A lady comes to celebrate her husband on Social Media (addressing him directly). An example is "Akanni, ever since you made me your wife, my life has never remained the same." yet the note is made public to us all, and the said husband does not even have a Facebook account.
Am I saying it is wrong to give these kinds of affirming statements to your spouse?
Absolutely not. But I think these statement should be said directly to the person it is meant for, and not to us. There are many things my husband does that makes me tell him "you are the best husband in the world" even though some other times, I definitely want to strangle him. But I really think he's simply the best, and HE gets to know that.
Some people say to their one year old child, who doesn't know so much yet, talk less of being on social media "Julie, ever since you gifted us with your presence, you have brought so much joy to your father and I." Really? So if you are talking to Julie, why are you facing me? You should be talking to Julie. Isn't that insanity? If you want to talk to us, talk to us. There's no need for the indirect bragging.
Some people come to Facebook and Instagram to celebrate their spouses, yet all is not well at home.
Of course, we know that in most cases, the real intent is not for these people to "celebrate" their intended subjects, but to let the whole world know how good they have it in some areas of their lives. To be honest, I'm not exactly interested in knowing how good it is with you, if you can not present a balanced picture to me.
The truth is that along with every action, there's a motive. We are aware that many people get their self-validation from social media, the impression people get about them from those platforms, how many likes they get, etc., and fail to develop their personal joy offline
So let's be careful not to envy people based on what they show us on social media. There's always more to people's lives than they present.
If your spouse is the best in the world, please tell them every morning. We don't need to see the gift he/she buys you daily. If you want to celebrate your anniversary on Facebook, please do so... with all transparency. We will even celebrate the anniversary with you.
I understand that this is a personal opinion post, and so, not everyone will agree with me. But what I will round up with is that IF YOU CLAIM TO BE HAPPY, BE TRULY HAPPY.
LOOOL ATILOLA OOOOOOOO!!!!!! Don't be angry naaaa...
ReplyDeleteLooll. You are not serious
Deletelol. im with you but "doing it for the 'gram" is the order of thd day
ReplyDeleteSadly...
DeleteSo do you feel the same way about marriage blogs?
ReplyDelete*Like*
DeleteNo. I don't. I mentioned motive. People really don't open marriage blogs with motive for self-validation and likes. It's just too much work
DeleteI am 100% on the same page with you..
ReplyDeleteIn fact ehn, some will start asking you if you are hiding something if you don't post on social media.
Intent is everything!! why are you posting?
The need for social media validation is reall!!!
becomingyeva.com
Exactly. When you don't post, people will be looking at you like there's something bad going on between you and your husband
DeleteLol. I see your point, but I think we should to a large extent let people be people. There are so many sides to this. As long as their posts are not making you envious and you don't go hard on yourself with comparison. Because people often just post he highlights of their life. We can't all be the same. Does this apply to marriage only? What if I celebrate my best friend the same way? Is that bad?
ReplyDeletewww.KacheeTee.com
No, it doesn't apply to marriage only. I mentioned the case of 'celebrating' your child also.
DeleteThis is not a matter of letting people be exactly? It's a free world. It's an op-ed
Hmmm, I am on the fence on this ... every mallam to his kettle ... I waka pass if not interested. People celebrate those they love even when they make them so angry sometimes.The way I celebrate my happiness or love can be different from the next person.
ReplyDeleteTo your last paragraph...
DeleteThere is a season for everything...some days are happier than others ..some sad ... Is the weather always sunny? or rainy? or gloomy? It changes .. so do human emotions.
And happiness is relative...what makes one happy, can make no difference to another.
For example, I am HAPPY to have a stable and secured home with a husband that is always pro-active and ambitious, though,I don't like the yoruba culture concerning wives, it pisses me off! I don't have riches but I am content, comfortable and happy with the little I have.
So,someone that knows me personally will now think I am not truthful in celebrating my happiness on SM because I quarrel with my hubby or complain of no money sometimes? NAYYY!
Lol. Don't beef Yoruba people and their wifey issues naa... lol. We are sorry.
DeleteAs for the celebration, it is motive I'm talking. Why are you celebrating him on SM? Is it to pepper them?
An insightful post indeed, thanks for sharing. Warm greetings!
ReplyDeleteWow. It's been a while. How are you doing?
DeleteI agree with you totally. It used to get on my nerves until an uncle asked me why I was not posting about my love for my husband on SM. I explained to him that my hubby has never had an SM account (he thinks it is the "mark of the beast, a sign of the end times, I should probably blog about it). My uncle then lets me off the hook. Prior to this, said uncle was always trying to ask if all was well at home.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is, this over sharing used to be a woman thing and I used to be embarrassed for the woman because the husband usually did not reciprocate and their pages are filled with politics and Man U vs Chelsea vs Arsenal.
SM is a love language. Do what works for you. If your hubby enjoys the shout outs, by all means do so. The kid thing I no understand. Even the family pictures, baby bump, proposal? I don't mind a single post but I do not want to see the whole shoot. The one that vexes me is when they stop posting. I mean, we want to know what happened na.
Loooollll. Your husband is funny oo. But I understand where it is coming from. Does he have BVN??? That's one of the ways they'll come for people in the end times.
DeleteIf your husband likes it, then you are doing it for your husband, not the likes.
I think some people directly address the person the post is about because that is a more emotional way to write. It’s much more lovey-dovey than “Help me wish my hubby a happy birthday.” There are still people who are genuinely happy in their relationships. If they feel like, they can celebrate their loved ones on social media after all that’s what social media is for – broadcasting something to all your friends at once. And this practice is not going away soon. Even if the person being celebrated is not on social media, friends and family will be reminded and they will call to wish the person well.
ReplyDeleteI may not be a social media gusher but not everyone can be quiet about how they feel about someone. If the relationship packs up down the line, so what? That's just life, people change and feelings change. It does not always mean that the person making the posts was claiming to be happy.
If my relationship packs up down the line... in public... on SM, I will feel so bad. Honestly
DeleteLOL. But you will not feel bad if your relationship packs up in private? :D You are indeed a typical Nigerian woman; we are brought up to hide everything, bottle up everything. When we are happy, they want us to hide it; when we are going through hell, they want us to hide it. Too much secrecy means existing not living.
DeleteI do not care so much about birthday shoutouts but I don't want to imagine what social media will be like if we do not have those spur of the moment love celebrations that light up my feeds. Remember what BankyW and Adesua's love celebration on social media did? I don't know about you but I had the feeling that there was so much love and general feel-good in the air that period. Were they faking it? Were they rubbing it in our faces? I don't care. All I care about is the good feeling I had reading their love notes to each other and I thank them for sharing.
Of course, I will feel bad but. It is easier for me to deal with failure in private than in public. It has nothing to do with Nigerian woman hiding anything. Even babies cry more when they fall in front of a crowd.
DeleteFeeling envious on social media has made me deny myself subscription for this month. i have to do a thing because i want to not because i'm compelled by an outer force to do it.
ReplyDeleteBesides these days i don't want everyone all up in my business.
To thyself, be true. We must be aware of who we are and what gets to us.
DeleteI love love....
ReplyDeleteI post on SM not to pepper anyone but I talk about what/whom I love (male or female) and seeing as I am absolutely over the moon in love with hubby he gets an okay number of SM shout outs.
It's the same way I talk about Jesus....I love Him
It's the same way I talk about and celebrate my close friends....I love them..
I tell them too in private....one word my inner circle will first use to describe me is LOVE. I'm very in touch with my emotions.
I also tell hubby face to face....with letters...via sms....etc
Do I come on SM to post when I'm upset with him or anyone else? No...why? It's the same reason I keep a "Gratitude" journal in my walk with Christ and not an "I'm angry with you God" journal because I understand that it's only for a moment and not permanent. The joy will return and that isn't fleeting because He has chosen to give me peace that surpasseth understanding.
I do however have a locked IG account and hardly post on Facebook because it's too open. IG is more dear to my heart because it's not the whole wide world that's on there.
That is to say... the motive matters
ReplyDelete