This is exactly why you don’t want me at your event

I was invited to a game day event by my friend, Jumoke, of Artrubic ( (Everyone really needs to check out artrubic.com mehn. It is all things artsy, a website where people go to upload their writeups, paintings, poems, videos, and many other artworks, and they are currently running a giveaway). I had been looking forward to the event, and decided not to miss it for anything, because I am generally a boring person who likes to keep to herself. I recently decided to change this aspect of my life, and socialise more, so far I don’t have to be buying aso ebi and go to weddings. I am not a fan of that at all.

So on Saturday, jumoke hits me up on BBM, and the conversation goes this way…

Jumoke: Hi dear

Me: Hey Wasup?

Jumoke: So I need to confirm if you are coming on Monday and what you would be bringing and who you might bring with you, etc.

Me: I’m not bringing anyone. I might bring bananas, biscuits, or groundnut.

Jumoke: Ok. Biscuits please.

Me: Hmm. You k now I’m into healthy eating, so biscuits were actually my last option (devil smiley). Can’t I bring garden egg and broccoli?

Jumoke: ABEG OK. BIKO! EJO! NOOOOOOOOO!

Me: (ROTFL smiley) Ok. Cauliflower nko? We need to eat healthy.

Lamide: Atilola this is Lamide (boxing smiley)

Apparent, Jumoke had given the phone to Lamide, her sister, to talk sense into my head.

Me: You pipu want to be eating marshmallows? And be getting fat? Lamide

Lamide: No try am o

Me: I thought you said you want to lose weight

Lamide: Ehn not in one day

Me: I’m helping you achieve your dreams na. You should be thanking me.

Lamide: Monday is a day cheat o

Me: (devil smiley, mischief smiley)

Lamide: No try am
Me: Ok then, let me bring agbo jedi to balance out the sugar. As you don’t want to accept my fruits and vegetables

Long silence

Jumoke: Back to Jumoke. Erm see I don’t mind biscuits. I’m not even picky, even crackers are fine. But hob nobs are better, and chocolate chip cookies. (grinning smiley)

Me: No! Digestive biscuit. It is whole meal, so it is healthy (ROTFL smiley). No chocolate o (Tongue out smiley)

Jumoke: Digestive ke? You don’t plan on eating rice ba? Or chicken?

Me: I am eating rice o. I am not on a diet.

See, my issue with these two ladies is that they always talk about how they want to lose weight. Lamide is very slim, while Jumoke is slightly bigger. They both aren’t what you will call fat, though Jumoke is bigger.

As for me as a person, I’m not the kind of person that would buy cake and ice-cream or any other of those things for myself or to an event. I eat them once in a blue moon if I come across them, but I wouldn’t buy them. So why would I buy them to an event when they are

  • More expensive?
  • Less healthy?

I find ways to incorporate fruits and veggies into all my meals. I don’t joke with my fibre at all. The fact that I hardly eat out makes it easy for me. In fact as we speak, I am fully stock with banana, orange, potato, plantain, avocado, garden egg, carrot, etc. And trust me, I am not a diet. If I try dieting at all, I will just disappear in 5 minutes.

Source
Left to me, I wanted to take banana, orange, or garden egg to that event, but I knew they would give me a BBM slap, so I met them half way to say, banana, groundnut, and biscuit. Abi, I no try, even though I don’t eat groundnuts because of acne? I also don’t take dairy products because they spike my sebum.

You might say that the event is not about me or what I want, but what others would enjoy, but remember that others will most likely be bringing all the sweet unhealthy stuff, so I am allowed to tilt the balance a bit, abi. Plus all these ladies always talk about how they want to lose weight.

So here is my grouse. I strongly believe 80% of the ladies at that event, including Lamide and Jumoke, always talk about how they want to lose weight, but when I offer them the way to achieve this dream of theirs, they turn around and throw my offer back in my face.

Abi did I do wrong?

Anyway, I will be taking biscuit to the event, and it will be whole meal digestive. I am doing it out of love, lol. They will thank me when they are 70 years old, and still competing with Usain Bolt.

29 comments

  1. Lols @tilola ya something else. Bananas would have been perfect tho, for me oh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I got there, I saw bananas. So I guess someone had volunteered it before me.

      Delete
  2. Muhahahaha! Your chat with them was super-hilarious. Fruits yes but agbo Jedi!!! lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Everyone has an opinion....lool.nice blog uve got here just bumped into it

    www.glowyshoe.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I will check it out. Is it a shoe blog?

      Delete
  4. You sef you no haf try...cauliflower, agbo jedi, too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Insightful and funny read...have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol! I just can't imagine you being quiet! I think losing weight is the new lingo. I say it loads but I still enjoy my sweets and chocolates but in moderation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haa. Don't try me o. Once I don't see you as a friend, I am mega silent. In fact, I hardly talk at home, until I get to church on Sunday when I have to teach.

      Delete
  7. If you were in Hamrika now, bringing apples, carrots, and sliced veggies would be the normal thing to do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why is that? Are they more conscious of healthy eating?

      Delete
  8. Loose weight kwa? Not happening please. I'm not trying to disappear. Please feel free to bring all those healthy stuff when i invite to over jare

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madam, so when are you going to invite me? I am waiting o.

      Delete
    2. See en, my life is not mine right now but def this year. Sooner rather than later sef

      Delete
  9. You should have volunteered mangoes and pawpaw. And all fruits that don't have "respect" for the eater.The kind that you have to open your mouth really wide just for a bite. Loooolllll

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haaa, emaleecious, no kill me with laughter. Fruits that don't have respect? You can still get away with pawpaw because you can use a fork. But mango? That is the ultimate disgrace.

      Delete
    2. At all oh you can use pen knife to slice the thing ajeburrically. Try cashews or soursop popularly called shawanshop

      Delete
    3. @ Lohla, Which one is ajeburrically again. Don't use lafta to tear my belle.

      Yea, I thought of the knife option too, but people hardly do that in their own houses.You can use knife for soursop, but cashew... *scratches head* You will be dancing skelewu, just to prevent the juice from touching your cloth because of the permanent stain it leaves.

      Delete
  10. Hahahaha Don't worry,when i invite you for any event,i'll provide all we'd need.Abi the lepa wey i lepa no do? Make you no come make me disappear in one day! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lool. I like your kind of hosting jare. No need to worry my head.

      Delete
  11. Nice blog you have here ma'am. I remember suggesting boli (roasted plantain) as my contribution for a picnic too. LOL. For me, it wasn't about eating healthy at the time, I was just addicted to it.
    NB: Thanks for stopping by.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Serious? Its a good healthy option jare, so carry on.

      Delete
  12. LOL. But it's not that bad naa... I don't mind all these things o... BUTTT not like I am faithful x_x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agbo jedi is not bad o. Lemme send some to your house, and you must drink it everyday! Lol.

      Delete

What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.