Don't Call me Mama (5) - What's Gender got to do with it?

Right from my single days, I always knew I never wanted to know the gender of the foetus in my womb when I eventually got pregnant. I always fantasised about when I have a baby, and the doctor would say “Congratulations, it is a boy” or “Congratulations, it is a girl” and the look on my face would be that of genuine surprise and excitement about the reveal.

I communicated this to my husband when we were courting, and also after we found out about the pregnancy, and he was very cool with it. At least, I thought so.

Early in the pregnancy, I sensed that my husband wanted a girl subconsciously, even though he was not aware of it. He was always looking at cute toddler girls’ video in IG, you know those ones who play pranks on adults and also have sharp mouth, lol. Later, I started thinking, hmm, a girl would not be a bad idea, even though I really had no preference.

When I went for my first ultrasound, it was too early to tell the gender, and that was when we found out about the fibroid.

By the time I went for the second ultrasound, I was on admission at a different hospital, suffering from the red degeneration of fibroid. Immediately my husband and I entered and I lay on the bed, I told the man conducting the ultrasound that I didn’t want to know the gender so he should keep the news to himself.

During the third ultrasound, my husband wasn’t in the room. The guy started his thing, and the next thing I heard was


“Everything is fine with your baby. You are having a boy.”

I screamed at him “Why did you tell me? Didn’t I tell you last time that I didn’t want to know the gender?” For the second time, I was so so so pissed at the level of unprofessionalism of medical staff in Nigeria. The first time, it was the diagnostics receptionist opening my pregnancy test, and announcing to me that I’m pregnant. Now, this guy just ruined the surprise for me. I wasn’t supposed to know this until 6 months later.

When the guy saw how pissed and unhappy I was, he apologised, saying he didn’t remember my face since he deals with a lot of people. He looked at the screen again, saying he’s not even sure I’m having a boy because the foetus has just moved. I didn’t buy his lies. I knew I was definitely having a boy, and he just said that to cover his tracks.

So I decided I wouldn’t tell a soul on earth, and still act surprised when the baby comes. I went home, and felt really bad about keeping the news of what happened from my husband, but I was ready to keep it for the remaining six months even if it kills me. Later, my husband told me his mum said she knows I would have a boy because she dreamt about it. I knew she was right but I wasn’t going to confirm it with anyone.

The next time I went for another ultrasound, I was on admission again. Next thing I got was a call from my husband begging me to ask for the gender to be revealed to me, and to tell him because he couldn’t wait again. The suspense was killing him. I refused, saying we had an agreement. All these while, the ultrasound guy was hearing the conversation… at least, my side of it. My husband kept begging, and then I told him I wasn’t interested in knowing (even though I already knew but I was the only one who knew I knew, lol). I said if he insists on knowing, he should ask the ultrasound guy to tell him directly, but I should be left out of the reveal. He spoke to the ultrasound guy on phone, who told him he couldn’t reveal the gender to a third party, that I should be the one to tell him.

At the next ultrasound, my husband was in the room, like he usually is most times. The guy did his thing again, and the next thing I heard was along the line of

“Congratulations. You are having a boy.”

For the second time, I screamed at this man. “I have told you not to tell me the gender. I always tell you all the time. Now, you have done it again.”

This time, there was no running from the fact. I was definitely having a boy, and my husband already knew. My surprise face and fake surprise face was completely ruined. I really wish I could sue that guy.

When we got home, I told my husband that no one, including our parents must know the gender of our child till he comes to this earth. He agreed to this.

I don’t know what is with men and the excitement of their new child, but let me just cut the story short and say before my baby was born, the whole world on my husband’s side already knew the gender, while I continued to keep mute about it. He completely went against our agreement. Every plan I had for the way I wanted to reveal the gender of my child was completely ruined.

I have told my husband next time, I will do everything to make sure he never finds out about the gender before the delivery, and I will have my surprise package.

I have now learnt my lesson. If you don’t want to know the gender of the child, always remind the person conducting the ultrasound not to reveal the gender to you lest they get carried away by excitement, especially in Nigeria. That way, the whole world can only guess the gender or even see it in their dreams, but no one will ever know for sure, until you carry your bundle of joy in your hands