Thank You... and other matters

Good day people, First of all, I want to thank everyone who nominated me for the liebster award and the 11 tags. Relentless builder, cee, mindshade, Michael onobite, simply mee, 9Ja Great and sugarspring. Please, forgive me if I left your name out. Thank you so much. The picture below is for you all.

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I am so sorry, I won’t be doing any blog awards or tags for now. Believe me, it is for reasons so silly to explain on blog right now. But I believe I have been blog-friendly enough to be forgiven this one time. I am so sorry and on my knees and rolling on the floor right now. Abeg, forgive me. I won’t do this next time.

Something has been bothering me for a while, it is about the Print On Demand (POD) service for my book to take care of readers outside Nigeria. I realised that readers were going to be getting the book at a price I considered to be expensive ($20.00) and there was nothing I could do about it. The POD people slammed a high price on it because I demanded that the book be printed in colour cos of the cartoon drawings inside. The irony of it is that the print quality of the copies in Nigeria is far higher than the ones these POD service are offering o. I did not use the normal novel paper (bond paper), in order the book a magazine feel because of the drawing in it. I also had the cover embossed. This efizzy I put in my book shot up my printing cost in Nigeria to more than twice what it would have cost me to print a normal novel, yet, the Nigerian copies are more than 100% cheaper than these POD people.

I did this effect for my printed copy because I believe in going all the way when I want to do something. I believe content is key, but presentation must be on point. I want to give everyone a reason to be proud to have the hard copy of the book on their bookshelf and I want the book to be able to market itself, even in my absence. After doing the blog giveaways, I even had the book re-edited and got rid of all the annoying grammatical errors that were threatening my career as a writer and editor.

After thinking and thinking about this POD issue for weeks, I decided the only way to present a cheaper alternative will be to put the black and white copy up for sale, which is what I have done. At least, readers will still be able to understand the stories, drawings or not. So for readers outside Nigeria, the kindle edition is $5.99, paperback (coloured) is $20.00, paperback (no colour) is $11.99. Click here for more purchasing info. 

For readers in Nigeria... my people... the ones who will get the embossed cover... the ones who will get the matt paper, instead of normal bond paper... well... we’ll see in camera next week.

The God of Visas

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This article of mine was featured on Information Nigeria some weeks back. I am sure you will enjoy it and have one or two things to comment. Read on...


‘I hope you all brought your International Passports as we announced last week. Everybody, raise your International Passports. Lift it high to the heavens.
I decree and declare that, in Jesus name, your passports will never be denied visa. Favour will accompany your passport wherever it gets to in Jesus name.
You have to be careful of the people you allow to touch your passport. Some of you allow people touch your passports anyhow, not knowing that those people want to draw you back in life. They don’t want you to have the opportunity to travel so that life can be good for you. So they rub fetish things on their hands and touch your passport and that is why you keep getting denied visa.
Now, raise your passport again. I cancel the effects of every negative contact your passport has made. I decree and declare that you will never be denied visa anywhere your passport reaches, in Jesus name.
I challenge you today, after this anointing service, go and apply for that visa. You and all your family. You won’t be denied.’

This is just a brief summary of the exact scenario I witnessed in a church recently.
Is it just me or is there something wrong with this scene? If we don’t think there’s something wrong with it, then maybe we are facing a bigger problem than I envisaged. This is the level of desperation that the Nigerian system has subjected its citizens to. A life where 6 months Visa has now become a prayer point. And when the Visa is obtained, the whole church dances as a show of thanksgiving for 5 minutes. It is not a good sight to behold. This is synonymous to misery. Where going to another man’s land has become the main essence of some people’s Christianity.

At this service, I could see the reactions of the congregation to these prayer points. The zeal was apparent on their faces, as they lifted their passports high. They kept shaking their head and prayed fervently to God to make the ‘impossible to become possible.’
In my own opinion, some people have decided to take advantage of the vulnerability of suffering Nigerians and used it to trivialize the Christian walk. We now conduct International Passport anointing services. The pastor here portrayed the situation like getting out of Nigeria is synonymous to living a better life. It was as if, once you get out of the country, your life will suddenly be better. There was no talk of job opportunities there, no talk of education, nothing. Just get out of Nigeria and you will immediately start walking on streets of gold.

They failed to mention that the reason why some Nigerians are being denied Visas is because they don’t fill their forms accurately. Some don’t have enough means to take care of themselves when they get to this ‘Promised Land’, some don’t even have where to stay when they get there. But we must all try their luck and apply, mustn’t we? Who knows, the anointing might work when they CES officer sees our passport, so he will refuse to check our application and automatically give us Visa to his country. And woe betide us if we are denied, oh well, the witches caused it.

Well, as it is the culture of the average Nigerian to blame someone, I must also look for someone or something to blame for this appalling scenario I witnessed. But who? Is it the government that doesn’t ensure that Nigeria is not a country in which every single citizen is dying to run out of? Is it the pastor that has decided to base his anointing on anointing passports, rather than people? After all, he must make a living. Or is it the desperate citizens that have decided to turn a blind eye to the endless opportunities in this country, even though it seems like we are going down by the minute? Who exactly will my blame wand point to if I spin it? Well, I refuse to spin it for now. After all, the saying goes, it is the instrument of your need that God will use to draw you closer to him. And what is the need for most Nigerians now? Visa to the Promised Land.
 

The True Story behind the book – Antonyms of a Mirage

So for people that have read the book, people that are still reading, people that haven’t read and everyone... I am sure you are all wondering how such a book came to exist. You will all agree that you had never seen the concept of the book before. Well, I hope sha, I might be wrong. The truth is that I, myself, had never seen the concept before. I would like to be able to boast and say, this concept was mine, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. So if no one had ever seen such a book before and the concept wasn’t mine, how exactly did this come to being? Read the true story behind the creation of the book below.

As most of you know, I am not a romance writer, I haven’t published a thriller yet, I am not a mystery writer, I just write. I write whatever comes to my head because I have to write. If you have read the preface to the book, you will understand that. I write, write, write. I can look at you, get into your head and write anything that comes out. The thing is that I never write so that I can publish or sell a book. I Just Write. In fact, maybe I should rename this blog IJUSTWRITE. Lol.

I never intended to publish a book or be an author. Sometime last August, I was about to sleep, and (I am about to get spooky and spiritual here, so be careful) God showed me my book. He told me to take all my write ups and write some few more and make it a book. I couldn’t believe it. My write-ups were scattered. They couldn’t be categorised, they couldn’t be classified. Some were funny, some were bitter, in fact very bitter that I wondered how a happy girly like me could write such. A lot were introspective. They were just all over the place. A combination of my articles was like an irritating concussion rice that a bachelor would hurriedly put together so he wouldn’t go to bed hungry. So, I told God, ‘since I just write, what exactly will I say this book is about?’ People will say I am scattered.

Here was the reply. You will arrange the articles, classify them into sessions and they will be defined by different characters. This is because the writer has split personalities that are struggling in her head. When one character finishes telling different stories, another character will come and kick her out. You will depict them with fighting pictures.

I was so excited when this conversation was going on. My head suddenly started aching. It was pounding seriously. I wanted to sleep but God was talking. I had to shout STOP, STOP, I want to go and sleep. Please, Lord, STOP. I couldn’t sleep because of the excitement and the headache. I kept seeing the book in my mind, just like some of you have seen it.

People, the only problem was.... I never saw the Cover Page, and God did not tell me the Title. I don’t know why, but I guess that’s the way He wanted it. Seven months later, the book was with the Graphic artist and I was still begging God for a Title. You all know the story behind how I came up with the title. If you don’t know it, click here.

As for the cartoon on the cover page, the cartoonist came up with the idea. I told him I wanted a drawing depicting split personalities, something people will grab instantly without me having to explain it to them. I told him that I wanted someone looking into a shattered mirror and seeing six different personalities at the same time, but he said the personalities falling out of her braids will be better. I am not a choosy person, so I just rolled with his suggestion.

The book is 136 pages, 44 articles, 70% of which were never intended to be published. This is why you will find some true life scenarios there like Atilola and Her Yuppy Sugar Daddy, My Daddy is Samson, etc. mostly written by the comic one. Although, out of 44 entries, only about six are true scenarios of mine. I believe that if I wrote because I wanted to publish, I would have never ended up with such a book. I know myself. The concept was never mine!

Antonyms of a Mirage will therefore come to you in volumes. The reason is this.... I Just Write!

Internet Celebrity

Hey people, I am so so overwhelmed. Please, pray for me. In the mean time, enjoy this Rant I title Internet Celebrity

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No! I will not like your fanpage on facebook

I am not your fan

I will not follow you on twitter

You have no uplifting message to pass across

I don’t care if you click the unfriend button on my wall

It doesn’t put ......

Watch out for the True Story behind Antonyms of a Mirage next week.

Antonyms of a Mirage - Cover and Book Trailer

Hi People, I am so sooooooooooo happy. Please, raise that to power 100. After an unnecessary two-month delay, which could have been avoided, the book is finally ready. Please, find the book cover below and the video trailer. I can now move on to other things.

Lemme know what you think.

Thanks

Below is the Book Trailer

Almighty's Formula by Atilola Moronfolu

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Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Yesterday it was to fight, as His kingdom suffereth violence
Today, it is to stand still and see His salvation

Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Cos yesterday the preacher told me it’s my turn for increase
Two days later, a termination letter was all I had

Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Cos yesterday He told me to propose to sister, as she’s His will for me
But today, sister is with another brother at the altar

Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Cos Tina who had five abortions conceived on her wedding night
But I kept myself virtuous, yet remain childless after 10 years

Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Cos I was broke last year and asked Him for money and he provided the exact amount mysteriously
I was broke yesterday, I used the same prayer point, and in the same prayer room, but received no kobo

Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Cos two neighbours each had sickle cell kids, praying for a miracle with the same fervency
One kid died, while one had his genotype mysteriously change to AA at the age of 13

Who has discovered the formula to calculate God?
Cos I sure would like to know it
Cos sometimes I feel life would be easier
If only I could calculate what He would do next.
 

Memoirs of a Lagos Bus Beggar

Hi people, how’s the week going? As for the final entry game, from the way things were going at first, Fire and Brimstone Preacher took the lead. Then all of a sudden, Memoirs of a Lagos Bus Beggar came forth, like an underdog. This shows that anything can happen in this world and that we should never say never, until we get to the finish point. The score at the end was 8 – 7, apparently in favour of t Memoirs of a Lagos Bus Beggar. Enjoy

SORRY! THE POST HAD TO BE TAKEN DOWN AFTER 28 DAYS IN ORDER TO SERVE ITS INTENDED PUBLISHING PURPOSE.

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

The Last Entry Game

Hi people, how is the week going so far? Hope cool? Thanks for your kind words and encouragement in my last video post. I keep trying to do better.

I want to thank everyone that has supported me in my editing career. At least, I have edited novels for some bloggers and I thank God they were impressed. Please, if you need an editor or know someone that needs, do not hesitate to refer them to me. You can click on this link for my Terms and Conditions.

I think I want to start writing as a columnist in lifestyle magazines. I have my reasons for this desire. Please, fellow bloggers, biko, abeg can you mention lifestyle magazines in Nigeria, apart from Genevieve, YNaija and TW cos I have written to those ones already. If you suggest, please, be kind enough to add the contact email addresses to your suggestions Thanks

So we would be having the last entry game for this year. Unfortunately, there would just be two entries this time, I did not have any piece to make up a third one.

1. Fire and Brimstone Preacher- As the title implies, it is an article about a fire and brimstone preacher always preaching on the road in a judgemental manner. Before she preaches to you every morning, she has a premonition that you just sinned last night.

2. Memoirs of a Lagos Bus beggar - This is also an article about a man that uses begging to scam people in the bus, playing on their religious sympathy.

Please, you can only pick one. The one with the highest vote gets posted. Thanks