The Honeymoon is over!

A friend of mine told me about a male friend of hers who, after the honeymoon period in his marriage, his wife asked him to do something for her and he replied my telling her, ‘look here lady, the honeymoon period is over!’ That single statement almost shattered the marriage and he had to spend four good years convincing the wife that nothing would change in their marriage.

A somewhat similar thing happened to me, I was chatting with a ‘friend’ online and I told him that I missed him, he then replied saying ‘but we talked yesterday’. I felt like cold water had been poured on me, I couldn’t express myself freely from then on. Incidentally, a male friend of mine was beside me when all this online drama took place. So after I logged off, I kept ‘raking’ for the friend beside me about the whole thing, guess what he said, ‘@ilola, the honeymoon is over’. He asked me if I expected my friend to treat me like we were just starting a relationship and is still trying to impress me. He went further to say that my friend’s statement proved that the relationship between my friend and I had moved to a more serious stage. Many of us will agree with him but I consider the whole theory to be jargons.

In most cases, the man sets out to get a wife or girlfriend, does all he can to impress her, he becomes the most loving guy on earth and then after the honeymoon period, he says to himself, ‘my work here is finally done’ and then he changes totally.

Some people say this is reality but it doesn’t have to be. If you can’t keep the fire that was burning in your courtship to still be burning in your marriage, then the whole marriage thing becomes another boring aspect of life that we have to face. This sometime leads to couples growing apart, separation or even divorce.

We know there are more commitments in marriage than courtship like the kids, career, etc but it is very ironic since your spouse is the main reason you took on these commitments in the first place. Consequentially, you end up losing the interest of that person or losing that person totally.

If your marriage is lacking fire, ignite the sparks by doing those things you did during courtship, it might seem strange at first but with time, you will get used to it again. For newly weds young marriages and people in courtship, never ever have that ‘ The Honeymoon is over’ mentality. Be creative, find new ways to make the marriage fun and most importantly, keep the fire burning.

Right under your nose

Many times, we desire something, seek for it or pray fervently for it only to find out later (sometimes, rather too late) that what we were looking for had been right in front of us all along.
There is this interesting story in the book of Acts 12. some apostles gathered to pray, without ceasing, for the release of peter, whom king Herod had planned to feed to the lions during the games that would take place the next day. Well God heard their prayers and sent an angel to release peter. Peter was then released and when Rhoda told the ‘prayer warriors’ that peter was at the door, they called her ‘in sane’. Can you believe that? What, as u may ask, had they been prayin for all along? Their prayers got answered but they couldn’t believe their prayers got answered. Why, then, were they praying in the first place?
I am of the opinion that they had faith and they believed their prayers would work but they just didn’t expect it to work that way and that fast. Sometimes, we pray for money, we then get business ideas and opportunities and we say our prayers were not answered. Sometimes, we pray for wonderful husbands, we get some shabby looking guy that we can polish and add value to and we say God is wicked.
Well, sorry, God’s methods are not our methods so we should stop expecting Him to do things the way we envisage, just like our ‘prayer warriors’ in acts, what matters most is that what we want done gets done.
I prayed for something last year may, I wanted it by September and I got what I wanted by September. The unfortunate thing was that I didn’t know that I had already gotten it because it did not come the way I expected. Due to shallow mindedness on my part, I almost lost this wonderful gift, but thanks to right-thinking friends, I was able to retrace my steps.
Is there something you are really seeking or waiting for? Check around you, it might just be there, disguised in another form, right under your nose.

Light of the Church?

I have been away from home for a while now and have been finding myself in unfamiliar terrains. This, I do not have a problem with. What poses itself as a problem when I find myself in a situation like this is answering the question ‘what church will I attend this Sunday?’
In times past, when I found myself in situations like this, I would just forget about the whole church thing completely till I get back to my familiar terrain because choosing a church to attend has never been interesting to me. But lately, since I have mostly been away from my familiar terrain, I have always been faced with this daunting task because I do not want to be labelled ‘sinner’ by shallow minded people.
Well, today, I settled for a certain church. From the time I laid my feet in the church till when I stepped out, I had to restrain myself from expressing the speechlessness that I felt. Firstly, the church is smaller than my living room, four rows, six columns, like ten extra seats and the pastors’ and choirs’ seats. The choir in my home church is actually more than two times bigger than the whole congregation. Secondly, the church service lasted for over 3 hours but the sermon took about only 15 minutes. You will be asking yourself now that what were we doing the whole time, right? Well, I asked myself the same thing. By the time the service was over, I was hungry, tired and ready to bail but it seemed like 3 hours was not enough for them because after they service, they began FAF (fellowship after fellowship) and series of departmental meetings were still scheduled for the day.
Anyway, I am not writing to criticize this church, they are just doing their own thing and maybe that is the order the in which the Holy Spirit moves in their church. My point here is that with so many churches springing up left, right and centre in Nigeria, on every street, in every corner, even in our living rooms (just like the church I attended), it is such an irony that it remains one of the most corrupt countries. Majority of Nigerian citizens are Christians that go to church every Sunday and we are the same ones degrading this country, even our dirty ‘chop money’ politicians go to church every Sunday.
Further speaking, what is the role of the church or Christian in the world? Are we called to be the light of the church or the light of the world? There is at least one church or more on every minor street and at least 5 churches or more on the major ones. This is a good thing because it makes the gospel spread because no one will say he/she did not hear the good news when judgement calls.
On the other hand, why would almost everyone rush to their place of worship on Sunday morning and then we do not even wait till Monday before we resume our corrupt practices, we start immediately we leave the church. I think it will be better if we just sat at home and label ourselves atheists.
I personally think it is time for the church and Christians in general to rise up, stop shining the light on Sunday mornings only and forming unnecessary caucuses and cliques in the church. Let us start shining our light in the world and be the light we have been called to be. Some people and churches have already started, let us follow suit.

It is not about age

Maturity – is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction

Maturity- is patience, the willingness to give up immediate pleasure in favour of long term gain

Maturity- is perseverance, sweating out a project, despite setbacks.

Maturity- is unselfish, responding to the needs of others

Maturity- is the capacity to face unpleasantness and disappointment without becoming bitter

Maturity- is humility, a mature person is able to say ‘I was wrong’ and when he is proved right, he does not have to say ‘I told you so’.

Maturity- means dependability, integrity in keeping one’s word

Maturity- is the ability to live in peace with things we cannot change.

School of Hard Knocks

When I was in my second year in school, my results dropped real bad. I had always thought I was very brilliant and could tackle any obstacle that came my way. When this unfortunate incident happened, it was so painful but I felt it was just part of life and that I would rise back the next semester.
Guess what, it was worse the next semester and then the next and then the next. My grades just kept dropping. Let me derail here and tell you that I was not an unserious student, I read my books, prayed and fasted before exams, I did not party, I thought my colleagues and they passed and everyone knew I was one of the top students (a position I later lost). By now, my CGPA was on a 2-2, to cut the long story short, I gave up trying to improve my grades when I got to my fourth year. By now, with some missing results in and out of my department, the hope of rising was just too minimal. I concluded it was over, I was not going to go for my convocation and so on.
When I got back from my industrial training to start my fifth and final year, I found out that my CGPA had had improved slightly but it was still too low and my SGPA was actually a 2-1, I did not have much hope again because I had just a year left and then in just 3 weeks, my CGPA was something else, suddenly all missing results were rectified. Though it was still a 2-2, my hopes rose and I was really energized.
The next 2 semesters were something else, CGPAs were just dropping and sinking, left, and centre, but mine was skyrocketing. I started working toward As only, Bs were no more my friends and I knew that Cs were fatal enemies. So I had to cover all grounds, understand all things, do all assignments, get inside information, etc. I laid down my pride and acted like I did not know anything. I stopped fasting before exams and I ate enough to gather strength to read more. My result: 1st SGPA (4.08), 2nd SGPA(4.83). I don’t think I need to tell you what grade I finished with, you can guess and guess what, I attended my convocation.
It then hit me, I was too proud of myself, skills and ability when I got to school and I had to be humbled because it is not by power or might (Zech 4:6). In my fifth year, the only thing that sustained me was mercy and grace because I was not doing any special thing I had not done before and I was so tired. Series of tests and assignments, and all the social engagements that come along with being in your final year, all that changed was my mentality. At last my position was restored, I graduated being one of the top students.
University days ended a long time ago and my CGPA does not really matter anymore. I was hardly fulfilled academically through out my days in the university, but I learnt a lot from that experience in school. . It was a lesson that took me six solid years to learn. Never again will I go out setting to achieve solely by my ability, skill or power.

My Duty

As I wandered in my room, bored, one morning, I thought about my relationship with a particularly wonderful man, with nothing to hold on to in the relationship but calls that I hardly got and a series of text messages, I wondered what the hell I was getting from the relationship and then, an inspirational thought flashed through my mind, to write down what I had to give. The note went thus,

My duties

I will love him despite his shortcomings

I will submit to him

I will respect him

I will not nag him

I will pray for him and cover him spiritually

I will satisfy him sexually (when the time is right)

I will be romantic

I will help him fulfil his purpose in life

Guess what, after I logged this list into my archives, I felt better. I never for once considered what I was going to get again, but what I will give and things improved tremendously.
The ‘mr man’ in question here has probably been wondering how come there is an improvement but I think this is the secret.
Sometimes, it can be easier said than done but since I have what it takes to love (at least 1Cor 13 says so), and I know the one who understands true love, I can strive to be like Him and pass it to my fellow man.
On the second hand, when you have someone that appreciates you, doing the things on this list becomes very easy. So another kudos goes to the ‘mr man’ in question.
Are you having problems in your relationship or marriage? Maybe you should try this technique, give without caring what you will receive. Consider your duties first before complaining about your partner’s.

Content versus Container

Have you ever bought a can of soda just because you admired the artwork on body or a pack of cereal because the packaging looks beautiful. Ok, maybe you have, but what if this packaging really attracted you and then you get to the confines of your room, opened the pack, only to find out that you have been terribly deceived.
I can bet that no matter how attractive the pack is, you will never go back near that product again because truth is that even if the pack is what attracted you, you never were interested in the container in the first place but the content.
So no matter how much time you invest on superficial things like appearance (physically and materially), concentrate more on what really matters, the inner man because what people see when they look at you is not really you but your container.

Press Yourself

There is a popular saying that who you are under pressure is the real you. How true. For example, you can never know what is in a tube except you apply pressure to it no matter what d outer covering says. If butter comes out, then it is butter and if toothpaste comes out, then it is toothpaste.
On the other hand, you can never get the true worth of a thing until you apply pressure, just ask the orange fruit. The pressures of life are designed to bring out the best or the worst out of us.
I have found myself in situations that I reacted in ways I never knew i could, then i realized, this must be the real me. So now that you know, how do do like me now?

Just my thought

Sometimes, we try to hold on to our desires and wants whether or not its best for us or not. We find it so hard to let go. But if we dare to lay down our will and let God have His, we will find out that he always had something far better in stock for us. Something we could never have found ourselves even with our eyes wide opened.
Always remember this, whoever you are, you are a very special person so if anyone rejects u, you are not the one that lost. Its d person's loss and someone else's gain. Too bad