And so, I bring you a not-so-funny, but real life article of something I experienced two years ago. Enjoy.
In my days of dropping proposals with Security Guards as my legs were not long enough to enter the main building, I encountered many eccentric characters in the name of Security Guards. There were some who felt you should worship them because they held the power of letting you into the building, and there were some others you just didn’t want to offend, lest they get angry, and throw your proposal into the nearest trashcan. In my own opinion, Security Guards are one of the most power-drunk people I have had to deal with on a regular basis. Putting my bias aside, I remember this short encounter with a Security Guard, which made me realise that they are just like any ordinary person when they are not in their uniforms.
I had gone to drop my proposal at the Corporate Affairs branch of an indigenous telecommunications company, and was registering my proposal in the Log Book when the phone of the Security Man rang. He had one or two friends around. As the phone rang, he hesitated to pick and started complaining out loud.
Security Man: Haa, this girl again. She just dey always disturb me, I no wan pick her call joo. Na Facebook she see me last week o, wey she come send me message. She see my picture, and she no let me rest since then. (Ha, it’s this girl again. She just always disturbs me. I don’t want to pick her call. She saw me on Facebook last week, and then sent me a message. She saw my picture, and hasn’t allowed me rest since then.)
At this point, I looked beyond the guard's uniform and studied his face. I must confess, he was really handsome, and had naturally curly hair.
Security Man: I really deck up for that picture o, I wear shades, I come pose well well. Na the picture wey I put for Facebook be that, wey she no let me rest. (I really dressed up in that picture. I wore shades, and then posed well. That’s my only picture on Facebook, and she’s not allowing me rest).
The phone was still ringing, and we were all grinning in the security post. He finally picked the phone and surprising to me, suddenly started speaking very good English.
Security Man: Hello... How are you?... How is work going?... Hope you are fine?... I have missed you... I am at my 'office'... My office is at VI… Where’s your office?... Ooh Allen Avenue.... I hope you are having a nice time... I love you... Bye... Muah (kisses)!
Ewww, did he just kiss her over the phone?
At this point we all burst into uncontrollable laughter when a female friend of his finally spoke.
Female friend: Na wa for you, I sorry for the girl. She dey think say you be better person, she no know say na security officer you be. She think say she don hammer. (I am sorry for the girl. She thinks that you are a good catch. She doesn’t know that you a common Security Officer. She thinks she has hit it big.)
I wondered about the girl at the other end of the line. She must have thought her handsome Facebook boyfriend was a big man working on the island. I imagined her sitting behind her office desk at Allen Avenue, speaking to him and smiling. I also wondered what was with the profession of love to someone one met on Facebook just a week ago. Was this the level desperation could get some of us women to at times? I left the security post saying to myself, only God knows where this internet relationship and its deceits would lead to.
This ‘relationship’ has already entered voicemail , even before it started.