8 Questions you should not ask me this year

(Image from ibtimes)

There are some questions that people ask me regularly, even though I don’t like answering them. Unfortunately, not everyone has the ‘spirit of discernment’ and they keep probing. So, I have put together a list of questions no one should ask me this year, I have tried to answer some of them and explained the others away. I hope this will be a little bit satisfactory for the ‘wonderers’.


1. How is school?

Yes, I know that this may sound ridiculous to my friends but a lot of neighbourhood aprocco adults keep asking me this every year, like I am supposed to be a student forever, they forget that you shouldn’t judge people by their size. To set the record straight, I finished secondary school eleven years ago and it has been almost four years since I left university. So unless you are ready to pay for my Masters degree, please, don’t ask me this question again.

2. What ‘exactly’ do you do?

This is one of those questions that make me stall because I don’t know the answer, reason why I don’t like being asked. My employers told me that I am a consultant but I like to think of myself as an apprentice who is training to become an expert in the nearest future if I am patient enough to wait. But truthfully, I don’t know what ‘exactly’ I do.

3. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 yrs?

Well, I want to be the first female president of America. Oh, puhleeaassee… That is for me to know and for you to look out for. Please, face your own short and long term goals and try to achieve them instead of trying to dig out mine. Of what use is that knowledge to you? Unless I come to you for a job interview, I beg you, don’t ask me this question.

4. How is ‘He’?

It still amazes me how many people who don’t know much about you and are trying to find out whether you have a boyfriend or not, ask this question so they can get their answer, instead of coming out to ask you asking directly if you have a boyfriend or not. Just before you think of asking me this question, here is the answer. ‘He’ is fine, whoever 'He' is, wherever ‘He’ is. I don’t have a 'He'. I am single and not searching and please, this is not a job advertisement for the position of boyfriends so guys, don’t forward your CVs.

5. So… when is the wedding date?

Woooooo! I am tired of hearing this one (family members, please take note). There is no wedding date. I have decided to become a nun (yes, I have what it takes), so don't think of asking me this question in the nearest future.

6. Do you ever grow?

This is for the people that see me like once in every 5 yrs. The Answer is ‘No I don’t’. I have been the same size since I was twelve years old, which makes it difficult for me to discard my old clothes. Same height (5’ 5), same weight (45-50 kg), same body size (6-8). So if you see me after a very long time, don’t ask me this question because based on what you see, it is already obvious that I did not.

7. Is this your hair?

Whether my hair is relaxed, dreaded or virgin (its current state), people never ceased to ask me this question. Well, I don’t fix Indian or Brazilian hair, neither do I fix dreadlocks or afro weave ons. If you see anything that looks a bit natural on my head, please don’t suspect or think too much, it is mine. Are you looking for yours? Well I did not steal it, look elsewhere. Yeah, I know it is full and long but I’m sure I am not the only Nigerian to have such hair.

8. Are you a virgin?

Yes, I am a virgin, 'nuff said!