What did I do?

Earlier, my mother called for me and started talking to me. I don’t mean the gisting type of talk but the lashing type. She and my grandmother were in the room so she first reported me to her before she started with me, after which my grandmother then started her own. My mother recalled all my ‘sins’ and railed some false accusations, none that I agreed with. The sad thing is that I couldn’t defend myself against any of them because the last thing you would want to do is talk back when two generations of Yoruba mothers are lashing you, you will never hear the end of the story. My grandmother’s lashing was based on my mother’s earlier one. Has your grandmother ever talked to you? You will find out that the fact that she has time on her hands and is not rushing anywhere means that she will keep going on and on and on.

The amazing thing is that till now, I don’t know what I did. No, let me correct that statement, I did not do anything. I am of the opinion that they just called me out of the blues, found a small gap and took advantage of that to start lashing me. I also believe that they think that since I will be leaving their house very soon, they have to try everything they can for me not to ‘disgrace’ them and make them proud wherever I find myself. They were doing this out of love, but going about it the wrong way.

All through the encounter, I was thinking to myself, ‘what a waste of time, I just want to leave this room, what did I do? what kind of thing is this?’. Everything they were saying was entering one hear and coming out of the other. I was just… pissed! All these… For what now? All the while, my ‘other half’ (OH) was downstairs (yes, they made me leave him) and I was getting impatient. At the end of the encounter, my grandmother asked me to kneel down and say sorry to my mum and I was like ‘for which of the ‘sins’ exactly?’. I knelt down and said ‘sorry’ and left. Better to just oblige patiently than argue, it makes things die down more easily and faster.

To the mamas and grandmas out there, generational gaps are supposed to be bridged, not widened. If you want to ‘talk to’ someone younger than you, please be sure to have a genuine reason for lashing so it won’t sound like you are giving lectures. Giving lectures won’t make things better, it will only drive the wedge between the both generations further down. Be your child’s closest friend and confidant and don’t expect that it will automatically happen in future. And when the child is older, please step back. After all, you took the effort to train the child so he could be wise in future, so trust that all your effort was not in vain.


  1. eeeyaa....just their way of dealing with the imminent realization that you are no longer their baby girl. And that you will soon become someone's mother.
    When my mum is scared, you need to see how she lashes out!!! It is "ridonculous!"
    Cant wait for an OH update... I am in the mood for romantic stories....:)

  2. awwww....pele. I can imagine. Altho I cant remember the last time i got a tongue lashing from my mom,and from my grandma never, we never spend so much time enought to get to that.But i get you, adults should find a way of bridging the gab not widening it.

  3. @ HoneyDame: Abi oo, I just tire. After d stuff happened, I was just keeping to myself for 2 days, i don't think she noticed sha. If you want romantic story of OH and I, check out this link,
    that should be Ok for now

    @ Sisi Yemmie: Heeeyyy, the funny blogger commented on my blog. As per the adults, din't mind them o. They think they are doing good not knowing that they are doing more damage.

  4. Oh dear! My sympathies....*smile*
    I agree with Ilola that they are still coming to terms with the fact that you are no longer their little girl.
    Unfortunately, not all parents know how to admonish a child without making them feel beieged!!
    have a good week!

  5. Wow...this is a new one o...never had my mom lash at me for no reason i could put a finger on, talk less of having my grandma join in...U sure did the right thing in keeping silent else it wud have been something else...

    Hope you're all on good terms now though

    Thanks a bunch for the links u sent me, havent been able to check them out but i sure would :)

  6. I was wondering where this story was leading to, I thought I'd see it happened donkey years ago? Wow this old people really want to let ‎​you know they will soon miss ‎​you to one man coming from so far to "snatch" ‎​you away. Pele...I agree with Honey dame.

    Am not sure I would have been as calm as ‎​you were(I'd be gasping for breath and praying to be still). But at this time in my life,my mum knows so well not to yell a ‎​​me with false accusations. Take heart dear and frankly generational gaps widen these days and ‎​​We MUST not allow same with our kids. Take it cool dear

  7. @ Naijamuma: Thanks jare. The truth is that I have never really being a 'little girl' to them cos I have always being treated in a very mature way, different from my siblings, since I was a teenager. So when they start acting like this, now that I am grown, it really pisses me off.

    @ Jhazmyn: Yes o, silence was the best option, cos I really did not want it to drag, which is what talking back would have caused.
    We are on good terms, it happened first week in January and I was really pissed for 2 days.

    @enobong: Donkey years ago? Naaa, it was just 2 months ago o. I agree with you, that is why I have decided to be my child's best friend.

  8. Hmmm..now this scenario looks very familar... my mother, drilled me ehn!..even as i dey husband house sef! i simply do like you did..keep quiet apologize, lets the words flow into one ear & out of the other!

    Yes, they love you very much, hence the 'talks'...just take it as their own way of doing things.

  9. OH has a link?

    am i permitted to view it also?

    Glad you are over it.since am a day late in commenting. *sorry*

  10. aww sorry girl :/
    guess older people just love being in control and knowing their younger ones respect them.
    or maybe your mum is using this as a way of showing she'll miss u when u go,lol
    cos she knows u wont be there for her to scold anymore :p

  11. @ Ibhade: No one should better come and tell me stuff in my husband's house o. Anyway, my mum knows me too much, so she doesn'e even tell me unnecessary stuffs now, and I pray it stays that way. She says 'leave @ilola alone o, it is her own thing that she does'. lol.
    Yes naa, you are permitted to view the link, everyone is permitted, that it is why it is on my blog.lol
    And yes, I am over it, it happened first weekend of january, only that I am just blogging about it.

  12. @ KitKat: Abi o. the thing that is paining me is that they relinquished the control a long time ago, they now want to take it back. It can't work naa

  13. Pele o. I can just imagine the frustration. None of us is perfect and parenting is not the easiest job in the world. If I'm telling my son off, I make it a point to let him know what I'm on about. As parents, sometimes our anxiety gets the better of us. It's easier said than done, I guess. But you're right: communication is very important so as not to widen the gap.

  14. Communication is key in whatever relationship.


  15. And when your child is older, please step aside.........
    A sane advice which many parents can't fathom.

  16. It's a communication thing. It hurts, I know. But what to do. Shrug it off. You will eventually come to a mutual-meeting point.

    Sorry about the drama.

  17. lol.. I know that kind of feeling. They actually did that because your other half's around, I think. They want you to be conscious that you would soon be 'leaving'; the fact that he's around would make their points (if they actually made sense at that time) stick. haha. Pele. lol

    - LDP


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