Journey to Marriage 10 - Scaling the hurdles

Image result
My status as a girlfriend was short lived. No we didn't break up or anything like that. Before we made it official, BH had started painting pictures of the future of us... Home, career, children, etc. He had referred to his dad as my future father in law, and dropped several innuendos here and there.

So I didn't have the luxury of being a girlfriend for long.

That week we made it official, he asked me a second time. "When do you want to get married?"

This time, I didn't lie. I said I wanted to get married towards the end of the year. I asked him when he wanted to get married.

He said "yesterday." I mean BH was high on euphoria, he couldn't even hide it anymore. He said he wished we could get married immediately but it won't be possible because of stakeholders.

Long and short, I was no more a girlfriend, I was now a fiancé. We knew people would think we were crazy cos we hadn't known each other for very long.

I told Berry about it, how her friend was in love with me, and how we were already talking about marriage. Of course, she was shocked.

She was even more shocked a week later when I told her we had decided to attend the next premarital counseling class in my church.

And that was when we knew we had a whole lot of hurdles to cross. Unlike BH, I don't roll on cliques. But his friends will wonder when he even started seeing a girl, talk less of marriage. His business partner would eventually ask him over and over again if he was sure of what he was doing and advise him to take it slow. It was just hard for everyone, including me to wrap one's head around what was going on.

We set a date to see my pastor, his pastor, travel to see his mum and then my mum was last on the list of stakeholders that must agree for the marriage to go on.

I prayed for God's will to be done. In my past, I was rejected by the family of my ex fiancé for whatever reason best known to them, and I couldn't afford to go through that experience again, neither would I want to be the reason why someone would have that experience. It's a terrible thing.

He told his mum about me, and how we were already planning to marry and all. From his account, his mum seemed pretty okay with it.

In my mind, these were the major hurdles

1. My pastor - wasn't really an issue cos they were with me on the journey right from the very day I was going to set my eyes on BH for the first time and through the emotional ups and downs. They knew every single detail and were in support

2. His pastor- who's also his elder friend. I had no idea who he was and I was uncomfortable being introduced to him to scrutinize me.

3. His mum - I wasn't looking forward to meeting her because of my past experience. Affliction shall not rise a second time.

4. My mum - the major principality. We had been warned not to bring a non Yoruba home, and I was about to spring up information that I want to MARRY someone she's never heard of, who is not Yoruba. And she never even knew I was seeing anyone. Major disaster!

5. Premarital counseling interview- I felt they would turn us back because it was a really short courtship. And they'll also require the written consent of the above 4, which we might or might not get. The good thing was that the interview was two months later, which would give us time to build on our courtship portfolio.

All in all, number 4 was the major one, and here's where God would prove Himself to be the author of my relationship with BH.

How did He do it? Well, next edition will tell.


  1. 've been refreshing the blog all day. Wow, when God has ordained everything it starts looking like a fairytale..... Can't wait to see ur Mum's 1st reaction.
    #1st time commenting

  2. Been following oh... amazing stuff Atilola. Amazing.

    And chai.. you are a master of suspense. Good thing thursday isnt far.

    And i wanted to comment to say that you shouldnt take down the posts because it would really really be of great help to someone in the future. The testimony really isnt just about you. What God has done for you..He can do for all. Maybe seeing it in that light will help you even though you are uncomfortable and all.
    I personally follow a christian site where they share love stories and sometimes i trail and follow them down to their blogs..their kids right now..their struggles..etc and i pray along. It always keeps me in awe..just in awe of God. And all because they obeyed and shared their stories.
    I have prayed along and for many of them. Some of them even shared these stories 1o years ago.
    Even yours..i was working on vision board thingy and remembered your words on it..came back to check and the post had been taken down...

    Just pray and see what God would have you do about this though...not everyone are monitoring spirits. Lol. Some persons are just using this even to reinforce their faith that Our Father is good. HE GETS THE GLORY through your story. That's the focus.

    Thanks for sharing so far.
    Still following

    1. @Frances, thanks a lot for your comment as it totally speaks my mind. @Atilola, your post has been a real source of inspiration and hope for me that God is able to turn table around for our good when we least expect. Your testimony is something am holding on to so strongly and praying with for God's manifestation in my own life.
      Pls don't take down the stories as am very sure many are yet to come across these and when they do it might change lives as it has changed mine.
      My prayer is that your joy will not cease in Jesus name.

    2. @ Frances: Okay ooo. You have been able to convince me, I have put it back.

      @ Elizabeth: I get you. It is not about me, but what God can use my story to do in the lives of others.

    3. Definitely thankful you left these posts up, i'm towing the same path and need to read these. Great encouragement.

  3. I typed this before on the previous post but it went awol...I'll say it again: I like cheesecake, this is cheesecake!
    Today's comment: thank you for sharing!

  4. I was going to say the same thing Frances said about not taking down posts.
    You can't know just how much I needed to read this series today. Yesterday my mother reminded me that I told her about God's word that I was getting married this year. I had even forgotten about it, I am not in a relationship and the seeds of doubt took root in my heart and I thought maybe it was my mind playing tricks then, after all this is October and nothing has changed. I don't know why I remembered your blog after so two months, why it had to be today that I got this reminder that it doesn't have to take years and years for his purpose to work itself out.

    1. Kai. Shame is catching me o. I have put them back up. Everything is working together for your good.

  5. Awwww. Everything is tying up so beautifully!

  6. I am loving this series. My major take away so far aside the God Factor is the vision board. I've had a rough year so far but i made a vision board for the rest of the year and pasted on my room door.

    1. It works o. Just look at it every morning, and keep praying the scriptures you have tied to each vision. It will spur you into action, and provoke your spirit.

  7. Shocked is an understatement. BH really surprised me - sometimes, I still stop to wonder how the heck everything happened so quickly. Unfortunately, since I left Nigeria at the time, I couldn't sit down and grill him well. Cakes on the other hand just goes with the flow, so he was of no help to me.

    Berry Dakara Blog

    1. Lool. Yes cakes was just watching everything. My head was spinning in love at how fast everything was going.

  8. This has me smiling from ear to ear. Really awesome stuff from an awesome God!

  9. You are still keeping his tribe a top secret ba? Okay o, I will be patient.....NOT! The suspense is making me go HAAAAA! COME ON ATILOLA! Spill more eeee.

    1. Lol. Sorry. I just wanted to reveal it at the right time.

  10. Affliction cannot rise up the second time... AMENN.
    All these hurdles to cross. You just gave me a mental list of the persons to pray for during courtship.
    I admire your relationship with your pastor.. they're a strong support system!
    Reading on!

  11. Hmmm, what you just said about the family of the ex fiancé, very deep.
    Sometimes when closes one door we don't understand that he has done it for a reason, because he plans to open up an even better door in the feature.
    I'm glad you didn't delete it and I think your story would make an awesome book.

    Tuke's Quest


What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.