Now that you've killed me... The big question

The Beating Goes On (2013)
by Sigi Kolbe

With bitterness in your heart, You looked me in the eye, Thought of the government that failed you
Stabbed me in the chest after you tightened the noose you wrapped round my neck
Pulled the trigger that took my life, But took your soul in turn, and now that I’m gone
Does it make you a better person

You came home drunk, met me happy
Looked me in the eyes, but my excitement filled you with spite
You dragged me down the stairs
Ripped my fragile strands of hair off my scalp, the look on my face now that of fear
My head continuously bouncing off the descending steps like a Bball in the hands of Larry bird
Like an iterative step, you repeated the process over and over again
Cos stupid me was ready to stick with you over and over again
Till my life refused to stay one last time
And in protest, it said goodbye the final time
Now that I’m dead, with no more human bags for you to punch without reason
So tell me, has it made you a happier person?

This was a piece I wrote as part of a script for one 'Stop the Violence' spoken word video campaign I was involved in two years ago. We were 6 artists involved in the project. As usual, everyone wrote about why domestic violence is bad. I chose to flip mine, and write it in the voice of the abused, specifically when she was already dead.

I did this because, I know of men that beaten their wives to death. My friend never grew up with her mum because of this. The last memory of her mum she had was of her giving birth to twins in the labour ward after the husband beat the living daylight out of her, and the woman just gave up. Maybe she never wanted to return to the man alive anyway. My friend was about 10 years old, now left with 4 younger siblings. She became a mother very early. 

I have another story of my friend's aunt whose husband beat to death also. A former friend of mine also almost choked his wife to death. He was not remorseful. She still didn't want to leave him after that. He was even the one who kicked her out, with two kids that were less than 3 years old.

My question is how do these men feel, knowing they are the cause of their wives death? Are they remorseful, are they relieved? Do the faces of their children send them constant reminders, and cause them to repent, or are they happier? 

I don't have the anwer to the above question, but that was what inspired my part of the script.

So do you know anyone that has killed his wife in the process of wife battery? If yes, can you let us know, in the comment section, how he felt long afterwards?

You can watch the video project below.


  1. I am not poetic, but this piece is so touching.

    Dv! Dv! Dv! This issue can never be addressed enough!

    Ailola, Dv victims are ready to walk out of an abused marriage if they get full financial and moral support from their family, church and Society as a whole!
    Especially from fellow women! I say this, because, another woman will move in with that same man before the case or corpse gets cold!

    Some Dv victims stay because of money, children and sex! Another reason, the church, family and society don't encourage victims to leave their abused marriage is that, the average Nigerian man sees them as game because they are in a vulnerable phase! The bitter truth is that some end up dating married men for survival while few remarry. And some families don't like the idea of their daughter having children from different men.

    Hence, ladies should watch out for those red flags. Follow their instincts. Every information is at the tip of their fingers, just a click and all their questions will be answered. But again, societal pressure to get married is another ish to be considered! You see the circle now?

    1. Aww, thanks. It's life so everyone can relate, poetic or not.

      See, lemme tell you, you know the second example I gave, which I didn't elaborate? The woman had more money than the man. In fact, she owned the house they lived in on Allen. He dragged her by her hair, down the stairs, hence influencing my larry bird line. After he killed her, he took over the house, and is collecting all the rent from other flats. So in that case, why did the woman stay even though she was rich?

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. Hmmm...the dead cannot speak...her soul continue to rest in peace.

      I cannot speak for her, but what I think, MIGHT (emphasis) have made her not to leave her abusive marriage was because: She did not want to leave a house she OWNED for another woman to come in and enjoy the fruits of her sweat. Unfortunately, she was forced to do so by her husband in a coffin. Who knows what names she put in the documents?

      Again, she MIGHT(emphasis) had been worried about what the society would say. Maybe she was well known in the societal circle or place of worship.

      On a different note, some women mouth too much!Ailola, if you hear or read what some women say about their husbands, some naive wives will go home and be quarreling with their husbands!ahahaha.So when their husbands starts to panel beat them, they will endure it, rather than to be laughed at.

  2. To save face? As much as many more women are beginning to care about their own lives there are still a lot more trapped in domestic violence. How open really is their immediate family towards accepting their new status? Not to talk of extended then the larger society? Our older aunties and uncles will still chant, 'obinrin ma nii afarada ni ile oko' loosely translated as 'a woman should always withstand all in her husband's home'.

    I suppose this is one grey area we will never understand. The red flags are always there, some long before culmination of marriage, others during but despite these red flags some women will ignore...not blindly I must add. *sighs*

  3. wow....
    Well I remember my mum being a victim of domestic violence. My dad beat the crap out of that woman...for nothing really. He would come home drunk, call my mum to the sitting room and start with the pushing of head,then pulling at her hair (my mum has gorgeous beautiful hair btw) and the slapping and punching. But she still stayes with him until she landed in the hospital where she was in a coma for days. She didn't need the holyspirit to tell her it was time to leave. I would have just lost my mum at a tender age.
    Alot of women,even with this whole talk of say NO to domestic violence, still go through this. Ati,some girlfriends (not wives o) stay with their violent boyfriend because they think there's nothing better out there...because they have been brainwashed. I once saw a guy slap his girlfriend at the beach sometime in February... the next minute I saw them hugging. I wanted to faint... cos I actually was going to meet the guy and give him a piece of my mind...and give the girl cab money to go home... Thank God I didn't cos I might just have received slap too... some people are just used to it... they think its only when the slapping occurs then there's love.

    1. Wow. Just wow. I'm so happy your mother left, and showed you what true courage really is, especially in her times. Please give her a kiss for me.

  4. Standing ovation for this piece even though it tells a sad tale, it is a powerful poem.

    Well, in my experience people do not leave for all of the reasons already stated above. I don't buy any of it but then, I am the person that will help her pack her bags if she decides to leave. A lot of women disagree with this because sadly, they justify it as being the victim's fault. If she were more patient, calmer, had better home training, and the list goes on.

    Sadly, it's the quiet reserved ones who before marriage have probably avoided people so much that become victims of this terrible disease. Abusive men pick their victims carefully. It is sad but you cannot want for somebody what they do not want for themselves.

    1. You have a point about abusive men picking their victims, but I feel those are the ones who are deliberately sadists. What about the ones who just plain have anger issues, and not out to make women victims? Is there even anything like that?


What's your opinion on this? Let's learn from one another.