Bad Daughter

Recently, I got a text message on my phone. Thinking it was an alert from my bank because it was pay day, I realized that it was from this strange number. The person had been calling me for days but Airtel network is not so good in Kano, so I couldn’t hear for 4 days. I do not like returning calls to unknown numbers because I believe that if it is really urgent, you will send a message. Anyway, the message read

‘Goodafternoon, I’ve been calling u since last week but the service is always bad. What type of a daughter are you that you can’t ask after us at home for over one week. I wonder what you will do when you are married?'

I have not edited anything in this message, hence the typos. When I read this, I wondered who this could be. But since I have only one mother (just like everyone), she was my first suspect. If it was her, then I was dumbfounded and she must have sent the message out of frustration. I started to justify myself in my mind, ‘why has she been calling with a strange number’, ‘I don’t return unknown calls’, ‘it is not over a week she’s been calling, it is just 4 days’, ‘I still talked to her 6 days ago’. Anyway, I called the number immediately and I found out that she was truly the sender. I explained everything to her and apologized giving the ‘I have been busy’ excuse.

I am not good at calling people, family members especially. My mum also knows this because when I was leaving home, she said to me, ‘if you like, get there and don’t call us regularly o, because you are used to not calling people. Since she was already expecting me to fail in this area, then why was she disappointed? I can count how many times I talked to my family members when I went for my 1 year service. I think I really have to change because when your mother starts sending you this kind of message, one should realize that ‘gari don pass water be that’. I am still asking myself this, am I really a bad daughter? Because I seriously feel like one.

P.S: I typed this when I was in Kano in January. When I went to England in April, it was worse o, I only called my mum three times. In which, I had received one round of blasting during my first week there. By the time I got back home, I receives lots of verbal Bazookas, she almost refused the things I bought her. Is regular calling really important? I am sure my mum is afraid that once I get married, I might get 'lost', but she is secretly thanking God that OH is a 'family person' and he has 'oyaya'.


  1. My mum calls me every single week and if i miss one of her calls, she gives me long lectures. I think our parents jst love to hear from us when we arent in their presence. It assures them that we are alright. I bet you'll do the same when u have kids :)

  2. LOL @bozaka..I know ey..I am like that too. Talk to my family once in 2 weeks :S

  3. *laughing* i had met my twin!

    Dem don tire for me: my MIL, SIL and friends....i simply don't feel bothered to just call and ask how you dey? when there is nothing important to say! In a way, this had helped me to keep away from trouble because i don't want anybody to take im own disturb me as if i no get my own palaver! BUT regarding posie and mosie, i do make an effort once in a siblings know me very well and only call when there is a message to be passed..really, i get annoyed when people just call to say I WAN JUST GREET YOU! W-E-T-I-N! ..hahahhaaa..

  4. I am just like you, I find it difficult to pick up the phone to call pple. Half the time I will rather text. it's important to our parents especially that we keep in touch.... o well...

  5. LOL at your mom and the text, she cares for you too much jor.

  6. hehe that sound like a message my mom will send if i don't talk to her in a day....I can't go without calling my mom in a day even though is just for 2 minutes however when it comes to friends,and anyone that is not for business or study issue i can go a year without call which is kinda sad

  7. LOL I can imagine hearing a "Yoruba" mum scold so hard.

    But before I sound like a counsellor or a saint, I have a major calling weakness and this started since nysc in the north. My lodge was exceptionally far from a phone booth and I hated trekking in the hot sun,hence the poor calling habit.
    In my case, my mum calls weekly and I'm sure she's tired of complaining becos this daughter of her sometimes seems nonchalant(wishing I work in a telecomm to have access to free airtime LOL )

    However, we have little excuses to show them L♥√ع . Our mothers are too precious to be abandoned and I will repent as I've read yours. I still have her alive not to extend all the care I have, at least an sms would suffice :)

  8. Blessings....
    Sometimes we fall short as daughters. We get caught up in our lives and sometimes we are trying to avoid some behaviors from our mothers that we do not have the courage to address. All she is askiing is that you call more often. Perhaps you can put a schedule on your phone to alarm to do so once a week. If there is ackwardness you are wishing to avoid then use a phone card, they have limited time so there will be no difficulty in ending the call.

    Stay blessed...

    I sent you an email on your questions. I hope it is helpful.

    Have a great week.

  9. Trust me its really really important...especially parents! I don't get blasted when I fail to call, but I know she really likes it if I do :)

  10. Ah, my parents know I'm particularly bad at keeping in contact. In fact all my family know this. My mum calls if she hasn't heard from me in a while. I call Ore too if I haven't heard from him for a while. But I'm cool like that. In fact I should give myself a pat on the back sef, lol.

    I've handled Ore being away in Uni better than I thought I would. Prolly cos I know what it feels like when parents get all anxious and I don't want to do that. But he is not that far away and I see him often enough so that helps too.

    If you're up north, I can certainly understand your mum being concerned - with all that's going on over there.

  11. Guilty as charged :) I am just as bad.

    Funny thing is that I get annoyed with my kids - when my kids dont tell me stuff. I guess what goes around comes around

    Hope you are well

  12. ilola,

    I understand how you feel but then again it's out of concern like everyone has rightly said. Trust me, your relationship will change in the future. :-)

  13. @ kitkat: Yeah, they are especially fond of that when we are not around

    @Unveilingold: Once in 2 weeks is still better than me. If not that I know about the blasting I will receive if I don't call, I might not call in 6 months. lol

    @ Ibhade: If people call to just greet, its either they really love you or they have hidden agenda. But I guess it is because they really love you

    @9jaFoodie: If I were texting, it would have been better. This is why my mum snaps, cos I neither call nor text

  14. @ Yellow sisi: Everyday??? You are a real omo mummy o

    @ enybees: This weakness of mine was really brought out when I went to serve too. Unlike you, I had a GSM phone, which is another reason I should be calling home more often, right?

    @ Rhapsody: Thank God I don't have to put the weekly reminder cos I still live with her, the blastings come whenever I travel.

    @ Siddharta: Lucky you!

  15. @ Adura Ojo: I am not up north o, I just went there for a little job earlier in the year. I am a full lagos gal so don't be worried bout me. Thanks

    @ Naijamum: lol at what goes around. Ok, start calling your parents now so that children will gist with you more. lol.

    @ Maidofheart: I guess its all love

    @ Prism: Abi ooo, they now be coveringf the love up with vexation. lol

  16. Calling is important oh- it shows that you're thinking of that person. Me sef, i'm totally guilty of this. So, my mom simply calls me instead of waiting for my calls now lol


  17. When i met my MIL she was like "thank God, now at least she will have someone that will be calling her cause my DH doesnt call. Was she shocked or what? Her son married someone who is worse than him in that aspect. My mom is used to me not calling but after I had my kids, I realized calling is very important. Moms dont want to smother us sometimes and they would really appreciate it if we call to give updates. I am sure you will get better.

  18. Hopefully, OH's 'oyaya' would be enough for you both. Calling is very important. I may not call a friend or even a lover often but i call my parents everyday, even though we share the same roof...

    'I'll be like mum, is there light at home?, Have you had lunch?

    Yes, it is irrelevant but i still do it!

  19. @ Corner Shop: My mum calls me too, but she gets tired at times.

    @ Okeoghene: Your MIL was soo wrong, lol. I hope she is not taking it against you ooo

    @ PET Projects: Hopefully ooo. You call your mum everyday, even as you live together? Na wa oo, you are a real omo mummy.

  20. I tagged you in a post on my've got to empty your bag lady!

  21. mehn regular calling is important o...when i started uni here with my parents back in nigeria.. o lala.. when they finally got through to me, i would get a ear full or there would be a ear full voicemail waiting for me. till tomorrow i hate listening to voicemails cos i have been scarred from all the voicemails my parents left. i guess i am much better now plus seeing as both of them are not on facebook it makes it easier. lol


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