Journey to marriage 2 - How it all started

Inasmuch as I wanted to get married, I had grown complacent over the years. I had become so comfortable in my singleness and the beehive of things I had to deal with kept me constantly occupied that I hardly remembered I was single.

I was terrible at networking and meeting new people. I hardly went out. I worked from home all week, and was in church all weekend. If I was in church with full blooded male adults, it would have been better but I worked with teenagers and they definitely wouldn't marry me.

When I went for performances, I went straight from my house to the stage, and when I was done, I went straight home, not even taking time to network.

The only way African Naturalistas survived networking with other brands was purely because of one person, Berry Dakara. It was a win win for me. She networked, I worked. Everyone was happy.

I was lazy about meeting people. So I remained happily single

Another thing is that I am one of those people who does not see anything wrong in matchmaking. Two reasons: I believe there's no prescribed way of meeting one's spouse. I also believe a matchmade couple already have a primary support system in the person who matchmade them. The only downside to matchmaking is that one or both of the parties might feel pressured to please the one who matchmade them if things are not working out. And that's where maturity comes in.

So if you put these two factors together i.e. I was lazy at meeting people, and I believed in matchmaking, it is not rocket science to know what I did.

I told one or two very close friends who knew my values to hook me up with a serious God-fearing person who wants to settle down. These didn't amount to anything.

So I told Berry, the networking expert to hook me up... again and again

Again and again, Berry turned me down

She asked me to start going out more, networking more, going to the adult church more, and attending my singles fellowship. For everything Berry told me, I had a perfect reply as to why I couldn't do it, so she dismissed me as an unserious person.

As at December 31st, I had an encounter while writing my vision board for 2016. The summary was "Lord, I'm actually ready this time for real. I'm getting married this year."

I knew in my heart then that my single life was over whether I liked it or not. It was like I heard something say move to the next phase. Your time here is up. So I moved but I didn't even have a boyfriend.

So in the step details of my vision board, I wrote that I would start going out to events at least once a month in order to network and meet new people.




Look at my vision board above I prepared on 31st December 2015. I had two of them, one for business, influence, finance, etc, and this one above, for marriage, rhyme and reason, and two other things. The yellow post-it notes on the left have the scriptures attached to the visionary pictures, while the ones at the bottom right have the steps I would take to actualise the vision, based on scriptures. The direct writings on the cardboard were the desires of my heart, such as the kind of friendship I want between my husband and I, the kind of man he will be, statements like "I am getting married this year." "My husband is a visionary, knows where he is going in life, etc."

By the grace of God, almost everything on my vision board for the year has come to pass, even up to the kind of proposal ring I got, and even the inscription on my proposal cake (which were not things I specifically prayed for, but were written on the board). As you can see, the theme for my vision board this year was "A lot can happen in a year." I will talk more about the vision board, the power behind it, and how it helped me later in this marriage series. Though I need to reiterate that my vision board had other things on it, apart from marriage desires.

To be honest, once a month was a very lazy goal, since I perform at events. All I needed to do was to stay back at one of the events, and I'm settled for that month.

In the first week of the year, Berry and I got chatting. She recounted how lazy I am at meeting people and told me about her neighbour who said she was getting married this year but had no boyfriend. I told her it was possible because I was getting married this year (I had started saying it to everyone who came my way with so much conviction). Berry basically laughed at me. I told her about my decision to go out once a month, and asked her to be my first date for the year, so I could tick January as completed.

And next thing she said was, I'm going to introduce you to someone. Let's all go out together, i,e. Berry, cakes, me and this someone.

I was beyond excited. Right there, Berry told cakes. They told this someone, and he agreed.

And that... was how it all started... right from first week in January.

What are your opinions about matchmaking? Is it something you can consider?

45 comments

  1. Wooohoooo! Go berry the matchmaker. This sounds exciting. There's something awesome about writing down the vision / goals! can't wait to hear the remaining bits of the story.

    www.KacheeTee.com
    6 Questions on our Igbo Yoruba Inter-Ethnic Marriage

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    1. Yes o, you can always look back and tick them off one by one after they are achieved.

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  2. Very inspiring! So far so great. Like you, my like is home, work, church and repeat the cycle. This vision board thing is serious......

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    1. Yes o. It is serious, cos it is very powerful

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  3. Like Highly Favoured said, very inspiring! (Indeed, very very inspiring!)
    You have inspired me to get a visual board. I have something similar to this but it's a vision book. I like how your have pictorial illustrations and bible verses and I love how you kept confessing your desire!
    Thank you so much for this.. Beyond entertaining, I am finding this very inspiring and I am learning new things. Thank you Atilola!
    PS so Berry is Cupid!! Niceeee..
    Looking forward to next week's episode! xxxx

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    1. Awww, glad it is inspiring you. Maybe you would pick one or two things and use it in some area of your life.

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  4. Berry has been so happy about his her matchmaking success! hehehehe! I think matchmaking takes alot of stress out of the initial stage as you're already matched by someone who knows your values and all.

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    1. Yeah. You skip the initial stress... but it still all boils down to the maturity of the people involved.

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  5. I'M THE GREATEST MATCHMAKER ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You may sign up for my matchmaking services starting yesterday. I don't charge too much. Just bride price and groom price.

    Berry Dakara Blog

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    1. You better gaan sleep. The Lord used you for this encounter, so don't gaan be opening shop o, lol.

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  6. Interesting love story updating. #getting my chair#
    Absolutely nothing wrong with match mating.
    Welldone Berry!

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    1. Lol. Get popcorn too. So much drama.

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  7. Interesting love story updating. #getting my chair#
    Absolutely nothing wrong with match mating.
    Welldone Berry!

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  8. Congratulations Atilola. This matchmaking may not be a bad idea after all o. I look forward to next Monday but I don't mind you posting other days of the week too.

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    1. You can give it a try if you are still single. I've always favoured it because of the kind of person I am.

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  9. Congrats girl, may God bless your union. We learn new things everyday. No wonder Lati is no longer my friend. She tried to matchmake me when I was single, me and the guy no gel and we went from being almost family to being strangers. What is the vested interest of a matchmaker??! I thought that when you introduce people or are introduced, you step back and if they become a couple, y'all can be friends and if they don't well, that's life. Nothing wrong with matchmaking. Just like all relationships, it may work and it may fail.

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    1. Lol. Is Lati a real or imaginary person?

      Yes, you should step back when you have done the introduction. Future editions will reveal the role Berry played.

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  10. Hi Atitola,
    This was so sweet to read! Why did you spare us the details na. Like when did the butterflies start dancing in the tummy?
    Berry is the queen of networking! (And matchmaking!)

    All you need to know about the vagina

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    1. Lol. More details coming in future editions. Plenty details for your fill.

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  11. I 100% approve matchmaking, it is safer and what's the worst that can happen? You both decide you don't like each other and remain cordial. Things could turn awry sometimes but I still believe in matchmaking.

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    1. Yeah. That's the worst. The risk of Kidnapping, rituals, past unknown spouses is lessened.

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  12. You certainly can't beat a well laid out plan! And way to go Berry!

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    1. Lol. Thanks. Some of us can plan for Africa.

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  13. Hey Atilola! Berry MUST collect bride and groom price! And Berry you should consider this matchmaking thing more seriously. Congratulations!!!

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    1. Which price be that? She should be happy the Lord used her, lol.

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  14. Wow! Congratulations!!

    Indeed, a lot can happen in a year.
    Looking forward to more on this story.

    And ah, Berry used by the Lord! Twale!

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    1. Thank youuuu. Thank God she submitted herself as the Lord's vessel, lol.

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  15. Awwwww.
    For some darned reason, matchmaking never works out for me. Either he doesn't like me or I don't like him lol.
    So happy for you Ati. I think that when its time,God uses the nearest possible person to link up two people who may never have met. So yeah! You are right to say the Lord used her.
    Good work Berry. It's so sweet of you. And you must be very proud.

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    1. Trust me, I have been through the failed matchmaking thing. It's not even funny. But the rewards are worth the risk. You can give it another try.

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  16. this is such a lovely read. i'm not against matchmaking. and i'm bad at networking. as in meeting people scare me somehow. thanks for sharing.

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    1. Yeah, so you will give matchmaking a chance??? Lol

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  17. Oh wow! This is inspiring. Didn't really used to like matchmaking, but you have suceeded in making me see the possibilities.


    Berry, God bless you for being a vessel o :)

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    1. Please see possibilities o. There's no wrong way of meeting people.

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  18. "Vision board". I love the sound of that. :-)

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    1. Thank youuuu. It is a very powerful tool.

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  19. Current bae was match-made to me.I had a few matchmaking before him that were misses...urggh!
    But, I am a string advocate for match-making, especially in these present days.

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    1. Matchmaking is good because of the systemin support that automatically comes with it. I love it, and I'm a strong advocate of it.

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  20. I do like matchmaking. But somehow they had never seemed to really work out.
    Berry deserves a matchmaker price!
    This is so sweet and heart warming.
    Vision board, ooooshey!!

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    1. Berry deserves no price jo, *side eye*. *Runs away*

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  21. The bison board thing.... hmmmm
    My room is not private so I refused to get one... you've inspired me to start one.
    I love your attitude towards life. Bold,daring, go-getter and persistent.
    Ah! Berry your loved can't forget what you did for me too.... still on relationship crisis.
    Congratulations Atilola.
    Lemme read up all the series.

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What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.