes, but the idea remains the same. This begs the question, is there some truth to this? Are all men really bad, leaving a few good ones that cannot go round? Are women really jezebels?

Why do some women enjoy their marriages and relationships while some others only meet the men who are scum?

In this insightful episode of Let's DO Life, I talk about how knowingly or unknowingly, we attract or repel certain kinds of people to ourselves, just by our expectations and standards. It is short, sharp, and straight to the point.

Please, watch, learn, enjoy, and drop your comments. Hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

Is Matchmaking risky? How matchmaking worked for me in Marriage

If you have heard about my marriage story, you will know that there are a lot of divine and interesting things about it, including the fact that I was matchmade.

I have always been open to matchmaking. I think it is a more interesting, direct, and less stress path to meeting a potential future partner.

Unfortunately, many people, especially women, are not as open to it because they feel is passes across the message of desperation. If you are having problem meeting and connecting with people, there is no shame in asking for help, as long as you are sincere with yourself.

In this video, I talk about important things to note if you are considering meeting people through matchmaking. It can be interesting, adrenaline-filled, but risky, if not done correctly, sincerely, and with the right intentions.

I have also interjected with some of my own personal experiences, both good and bad.

Please, watch, learn, enjoy, and drop your comments. Hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

Giving Birth in Canada (Part 3) | USA vs Canada. Which is better?

In this last part of my Giving Birth in Canada series, I share with you the pros and cons of giving birth in Canada versus the USA.

If you want a child with foreign citizenship, and you are confused about the choices to make between these two countries, this video will help you get more clarification, and make your choice.

Get the points, weigh your options, and make your decisions.

I hope you learn a few things, and share with others who might need it.

Please watch, hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

YOU LOOK LIKE A FEMINIST TO ME

Source

There’s this new trend of people trying to distance themselves from feminism even though everything they stand for reeks of is from the feminism.

They start statements with things like “I’m not a feminist but...”

If you catch yourself saying this, you are most likely a feminist.

...And that is a good thing.

Contrary to what you might be thinking, feminism is not a bad movement. It’s not a man-bashing, bra-tearing, anger-manifesting, vile-spewing movement of women out to avenge their exes and fathers misbehavior on all men.

It’s because of feminism you as a woman can dare to dream of being anything and actually achieve it

It’s because of feminism you are being paid equally with your male counterparts

It’s because of feminism you are seeing the rise of women in the boardroom and striving to be like them

It’s because of feminism you are able to 

From Yam Legs to Hot Legs – An Ugly Duckling Story

 As a young girl in Senior Secondary school, I was constantly body-shamed about my legs, especially by one boy in particular. I really don’t think he did it out of wickedness. I think it was out of ignorance of how the effect of his words could define the way I see myself and influence my self-esteem. You see, sometimes, words are like arrows shot way ahead of you. They have a way of going into your future to wait for you before the strike your bullseye. And that is when the rotten seed that had been planted form way back begins to take root and germinate.

I can’t count how many times I heard words like “see your yam legs”, “Isu”, “Yam ooo”, “Short and stout” “Muscle”.

I just eyed and ignored the perpetrator when those words were thrown at me, but of course, the roots had begun to form deep, even though the trees were still wearing harry potter’s invisibility cloak.

It didn’t help that I used to have really bowed legs when I was a baby. I’m talking really bowed that you could trace the letter O from it. Thankfully, my mother was wise enough to take me to the Orthopaedic Hospital in Igbobi to get it sorted. She used all her salary to buy a very expensive drug and the issue was sorted out in a matter of months. 

The knowledge of my history with bow legs as a child and “yam” legs as a teenager made me so insecure about my legs that I decided never to expose my legs when I finished secondary school, where we had been forced to wear skirt.

And so, for the next four years of my life, you would never catch me wearing anything knee-length or above.

Sometime later, my mum bought me a very good-looking pair of knee length farmer shorts. I wore them to class one day and a few people commented on how I had nice legs. I accepted the compliments gracefully, but a bit sceptically.

I later examined my legs well, and was like “hmm, it seems my legs are not bad ooo”.

It was then I gradually gained the confidence to expose my leg. I started wearing knee lengths and above-the-knee dresses and shorts 

But you see this insecurity, it is a bastard, I tell you. If you don’t stone it to death, burn and bury the ashes in the pit of hell, its seed will never die out and will continue to lurk around like a sneaky rent-owing tenant in an apartment it has been evicted from. It still waited for me into my thirties. 

When I started working out, I stayed away from leg workout. I worked out every part of my body except from my knees below.

One day, I was having a conversation with my former instructor, and I asked him if it was compulsory for me to do leg workouts. He quickly pointed out to me the danger of neglecting “legs” while working all other parts.

I told him I didn’t want to do “legs” because I have “yams” and I don’t want to have more “yams”

He looked and me and said sternly, “They are not “yams”, they are called calves. You don’t know what you have. Women are killing themselves in the gym everyday to have calves. They are taking steroids, doing surgery, and lifting heavy weights. Calves are what is in vogue now. You have this naturally and you are despising it”

What an irony. Something I was shamed and insulted for is what everyone is dying to have now. This is the same way people were shamed for having big butts with words like “Idi nla, Idi rabata,” etc, but now some people are literally dying under the knife and risking their lives to get this booty.

Since the talk with my instructor, every atom of insecurity I had about my legs melted like ice cubes exposed under Gombe sun.

Home Workout versus Gym Workout - Which is better? Atilola Moronfolu

As an unmarried lady, I did all my workouts at home, and they were sufficient in helping me maintain my fitness goals. After getting married, I got pregnant immediately and home workouts became harder, while trying to adjust to life as a new wife and potential mother. I resumed home workouts in my third trimester and stopped when my child was about three months old. The struggle was real.

I eventually decided to take the bull by the horn and register to join a gym when my son was 11 months old. 

What I had not realized was that different phases of our lives required different workout modes. Switching to gym workout when I did was the best decision I made for myself. If I had been wiser, I would have switched earlier than I did and stopped struggling at home. Workout modes should be flexible while the workout itself is constant. 

Since then, I have switched between home workout and gym workout depending on my seasons, and for the past year, I have employed a hybrid of the two. Because of this, I’m quite qualified to write about Home workout versus Gym workout

1. Expense

Home workout is less expensive than Gym workout. You don’t need to pay monthly subscription fees at home. Except you are buying your own heavy-duty equipment, Consider home workout if money is tight for you. Home workout wins in this one

2. Accountability 

It’s harder to achieve accountability with home workout. No one is watching your every move or checking your results. If you don’t hit your fitness goals for 10 years, no one will know because no one even knows you are working out. If accountability is a factor for you, hit the gym right now. Gym workout wins in this one

The Obnoxious and Arrogant Job Applicant - Atilola Moronfolu

I had an unbelievable laughable encounter with a job candidate now. Believe me, everything you read here is true. I can’t even make this story up

For sometime now, I’ve been looking for a dispatch rider for our business. And my husband sent me the contact for a candidate

I called him first thing this morning and we arranged to meet for an interview by 12 noon. When I didn’t hear from him by 12.33pm, I called him. From his voice, you could tell that he was still lying down when I said “where are you?” He replied saying “oh okay, I’m on my way”.

He finally got to the office and my first impression was that “this guy is a bit elderly.” He pulls his chair in front of me, and slumps backwards, leaning lazily into the chair as if he’s watching African magic in his living room.

I asked why he was late and he said he was not available. I was the one who said 12, not that he agreed to it.

Even though I knew right there and then that he wasn’t going to be hired cos attitude stank like rotten egg that had been forgotten in an unplugged fridge for 5 months, and the entire office could smell it from afar, I just had to carry on with it.

Vain Body Journal: The Booty Enhancer and Her Clueless Instructor - Atilola Moronfolu

 

At the gym this week, I was minding my business with my weights when I saw an “unseeable” sight.

It was a lady in her 30s into 40s who had obviously surgically enhanced her body, and was using a standing inclined squat machine, with wobbly knees, tilted forward, squatting straight on her toes, and her rear enhancements pushed backwards.

She had no stamina and you could see she was struggling while her supposed “instructor” stood by watching her, asking her to go.

I knew there and then that somebody’s knees were about to be shattered. If that lady did 50 of that, her knees were going to be toast. After contemplating whether I should “put mouth” in this matter, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I whispered to Mr Instuctor… she is going to ruin her knees and he was like “she will ruin it, shey”

It was then I knew that this guy was no instructor, but had the unfortunate advantage of having an athletic build. He didn’t know what he was doing and was a disaster in motion. It was so sad that Miss booty enhancer chose to look on the outside and decided this guy was going to be the one to make her body enhancement stand the test of time.

The thing about shattering your knees during workout is that your life will never remain the same. The workouts you will be able to do will be limited and life won’t be as sweet. You won’t be able to do some Dance steps, whether you are komole-ing in church or twerking it like it’s hot in the club. You won’t be able to climb the stairs without pain. You won’t be able to run, jog, squat or lunge. Even after surgery, you will never get back your knees again. To put it in summary, weak knees are any agile person’s nightmare.

Anyway, Mr instructor took the machine from her and tried to show her how to do it correctly. I was more pissed because he was doing it wrong. He was doing it exactly how she was doing it, and his knees were also tilting forward. I was hurt to my very chest but I kept quiet and faced my workout while they kept at the eyesore

While working out, I kept thinking about how numerous guys in the gym had helped me in the past when I was doing something wrong. How one saved me from hurting my back when I was doing deadlifts the wrong way, how one showed be the ropes when I was doing diagonal core twist the wrong way, etc. The truth is some of the good results I have achieved in my workout journey is because some people took the liberty to point me in the right direction when I was obviously missing it, even when I didn’t ask for their opinions

The issue here was that no one would want to tell the guy and the girl they were messing up because he was supposed to be her instructor and it might be touchy to point him out as a quack who didn’t know what he was doing.

Anyway, I finally succumbed to the voice in my head telling me to save this woman from the lifetime of regrets she would face with shattered knees if she carried on with this foolery for the next 30 minutes. I walked up to the guy and told him they were doing it wrong and showed them know to incline their bodies and their knees. He thanked me and they whispered one or two things to each other and left the machine for good.

At least, I’m happy I had done my duty to her knees. Hopefully he doesn’t end up damaging it with a more complicated one in another section of the gym

So tell me… should I have minded my business

The 5Rs Hair Care Masterclass

Hello, how are you doing? How is your mental health? Hope you are calming down from the unrest? We understand that things might not completely get back to normal this year again, but we have no choice but to hope.

At African Naturalistas, we want to wrap up this year with The 5R Hair Care Masterclass. Many of us have been shaken, such that hair care is the last thing on our minds. But all in all, we must still move on and hope for the best.

The 5Rs Hair Care Masterclass is the ultimate masterclass you will need to tow your hair on a healthy path, especially as we approach a new year. 

The 5Rs stand for Restart, Regrow, Rejuvenate, Retain, and Restore.

• If you are looking for a fresh start in your hair care journey, it is time to Restart your hair
• If you have suffered hair loss of any kind, it is time for you to Regrow your hair
• If you are already on your journey to hair growth, but you hair is dull and flailing, it is time to Rejuvenate your hair
• If your hair was once healthy, but something has gone wrong, and you can’t figure it out, it is time to Restore your hair
• If you have grown your hair successfully, it is time for you to Retain your hair

The 5Rs Haircare Masterclass is for every woman with hair on her head. Whether your hair is relaxed, natural, short, long, curly, coily, healthy, damaged, No matter what category you fall under, the 5R Hair care masterclass is for you.

This masterclass is going to start your hair care journey afresh for the New Year. 

Click here to register for the very early bird of the Masterclass

Free E-book: 10 Secrets of growing Long Hair by Atilola Moronfolu

Are you one of those people who have tried to grow long and healthy hair without success? You keep hearing "all hair grow", but that statement has never manifested on your scalp. You know you are not sick, yet your hair has remained the same length for 10 years.

I have written a simple easy-to-read book, revealing the secrets of growing long hair. Contrary to what you might think, growing long hair is not difficult, but it has rules you must adhere to. If you do not adhere to these, you will just be pouring water into a basket, and all the time, effort and money spent on products will be a colossal waste of time.

10 Secrets of growing Long Hair is a free ebook for you to help you achieve your goal of healthy and long hair.

Click here to download your copy and thank me later.

Atilola

Certified Trichologist

Giving Birth in Canada (Part 2) | 17 things to know before you decide to give birth in Canada

In this second part of my Giving Birth in Canada series, I share 17 things you need to know before you decide to give birth in Canada.

If I could get a kobo for every request/call I get concerning giving birth in Canada, I would be a billionaire by now. So this video came by popular demand. I talk about 17 things to know before deciding to give birth in Canada.

I hope you learn a few things, and share with others who might need it.

There are more things, which might be discussed in a future video, and based on request.

Please watch, hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

Excuse Me, SARS - Atilola Moronfolu

My name is Atilola and I’m a spoken word artist. I perform mostly in the corporate sector, NGO sector and international scenes. I’m not exactly what you will call an “angry poet” or “political poet”. I’m not a trend talker or crowd follower. But I am a human being, Nigerian, and mother to two boys who will be future men.

I was inspired to write this very short piece because of my son, Lyon, whose hair I plan to braid/lock. I don’t want him to go through what our young ones are going through today. I don’t want him to be wrongly profiled as a criminal because of his appearance.

I might not be able to take to the streets like other youths because of my family and work responsibilities, but I can sure speak for the upcoming generation with my art.

I hope this piece speaks to you, but most importantly, to the Nigerian police force and the federal government of Nigeria

Please watch, hit the subscribe button and the notification bell

Giving Birth in Canada (Part 1): How I got my Canadian Visa

Ever since I arrived Nigeria with a Canadian citizen in my Kangaroo pouch, I have become a very reluctant "Canada Birth Consultant". People always call me to ask for advise and guidance.

The truth is I was never an expert cos it was my first time having anything to do with the Canadian Embassy. My experience was nothing straightforward, mentally stressful, mentally tasking, and spiritually intense.

This is the first part of my three-part "Giving Birth in Canada" series. In the second part, we talk about the things you must know when applying, and in the third, we talk about the pros and cons, when compared to giving birth in the US.

Please watch, hit the subscribe button and the notification bell, so you can know when future episodes are released.

Taking your Husband's Surname - What's the Fuss about?

Some women are recently choosing to bear their maiden name, after marriage, and they are taking the flak for it.

Further discussions have revealed the people do not understand where the practice of taking a man's surname in some parts of the world came from, and when it started.

In this episode of Let's DO Life, we discuss this topic in detail, and talk about the sentiments behind this practice, if it's a sin, if it's cultural or even important.

Please pull out your chair, get your popcorn, because have fun and get schooled at the same time.

Please don't forget to subscribe, comment and give your feedback on my video