Journey to Marriage 5 - Mind Tricks

You have spoken. I will be posting twice a week for now (Mondays and Thursdays). Depending on how slow or fast the story goes, I might increase the frequency. My major challenge is time.

A lot of people might be thinking “why did you have to delete him?” Couldn’t you just blank him without deleting him? The truth is people operate differently. For some people, it is easy for them to put someone away mentally, and move on to more important things. But for some others, especially people whose minds play tricks on them, and love control and manipulation, it is most times necessary to block all forms of access to such channels. That way, no matter how your mind does you, you will have to stay within your zone.

That was why I did what I did. I didn’t like all the whatsapp stalking, and mind games my mind was playing. I just wanted to gain control of my mind, and moved on.

Afterwards, I went back to Berry, and asked why she even introduced us in the first place. Did the guy ever ask to be introduced? I was trying to gauge whether he was even ready for anything, or if it was just for sport. She then mentioned differences that we had, and would complement each other, how he was getting serious with life, etc.

Anyway, I told her I deleted him, and she started screaming hell about how I was too serious with everything in life, how I overthink things, how I’m not fluid and dynamic, how I’m pressuring myself, how I could be so rash with someone I just met 4 days ago, etc.

She never defended me for once, or even mentioned that he didn’t keep to his word. It was all on me. At that point, I knew that no matter what happened between this guy and I, Berry would always take his side against mine. So Berry as my confidant was no more an option for me. But it didn’t matter, she had given up on us at that very moment.

Talking about confidants, there were three major people who helped me through intense period, without whom I would have lost my mind.

A – My pastor’s wife, who believed in us, and felt I should just let things run their course, start with friendship, and everything will fall into place, no matter how it ends

K – My very close friend, who felt the guy was already my husband from day 1, and was a fan of him, asking me to keep being friendly.

D – Opposite of K and A. She felt I should stay in my zone, and let him do every single pursuing. I should only be friendly when he has shown himself worthy.

Together, the three of them brought balance of perspectives. One thing they all had in common was they felt I take things too seriously, and you can’t put a formula to many things life.

Back to the story. Even though I had deleted him, it didn’t do anything to douse mu curiosity one bit. Closing loopholes has always worked for me in the past, but this time, it even fuelled the fire more.

Day 1 after deletion
I realised that even though I had deleted him from whatsapp and my contact, I hadn’t deleted his incoming call from my call log, so I went there, and deleted it. I was covering part of my eyes to delete it, cos I have a photographic memory when it comes to figures. I can just look at something, and it would stick there forever. So on deleting, my eyes accidentally caught a glimpse of the first five digits.

I already knew the last four digits from the time he gave me, after the day we met, cos they had lots of zeros.

Day 2 after deletion
I started wondering if he knew I had deleted him. Maybe there’s a way for whatsapp contacts to know they’ve been deleted. I even researched it, and didn’t find any conclusive evidence. Well, if that was the case, maybe he would realise I’ve deleted him, and see me as too serious and rash, and wonder what kind of weirdo Berry introduced him to.

Maybe I shouldn’t have deleted him. Oh my gosh, what did I do? This is how I have just lost a good person. Hmm… thinking about it let him be lost. It was his fault

 My mind started playing tricks again. But the reality was he’s been deleted, and forever gone… or so I thought

NO YOU CAN'T. Source

Later that day, I decided to guess the number and add him back since my curiosity hadn’t been cured. I knew the first five, and last four. If I could get the middle 2 right, then that would be it.

So I put the numbers together, added the middle two numbers I suspected, and that was it. I didn't have to try twice. It was his face staring back at me on whatsapp.

So yes, I added him back two days after deleting him, and life was beautiful again.

There was still no difference though. He was still a rubbish guy who didn’t keep to his words, and I wasn't going to initiate contact. Berry was completely out of the picture, and I moved on with my life… back to my serene singleness in just one week.

Have you ever had your mind play tricks on you when it comes to the matters of the heart?