Life made one Mistake

A great weakness of mine is wanting to have every aspect of my life under control. I always have one thing or the other planned and an upset in my plans means an upset in my mood. If any part of my life falls outside my control, I start to get frustrated, complete surrender has not really been my thing. Life has been trying to tell me that I can’t always control everything that happens, but I have for long been a stubborn student of life. My approach is very practical. I want something, I analyze how to get it, make my plans & forge ahead with them. The plans are sometimes long term and other times, short term.

So here I go, embarking on the journey to achieve the goals that I set for myself, then life slaps me with its challenges, I take the first slap like a shock absorber and continue running. Second time, it’s a blow, I writhe in pains but still carry on and then it lifts me very high and slams me on the ground. Now, I can’t get up again, but I’m still crawling, life is not done with me yet, it raises me and kicks me like a soccer ball. This time, I can’t lift my back to crawl anymore but I keep rolling, towards the direction of the plan I made for myself. Life looks at me and shakes its head, disgusted by my resilience and with one final attempt, it lifts its heavily booted foot and crushes me to the ground. I am still alive but I cannot move anymore. I am crushed, disgraced, dirty and damp with blood all over me.

I, Miss Independent, am down there with alone with nothing but scars and injuries I sustained from the beating life gave me. I wonder how I got here in the first place. Wait… did I even consult God before forging ahead with my plans? Well, I know I prayed, but did I really wait to hear his answer or did I hear what I wanted to hear? I assumed that it was God's will when I knew for a fact that I was the one controlling the wheels. And without God’s guidance, I went ahead with my plans. So when life started to deal with me, there was no one or nothing to protect me.

All the while when life was fighting me, instead of me to turn and face the direction of God, I faced the direction of my plans. God was no more driving me, it was my plan that was driving me. Now I have been shamed and life is laughing me to scorn but LIFE MADE ONE MISTAKE… it did not kill me. I still have the opportunity to go back to God and start all over again. Though I can’t move again, I still have my mouth. So I cry out to God and He hears my call, He has always been near, He never left me the whole time, He was just waiting for me to call out to him. He hears my cry, answers me, lifts me up and though I have no strength left, I lean on Him. He raises me up, washes me, feeds me and restores me back to perfect health.

Now I have learnt that there are things in life that I can never control or change, there are things in life that I can never stop from happening and there are things in life that I can never explain. Failure to acknowledge all these will only lead to unnecessary frustration. I have since changed from a reluctant student of life to a willing one.

Since I still have my analytical mind and my planning mentality, I make plans again… but not alone anymore. God is involved this time around, I surrender the steering wheel and let Him steer the vehicle. Who wants to drive anyway? I am tired of being the driver of my life, the last time I tried, see where it landed me. Let Him drive and let me be the passenger, I am happy to go anywhere He takes me to. Life no more has a choice but to turn from being an adversary to being a friend.