How Movie Adaptations defrauds its viewers

I am an avid book reader and a movie watcher.  After immersing myself into both worlds, I have come to understand that a movie adaptation has never ever done justice to the book it was adapted from. Not Harry Potter, not Curious Case of Benjamin Button, not Lord of The Rings or The Hobbit, not Silence of the lambs or Hannibal, not any Chronicles of Narnia, not Les Miserables, not any book.

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While reading Les Miserable, and for the first book in the first volume (it is divided into volumes, books and chapters), I was wondering if I had the wrong book, as I had done myself the injustice of watching the movie first, even though I got the book before I got the movie. A whole lot was cut off from the book when it was made into the movie. If you are curious and are interested in getting the complete story, not just 30% of what you think is the story, please, get the book and read. No matter how good the movie had been, it is just not it when compared to the book. All I can say is we were defrauded.

Les Miserables, using it as an example, is literary fiction, not commercial fiction. Commercial fictions are plot driven books, while literary fictions are character driven books. This means if you adapt literary fiction to movies, and you cut what makes the character out, you have cut off about 80% of the book. I understand the fact that Les Miserables is a very voluminous book, and they would not be able to adapt every single part into the movie, but the injustice done in this case was massive. Imagine a bishop who had a whole Book with several chapters dedicated to him in the book having just two scenes in the movie. Marius's grandfather and father nko? Nothing!

Now did the movie script writer do anything bad by cutting important parts out? No. Was the script interesting? Yes. Was it good? Yes.

But the question here is, does it give the viewers the whole picture, does it tell the whole story? The answer is a big No. If you think because you watched a movie adaptation, you know the whole story, you would only be kidding yourself.

Why does Severus Snape hate Harry Potter so much, what is his origin? Why exactly did the bishop cover up for Jean Valjean, what legacy did he leave? All these things are not what you can get from the movies. You have to read the book to know the whole story, eat the real cake and not just get fed on the icing sugar these movie adaptations tend to feed us.

This is not just about Les Miserables, I'm just using it as a case study. This is about all books that have been turned into movies. I haven't read or watched Hunger Games, but I heard it is one of the most poorly adapted movies ever.

So what am I saying here? If you watch or want to watch a movie adaptation, and you love the story line, and you really want to get the whole picture, then please, read the original book. The book is always far more interesting than the movie, anyway, since it always has the whole story.

Don't let yourself get robbed

In other news, when I watched video the stage performance of the Les Miserables cast at the 2013 Oscars, I got goose bumps, and almost cried because I couldn't sing. I am so sad that Gavroche wasn't in the performance. Did you know that Gavroche is Eponine's brother? So, you see why you have to read the books? Anyway, wacth the video

A new kind of scam in Nigeria

I was lying gently on my bed when what looked like recharge card numbers came as a text message on my phone. Since I wasn't expecting such gift from anyone, I decided to call the number that sent me the 'credit' to find out whom God laid on his heart to bless me this Holiday season. I then remembered that I had no credit on my phone, and decided to go out to get credit. As I was going downstairs, a call came on my phone. The caller said one Baba in Ife wanted to send credit to his son in school, and mistakenly sent it to my number. I felt relieved that I didn't have to stress myself to get credit again, and I told the guy I was also wondering why someone will send me credit. I told him I was just about to go and get credit to call the number, and that they should not worry, that I did not load it. They should use the credit.

The guy said he wanted me to text the credit back because the Baba threw the voucher away before he realised his mistake. I told him the message should be in the sent items. The guy said the Baba doesn't really know much about phones, that I should please send it back. Disappointed that I still had to get the credit after all, I proceeded to go and buy it.

About two minutes after I sent the credit, the guy called me back and said the Baba is really grateful, and wants to personally thank me. Then he passed the phone, and I heard one shrill voice that sounded forced.

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The guy started thanking me profusely and praying for me, my finances, future, family, husband, and everything you can imagine. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you would know by now that when strange or shocking things happen to me, my immediate reaction is to start smiling, with a sarcastic grin on my face. In the face of grave danger, I have been known to have this look. This was the same look on my face when the Baba was praying. He asked for my name, I told him. He said shebi I live in Lagos, I said yes. He asked where I work, I said I don't work. He kept on praying. It was all those very intense Yoruba prayers. After a while, the prayer was getting too long, and I was becoming tired and suspicious. He now said the reason why he's asking for where I work is so that he can pray for me to excel at work. I said I don't work. I expected him to end the call. He still kept on praying. So I just cut the call on him.

Two weeks later, I was chatting on my BB, which is not my primary phone. Emails and messages came in, but I couldn’t read them because I was still chatting with someone. Next thing, a call comes in and I pick. The guy goes, one Baba in Ife wanted to send credit to his son, but mistakenly… Immediately I heard Baba, Ife, and Credit, I just cut the line. I checked my text message, and behold it was a string of recharge card numbers that I am sure were fake. The guy called again, I cut it again.

About 5 minutes later, the guy called once more. I picked it and said "Look here, look here. Don’t come and be yarning dust for me. You called me two weeks ago, saying this same rubbish, and one Baba was saying fake prayers…”

This time, it was the guy that cut the line.

I just want to warn people out there. This is the new kind of scam going on. If they can call two different lines of mine in a space of two weeks, I wonder how many people they would have reached.

These people are most likely identity thieves, and they use a technique call Social Engineering. All they need is very few basic details about you, and they will get all other information enough to clear you out. It is easy for them to get the vulnerable ones. Unfortunately for them, they met a like mind in me. I have been scheming from my mother’s womb, and I know that if not that God saved me a long time ago, I would most likely be a female fraudster. Where their own ends, that’s where my own starts. Rubbish people.

Four sure-fire ways to stay awake throughout church night vigils

It really breaks my heart to see people go for church vigils, and end up falling asleep. I mean, is it not better to sleep on your bed, than to go church, suffer yourself unnecessarily, and then sleep in church, while your bed remains empty? You don’t get to pray, yet you don’t get to sleep comfortably. Talk about losing both ways.

When you see someone geared up for vigil, and during praise and worship or the first one or two prayer points, that person is bouncing up and down round the hall, shouting on top of his voice, etc., know that this one no go last. In the next 20 minutes, his eyes will begin to expire.

Why is that? It is because there is a skill to staying awake all night during vigils. It has nothing to do with how holy or unholy you are, or how long you slept or didn’t sleep during day. During vigils, it is a different ball game. There always seems to be a demon of sleep prowling around, and I am going to give you strategies to conquer this demon. These strategies work. This is not an OR circuit, it is an AND circuit. It means you must implement all the strategies to get the benefit.

1. Kopiko or any other coffee sweet is your friend. This is very important. You must bring enough kopiko for yourself and the people sitting beside you. When you open the pack, ask your seat neighbours if they want. They will most likely say yes, as people don’t really are very open and down to earth during vigils. Whether they accept or not, at least, they will know you are ready for serious business, and don’t intend to sleep. And if they know what is good for them, they will not sleep too. If your eyes are threatening to close, just slip kopiko into your mouth. If your head or hands are going limp, slip in the kopiko. Any sign the demon is coming near you, slip in the kopiko. The idea is that by the time the vigil is coming to an end, you must be high on kopiko.

2. Come armed. Not with charms or guns to kill the sleep demon. In your bag, pack sweets, water, Fanta, and other sugary drinks. Don’t pack eba or pounded yam o. In any case, the goal is not to consume all these things you came armed with. It is actually the fact that the knowledge that you have something in your bag to keep you awake, will actually keep you awake. Don’t ask me how, but it works. I guess it’s a mind thing. If you feel your eyes getting closed sometimes, you can just take a gulp of water from your ammunition, every 30 minutes.

3. When praying, don’t stand on a spot. Standing on a spot when praying will make you feel relaxed, and let the tiredness descend on you. Before you know it, you will be sleeping and standing at the same time, and people will think you have entered the spiritual realm, not knowing you are in dreamland.

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When praying, the tactic is to map a straight line route for yourself, and walk to and fro along that path like a pendulum bob. Don’t rush the walk, or else you will wear yourself out, and don’t walk too slowly too, like you are counting your steps. You are there to pray, not to avoid sleeping. They are two different things.

4. Never sit down. If you didn’t do number 1, 2, and 3, you must do this. This singular point is why people succeed or fail when it comes to sleeping at vigils. The only time you should sit down during vigil is if the pastor is giving a sermon, and by that time, I expect that you are high on kopiko. If you are sitting and standing, you think you are saving your strength, but the truth is that you are giving your knees more work to do, and giving yourself a faster chanced to be tired. Don’t sit down when a scripture to back up a prayer point is being explained. Don’t sit down when a prayer point is being read. Don’t sit down when someone wants to pass in your front. I don’t care if the vigil lasts 3 hours or 6 hours. Whatever you do, never sit down. I know it sounds harsh, but the problems that chased you to vigil in the first place too are also harsh and not smiling, and remember you have your bed to embrace all day, so delay the gratification. If you sit down, you will be tempted to sit for 10 seconds more, and another 10 seconds, and another…. Before you know it, you will deceive yourself into believing you can pray effectively while sitting, and then what happens, BAM! the sleep demon wraps itself round you. What do we have here? Another one bites the dust.

So here are fail-safe ways to keep yourself awake during prayer vigils. That problem that gave you the idea that you should leave your comfortable bed, and go to church all night must die o. You cannot let sleep deny you your breakthrough, lol.

Try all these four pointe, and you will be an expert night vigil-kipper in church. If you are lucky, you will even receive an award for it, by becoming the head of your department in church.

A Stolen Kilishi and a Broken Heart

After ignoring the whole world one day, and spending my whole day making hair products (I shut the world out when I make products, cos it is such a physical and mental activity), I was finally able to settle a bit by 4pm. I saw my brother eating kilishi, so I begged him for small so I could drink garri with it since I had not eaten anything since the previous day.

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I carried my part of the kilishi to my room, and then remembered I had no sugar left. I ran out to buy 10 naira sugar, prepared my garri in the kitchen, and went to check the bed rest for my kilishi. Behold, my kilishi had disappeared. I immediately suspected the culprit, but I wanted to give it a benefit of doubt. I searched the whole room and even the kitchen. Behold, no kilishi. It was just my brother and I at home, and I was the only one on that floor, as my brother was in the pent house section. Besides, my brother couldn’t have stolen my kilishi. He was the one who gave me, and he still has his own left. So I knew for sure the rat that had been living with me for the past two months stole my kilishi. I looked at the part where I kept it again, and I saw a crumb of the kilishi there. My suspicions were therefore confirmed.

I had already put water in my garri, sugar and milk before I realized my kilishi had been stolen, so there was no going back. I had to drink my garri without anything. Besides even if the thief returned my kilishi, or I caught it, I could not collect it back from it naa. Abi how can I be dragging food with rat?

Believe it or not, as I was drinking the garri, I was hearing the rat right behind my bed, eating the kilishi. I’m serious. I was drinking plain garri, and the rat was eating the kilishi, and making annoying noise while doing so. It was a heartbreaking situation.

What is the moral of the story, you might say? Actually, a lot. If you must have a roommate, have one you can accuse, beat, talk to, ask for a return, should they ever steal your stuff. The second lesson is that when you have a good thing, the pests around you will notice it, especially if the thing has a great aroma, and they will try to snatch is from you. It is your duty to guard your stuff well, especially when you have bad people (pests) around you, if not, they will steal your stuff, and even parade it in front of you, leaving you with emotional wounds to nurse.

Thirdly, never ever try to endure a parasitic relationship. If the relationship is destructive or draining you, you are the one who does the texting, calling, giving, every thing, the other party just eats and collects, end it before it even has a chance to start. I knew I should have killed that rat since, my mum even told me over and over again to poison the thing, but I chose to endure and hoped it would just go. See what it resulted to. A stolen kilishi and a broken heart.

Using art as a tool against Domestic violence

Thanks to Hem Matsi of Victim 2 Survivors, and some talented artists in Namibia, these artworks and some other ones not in this post have been touring some countries, in a bid to fight Gender-based violence, what we call domestic violence in Nigeria. It all started from the National Art Gallery of Namibia, and from there, people were seeing the pictures, and were requesting for it to be exhibited in their countries.

This exhibition had just been concluded, just before the conference I attended at Geneva, but these gigantic artwork was still hanging on the walls of the UNAIDS building, so I took pictures with my iPad. Trust me, they are more breath-taking in real life. The brain behind the initiative gave me the brochure, and permission to share pics of my choice. She should be in Washington now, exhibiting the artworks. Enjoy them below.

Stand Together Against GBV (1998/99)
by Tity Tshilumba

Young Bride (2013)
by Hem Matsi

Against Men (2013)
by Findano Shikonda

A Mother's Sorrow (2013)
by Findano Shikonda

Dialogue In, Violence Out (1998/99)
by Tity Tshilumba

Set Me Free and Let Me Be (2013)
by Sigi Kolbe

The Beating Goes On (2013)
by Sigi Kolbe

Not Free (2013)
by Hem Matsi

My Bruised Art (2013)
by Jaimee-Lee Eugene Diergaardt

Six spoken word artists in Nigeria, including me, gathered together to shoot a Spoken Word video, to mark the International Day of Violence against women last year. In fact this was the first video UNAIDS saw me in before they requested for my profile and more videos, and thereby culminating in my trip to Geneva, Switzerland. It is called Stop the Violence.

The Anatomy of Awoof (Free things)

"It is very annoying to see women who buy N50,000 Aso Ebi fighting for N100 souvenirs at parties." - Me

The Experience is the largest music concert in Africa, and the largest gospel concert in the world. Every year, they give out thick magazines. In these magazines, the profiles of the musicians are documented, along with pictures of the previous Experience concerts. During the distribution of these magazines, the way people struggle to get this magazine is just a sight to behold. You can imagine crowds in sections struggling for magazines. It is appalling. People push one another, trip over other people, and get into physical fights for this magazine.The irony is that the more people struggle, the more others think what they are giving out is worth more than gold, and the more intense the struggle gets. All for a magazine that would not satisfy for more than 30 minutes.

I went for a friend’s wedding in December 2012. I sat on the same table with the sister-in-law of the groom. During the party, we were talking well, and all. Towards the end of the party, she brought in her souvenirs, and she just pretended like she didn’t know me. she had sacks of plasteramic bowls, and sacks of umbrellas. This girl ignored me, and was giving people bowls and umbrellas, despite the fact that I was just by her side, and she was sharing this souvenirs right in my presence. I was pained. To be honest, I am not greedy. I don’t even go for parties, and really don’t care for souvenirs like that, but it felt pained to be treated like non-existent. After a while, she gave me and my cousin a bowl each, and did not bother giving us umbrella.

The irony of it all was that I had two umbrellas with me in the venue, like I always do. I always have one big umbrella in my car, and a portable umbrella in my bag. It doesn’t matter whether it is rainy season or dry season, or which country I am. I always have an umbrella. I had to ask myself why I felt bad despite the fact that I had two umbrellas, and uncountable number of umbrellas in my mum’s room. I had to tell myself over and over again not to be pissed cos I did not need the umbrella. I was definitely not suffering for poverty of umbrellas. So why had I being pained?

Why do we like free things? Why does everyone like free things? Why is it that hardly anyone is exempt from the love of free things? Do you know that most of the useless junks we have in our house are actually things we obtained for free?

So why do we like free things? Well, it is because it is free. “Duuuh,” you might say. “Of course, we know that is why people like it. Tell us something we don't know.”

You see when you see human beings fight over free things, it is not really the thing they are fighting for. They are fighting for the ‘free’. They are fighting for the fact that they will get something they did not work for, something they did not pay for, something that came so easy, something that came on a platter of gold. This here is the justification behind the statement I started this blog post with.

Many people work daily, buy stuffs to care for themselves, and have to hustle for most things that they want to get. So anything that can come free, they would grab at any opportunity, be it 40 naira indomie at a party, a pen, or even crayon. Even though they can conveniently buy hundreds of these things, they would rather struggle to have one for free.

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But you see, nothing is really free. This mentality that some things in life can be gotten for free is what many companies use to attract customers.  They coin you into believing they are giving you a ‘free’ gift, but if you do the analysis well, you are actually paying for it. You think that telecoms company is giving you free credit? Believe me, you have already paid for that free credit the moment you qualified for it.

Girls are psyched into believing they are getting free stuffs from magas, sugar daddies, and aristos, but they end up paying for it in other ways. In parties, you get souvenirs that people fight so much for, but trust me, it is not free. After all, you transported yourself to the event, you spent time sitting at the event. This means that you have spent time and money in being able to get that souvenir that might not even be worth more than 200 naira. Some people also use mentality this to create classes at parties i.e. only a certain class of people would get certain souvenirs, thereby ascribing more value to the souvenir than it is really worth.

The truth is that if we do not deliberately condition our minds, we will all fall for this love of free things that are not really free. If we do not want to join the wolf pack, whenever we find ourselves in such situations, we have to continually tell ourselves that we do not really need the souvenirs or whatever is being peddled for 'free'. If we get it, it is fine. If we don’t, life will go on, and in the next hour, it won’t matter again. The battle is in the mind, and that is where it must be won.

Let's give way for the Man of God

I was rushing to Aloted's super working mum program last Saturday. I was already running late, and I was one of the people selling there, only for me to get to one part of Harvey road, and realise the road could only take one car at at time, because people had double parked on the street.

The first time I got myself into the jam, I and the guy driving in front of me were asked to reverse, so the cars in front of us could pass. We did. After then, we kept driving forward only for us to reach a standstill,

I really did not know what was happening in front, but I suspected it was man-made, and I was so late. I decided to come down from the car, and check what was happening, and I realised it was another dead lock. This time, it was just one car in front of us. The annoying thing was that even if it was just one car, the man refused to reverse. He was expecting us to all reverse for just him. How wise? I looked at him, he was an elderly man, like in his sixties. His face was resolute, and it communicated the statement "I will rather die here than reverse for you guys." So I knew there was no use begging the man.

After thinking of a solution and not being able to come up with one, I talked to the guy in front of me, and asked that if we at the back reverse, would he reverse, and just let the man go? The guy reminded me that we had reversed for some set of people before, and we had to go all the way down. He said what is the probability that if we reverse again, we won't have to reverse a third time. I felt the guy made sense, and for heaven's sake, there was no car at this man's back.

Before I knew it, one lady came from one of the houses on the street, and was like we must reverse. At this point, about two or three people were walking by. I asked her why all of us must be the one to reverse for a single car. She said we must reverse because he is a pastor. Therefore all of us must reverse for him.

People, any time people succeed in shocking me like that, I end up bursting into laughter. The people walking by heard the woman's statement, and one of them looked at me, and we just laughed. I looked at the man again, and behold he has a Bishop's collar on. He was really a pastor. The lady that was talking was one of the church members, and she was just coming out of the church.

I said "So pastors don't reverse." At this point, I was so irritated by her statement, that I determined that we will all sleep here. I went to give my assistant the update. She was like the fact that he is a pastor should be the main reason why he should reverse. This my assistant is one of my teenage students in teens church in my church o. Even she knew that the mentality was not right at all.

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Please, am I missing something here. You blocked all oncoming vehicles with your car, and you refused to reverse despite the fact that there is no car at your back. You kept quiet all through, and couldn't be bothered. And your congregation came and said we must all reverse for you because you are a pastor.

If there is something I am missing, please, feel free to set me right. Abeg.

What Nigerian Bloggers should do in 2014

Happy new year to you all. I pray 2014 is a far better year for all of us, not matter how 2013 was. I read 34 books in 2013. If I stuck to my 1 hour reading per day rule, I would have done better. Sometimes, I was too busy, and many times, I was lazy. Hopefully, this year will be better

I am actually writing this post as a result of a comment I gave in the wrap up of the guess the blogger series a month ago, and MsJB's post.

I feel I sound like a broken record any time I say I love Blogsville. I really do. Nigerian Blogsville has turned my life around 360 degrees. My life would not be what it is now if not for it, and that is not an exxageration. Every single business I run now (4 of them) is actually as actally as a result of Blogsville, so it is not like I am just trying to be sentimental here. I am very grateful for everyone I have met here. I was with Cherrywine some nights ago, and she was like all these Blogsville people, even though one has never met them, they are sooo real, a real part of your world.

This is why sometime in the middle of this year, when about 80% of the bloggers were not blogging, I was really bothered. It was like a ripple effect. Some bloggers paused on blogging, and then some, and the some more, and before we knew it, Blogsville was so dry. At first, I just felt people were going through stuffs in their personal life, and blogging just had to take a back seat. What now pained me most was that, when some bloggers finally came after weeks or months to blog, they only blogged about how people were no more blogging, and how Blogsville was not fun, and now dry. And then, they disappeared again.

Let me just confess, I was pissed. How can somebody complain that people are no more blogging and blogsville is dry when they are the number 1 culprits of what they were complaining about. I remember I always commenting that 'if we don't make it fun, who will make it fun for us?' Some people said they were just not blogging cos of the blog trolls that were up and about then, but I said we have to take our community back from them. Abi, where are they now? Gone with the wind! Dem no dey last. 

I know I was blogging all through the season of blog drought, but the truth is that no matter how much I blog,  or how fun and refreshing my posts were, I was just a drop in the ocean. I alone could never make blogsville fun. Mehn, if blogs could haemorrhage, this blog would have bled to death then. So that is why when the Guess the Blogger series idea came to me, I was really excited. I felt it would make people come alive again, and if they come alive, then they can be more motivated to start blogging again. Well, I feel the series made people come alive sha.

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So what will we do? In my own opinion, I think let's just try to blog at least once a month in 2014. 12 times a year is not too tasking o, if we really think about it. Let's not leave blogging to the commercial bloggers alone. Abeg people of Blogsville, let's just try. We can do this. You can join MsJB's challenge to make it easier for you to achieve this. Let's make 2014 fun, and let's uplift one another. By God's grace, it will be a good year for us all.