Journey to marriage 7 - What manner of Date is this?

Thanks to everyone who has been following my journey, and commenting. I love to read your comments because they encourage me to keep going on even when the greates thing I want to do know is go back to my shell.

Yes, the date took place a month after our first encounter, but it seemed more like 5 years because of the drama that had ensued, more like the drama I had put myself through.

The date had been fixed on a Thursday, and was to take place on a Sunday. The next three days passed without anxiety. We chatted lightly in between. I didn’t get the venue until the morning of the date. And no, it wasn’t a tacky place at allllll. It was where you took people you are seriously considering, lol.

Maybe if we had the date like a week after we had met, I would have been nervous, but a lot of drama that had gone down, and honestly, I was too busy to even be nervous (it was my rhyme and reason preparation season).

Of course, I wore a very fitted tight dress (of which he took no notice, lol), I changed my hairstyle a side woven frohawk, light make up (basically because I’m not a pro at makeup). I think I looked good, and I thought he noticed that I looked good. I would later come to find out that he actually saw me, but did not really see me.

The whole date lasted for a little over 5 hours, of which he talked for 80% of the time. He talked about his last break up, business, illness, etc. I talked about my last break up.

I basically enjoyed the fact that he did almost all the talking while I was only listening. It was a lazy date for me, but I enjoyed it. I could listen to him go on and on and on, talking. As of now, he says I like gist too much.

The only reason the date ended was because we really had to go home. No, I didn’t want to go anywhere. I just wanted to keep looking at his face, as he talked. All through the date, what kept going through my mind was “So a girl saw this one, and let him go. How stupid?”

In hindsight, I am now sorry for that ignorant thought because no one is perfect, not even my husband-to-be. The fact that we can walk and work together doesn’t mean he’s exactly an innocent or holy person, lol.

Let me quickly divert here, and say I wasn’t entirely innocent and leave-it-to-God in all these. By this time, I had already known I was interested in this guy, at least from what I knew about him so far. I was praying seriously, for me not to make a mistake. I didn’t want to want what God didn’t want for me. But I was also doing things on him, of which he had no idea. These things are what you do to basically get someone to start eating out of your palms, without them even realising you are doing anything to them.  I am not going to mention them on this blog for two reasons

1. I invested so much time learning those skills, and I am not going to just paste them on the face of public internet

2. He doesn’t know that I did some things to him, and I don’t know how he would feel if he reads this post. I know he will still read it, that's if he's not yet reading them. Some of his friends are already seeing it.

So basically, I had started wetting the ground. On the day of the date, I also used one of the skills I had gathered, and I will tell you this one. It is called the Epoxy eyes. To summarise it, throughout the date, I looked straight into his eyes… yes, for five hours nonstop. He was mostly talking, I was mostly quiet, and looking straight at him. It was all for a purpose.

Anyway, when the date was almost over, the tone changed a bit. He made a mention about how he was enjoying his single life, balling, doesn’t want to ask ladies to be patient with him when he’s not ready, and the timing for a relationship right (how sharply the tides would change in a matter of weeks).

His statement started getting me confused, so I was just looking at him. In my mind, I was thinking...

What nonsense is this one talking? The timing is not right? What exactly are you doing here, gisting for all these hours? These bonds we have been forging nko? 

Bill Cosby WTF?


I was confused, and I decided that I wasn’t going to go home confused, so I asked him…

“You have said you don’t want to ask people to be patient with you. Concerning you and I, what exactly are we going to do about us? Should we go home and continue chatting, building friendship, or should we just forget and just say hi once in a while?”

He sat back, paused, looked into my eyes, and said

“This is what we would do. We will go home now. For the next one month, you are free to ask me any question in this world, I will answer. I will also ask you any question in this world. You will also pray, and I would pray too. Exactly a month from now, we would meet again, and we would decide whether we are going to move on with each other or go our separate ways.”

At this point, I basically fainted in my mind.

Did this guy just tell me that in exactly a month from now, there are possibilities that my life would never remain the same?

He then added “Do we have a deal?”

I was weak, even though it was the most shocking thing I have ever heard a guy propose to a lady, of course, I couldn’t have said No so I managed to mutter “Yes.”

And from then, I entered the most emotionally stressful one month of my life in 2016.

Question: What would you do if a guy you liked told you and him to pray about each other?

37 comments

  1. I have been a secret follower of your blog for years and I must confess that your blog has done so much for me. ( Positively ,of course) I am very much in love with this marriage series and I give you thumbs up for your bravery. Back to your question, of course, I would pray and wait patiently and anxiously for the one month to end. Can't wait to read another episode on Thursday.

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    1. Aww, thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate it.

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  2. Ah, see suspense o. En en, let's talk about those things you do to basically get someone to start eating out of your palms....asking for a friend of course *cough* Hit me up inna me DM and help a sister out :D

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    1. Loooollll. Are you shy to admit you need it for yourself? *wimk*

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  3. See me running to Whatsapp for the 411 on how to get him to eat from your palms! Hahahaha!

    I love reading this series. I like your boldness, I think I am too chicken for it (unfortunately). Sometimes I feel that I might have lost out on some great relationships because I am soo shy! I will be forming hard girl on the outside yet on the inside I'm mush!!
    If he asked me to pray? I would take that as a red flag oh! I would be praying with one eye open! Like this bros wants to eat his cake and have it! SO I will be praying and he will be shopping around?? :-D (Lawddd have mercy!)

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    1. That praying thing can be a red flag, I agree, especially with so many deceitful men hiding in the name of Christian.

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  4. Youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!! quiet for 80% of the time??????? Yes!! you really liked him. Loool.

    one month? I will just take my mind off it totally (but we know that's not possible) Thanks for showing us another side of you!

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    1. Yes, I was quiet. i guess you don't know my quiet side, lol.

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  5. Not sure I have this kind of patience...men who have told me to go pray about an upcoming relationship, I have always jejely walked away from. I guess because this is what you wanted, you made the effort.

    Looking forward to the rest of the story.

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    1. Lol. How do you know I made the effort? Let's stay tuned for next edition, abi.

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  6. You are she keeping us in suspense. But we have no choice, we wait! Well done for sharing your story!

    KacheeTee.com

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    1. Ha, it's not intentional ooo. Sorry.

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  7. Wow!!!..
    it sounds like you had changed much between when you first met him and this first date because you were very upfront about the questions of "what are we"

    I've been one of your silent readers for years but i hardly comment and I usually enjoy your posts, especially this one.

    Meanwhile...that one month something, I can relate. I told my hubby when he was still bothering me for a relationship to give me one month to pray and he couldn't handle it and pressured me for an answer so I told him....walk along. Needless to say, he came back to me a couple of months after and today we're married.
    We both have come to understand the place of prayer in our lives as a couple even before we got married.

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    1. Awww, glad it ended well for you in the end. This prayer thing before marriage is very important o.

      Thanks for coming out of hiding.

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  8. That "go and pray" business? That's too serious for me. But wait o, when you pray about these kinds of things, do you hear a voice that says: yes, he/she is the one? If not, what exactly do you pray for? Some kind of a "reveal"?

    Is this "reveal" different from all the things you've already seen in each other and how you feel about each other up to the "going to the mountain" moment? I understand when someone prays to meet a potential life partner. But after meeting someone and having several conversations with him/her, I struggle to understand why another prayer is needed before making a decision about that person especially after 5 hours on a date? In which you enjoyed each other's company so much? ;) ;)

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    1. And why the specific period (1 month)? What's the odds of God answering in one month? Does it mean he already had his answer but just needed one month to sleep on it? Why didn't he say: let's pray till we get an answer? If the answer comes in one day, fine, if it comes in a year, fine too. Too many questions, sorry but I am hoping that I will find an answer here. ;)

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    2. Okay, let me try to answer as much as possible. The Holy Spirit is the one who directs. When I pray for direction, I get led. I didn't need this guy to ask me to pray for one month. I had started praying for direction and guidance, and for God to lead me aright even before I had my first date with him.

      Yes, you still pray after meeting people because feelings aren't worth a dime. If it were by feelings or 20 hour dates, we won't have a lot of terrible marriages today.

      As for the one month thing, I really think he just said what came to his mind at that point. He didn't want to be hasty, yet he didn't want me to go without giving us a chance if we were meant to be together.

      I'm not exactly sure about waiting one year to be pray sha, lol.

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  9. Did you Take a picture of yourself for the date? Would love to see....also share your secret "workings" with us, these secret/special things you did. We may need to use them Lol....

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    1. No, I hardly take pictures, sorry.

      Who is the 'we' that is using them? Lol

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  10. Atilola ordinary trick you cannot share with us ehn? LOL. Please if I was the guy and you were staring at me throughout I for run oh. LOL. I'm enjoying this series

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    1. Lol. It's not a weird unnerving stare jo. There's an allure to it, lol.

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  11. I just started reading your blog posts and i must admit i have been missing! btw you are so brave..shyness wont allow me ask that question,i would just withdraw after then...its thursday where is the latest post😢

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    1. No o, I had to ask, no shyness. Remember we were already forming a bond so there's the need to speak up.

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  12. I like your boldness! Straight to the point! i'm glad he said one month tho, could have been worse, lol! Fingers crossed!

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    1. Lol... like one year abi? Then we'd run away.

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  13. ...wore tight fitted dress....wicked girl! I know you have a very good figure which you have once told us you worked hard on and proud of it, ...yes, in your olddd post...ahahaha. if not that you still dey keep body, I for suspect you that you want that bros to sweat for all that wahala he don give you, like say, see wetin you for miss ..ahahaha.

    Staring into his eyes through out? As a 9ja babe, that was 'disrespectful', you no fear? Ahahaha, but that is the Yankee way and am sure that is why he was talking 100% of the time, wondering, what is wrong with this girl sef! Ahaha.

    Atilola don fall in love yakata! But the guy sef, get mind oo, .... one WHOLE month? That 'pray' part is a common sign to me that someone wants out.. no wonder you 'faint'! Ahahahaha, see love wantin-tin!

    Abeg, share the secret formula how to make guys eat from your palm, I have a sister, e jor. Ahahaha.

    A very enjoyable narrative. I don't mind reading a novel of this your love story later in future with EVERY details, I mean every minute detail! :D

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    1. Yes I have a good figure... as long as we are not looking at big bust, lol.

      Fear??? Noooo. It wasn't a daring stare o, so don't hold me ransom on that.

      But the prayer phrase came with 'let's ask questions' too.

      Novel ke? Who knows the future sha?

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  16. Blessings.......

    Maybe am a bit old school or perhaps its just coming from a different culture/tradition/thinking but people talk about past relationships on the first date? Also if he was talking 80% of the time then why were you there it seem he was happy talking about himself to himself and not interested enough to ensure that it was a two way dialogue? Further to say go home and pray? ahhhhh ok, I don't get it, is this the norm? I am not trying to be condescending. I am only trying to understand because from where I am sitting, I heard what this brother said "I don't want anything serious now." One of the things I've learnt about men in addition to my grandmother always telling me as a young girl, "If a man tell you something about himself, believe it." In other words do not let your desire for more mislead you in to missiling yourself. In short this man is not ready for a serious relationship and if there is where you are (wanting serious) then my sistah you are wasting your time.

    Being evenly yoked is important. Based on what you have relayed in the exchange on this date, I don't think that is where you at. By all means like him, just like you more and enough to make the tough choices.

    peace.
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    1. Oh nooo, don't get it wrong. It was a two way dialogue all through, just that his gist was sweeter than mine, lol. Moreover, I wasn't interested in talking too much, I really wanted to listen.

      I'm not sure you followed the series from the beginning, but this is a flashback on my journey to marriage, not something that just happened. I guess that addresses the other half of your comment abour serious relationships and evenly yoked.

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  17. I would be excited because it means he takes his prayer life and relationship with God seriously. On the other hand scared cause what if God says no, and i have to kill the feelings again.... But nonetheless i would do as he asked cause i would still be praying for clarity about us regardless of whether he asked me to or not.

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    1. Yes. A good prayer life is a safe life. It God says no, then it is for the best.

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  18. Please share that trick with single sisters like us naw. Maybe my 1st Mr Right came and lost him cos i didn't know that eating out of my palms trick. Help us

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    1. Lol. See me in camera. You have my number.

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  19. Help your sister ejor! Share the trick. But for now I'll apply this one you've shared.
    Hmmmm.
    He's godly and calculative.

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  20. LOL at things you do to get someone eating out of your hands.
    I like the way you write.
    Oshey Epoxy eyes, we would pray na ni

    Tuke's Quest

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What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.