Bloggers, Readers, Writers... your help is needed

Remember the last post where I said I was going to 98.1 Smooth fm for a Book Reading/Review session, Author Interview and all? Well, I had a lovely time with the presenter, Hauwa. I hope some of you listened to the interview oo. I ended up taking few pictures.


My interview with TITI on Inspiration fm is this Friday, by 11.00 a.m. Please, don't forget to tune in. Thanks.

Hauwa, the presenter, and I

So as the topic implies, I need your help once again. I am currently working on a project and I think this approach is good, as it will make me more accountable. When i was a diary writer for my department in my former office, I realised that my articles were funniest when they gave me a specific topic or tagline to work on. I had to crack my brain and had to deliver well.

Anyway, I am working on a project, in which most of the articles must be funny but if I wait for inspiration from myself alone, I might take longer than required. So this is what I need you to do for me. Everyone should give me a topic or theme they want me to write on. I determine the setting, the characters and how the story will go. All I want from you is a topic or a theme. Then after writing, I will submit the story to you through your email address. So you get the story for whatever topic you choose, but you are only allowed to read the story aloud to one person. The story is yours and must not be shared. Let’s just put it this way, you are the teacher, I am the student. You give me an assignment, and I submit to you.

The guidelines for giving me a topic are stated below.

1. I, Atilola, should be able to relate to or understand the topic. For example, prism wrote about ratchet, which I believe is a reigning slang in US used for a very tacky person. That’s what I understood after googling it, I might be wrong. In this instance, I won’t be able to write about ratchet cos i can’t relate with it. So I won’t be writing about US or Asian slangs for that matter. Softly softly on me.

2. It must be a topic or a theme I can turn into something funny. For example, you can’t ask me to write by taking on the character of a paedophile. I am currently working on an article where I am a paedophile, but in no way can that article be funny to me or any right-thinking person. It can only be a melancholic or bitter article.

3. Please, think wide. Think outside the box. Be creative with the topic. You are allowed to suggest more than one topic, suggest as many as you like.

I am sure you are wondering why I am, stressing you guys when you the ones helping me. Abeg, I am on my knees, please, just be my teacher for once. Please

My punishment

After you guys give me your topic, once I have decided that I can write on your topic, I will be committing to a submission deadline to each person, which I will mail to you guys. If I don’t submit it by then, unfollow me on my blog and twitter. I sure don’t want to lose followers, so this is a serious punishment for me.

Thanks in advance for all. You guys are too much. So let me see what kind of suggestions I will be finding in the comment section.

Update on my Radio Tour - 93.7 fm + 105.1 fm + Atilola and Hauwa on Smooth 98.1 fm

Just in case you missed my wednesday update in my last post, I had to postpone my interview with T-I-T-I to next Friday,13 July 2012, because I had to attend to some urgent stuffs.


I had a live interview with Jennifer on City 105.1 fm yesterday afternoon, she is one free and uppity lady. I also had a live interview with Omalicha and IK, yeah the Big Brother presenter, IK on Rhythm 93.7 on Wednesday. I did not have enough time to broadcast it on blogger, so please, forgive me. It was really fun, they even ended up using one of my poems, 'Because', to diss themselves, lol. I had to think on my feet. Sorry for the messed up picture quality below.

IK and I (Yea, I know I am short. I was stretching, while
he was bending. Still... I no reach anywhere)

Omalicha and I. Yeah, they are as crazy in person as
they sound on radio

I have been working on this radio tour for like two weeks, and I did not intend to visit radio stations back to back like this, but it ended up being this way, so I am still happy.

I will be live with Hauwa on 98.1 Smooth fm for a Book Reading/Review, Author Interview session tomorrow Saturday by 10.00 a.m. We will still be discussing Antonyms of a Mirage and what inspired me to write it. So to everyone that has been missing my radio interviews, tune in to listen to this.

So tomorrow, keep it locked down with Atilola and Hauwa on 98.1 Smooth fm.

I am out

Chief Nakedfeet

Guess who was interviewed live on the on-air book club on 92.3 Inspiration fm? Yes, you guessed right? Me. We mainly talked about someone else’s book at first. We later talked about my book for a whole, and I was interviewed.

Anyway, my own main session is this Friday. We will be talking about Antonyms of a Mirage and Atilola Moronfolu. Portions of my book will be read and listeners will call in to ask me questions. Please, tune in by 10.30 am to 11.30 am to listen live.


UPDATE on 04 JULY: Sorry people, I have had to postpone my live Interview with TITI on Inspiration to next Friday, 13 July 2012 for some unavoidable resaons. I had to be doing last minute runs, to find a writer to replace me in the interview. Still tune in this Friday sha, my friend will be talking about her book, The Blessing of Sarah, while I will be conducting mine next week.

I wrote a new article on Chief Nakedfeet. Please, read and click honestly in the opinion poll below. I hereby introduce to you Chief Nakedfeet.

Once upon a time, in a town called Baleria, which was made up of three major three major regions, there lived a man called Mr Nakedfeet. The people of Baleria decided to make Mr Nakedfeet their chief because they felt that since his feet were naked for a long time, and he knew what it meant to walk on hot sand, he would get rid of all the hot sand when he becomes chief.

The actual fact is that Mr Nakedfeet never promised the people of Baleria that he would get rid of all the hot sand, he only told us that his feet were naked for a long time, but the tribesmen of Baleria still assumed this.

Even when the little children of Baleria called Mr Nakedfeet to come and tell them what he would do for them once he becomes chief, Mr Nakedfeet decided to bear his middle name which was wax-filledears. When the children began to agitate, the elders of Baleria told the children ‘Sharrap ya mawut. All you small small shidren of nowadays. What do you know? Can’t you see his feet have been naked for a long time? You want him to still walk on hot sand to come and answer ya kweshons?’ And so the children of Baleria were silenced and forced to watch Mr Nakedfeet become the Chief of the town. After this happened, Mr Nakedfeet acquired thousands of shoes to wear. His feet were no longer naked.

What we did not know was that some people in a particular family from a particular clan were not happy that Mr Nakedfeet’s title had changed from Mr to Chief. They felt they were cheated and a member of their clan should have been made the chief, based on a meeting that some particular elders had some months back. This particular family called themselves The Diabulos.

So out of anger, the Diabulos started pouring fire on the sand the people were walking on. The sand became very hot, so hot that only people whose shoes had special soles could survive the heat. The people of Baleria all begged Chief Nakedfeet to save them from this hot sand because that was what they expected him to do, as the chief of the town.

On several occasions, the people ran to the Town Crier to report to the chief about the events.

Town Crier: Chief Nakedfeet, the people are agitating. The Diabulos have attacked the Kaduna family. They have made the sand there very hot... so hot that people are melting.

Chief Nakedfeet: Go and tell them that I VOW to end the attack of the Diabulos.

Town Crier: (Facing the multitude) People of Baleria, Chief Nakedfeet HAS VOWED to end the attack of the Diabulos.

On another occasion...

Town Crier: Chief Nakedfeet, the people are agitating. The Diabulos have attacked the Kano family. They have made the sand there very hot... so hot that people are melting.

Chief Nakedfeet: Go and tell them that I AM IN SHOCK concerning the atrocities of the Diabulos

Town Crier: (Facing the multitude) People of Baleria, Chief Nakedfeet IS IN SHOCK concerning the atrocities of the Diabulos.

On yet another occasion...

Town Crier: Chief Nakedfeet, the people are agitating. The Diabulos have attacked the Borno family. They have made the sand there very hot... so hot that people are melting.

Chief Nakedfeet: Go and tell them that I CONDEMN the attack of the Diabulos

Town Crier: (Facing the multitude) People of Baleria, Chief Nakedfeet CONDEMNS the attack of the Diabulos.

After these communication incidents, the people started getting tired. Chief Nakedfeet was always either in shock, condemning the attack, or vowing to end it. Yet, the sand kept getting hotter and people kept melting away.

This did not affect Chief Nakedfeet, as his feet were no more naked after he acquired thousands of shoes... shoes quality enough to absorb the heat of the sand

One day, after hundreds of people melted away, Chief Nakedfeet saw their wax remains and started crying. It was then the people of Baleria realised that Chief Nakedfeet had no idea about what to do to cool the hot sand. It was then the elders and children wished they did not make him Chief.

What will happen to the town of Baleria now? As we speak, the sand gets hotter by the day. People melt away, but Chief Nakedfeet cannot do anything about it, as he is still IN SHOCK.

Please, share your honest opinion using the polls below. The two polls are for different purposes and both important so please vote on both. Don't worry, its anonymous. But please, still leave your blog comments in the comment section. It is highly appreciated. Thank you very much

I think the Nakedfeet story is...
	Funny
	Not funny
pollcode.com free polls

Chief Nakedfeet story in Series
	Yes, I like it and want it to continue in series
	Yes, I like to but don't want it in series. The one-off story is better
	No, I don't like it but I think the series concept is fine
	No, I don't like it and don't want to see more of it. Thanks
pollcode.com free polls

Christmas Goat

Good day peeps. How was your weekend? Hope cool? After the Dana plane crash, so many people were writing special articles about the crash for one reason or the other.

Then Loud Thotz organisers said we should dedicate our June poetry reading to them, and I was like 'how will I do this?' Myne also came up with her remembrance project on Naija stories, I really wanted to write something, but that lazy part of me was just making me slack. The thing is I just like to write how I feel like writing. I don't like writing because of a particular project, competition, etc, which is why I don't take part in all these thongs. This is because I feel I write better when it is just spontaneous like that. I guess it's just the lazy rebel inside of me speaking. So after the lazy rebel inside of me succeeded in convincing me not to write, I just gave up and decided to do an old poem at Loud Thotz, as usual.

Come Tuesday 12 June 2012, I was getting ready to fly to and fro Port Harcourt that same day and the idea and topic for the poem just popped in my head. I was so happy cos I wasn't pressuring myself. I got to the airport and while waiting for my flight, this was the result. Enjoy Christmas Goat. Its my special dedication to the crash victims and their families.

Source

The Christmas goat stands at the corner

Scorched by the harsh heat of the sun

He steps on snail shells and cracked bottles

Bleats loudly and wails bitterly

No one listens, no one cares

He would be used as fried meat and Asun come Tuesday

The Christmas goat stands at death altar

Waiting to be slaughtered by the cruel dagger of the butcher

Sweating through pores disguised by his hide

He cries, he belts...

Hard Copy Giveaway + Blogger meetup

Wow, finally my book is now available in Nigeria. I am so so happy about that. After all the stress, what I saw in my mind’s eye is now a reality. I have started the bookshop distribution. That is stress on a whole different level. For now, the book can be purchased at


Nigeria

1. Terra Kulture - Plot 1376, Tiamiyu Savage street, Victoria Island, Lagos.

2. Debonairs Bookstore - 294, Herbert Macaulay road, Sabo Yaba, Lagos

3. The Hub Media Store - Beside Genesis Deluxe Cinemas, Palms Shopping Mall, Lekki

4. Ebeano Bookstores - Ebeano Supermarket, Lekki Lagos.

5. Orange Academy - 3b, Adesoye street, Mende, Maryland, Lagos

6. Quintessence - Falomo shopping complex, Ikoyi Lagos

7. Ebeano Bookstores - Ebeano Supermarket, Ikota shopping complex, Ajah, Lagos.

8. Silverbird Lifestyle Media Store- Silverbird Galleria, Ahmadu Bello way, V.I, Lagos

9. Debonairs Online Bookstore - Click here to purchase

Click here for more purchase options.


Guess who is saw last weekend? Drumroll… the one and only cherrywine. I was supposed to deliver her copies to her, and then hit some bookshops o. That’s how I carried my two left legs to her house. I was confronted with such a cute teddy-bear face and sweet spirit. Instantly, we clicked on so many levels. We gisted and gisted and gisted and... She was nothing like her mean, straight-to-the-point posts. She was so so sweet. After a while, it dawned on me that I wasn’t gonna make it to any other place and finally decided to pack my load and go home. Only for her to see me off to my car and then we started another round of gists. We also found out that we had few common friends. Small world indeed. If I were to name bloggers I would have clicked with, cherrywine wouldn’t have come to my mind. This just goes to show that you cannot know people simply by their blog posts.


I was invited to do a reading at the US Consulate on the 7th of June. I did a poetry reading on Akanni street, and a drama presentation of Corruption Noni. I acted like six characters, solo performance. Guess the blogger I met there. Bola Essien-Nelson of Diary of a Desperate Naija Woman. When she introduced herself, I was like wooow. This woman sure looks far far younger than her age (she states her age on her posts). And she has what I call Charisma! I was so happy to meet her but sad that we didn't get the time to talk and gist. I look forward to seeing her soon.

Dramatic face, right? Yeah,
thats the book

Poetry reading.

Guess who else I was introduced to this weekend. The great Odia Ofeimun. If you are a writer and don't know Odia Ofeimun, well... No comments. Those are the people that gave African writing and poetry a voice in Nigeria and outside it. The Wole Soyinkas, Chinua Achebes, Odia Ofeimuns, etc. In fact, just google him. So when my printer of a friend told me he wanted to introduce me to Odia, I was like me? Small me? Na wa oo. People, I spent the whole of saturday with the great Odia, and let's just say... I was awed. He kept gisting me about his experiences as a poet within and outside Nigeria. He is currently 62 and does not intend to retire from poetry and dance drama production anytime soon.

I will be doing another set of giveaway. I will be giving away two hard copies of my book, not the ebook version. From what people have said, it looks better in real life. So, here is the criteria for qualification.

1. You must be residing in Lagos, Nigeria.

2. You must be a follower of this blog. Click on the follow button, on the follower gadget, on the right hand side of this blog, if you are not yet following this blog

3. Follow me on twitter. The handle is @hattylolla

4. Drop a comment below.

Simple and straightforward right. This is gonna be opened for two weeks.

I will be having another set of giveaway for UK residents very very soon, so stay tuned to this blog.

For those hearing about the book for the first time, read the synopsis and watch the trailer below. You are sure to love it. Even if you have heard about the book, still read the synopsis because I know you haven’t read it before, lol.

Synopsis

A character suffering from multiple personality disorder decides to express herself. With six different personalities in her head vying for the spotlight, a constant battle occurs as the book progresses.

The sagacious one starts with her wise stories, in her usual mature style. As the bitter one, the melancholic one and others take over, more heart wrenching issues are exposed, and the reality of the world we live in comes to play. Each character invites you to her world, to experience what they are experiencing in their own unique way.

The article starts with one about corruption in Corruption Noni, where the writer had the opportunity to interview corruption and then progresses to really deep stories that touch prostitution, religious hypocrisy, marital pressures, and other societal ills. Each article portrays a reality that you can relate with.

At the end, the comic one ends up defeats all and is victorious with her funny stories, proving that no matter how twisted our reality is, there is always a reason to laugh in the end.

Book Launch – Against the Perfect Will by Rita Okoroafor

I got to attend the book launch Against the Perfect Will, by Rita of Ero inspirations two weeks ago. I must say that I thoroughly benefited from attending this launch, as I got to know Rita better and found out what inspired her to write this book.

Rita is very unassuming, she carries on the inside a wealth of experience and knowledge which you cannot judge, just by looking on the outside. I got to know her as very intelligent (raised to power 100 and more) and driven.

For me, her book launch revealed that the book is very relevant to our times. It projects the real issues young people in our times face, and I am sure that everyone alive has one or two lessons to pick from the book.

I also enjoyed the small chops shared at the Book Launch, lol.

But seriously, you really need to read the book, I can assure you that it will be worth your while.

The synopsis goes thus

Omolola Aderemi (also called Lola in the book) is my main character. Lola is an intelligent, talented, focused young girl. She was raised in a Christian home. She is reserved and easy going. She did have her flaws – she was very clingy (she always needed someone by her side), she was a bit of a conservative, and she was totally unprepared for exposure.

She was very close to two people – her father, whom she lost to lung cancer when she turned seventeen, and her best friend Tolu, whom she had known since she was five years old. Lola’s relationship with her mother and siblings was a bit cordial.

Lola had great dreams of becoming a pediatrician. Against the Perfect Will is a story of how here strength of character was tested, and the resulting consequences.

The book can be found at amazon.com; barnesandnobles.com. There are both hard copies and soft copies (kindle, nook, etc). In Lagos they can be found at Patabah books (Shop B18, Adeniran Ogunsanya Shopping Mall, Surulere). For those in Lekki 1, Victoria Island and Ikoyi, you can be contacted her directly to pick copies of the book. There are currently limited copies in Port Harcourt - to be restocked in 2 weeks time.

It will never be well with Nigeria... until

I have tried to set a reputation as a trend-blogger, i.e. I don’t like writing about the current event in the news, because everyone is already talking about it.

However, something has been hurting me for some time, and I know that I might be exploding in future, maybe in the next few years because I know myself. One day is one day, I won’t be able to stomach it anymore. For now, I will just pretend to be a gentle lady.

I scheduled a post yesterday about the arrival of my books in Nigeria and a particular give-away. After the post, the plane crash happened. I had to give myself brain and revert the post to draft. And for a whole day, 

I wondered what I say on this blog

What exactly will Atilola say about this, considering the fact that my social profile has grown stronger in the last one year? Well, this is what I have to say, please pardon the format of the post.

I do not like it when I hear the several ‘it is well’s

I do not like it when I read ‘Lord, have mercy on us’

I do not like it when I read ‘Nigerians and its leadership have sinned, and that is why there are so many disasters’

I do not like it when I read ‘The end times are near, that is why there is so much destruction.’

I do not like it when I read ‘The only thing we can do is pray’

I do not like it when Nigerians in diaspora say ‘I wonder why I was born a Nigerian’

I have mentioned something on this blog before and I will mention it again. The problem here is that most Nigerians are reactive, instead of proactive. Things happen, we react and we cool down. Then react and cool down… react and cool down… react and cool down… 

Time is a Thief of memories and I can assure you, come next week, we will all forget about this disaster and stop talking, and move on, just like we did in the past. We will stop talking until the next big disaster in Nigeria happens. Then we will react again. MESSED-UP CYCLE!

The question is what are you going to do? There’s a reason I don’t like talking about events. I am of the opinion that talk is cheap. Talk has never gotten anything done. Only the doers get things done.

Are we going to sit down and let people who have nothing but the love of money in their heads, continue to rule kill us? Where when young people try to protest, they unleash police on us, forgetting that this is democracy? Are we all just going to sit in UK and US complaining about Nigeria and its leaders. 

Are we going to keep going to prayer vigils and say ‘it is well’? See let us not deceive ourselves, it is not well. The sad news is that… it will never be well with Nigeria… not until we stand up for what is right.

What if the world does not end in the next 20 years? Will we keep suffering and saying 'the end time is near'? Will we just allow these people to keep getting away with all these, while waiting for Jesus to come. Suffering is not a pot of soup o, and I refuse to keep eating out of it.

Evil prevails, because good people do nothing.

As for my friends, please, don't be angry, pardon me for talking. I normally keep quiet when stuff like this happens because I am a very passionate person and have been working on cooling down for some years. Its just that I don’t think I be quiet anymore because if we don’t talk, one day, they will come to our houses to come and sit on our heads. I know many Nigerians are not ready for serious business yet but…

Come 2015, REMEMBER…

Remember not to vote people who don’t have your interest at heart. Remember not to vote for people who do not care about human lives. Do not vote based on sentiments, religious or otherwise. If you know people who really have something to offer this country, encourage them to stand up and come out. We need Joshuas in this country. It’s time for us to get up and reclaim our country from people who want to kill us, people who lack empathy, people who use greed and corruption to oppress us, as if they brought the money from their father’s house.

We need people who will take the problem of corruption seriously, people who will punish criminals for their offence, not just ‘set up a committee’, people who will care for human lives, people who will take poverty alleviation seriously, people who are there to serve, not to rule.

If you know people like these, tell them to come out, stand out, and run for office in 2015 and 2019.

I am telling you the truth, if we don’t do this, then those people currently in government will smoke us dry and it will never be well with Nigeria.

The Scriptwriter

Source

The atmosphere in the cinema was charged. The air of mystery was very strong; no one knew what would happen next. The heroine was in serious trouble. Her situation had been getting worse with the progression of each scene.

The hero had been captured and was shackled in the dungeon. The blood of the heroine was about to be spilled. The villain was getting the victory and laughing heartily. It was a loud and bitter laugh. Everyone that had tried rescuing the heroine had been violently eliminated from the story. The only hope was the hero, but he was nowhere to be found.

The heroine was still in distress. The villain approached her, flashing his devilish grin and brandishing his shiny dagger. Evil was winning and good seemed to be losing the war. The movie was turning awry. The movie viewers were tensed. They shifted restlessly at the edge of their seats. They wanted to know how this story would end.

Suddenly, the villain lifted the dagger above the heroine, ready to strike and the movie audience started murmuring audibly. By this time, some people had their faces in their palms, they couldn’t bear to watch anymore. Some others had jumped up from their seats in apprehension. Everyone was exhibiting one form of anxiety or the other. Everyone... except one man!

The man sitting beside this exceptional man noticed the calm demeanour he had, and wondered why he wasn’t moved by this movie that seemed to shake even the most stone-cold heart. After a while, the seat partner looked at him again and kept wondering what was wrong with him.

He finally braced himself to ask the question that had now occupied his mind. ‘Excuse me sir. What exactly is wrong? Can’t you feel in tension in the air? Can’t you see the heroine is in trouble and about to go down? Can’t you see the hero is nowhere to be found? Can’t you see that evil seems to be prevailing over good? Why do you remain so calm? Are you so cold-hearted that such a strong movie scene cannot move you, when everyone has almost pissed in their pants?

The exceptional man smiled gently and replied, ‘Oh no sir. There is no need for me to be moved, I was the one who wrote the script of the movie!’

This above... is my true life story. I fret no more. The scriptwriter is control.

Selah.