Ruining my neighbours' sexual escapade

A male and female lizard were courting each other right at my window pane. Immediately I saw the back of the female arched in a semicircle and her tail raised, with the male lizard continuously going round her, I remembered what my biology teacher taught me, and knew they were about to mate.

Right at my window pane?

So this is what they do when I'm not around?

I instantly blamed my parent’s decision to use texcote to paint the walls, right there and then

I said to myself “no way, this is my territory. There will be no premarital sex going on here. Where is your wedding ring sef? Show me now because I cannot see any. Damn you lizards.”

"Something I am not doing, you people have the liver to do, right in my very presence. What audacity! You don't even know your mate."

I mean, it was like they were saying to me "I'm having sex, and you aren't. Deal with it." So I decided to rain on their parade.

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I immediately brought out a leg of my trainers and threw it at the window to startle them. The male lizard immediately ran away, but the female one didn't. She looked really startled and moved a bit, hanging on the wall but was still there.

Na wa o, this female lizard must really be in the mood. So I kept using my shoe to hit the window. Believe me, it still hung on, and was looking straight at me (or should I say, diagonal since its eye is at the side of its head). I couldn't see whether it's tail was still raise because it was hanging vertically and I was inside my room.

Can you see how in times of pressure, men just run away, and women stay no matter whose ox is gored. I even slid my net open and shut it forcefully about three times but this lizard did not shake from its hanging position

I wasn't sure whether it was hanging for its dear life or it was determined not to give up on the sexual escapade I was bent on ruining.

When after 20 minutes, it was still there, I concluded that they were having sex, but since I was inside, I could only see the head of the female lizard, and the male lizard was beneath, doing the deed.

I concluded that since these lizards did not fear God, and had decided to be unchristian in their ways by having unwedded sex in open space, how would they even fear me?

And you won’t believe it. I am not lying or exaggerating. I was rushing to church the next morning. I was about to close my windows when I saw these same two lizards. The male was courting the female by circling her, and the female had her back arched in a semicircle and her tail raised.

Ewoooo, they were at it again.

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Apparently, they don't give a hoot about my ‘no premarital sex in my territory’ law or even the anointing oil I sprinkled overnight to drive spirit husbands that might want to have sex with me away.

I just slid the glass window shut, stepped out of my room, and locked the door, pretending I didn’t notice them.

Damn my horny reptile neighbours! All these lizards of nowadays. Ko si respect mo.

36 comments

  1. Lolll, Atilola!
    Fear and respect kwa?
    Ok oh!

    Have a great week ahead.

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  2. Replies
    1. Yessss? Why are you calling my name?

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  3. LMAO! Funny read I must say. They obviously don't care about your rules. And it seems they have come to stay.

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    1. They should leave and not try nonsense o.

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  4. Lmaoo pls pls pls allow them jare

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  5. Loooool, here i was running here for real gist.

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    1. Ehen? Is this not real gist? What were you expecting? *side eye*

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  6. Lol, you were very un-nice. Haba you should have just let them do their do in peace.

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  7. Loooooooooool! The female lizard has my respect... tenacity in the face of hostility.

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    1. Haa, You got that right. I was so surprised that she didn't even sway.

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  8. Lmaoooo! Atilola you are a case.

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  9. Looooooool! Funny read, for sure. I wonder how they process sex in their lizard minds, i mean, are they monogamous ? Do they perform a lizard wedding before engaging in such acts? Geez, so much research needs to be done to analyze their behavior. Hahahahaha!

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    1. I think they are monogamous, not really sure. But I know lizards are very territorial. They have a way of marking their space.

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  10. It wasn't only Adam and Eve that God told to be fruitful and multiply na. Why are you interrupting the circle of life? God knows your house address o. The female lizard was going to get her eggs fertilized no matter what regardless of your antics.

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    1. Lol. Apparently! The female lizard no send me at all jare.

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  11. a couple of very serious issues here presented jokingly....it's incredible how having denied yourself one of the very basic needs of life in the name of moralism, you automatically believe the same 'punishment' should be meted on lower animals or they go to HELL! now, let me hint you a very simple secrete @ilola. GOOD AND SAFE SEX IS AMAZING no matter who you're having it with.

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    1. Punishment? Hell? Lol. I want to believe your comment is a joke, just like the post in its entirety.

      And no, sex is not a basic need of life. Food is! If you don't have sex, you won't die.

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  12. ๐Ÿ‘ Nice one Atilola. ๐Ÿ˜„ I laughed so much when I read this people around me looked at me funny.
    No vex with d lizards. Dey r just doing dir natural duties na.
    Anyway most animals no Dey get respect sha. Dats why dey r animals.๐Ÿ˜„

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  13. Such shameless lizards, you need to tell them the word of God

    :d

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    1. Hahahaha....I agree mami...Such shameless lizards!! This was fun to read mehn...

      Howdy @ilola..

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  14. Jealousy oooo! Hatty U were jealous of those lizzards Jor. The male lizzard fall the hand of the Male species o!
    Nice write

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    1. Jealous of lizards? Tufiakwa. Lol

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  15. ... Nur ein nice piece nach eine nein so-fun-full Samstag. Nice write.... But you should have been telling them when they were still very young now (Or didn't they grow up in your neighbourhood ni or they are only just new neighbours ni?)! ... Aaaah won o le gbรต mรถ, o ti ma di normal thing as of now! And one thing again, Gospel of peace no be gragraaa o (annointing oil ke? And even slamming closures? I think you won save their soul ni?), you for do them jeeje ni, of which I believe they would love to hear you and be sober and repent, of course! But you only suceeded in making them feel condemned (The bros ran and take cover). Aahaan! @ilola!

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    1. Loooolll. I will repent o, since I couldn't convert them. I will be gentle next time, preaching instead of binding, abi.

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  16. Post very funny and interesting to me

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  17. Information will not be any more amazing is that you share your article

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