I won't tell you...

Mama Peace lost her palm wine-tapping husband when he fell down from the palm tree three years ago. After then, she decided that she would resign from her job as a full-time housewife, and take an employment as a full-time rumour monger. She has acquired several contours and scars on her body, to exhibit as medals she has received from doing this serious job of hers.

I am not going to tell you of the time she told people that she saw Yetunde kissing Tope’s husband, when Yetunde claimed to only be checking the colour of the wax coming out of his ears, or when she told us at the backyard that she saw Alpha snogging Lateefat. We asked Alpha about this, but he said he was only giving Lateefat mouth to mouth resuscitation, as she was about to faint, because of the fumes coming out of Mama Peace’s generator.

I won’t even mention the time she said Omon was stealing fish from Titilayo’s pot of soup, when Omon said he was only helping Titilayo remove the cockroach that flew into the soup. No, I won’t mention these tales.

I won’t mention the fact that we were not surprised when we heard that fifteen year old Susan was pregnant, because Mama Peace had already told people on the next street that she caught Tekena and Susan doing the deed, and when she confronted Tekena about why he should do such to a very young girl, he said she had come to seduce him when he was praying, and he had removed his belt, so he could use it to bind the adulterous demon inside of her. When he removed his belt, his trousers fell down, and that was the last thing he remembered.

I will keep mum about how she told some people in her family that she caught her brother-in-law staring at the backside of his step-daughter, and they were eyeing each other, but he claimed he was only looking at the unusual colour of the butterfly at the hem of her dress.

What the f?
Source
What of the time she told the whole street that ever since the hummer-driving Mr Abimbola died, Mr Festus, who was Mr Abimbola’s best friend, has been leaving Mrs Abimbola’s house by 12 midnight, whenever her twins were away in the university, and Mrs Abimbola says he’s just coming by to see whether there are no cracks in the wall of the house, because he was the supervising engineer when the house was being built. No, I won’t tell you that story too.

I refuse to talk about when she raised an alarm after catching Mr Edoho stealing all the cloths off the cloth line at the back of the compound, and we all ran out, only for Mr Edoho to tell us that he had a vision that the house was going to burn that day, and he was helping us save our clothes in advance.

In fact, at this moment, my lips are sealed because I won’t mention when she told the Christian community in the estate that she caught Brother Amos putting Egg and Pap sacrifice at the T-Junction, and Brother Amos said he was only killing a white squirrel there, the one that appeared in his room while praying in the midnight, which he relentlessly chased, and eventually killed when he got to the T-Junction.

No, I won’t tell you all these tales. What I would only tell you is that mama Peace has a full-time job, which has caused her to have loads of enemies and no genuine friends, and this job sure gets her into troubles with a lot of people.

Ehhmm, one more thing… I won’t also tell you that my daughter’s name is Peace, and my husband was a palm wine tapper who died three years ago.

42 comments

  1. hahahahahahahhahhahahahaha!!!!!
    LMAOOOO
    Indeed, you wont!

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  2. Replies
    1. Lol. Who asked you to put things together. It might just be a coincidence o.

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  3. Hahahaha Mama peace sure has a full time job.

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  4. Hahahahaha Mama Peace is a real FT aproko's (PHD)

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  5. Very well written.. must share..

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    Replies
    1. Ok. Just remember to reference me, the original writer.

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  6. AHAHAHAHA...e ku se o, mama pi-pi.

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  7. Lol so with no husband what does Mama Peace do for money ehn ?

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    Replies
    1. LOL, that was my first question too

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    2. Looll. I have to gaan ask her o.

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  8. This is a really tough job oh mama peace! The Lord is indeed your strong resolve not to tell these tales.
    Oh BTW, I bought one of products on jumia, I'm loving it.

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  9. Madam Spokenmama, please pray that Shoprite investment does not burn

    Southerners' businesses are failing.

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    Replies
    1. Na wa o. I'm wondering why this comment was put here, lol.

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  10. mama peace already has her hands full.... she needs no other job..... amebo

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    Replies
    1. Loooll. I doubt she's looking for another.

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  11. I also won't tell you that Mama Peace recently used the money from her full-time job to move herself and Peace to a new mansion on ogede island. Her job is one of the best paying jobs these days o.

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    Replies
    1. Lol. So sad that some 'mama peace's took so long to wake up to the full potential of their jobs.

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  12. Blessings I enjoyed this, it gave me a taste of home and the storytellers who can tell a tale that stand up and pretty much tell itself.

    Thank you for the laughter,
    still smiling
    have a blessed evening.

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    Replies
    1. Aww, thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate it. Thank you. :)

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  13. I was also wondering what Mama Peace does to pay her bills, until I saw Naija Bachelor's post. Mama Peace needs to go digital and use technology in her favor...Because obviously she has an audience in the estate already, imagine if she now goes digital!!!..

    umm....Mama Peace, can I be your publicist??

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    Replies
    1. Mama peace is slacking o. I guess she's not educated enough to know about the internet, lol.

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  14. Lmao! My one and only mama peace! I need a mama peace that lives around me jare

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    Replies
    1. Lol. Why? Is your neighbourhood not interesting enough?

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  15. I should be friends with Mama Peace, she might help me solve some puzzles about who my neighbour's househelp has been opening the door for around midnight....hahaha

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    Replies
    1. Loooollllll. Plix, give us the gist on your blog o. We must hear this story.

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  16. Hahahahaha!!!! Mama Peace provides very valuable community service. And the story teller; who may or may not be the Mama Peace in question, is doing a fine job of not telling us anything AT ALL. In fact, I feel so kept in the dark. Lol!!! Great job.

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    Replies
    1. Yes o, we completely know absolutely nothing at this point.

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