Who trains the woman? Parents or Marriage?

A friend of mine told me something about how somebody she had to work with was very difficult to get along with. She said she always liked to have her way, etc. Seeing, I had no solution to offer, I said “don’t worry she will change. She has no choice. Once she gets married, she will learn.”

Some weeks later, I remembered what I said, and pointed guilty fingers at myself for making such a statement.

Why do people always wait for marriage to teach their female wards some lessons?

Let me explain better. You have a daughter/sister/friend who has a very bad character flaw, one so bad that you know that it might hinder her in some areas in future. Instead of you to correct that character flaw, you leave it to fester because “marriage will teach her. Marriage will mellow her. Her husband will teach her real sense… etc”

We therefore bring up severely flawed ladies, unleash them to the claws of marriage to do what the parents couldn’t succeed in doing.

Yorubas even have a proverb for it “Ile oko, Ile eko.” Meaning “Husband’s house is training house.”
Sometimes, it is really bad, as the character flaw that wasn’t corrected makes the marriage unbearable for both parties, and things go south.

Someone told me a true story of this Igbo man...

His daughter brought a man home, saying they wanted to get married. The man refused to allow his daughter marry her suitor. She pleaded with him. He refused. She said they had both prayed. The suitor kept telling the man that the lady was God’s will for him. The man told the suitor that “my daughter is not your wife. Go and find your wife. This girl is not yours.” They called family members, friends, church members, etc. to plead with him, but he refused to budge.

The couple had no choice but to go their separate ways.

Two years later, the daughter brought another man home, who wanted to marry her. Without any stress, her father gave his blessing. Everyone was shocked, as they had started planning how they would have to beg the man to allow his daughter go.

The daughter later went to meet her father in confusion, stating how she didn’t understand her father. She said two years ago, she brought home a very good guy who was every girl’s dream, and he said no. And now, he didn’t even raise any objections. She asked why he didn’t like that other guy enough to allow them get married.

The man’s response…

He said he really liked the guy she brought home 2 years ago, that he was a great guy really in love with his daughter. But his daughter was not a great person, which is why he doubted the whole “God’s will for me is your daughter.” He said his daughter could not keep a home, maintain a kitchen, or raise a family. Her head was too out there, and had absolutely no home-making skills. He said their marriage would have been a disaster, and he didn’t want to do such an injustice to the man. He said he had watched her for the past two years, that ever since she was denied her first marriage, she had calmed down, and started learning basic home-training skills, and was much more better as a person. This is why he did not hesitate when she brought the second guy, because she was now ready for marriage.

His reaction had nothing to do with the men she brought, but his daughter as a person.

This is a true life story.

I really respected the father in this story. Many parents would have been eager to unleash their ill-mannered daughters on such an unsuspecting young man, so she could go and complete her home-training in marriage. But this man was wiser.

I think this is how it should be. Well-rounded girls, and well-brought up men coming together to become and raise a family. That way, marriages have a chance of lasting longer, and they wouldn’t be dysfunctional.

How I ruined my friend's relationship

 Before I go on to talk about today's post, let me just quickly state that I had serious fun in church this weekend. It was our Christmas ball and after party. And I had the enormous task of organising this event of the year. It was quite tasking, but I thank God we scaled through. So this is 0.1% of how it went down below.

There was a time I used to dance practically everyday, because of rehearsals and ministrations. Even that's no more my life, I have decided that I would never let growing up take my dance away. Now, unto today's post.

A former classmate of mine added me up on BBM, and I’ve never chatted with him since he added me up. We used to be on very friendly terms when we just got into school, but later fizzled into mere acquaintances as life went by.

I’m in the gisting mood, so I would tell you what I did.

I met him through another classmate of mine, and he seemed like a really cool and fun guy. We used to gist well whenever we met, and that was all. I had a friend who I used to go and see regularly in my hall. My friend had a roommate who was in 400 level. Due to the fact that I used to spend a lot of time with my friend (who in reality, was my friend’s friend’s girlfriend, and all of us just used to camp there and gist), this 400 level lady became my friend too. This 400 level lady was very smallish (like me) and nice. She looked very young.

Anyway, one day, I went to see my friend, and saw my male classmate in her room. He was a visitor of the 400 level lady.

Lemme take a quick break here, and give you his profile. He is absolutely what you would call tall, dark, and handsome. When you see him, you know you have seen a guy who’s physically an eye-catcher…

Until he opens his mouth.

He’s someone who just talks anyhow, which is why we grew apart in friendship, also a wide gap in moral values.

So back to the story, I saw him in my friend’s room, and gisted with him (we were still friends at this time). He told me he came to see the lady in 400 level.

From that day, I started seeing them together very regularly in different places around school. He, the tall, dark, handsome, and eye-catching. She, the petite, portable and cute one. Although she was far older than him, I began to suspect that she didn’t know. You could see love written all over her face for the guy. The guy was being sneaky, and that’s when I started to sort of dislike him.

What happened next, I can’t really remember, which is very strange because I have a very good memory. So I am going to give you the two versions.

Version 1
I went to my friend’s room, and met the 400 level lady who had now become my friend. She was alone in the room. We got talking, and I asked her if TDH was her boyfriend. She said yes. I asked her why she, a 400 level lady would be in a relationship with a guy in 100 level.

Version 2
I went to my friend’s room, and met the 400 level lady who had now become my friend. She was alone in the room. We got talking. She asked me how I got to become friend with her boyfriend. I told her he’s my classmate, and I asked her why she, a 400 level lady would be in a relationship with a guy in 100 level.

I think version 1 is really it, because I so wanted to divulge this guy’s secret. I can’t remember which one really happened, but the outcome was the same.

She seemed shocked. She could hardly breathe. She kept asking me “Are you sure, are you sure?” I said yes of course. She said “maybe he has a carry over? He told me he’s in 300 level.” I said nooo, we are in the same class. He’s in 100 level.

She kept asking me if I was sure, and I was very happy to slap her back to reality with my assurances. (don’t blame me, I had just crossed over from the age of 15-16 years old, lol).

She started crying, and I started disliking the guy more. After a while, I left.

Some days/weeks later, I saw him. He asked me if I told the girl that he’s in 100 level. He said the girl told him that someone revealed it to her, and he’s suspecting me.

I told him the girl and I got talking, and she asked me. So I told her. I said I didn’t know he lied to her in the first place, so there’s no way I could have covered up for him.

So I said “you sef, why did you lie to her? What are you doing with a lady in 300 level?”

He started giving me incoherent answers and smiling sheepishly, saying I shouldn’t have told her bla bla.

In my 16 year old mind, I did the right thing, and I was proud of it. The guy was a player, and a 400 level lady was just one of his trophies to win, as a jambite. The way she was crying, I suspected she might have slept with him already, and she was regretting that “what a waste?”

Anyway, that’s the end of my gist. I’m sure my older self would handle the situation differently. But I’m still glad I did what I did.

Did I go overboard with my comment?

So someone anonymous dropped that comment on my blog post, and that was my response to the person.

When I got the comment in my phone, I was first taken aback. I found it had to believe that someone who decide to spam a blog on behalf of RCCG? I doubt their pastor or planning committee asked them to do this? 

My initial reaction was to delete the comment, as I do to any spam comment that has the luxury of bypassing blogger filter. But I decided to leave it for the world to see, so we can all learn that this is not cool.

I understand it when Ikemba is spamming my blog for how to get a bigger manhood, and that babalawo guy that keeps disturbing us to come and prepare love potions for our runaway lover. But when Christians begin to do this under the ANONYMOUS identity, it says a lot about us. Or is the end game not to get poeple to give their lives to Christ again?

If we don't present ourselves as the light of the world, in this barrage of darkness, then what exactly are we doing as Christians?

Please weigh in. Did I go overboard? What are you thoughts on Christian spamming blogs for their events?

New York, through the lens of Atilola

Continued from last week

Let's delve straight in, so as to prevent a lengthy post. I started my days in New York by hanging out with a past colleague of mine, who had come from Pennsylvania to see me. I felt like a celeb, lol. Unfortunately, his wife couldn't make it as she was about to put to bed.

We started by going to a Vietnamese restaurant. The food was good, and the dessert was out of this world.

And from there, we proceeded to the number 1 museum in the world, Metropolitan Museum of Art. I've been to the British museum before, but it was nothing compared to what we saw. You have to come for months in and out before you can exhaust their art. There was just so much to see. I took over 100 pictures, but enjoy the few below.

The art frpm Oceania was so beautiful, and very similar to African art.

We moved to the African art section, and it was basically empty. No one there at all, so sad. There were a lot of Nigeria art there.

Ijebu kingdom representing.

Aren't these carved-upon elephant tusks beautiful?

Our Bini chiefs

Apart from a guy and a lady who squeezed their face at some art work in disgust, and ran out quickly, this painter was the only person we saw in the African art section, even though we were there for quite some time.

She was drawing the figure below. Do you think she's getting it? I think she's doing a great job.

And then we moved to the Egyptian section, and I almost felt like crying. The place was packed, as in paaackkked. People queuing to take pictures with the sphynx and Egyptian mummies.

Egyptian mummies.

There's a dead man in there. Are you scared yet? Lol
 We then moved to the European section, featuring several eras of war.

This was the actual war suit of the oga pata pata, lol.
 Swords out, guns in...

The Japanese Samurai gear

If the samurai sword below should hit you ehn, say bye to the world.

After about 4 hours of picture taking, we called it a night. My friend went back to Pennsylvania, and I went to Staten Island.

The next day was Sunday, so I went to Hillsong at Times Square. The church was so chilled and relaxed that I wondered what the fuss was with us in Nigeria. And their worship is on another level. We all know that Hillsong is known for good worship albums from times past, and this legacy cuts across all their churches. After church, which closed by 2.00pm, did some runs at Time Square, and went back home.

The next day, I headed straight to Wall Street.

George Washington

New York Stock Exchange
 And then went to the 9/11 memorial centre. It is basically where the former world trade centres were standing before they were taken down by Al-Qaeda. They now have two gigantc pools there, with the names of the dead carved into the iron barricades around it. Seeing those names really touched me, and caused me to realise that real human beings actually died here, not just statistics.

Some of the dead

Believe it or not, I was trying to take s selfie.

They have rebuilt one of the twin towers just opposite where the former ones stood, and they are in the process of building the second one. This goes to show that no matter how the enemy comes at you, and takes you down to your knees, you can get back up again.

The new world trade centre.

Finally got one selfie, lol
 After some more struggles, I gave my camera to someone, and just asked him to take my picture, which he was very happy to do. Took the pictures, went to 34th street to do some runs, and went back home.

The next day, I was on 34th street again. Buying things makes me very tired and dizzy, and I don't like shopping, but I had to keep going everyday cos our able president put a cap on daily spending outside Nigeria. It was so tiring.

On Wednesay, I had the time of my life watching veteran's day parade. Read my caption below, to see how I was awed by the Veterans Day, and the amount of devotion given to veterans. No wonder these people give their lives for their country.

A video posted by WordsByAtilola.com (@hattylolla001) on

The veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan were something else. They were the most vibrant, youngest (about mid-twenties to mid-thirties), loudest (they were screaming like mad), and flamboyant. Although they didn't match, they came full force, with their biker gangs, etc. We had so much love for the Vietnam veterans too. They were more sober, due to their age.

American Bombshells paying tribute

Black Cowboys of America

The parades by high schools and universities were the most enjoyable. They came out drumline-style, and with very danceable beats.

The Chinese

The Fencers

I took pictures and videos till my phone got full, and couldn't handle it anymore. After 4 hours of parade watching, it came to an end, and I went back 34th street, did some more runs, and went home.

The next day, I went to Grand Central Terminal, took few pictures, and left. My phone did not do justice to the beauty and grandness of the place.

Grand Central Terminal
 The next day, I was off to Central Park. This is one place I would like to come and hang out with a loved one. It is a sin to go to placed like this alone, lol. It was full of tourists from all over the world. People kept looking at me strangely at the entrance. I don't know if it was because I was alone, or because I was black (I was the only black tourist there). It is the biggest park I have ever been to, and I will still return there in future, by the grace of God.

 I saw crowd gathered at a place, and went there. It was some black entertainers, entertaining for money. They were really funny and skilled at what they do, which is basically comedy, stunts, etc.

If by now, from the previous to this, you haven't realised that I travelled with just one shoe, we need to get you a pair of glasses, lol.

And then I went to 34th street as usual, did some more runs, and took a picture of Empire State Building which I basically pass everyday, but didn't know.

Empire State Building
 Finally, I got a bit good at taking a selfie, lol.

I am about to disappoint you, because the next day was my last major day as a tourist, and I had already booked a show on Broadway. I watched The Phantom of the Opera. It was Ahmaaazzziiinnngg, and I would watch it again, along with Les Miserables. It was great, but expensive sha.

Unfortunately, you cannot use electronic devices while the show is going on, so I don't have pictures of that for you. I took the picture below when we were on break from the show.

And I took this one below when the show was over, and the cast came out, bowed, and talked to us.

Farewell to New York.

The next day, I went to church, Hillsong at Union Square, which was another great experience, then ran home and started getting ready to leave.

In summary, it was great. I am a frequent traveller, and I make sure I travel once a year, in the worst case. Last year alone, I went to 5 countries. I usually just hang out with family and friends, and do basically nothing. But this trip was really great for me because I was FORCED to go out. The downside is that it has been my most expensive.

And this is why I cannot be POOR. When I left Broadway, I just kept telling myself that I needed to be more hardworking. I can't be poor and unexposed. Naaahhh.

Now, it is time for me to keep my head down and work hard. Life, I am coming for you.