First of all, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who volunteered to read my novel. You guys are far too kind. Even though I gave two weeks window for feedback, I already have two in already. At a point, I had to stop sending out the novels because I had already sent to 12 people, without counting. I might still send out to more people, if I don't get the feedback I require from others. Thank you. You pipu are just three mush, lol.
I was hanging out with my friends yesterday evening when something happened to inspire this blog post.
My friends (a guy and a lady) are engaged to be married this year.
Guy has been my friend for 14 years, since 2002. At a point, we were very close because we were in the same class and fellowship in university.
Girl has been my friend for about a year. We have ended up becoming extremely close friends. We work in the same department in church, with the teens.
Both are on fire for God. Girl is Yoruba, guy is Igbo, and they really love each other.
Again, they are getting married in a few months. Since it was Mother's Day, guy decides to call girl's mother to wish her happy Mother's Day.
So guy calls girl's mother and they start gisting and laughing. Girl's mother complains about something and next thing guy says "eeya, pele" obviously trying to commiserate in Yoruba.
Girl and I turned to look at each other and then look at guy. We shake our heads and say "see this one, he doesn't know what blunder he just committed." Guy is oblivious and keeps on shining teeth with girl's mother.
Immediately he dropped, we didn't hesitate to school him about Yoruba and the culture of respect. In Yoruba culture, to talk to elders, you have to put 'e' in front. You can't just say "pele"
Thank God girl is from a sane family. In many Yoruba families, that single blunder is strong enough to get a marriage cancelled, that is if they ever allowed intertribal marriage in the first place.
We told guy that it would have even been worse if girl was the one who was Igbo and guy was Yoruba. Imagine girl going to her Yoruba in laws and telling her mother in law "pele". Heaven would fall after they've called family meeting on her head.
So people how do you do it? How do you respect people of another culture when you don't even know what parameter of the language is considered polite, and what is rude? Or should we just stick to our own tribe and not bother intermarrying? If you choose to intermarry, how does one avoid getting blamed for a blunder one doesn't even know exists?
What is your take?
Very simple... just speak English...at least till you get a full grasp of the language. People jump the gun trying to show that they are willing to learn. I say pace yourself. Get to know the nuances of the language before you venture out to use your new found knowledge on elders, especially your in-laws. Beta test it with your friends etc first.
ReplyDeleteSome families will not agree o. You must start from the get-go of introduction as girlfriend or boyfriend.
Delete@CherryWine: Yeah I agree. But it depends on the family. Some families are extremely traditional.
Delete@Berry: You nailed it. Some families aren't just tolerant of people from other cultures
My sister in law is yoruba, and my brother is igo. I will say get to know the culture and tradition of the tribe, try to be friends with the guys siblings, thos ones if they like you, will be willing to help you or better still ask your intending to tell you more or help you out. If your mother in law is a s nice as my mom, she will be willing to help you out and accept you as her daughter
ReplyDeleteHmm. Great words of advice, on pallying with the siblings. It means it's just best to marry into a welcoming family.
DeletePiggybacking off of MomentswithVee, i'd say it all depends on the family you're marrying into. With some people, so long as you're genuinely trying (and they already like you lol), then that's good. But there are some that expect perfection from the gate and leave no wiggle room.
ReplyDeleteLol at perfection from the gate. People should learn to be sensitive. After all, every culture has its ups and downs.
DeleteI made that blunder tire!
ReplyDeleteI was simply corrected until I understood the importance of 'e'
So, to play safe, i speak English only.
Loooollll. Thank God your inlaws were patient enough to correct you everytime you made a mistake.
Delete