Journey to Marriage 3 - It was not Love at First Sight

Berry told me outrightly that our outing wasn't a date. It was just an opportunity for me to meet the someone. Even if I wanted to get excited, her constant warning wouldn't allow me. She asked me to pick the movie, and all was settled.

Berry did not give me a single information about this person. Not his  name or what he does.
Time and time again, I wanted to ask her for the tribe of this someone but held back. I was going to tell her that if he's not Yoruba, she shouldn't bother cos my mum would not endorse intertribal marriage. I didn't think cakes would have Yoruba friends knowing he didn't grow up in Lagos. What prevented me from asking Berry were the following

1. I didn't want Berry to see me as backward and tribalistic (I'm not. I just wasn't ready to start arguing with my mum because of a man, especially when we were told as kids that we could only marry Yoruba)

2. If I asked and he wasn't Yoruba, I would miss my first date for the year and might not meet my monthly goals

3. I assumed Berry should know that I was a Yoruba girl and therefore would be with only Yoruba guys.

4. Something kept telling me not to ask everytime the thought came to my mind.

Of all these reasons, number 2 was the strongest. I just needed to meet my goals

I went straight from vigil to a meeting. I felt my hair wasn't neat enough so my pastor's wife helped me tie a scarf I assumed was stylish. From my meeting, I went to the cinema in the evening, where Berry and cakes were already waiting, as the movie had started.

Cakes took me in, and the someone wasn't there. I expected him to be there cos I was already late. My heart sank but I couldn't bring myself to ask Berry why he didn't come cos I wasn't ready for her scolding. Cakes went to get my popcorn and later he was on the phone with the someone. I peeped at his screen and saw his name.

My heart sank. I don't know what he was, but he definitely wasn't Yoruba. What a waste of time. Right there and then, I decided to just concentrate on the movie and go home. The 'date' that wasn't a date was over before it even had the chance to start.

About 15 minutes later, someone walked towards us and sat near me. Berry and cakes did the proper introductions. He had hair, loads and loads of it. He was a fine boy and had a great speaking voice. But all that didn't matter anyway.

He was not Yoruba!

I offered him my popcorn which he declined. And that basically was it. I watched the remainder of the movie in silence, not saying a word. I wanted everything to end so I could go back to my father's house, never repeating such stupidity again. Thankfully, the movie was very engaging so it took my mind of my worries

He was one of those guys who joke loudly with their friends in the cinema hall, who you just want to tell "shut up." I roll my eyes internally at their kind.

When the movie was over, we all walked to my car so Berry could get her hair products. Berry kept talking and talking about me and my spoken word, how I have traveled all over the world, when next I'm traveling, just making unnecessary small talk that I wasn't down with. Cakes made me take off my high sandals to finally settle the beef between Berry and I about who was taller.

How Berry bullies me whenever we are together.



After Berry and cakes were tired of small talk, they left us together. He collected my number (just to fulfill all righteousness). I drove home without any hopes. About 30 minutes after I got home, he called me when he got home (to fulfill all righteousness). The call lasted for 20 seconds

I did the strangest thing. I got down on my knees and said "lord I met someone today and he's not Yoruba. Lord let your will be done."

Right at that very moment was the last time I ever put it in mind that he wasn't Yoruba. Almost 20 years of sentiments went up in smoke that very moment.

What do you think about intertribal marriage in Nigeria? Even though you might not be tribalistic, is it something you can engage in?


36 comments

  1. Hatty you are just too funny.I love your writing style!

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    1. Aww, thank you. Glad you had fun reading it.

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  2. Hhahahahaha. I think I may need to feature your story on the blog, on the InterEthnicLove Stories bit!! i'm just in love with it so far. I'm Igbo and my husband is Yoruba, and honestly I'm kind of biased and I love InterEthnic marriages. Will you mind to share?

    www.KacheeTee.com || Follow me on Bloglovin'!
    6 Questions on our Igbo Yoruba Inter-Ethnic Marriage

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    1. Lol. Yes, i would love to share, but I would prefer after our wedding has taken place. I'll start stalking your blog from now.

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  3. I think our parents then to restrict us with their, you must only marry from this tribe ish...glad you decided to pray about it and left the rest to God.

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    1. Yes o. Serious restrictions. I'm still shocked that I am even marrying someone from another tribe.

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  4. Atilola you are marrying a non-Yoruba person? This just got interesting!!
    He has lots of hair? I love God's sense of humour.. My sisteh what is (one of) your line of business again? Hehehe (I laugh in Spanish)
    I can't wait to read your mum's reaction when you told her about him lol.

    PS I look forward to reading your Monday posts.. Like I am awake at almost 2am after a long day and I just had to read your post before going to bed.. Counting down to next week Monday. You already know, #ILoveLove... Especially real life love stories! :-)

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    1. African Naturalistas just went to another level. lol. It's always been a fantasy that my husband be a hair guy, but never a criteria. So this jara was just icing on the cake for me.

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    2. @Ayo, I was just thinking the same!

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  5. Awww, so where is he from? Not that it matters. As long as the families agree and you guys are willing to make it work, it's all good. Since both of you have hair, can't wait for the babies to arrive...Cinderella lomo mehn.

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    1. Abi Rapunzel??
      Anyways....Atilola, your kids will not lack hair

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  6. At the end of the day, I'm not sure why you didn't tell them who is actually taller.

    Anyways, I have a few thoughts...

    1. It didn't even occur to me to introduce you to a Yoruba person. I don't see tribe, so it was never a factor for me.

    2. You're very lucky you didn't even suggest it to me, because I would have canceled the outing immediately.

    3. I can't wait for the next bit of the story... I hope you recount it as I remember it.

    Berry Dakara Blog

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    1. You captured my entire view on this with "I don't see tribe"; I also don't see tribe - I see people! I am married to a guy from a different tribe. It was never an issue not even a thought! But then again my parents are from different tribes! So guess it's one's background that usually determines such outlook!

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    2. @Berry: Kai, be humble jo, talking about cancelling. Oya, now that you know, cancel it, let's see. Yes, I will recount it the exact way it happened, I don't know how you saw it, lol.

      @ Anonymous: When your parents are from different tribes, they usually are open-minded, except if they had bad experiences with their spouse.

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  7. .....so what tribe is he from? That is the answer I am eagerly waiting for in your next post!

    Most Nigerian parents wants their children to marry from their own tribe, my parents and uncle drummed that in my ears always, but as fate will have it, I married Yoruba.

    Intertribal marriage comes with it's challenges... culture and language. But if both parties can meet on a middle ground, it can be managed.

    Congratulations once more.

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    1. Lol. It is complicated jare. I'm not very into tribe, and so is he. So I am guessing the challenges won't be as pronounced. God help us.

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  8. The desire to marry someone from the same tribe, and possibly the same town as we are from is natural ... and that fear of having to introduce an "outsider" to Mum? :D

    But in reality, it does not matter. The "content" which is determined by the kind of upbringing someone had and the way he allowed the society to mold him in his adult life is what matters. And if both of you can find enough things in common to form a union, why not?

    And your friend Berry is a great matchmaker by making sure you met him on a blank slate. The person that introduced us did the same to me, he just asked for my permission to give my number to my hubby. He did not even tell me the name of the person he was giving my number to. Deep-end yes but it is for the best.

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    1. Awww, you were matchmade? Wow. Yes, I felt like Berry threw me into the deep end. So much for enjoying the benefits of matchmaking.

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  9. My dad is hausa and my mum is Idoma. My sister married an ibo man. We are an inter-tribal marriage family. There was a time i was on the way to marrying a yoruba or edo guy(most of the guys around me happened to be)
    I really have no issues... although I'm ashamed to say some stereotypes about certain cultures/states gets me tense and I haven't given some nice guys a chance just because from XYZ state.
    Sometimes people get so rigid with this that they miss out on something beautiful. I'm glad you weren't too rigid with your stance.

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    1. Wow, your dad is Hausa??? Never knew. Oya, be like your mum and give those guys chances jo, lol. Come and marry a Yoruba guy, so you pipu will be complete, lol.

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    2. lol.
      My phone screen cracked, so can't access my keypad, couldn't reply your message. Should sort out my phone soon though.

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  10. Awwwww.this so sweet but also teaches us to listen to the Holy Spirit and be open minded.
    Imagine if you had asked Berry about his tribe and he had canceled the outing.
    This post may not have happened.
    Pls post the next post quickly Abeg.

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    1. Yes. It definitely won't have happened. I can assure you. Something just kept saying don't ask, don't ask.

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  11. In this modern times it's interesting to note that people are still tribalistic. I don't think it matters where your partner comes from. there are more important things to worry or look out for in a partner. Anyways i look forward to reading the next episode.

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    1. No o, we are not tribalistic o, lol. Some people can have best friends and business partners from other tribes but not just marry them because of certain behaviours they've noticed in people from that region.

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  12. right! but isnt it wrong to assume that everyone from that tribe behaves like that? For eg i hear Yoruba guys are heartbreakers and players lol!

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    1. Lol. No o. Yoruba guys are not heartbreakers. I choose to see it as a social media conspiracy against them by other tribes, lol

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  13. But erm, Hatty, isn't that the very definition of "tribalism" or even discrimination? Assuming that a group of people have "certain behaviours"?

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    1. No, that's not tribalism. That's stereotyping. Tribalism is discriminating against other people of favouring other people based on tribal sentiments.

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  14. I'm very open to inter tribal unions. Ive always longed for inter tribal relationships /marriages. Specifically yoruba or delta. And I'm rivers. My folks of course dream of me ending up with a Rivers guy..but me I've told God what I want.

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    1. Really? Are you serious? Why those specific tribes?

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  15. .... you went for the date only because you wanted to tick that goal off list for that month.
    Strong!
    Please sprinkle some of these personal drive/motivation dust on me. *pleading*
    Well, I've had warnings about inter-tribal marriages. But i believe in God and his Will.
    What you did, praying about him is something I'll start doing.. letting God take over!

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  16. Discovering this side of you is really interesting.
    When I think of you, I just think African Naturalistas, Spoken Word artist & Hair expert.
    Now, my perception of you is expanding!!

    Tuke's Quest

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  17. I also didn't know you were a traveller, going to look for your travel posts.

    Tuke's Quest

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What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.