Bad Blogationships - Another Blogsville parody by Atilola Moronfolu

I know, I know. I promised myself to stay off blogsville gist, but I just couldn't resist this one. It’s a parody post of our relationships on blogsville. Some people might beef me for this, but trust me it’s not meant for mudslinging. It’s just for us to laugh, but it has a 100% truth in it. So here it goes

Parody terms

Blogationship- relationship
Bloygfriend- boyfriend
Have a blogationship with me – Follow me on blogger
Blicks and Blunches – Kicks and Punches

Die before your time - Leave blogsville while we still want you

When blogationships aren't working anymore, you can choose to do two things. Stay in it, be miserable and complain to every single soul in blogsville about your blogationship that has gone bad, or end that blogationship and move on. I am here to help you with examples of blogationships that are signalling whether to stay or move on

Source

1. Blogationships that drain you. They toast you all over the place. “Have a blogationship with me, you will never regret it.” They send twitter messages, facebook messages, drop comments, even appear at your home doorstep if you aren’t careful, just begging you for a blogationship. They send flowers, roses, chocolates, etc. “I love you, honey pie, sweetie pie, cookie crumble. Please, have a blogationship with me.” You finally decide they are nice and sweet because of the pleas and the gifts, and you decide to give them a chance. Voila that's the end you see of them. They ignore you like a vermin. No more comments on your blog, no more toasting, and they act like you don’t exist anymore. After all, they got what they want. You are the one now doing the commenting, toasting, gifting, etc. My dear, if you are mean like me, you would also drop them like its hot, and move on to better bloygfriends that truly love you.

2. Celebrity blogationships. They don't toast you. They are popular. You go to them, and you like what you see. They have all the gist happening in Nigeria, but they are addictive. They take your time, which really is money, they make you fight with their other bloygfriends all over their blog, maybe for their attention sef, and they don't even notice you, lol. Truth is anything addictive is bad. If you have work to do, please, move on from this blogationship. I remember following LIB. I unfollowed her after just 2 hrs. She was just all over the place on my dashboard, which is where I read my blogs from. And she almost made me miss the blog posts I really like. So I knew this celeb blogationship aint gonna work. Sorry I had to give a real life example for this one.

3. Blogationships that just aint working anymore. These bloygfriends also toast you. You visit their blogs, and you like what you see. You then decide to have a blogationship with them. Oh you are loving this blogationship and its going both ways. All of a sudden, they start changing. They don't blog about what they are known for anymore. They start swaying to the moves of the crowd, and they are getting attention for it, in form of traffic. You are wondering, “Where’s the sweet loving bloygfriend I used to have?” You miss your bloygfriend. So you talk to your bloygfriend and tell them your concerns, but in the end the choice is still theirs. They don't listen. You can do one of two things. Keep quiet, join the crowd and enjoy the new person your bloygfriend has turned out to be. Or if it’s bothering you too much, end the blogationship. There’s no right or wrong here. The choice is yours.

4. Vulgar blogationships. These are bloygfriends that toast you, you are not sure you like what you see but you still follow them anyway. You start a blogationship with them, and honestly they have nothing to talk about but how they slept with one married woman last week, a single woman this week, and a 19 year old next week. In fact they should have titled their blog, 'My Sexcapades'. After a year of this blogationship, you take stock and ask yourself what you've gained from this blogationship. Nada! Nothing! My dear, it’s time to move on. You are wasting valuable hours of your life that you could have used to make money, keeping that blogationship. But you can still keep the blogationship if reading about someone's sex life is your pastime.

5. Abusive blogationships. I think this speaks for itself. They toast you, you check out their blog, and you love what you see, so you start a blogationship with them. Suddenly, they start beating you or your friends up all over the place. They are best known in blogsville for their blicks and blunches. Whenever you see a post or comment from them, your heart starts beating fast before you read it because you are not sure if they'll throw e-grenades at you. They make your blood pressure rise, and cause you to land at the hospital. My dear, that blogationship aint doing you and your health no good. Do you want to die before your time? How would you take care of your blog-children if we lose you? End that blogationship right now!

So there it is. I'm sorry, I really tried to resist posting this, as in reality, I aint a trouble maker. I know it’s hard to believe, but trust me on that. Lol
So people of blogsville, please, just read, laugh and don’t take it personal. One more thing, forgive me if this offended you.

57 comments

  1. Omg!!!! I love your truthfulness and sarcasm (Nah I'm not trying to toast you! :). Kai! that was a blunch to LIB *takes cover*. I always say no matter what you do, not everyone would like you so be true to yourself.

    dressed2dnines.blogspot.com

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    1. Trust me, it was nothing personal. I am checking your blog out now. Still tryna determine your niche. Is it a fashion blog?

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    2. Thanks for checking it out! its a mix of fashion, food and lifestyle

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  2. ahahahahahahhaaaaa....always a humourist @tilola!

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  3. This is sooo true... i'm suffering from some of these blogationships.. sigh!

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    1. Lol. Then break it off, and don't give yourself hypertension.

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAH.... this is hilarious. Nawa sha.

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    1. Is that all you have to say, Madam prism?

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  5. Hahaha. You don come again. So there is no happily ever after blogationship on blogville? No ne that has led to marriage? Not all are toxic na!

    Like someone has said, its all about being true to yourself. I'll rather you write my sexcapades Becos that's who you re, than the person who writes virgin diaries when they re not.

    I have accepted....with great sadness that Bloggers are simply human with human virtues and vices which will show when push comes to shove or when money knocks on the door.

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    1. There are absolutely many good blogationships out there. Most of my bloygfriends are fabulous, so there are many happily ever afters.

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  6. Atilola o!!! :) I spent half the time reminding myself that the article is in Blog-language. The honesty is refreshing tho. Thnx!!

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  7. Lool you like wahala o, I shall see you in camera

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    1. Which kain wahala be dis? I shall not be seeing you. Please, drop all comments here. Lol

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  8. LOL welldone o..I wonder where i fall under :P....:)

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    1. Like most of my bloygfriends, I have a really cool blogationship with you. Where have you been?

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  9. Hahahaha. So true. I could totally see people who fall into all your categories, then the voice told me to remove the log from my eyes before removing the speck in others. Entertaining writeup.

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    1. Lol. I don't know what kind of blogationship you have with your other bloygfriends, but my blogationship with you is very good.

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  10. Hehehe I don't believe that "i don't like trouble" line jor *tongue out*

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    1. As I said, it might be hard for you to believe, but I really am not.

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  11. I comment my reserve....lol...abeg....I have learnt that blogville ain't for the faint hearted.

    @ilola, you didn't talk about the blog bullies abi those ones no dey ni?

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    1. Alakoba. Who do you think I am? A blog police or judge? No o. This post is about blogationships, not blog personalities. If you didn't find bullies in the post, then I suggest you read it again, lol.

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  12. Hmmmmm No wonder you don't toast me anymore,you found a new blogver abi? I loooove this post.

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    1. Its called a bloygfriend. And no, I have lots of you, so don't be jealous

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  13. Hahahaha, now I know why Hatty dropped me oooooooooooo.

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    1. Lol. I'm sure you and I have an understanding.

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  14. Ouch! Lol! Great post! Nothing do you jare.

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  15. Hhahahaha!!!!! This is sooo hilarious....Jeez! Had fun reading :).

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  16. lool.....oga ju...

    I am trying figure where I belong....

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    1. Na wa o. Why would you think you fall under any of these? Funny enuf, I have a parody for you, but it won't fall under bad blogationships.

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  17. This is very creative...feel like scooping a bit of your brain. I love this! Don't know where you would place me but I won't "die before my time".
    Personal Blogger
    http://www.frediliadtruthuncensored.com/

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    1. Now, I'm scared. What do you want to do with a bit of my brain?

      Trust me, av not started a blogationship with u at all. Still tryna see what kind of bloygfriend you'll be. Lol

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  18. I love the humor and the sarcasm...blogsville has become too hot all of a sudden and boring all at the same time...everyone now wants to be a celebrity gossip/foodie/relationship blogger...me I am jejely minding my own lane.

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    1. All the best to those who want to be food bloggers. Na so e easy? Buying cameras and lovely plates. Lol

      As per blogsville being boring, its up to all of us to make it fun again. Abi who will make it fun for us if we don't. I want us to be free like we used to be. We will soon get there.

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  19. do you know that when i was reading abt the Celebrity blog something, the first tot my mind went to was LIB...hehehehe
    right from d start i didnt even bother including her on my list. what will i gain anyway..and d comments section is like a market place whr ppl just talk and yab each oda..d koko is traffic..
    me i like sound and meaningful blogs whr ppl respect each oda's opinion and whr i will gain lots of stuff..
    as for ur post, TRUE and ON POINT
    so *coughs***coughs*** which one am i oo?hehehe

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    1. Lol. I think we are on the same page concerning LIB. No hating o, but time no just dey to waste.

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  20. Ahhhh so many in recent times are falling under this "Blogationships that just aint working anymore" category

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  21. Replies
    1. Still waiting for your comment, lol.

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  22. Kai! What is this? WHERE IS MY COMMENT??????????!!!!this is soo annoying. I came to see ur response to my comment o only to see that it is not even existing!

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    1. I am really sorry, Honey Dame. I know how annoying it can be. I never saw any comment. Please, next time, always wait to see that your comment actually appeared on the blog, since I allow all comments to show immediately and I don't have word verification.

      In the mean time, can you just drop the comment again. I will really love to know what you said. Lol. Thanks

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  23. :( It is not coming to me the way it came that day, but I know that I called you a trouble maker sha.

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  24. Interesting... I don't know if I am really into any blogationship. All I do is getting good blogs I read from whenever they have something (that to me is) worth reading and if they don't, I move to others till other times.

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    1. No. You are not into any blogationship joo. Trust me, we would know if you were.

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  25. Interesting... I don't know if I am really into any blogationship. All I do is getting good blogs I read from whenever they have something (that to me is) worth reading and if they don't, I move to others till other times.

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