Bad Blogationships - Another Blogsville parody by Atilola Moronfolu

I know, I know. I promised myself to stay off blogsville gist, but I just couldn't resist this one. It’s a parody post of our relationships on blogsville. Some people might beef me for this, but trust me it’s not meant for mudslinging. It’s just for us to laugh, but it has a 100% truth in it. So here it goes

Parody terms

Blogationship- relationship
Bloygfriend- boyfriend
Have a blogationship with me – Follow me on blogger
Blicks and Blunches – Kicks and Punches
Die before your time - Leave blogsville while we still want you

When blogationships aren't working anymore, you can choose to do two things. Stay in it, be miserable and complain to every single soul in blogsville about your blogationship that has gone bad, or end that blogationship and move on. I am here to help you with examples of blogationships that are signalling whether to stay or move on

Source

1. Blogationships that drain you. They toast you all over the place. “Have a blogationship with me, you will never regret it.” They send twitter messages, facebook messages, drop comments, even appear at your home doorstep if you aren’t careful, just begging you for a blogationship. They send flowers, roses, chocolates, etc. “I love you, honey pie, sweetie pie, cookie crumble. Please, have a blogationship with me.” You finally decide they are nice and sweet because of the pleas and the gifts, and you decide to give them a chance. Voila that's the end you see of them. They ignore you like a vermin. No more comments on your blog, no more toasting, and they act like you don’t exist anymore. After all, they got what they want. You are the one now doing the commenting, toasting, gifting, etc. My dear, if you are mean like me, you would also drop them like its hot, and move on to better bloygfriends that truly love you.

2. Celebrity blogationships. They don't toast you. They are popular. You go to them, and you like what you see. They have all the gist happening in Nigeria, but they are addictive. They take your time, which really is money, they make you fight with their other bloygfriends all over their blog, maybe for their attention sef, and they don't even notice you, lol. Truth is anything addictive is bad. If you have work to do, please, move on from this blogationship. I remember following LIB. I unfollowed her after just 2 hrs. She was just all over the place on my dashboard, which is where I read my blogs from. And she almost made me miss the blog posts I really like. So I knew this celeb blogationship aint gonna work. Sorry I had to give a real life example for this one.

3. Blogationships that just aint working anymore. These bloygfriends also toast you. You visit their blogs, and you like what you see. You then decide to have a blogationship with them. Oh you are loving this blogationship and its going both ways. All of a sudden, they start changing. They don't blog about what they are known for anymore. They start swaying to the moves of the crowd, and they are getting attention for it, in form of traffic. You are wondering, “Where’s the sweet loving bloygfriend I used to have?” You miss your bloygfriend. So you talk to your bloygfriend and tell them your concerns, but in the end the choice is still theirs. They don't listen. You can do one of two things. Keep quiet, join the crowd and enjoy the new person your bloygfriend has turned out to be. Or if it’s bothering you too much, end the blogationship. There’s no right or wrong here. The choice is yours.

4. Vulgar blogationships. These are bloygfriends that toast you, you are not sure you like what you see but you still follow them anyway. You start a blogationship with them, and honestly they have nothing to talk about but how they slept with one married woman last week, a single woman this week, and a 19 year old next week. In fact they should have titled their blog, 'My Sexcapades'. After a year of this blogationship, you take stock and ask yourself what you've gained from this blogationship. Nada! Nothing! My dear, it’s time to move on. You are wasting valuable hours of your life that you could have used to make money, keeping that blogationship. But you can still keep the blogationship if reading about someone's sex life is your pastime.

5. Abusive blogationships. I think this speaks for itself. They toast you, you check out their blog, and you love what you see, so you start a blogationship with them. Suddenly, they start beating you or your friends up all over the place. They are best known in blogsville for their blicks and blunches. Whenever you see a post or comment from them, your heart starts beating fast before you read it because you are not sure if they'll throw e-grenades at you. They make your blood pressure rise, and cause you to land at the hospital. My dear, that blogationship aint doing you and your health no good. Do you want to die before your time? How would you take care of your blog-children if we lose you? End that blogationship right now!

So there it is. I'm sorry, I really tried to resist posting this, as in reality, I aint a trouble maker. I know it’s hard to believe, but trust me on that. Lol

So people of blogsville, please, just read, laugh and don’t take it personal. One more thing, forgive me if this offended you.