Life made one Mistake

A great weakness of mine is wanting to have every aspect of my life under control. I always have one thing or the other planned and an upset in my plans means an upset in my mood. If any part of my life falls outside my control, I start to get frustrated, complete surrender has not really been my thing. Life has been trying to tell me that I can’t always control everything that happens, but I have for long been a stubborn student of life. My approach is very practical. I want something, I analyze how to get it, make my plans & forge ahead with them. The plans are sometimes long term and other times, short term.

So here I go, embarking on the journey to achieve the goals that I set for myself, then life slaps me with its challenges, I take the first slap like a shock absorber and continue running. Second time, it’s a blow, I writhe in pains but still carry on and then it lifts me very high and slams me on the ground. Now, I can’t get up again, but I’m still crawling, life is not done with me yet, it raises me and kicks me like a soccer ball. This time, I can’t lift my back to crawl anymore but I keep rolling, towards the direction of the plan I made for myself. Life looks at me and shakes its head, disgusted by my resilience and with one final attempt, it lifts its heavily booted foot and crushes me to the ground. I am still alive but I cannot move anymore. I am crushed, disgraced, dirty and damp with blood all over me.

I, Miss Independent, am down there with alone with nothing but scars and injuries I sustained from the beating life gave me. I wonder how I got here in the first place. Wait… did I even consult God before forging ahead with my plans? Well, I know I prayed, but did I really wait to hear his answer or did I hear what I wanted to hear? I assumed that it was God's will when I knew for a fact that I was the one controlling the wheels. And without God’s guidance, I went ahead with my plans. So when life started to deal with me, there was no one or nothing to protect me.

All the while when life was fighting me, instead of me to turn and face the direction of God, I faced the direction of my plans. God was no more driving me, it was my plan that was driving me. Now I have been shamed and life is laughing me to scorn but LIFE MADE ONE MISTAKE… it did not kill me. I still have the opportunity to go back to God and start all over again. Though I can’t move again, I still have my mouth. So I cry out to God and He hears my call, He has always been near, He never left me the whole time, He was just waiting for me to call out to him. He hears my cry, answers me, lifts me up and though I have no strength left, I lean on Him. He raises me up, washes me, feeds me and restores me back to perfect health.

Now I have learnt that there are things in life that I can never control or change, there are things in life that I can never stop from happening and there are things in life that I can never explain. Failure to acknowledge all these will only lead to unnecessary frustration. I have since changed from a reluctant student of life to a willing one.

Since I still have my analytical mind and my planning mentality, I make plans again… but not alone anymore. God is involved this time around, I surrender the steering wheel and let Him steer the vehicle. Who wants to drive anyway? I am tired of being the driver of my life, the last time I tried, see where it landed me. Let Him drive and let me be the passenger, I am happy to go anywhere He takes me to. Life no more has a choice but to turn from being an adversary to being a friend.

The Yuppy Sugar Daddy

Old yuppy: I like you very much, I want to marry you. Or do you think I'm an old man, I’m not old. I’m still a small boy, I am just 42 yrs old

This is just wonderful!

Old yuppy: I am not looking for a girlfriend, I’m looking for a wife, my wife died four years ago. I have one child only

Eeew! How do these old men always find me?

Old yuppy: As I saw you, I fell for you instantly because I really like your ‘combination’.

This was the persuasion the old man resorted to after an earlier session of boasting. I was smiling toothily throughout the encounter with the man which is not surprising since it was the same way I smiled throughout the time I spent with some people that carried me five years ago intending to use me for some ritual routine. I smiled till they dropped me. It is not that I like smiling but I get amused easily when a drama unfolds in front of me and I’m the main actor.

Let me rewind back to the beginning. For the first time, I got free pass to leave work early on a particular Monday and I decided to go to church. Almost getting there, a jeep conveying two men drove past me and I heard…

Old yuppy: Please come.

Thinking he wanted to ask for directions, I obliged.

Old yuppy: Are you a yoruba girl?

Ok @ilola, now is the time for you to keep on walking, but wait, this promises to be interesting. I have been bored for a while now. It won’t be a bad idea to engage this man a bit. It looks like a scene in a Nigerian home video. This is so cool, I can be a real life actor.

@ilola: yes

Old yuppy: What state are you from?

@ilola: ABC state

Old yuppy: I am from ABC state too, 123 town to be precise, I have a house there. Where in ABC are you from?

@ilola: XYZ

Old yuppy: Ah! I know XYZ very well, I have a house there.

Ok, why is this man trying to find common ground with me? Well, I wanted the drama, so let’s go theerrreee...

Old yuppy: (He continues) When there was trouble… (I got lost here as I am distracted by his appearance), that’s when I left my house in Lagos and built another one in XYZ.

Eeh eeh, who asked for story?

Old yuppy: I work with NNPC, I’m a big man in NNPC, Port Harcourt office. Any time I come home, XYZ is where I settle. I have houses all around. (My toothy smile is still there)

Oh, what a character?

Old yuppy: where are you going?

@ilola: Just there (I stretched my hand and pointed forward because I didn’t want him to offer me a ride).

I looked at the man whose appearance reminded me of the Oyo state governor except that he didn’t bleach his skin. He had gold hanging all over his body with splotches of grey hair. He looked more to me like the chairman of Nigerian Union of Road Transport Workers.

Old yuppy: Please, give me your number.

I couldn’t say I did not have a phone, he’d know I’m lying. I shook my head, laughed and for the first time in the conversation, I said a full sentence.

@ilola: I can’t give you my number

Old yuppy: Please

@ilola: Sir, I won’t give you my number. Don’t even bother asking me again.

I guess the old man sensed that it was a lost battle.

Old yuppy: Ok, let me give you mine then

@ilola: ok

Old yuppy: Bring your phone out. (Still trying to think of the best way to escape this, the man noticed my hesitation). Ok, do you have a pen?

@ilola: No

His friend brought out a pen and tore a piece of paper out of Old yuppy’s jotter, as he was putting the number down, that’s when he switched from the boasting mode to the persuasive mode I started this post with.

Old yuppy: (Collecting the number from his friend and scanning through) Since you didn’t give me your number, I know that when you take some steps forward, you will throw that paper away. But please, I beg you, don’t do that. Call me please. Will you call me tonight? Promise me you will call me (I smiled and nodded)

Old yuppy: Even if you can’t call me because you are shy, go to business center and call me. Let me tell you something, if you call me tonight, I promise you, I will send you recharge card immediately!

Yeeeehhh… Insult upon injury! Upon all my baffing up, with all my designer wear, He thinks I am as cheap as a recharge card.

Old yuppy: Please call me tonight (He handed me the paper, I am really surprised because it was written on a NNPC paper. I thought he was lying since he looked like an Agbero chief).

Old yuppy: What is your name?

Interesting, putting the cart before the horse. He must have been more interested in my 'combination' than my name

@ilola: @ilola

Old yuppy: I am also Ola, I am Engineer Ola-something so you see, we are both Olas. Where do you work?

Oh, so you can see I work and you wanted to entice me with common recharge card. Now I’m getting bored, this movie needs to come to an end.

@ilola: I can’t tell you sir

Friend: Come inside the car, let’s drop you. (I was beginning to shake my head)

Old yuppy: There is no need for that, she is already suspecting that we are kidnappers. What I just want is for her to call me tonight. (Turning back to me) Are you a muslim or a Christian?

@ilola: Christian

Old yuppy: I am also a Christian

I knew that was coming, after all you have been trying to tell me that we have everything in common.

I am really getting tired of this Nollywood production and getting late for church.

@ilola: I have to go, I am late

He was still talking, I started walking away and left him, he drove past me reciting more pleas for me to call him. I made sure I did not throw the paper away immediately because he might just be looking just to make sure his suspicions didn’t come to pass. I rushed to church, walked into the church hall, dropped my bag and stepped out to quickly blog this on my phone before the details get blurry.

The Enigma

Every day, I grow, I metamorphosize. I have evolved into someone I don’t recognize anymore. I am definitely not who I used to be two years ago and I suspect that two years from now, I would be another stranger to myself. People have called me different names, enigmatic, mysterious, indescribable, just when I think I am getting a grasp of myself, I finally slip out of my own mind and like an amoeba, I take a different shape.

My mother used to think that I was the best thing that happened to the world, but I guess after some display of rebellion, she later had a change of mind. Although, I sometimes suspect that she still sees me as ‘golden’.

To a few people, I am a pain in the neck and to many others, I am the clown they always want to have around. Some people call me talkative while some people call me very quiet. Some said I am introvert, others said I am extrovert, someone even said I am an introverted talkative (I never heard of that before).

Now, I don’t know who I am, you don’t know who I am, my family doesn’t know who I am, no one knows who I am. If I were a course to be studied, then no one would ever pass me. If I were a puzzle to be solved, I would never be completed.

So, who am I? Well, I know one thing, I am what God has called me to be, I am the light of the world. You might not know it now but you will realize later because a city set on a hill cannot be hid.

Who am I? Don’t bother trying to find out. I am an ENIGMA, that’s what they call me.

My pastor is a Thief!!!

‘The youth pastor slept with the choir mistress, the associate pastor stole the offering money, the senior pastor divorced his wife and remarried. That prosperity pastor is too selfish, all he cares about is his private jet and not the state of his fellow citizens. These Christian schools self, they are too expensive. Are they not supposed to be the light of the world? Can’t they be that light by making their schools cheaper than even the federal schools? After all, salvation is free.’
‘What of that other church? All they care about is fashion and flashing the latest ride in town. I see my choir members clubbing most Friday nights. What of that usher that I saw stealing from the offering basket with my naked eyes? Kpscheww… Christians are the worst hypocrites in the world. If this is what Christianity is, I’d rather be a sinner!’

Many Christians are familiar with these kinds of statements. In fact, people like me hear things like this at least once a week. Though, I acknowledge that there’s truth to some of these accusations, hearing it all the time gets tiring after a while.

To all of you who have been disturbing me with your incessant complaints, yes you, you are the one I am talking to, I did this write-up just for you.

Firstly, how does the clubbing lifestyle of your choir member make all Christians hypocrites, are they now the yardstick for measurement? In fact what were you doing there in the first place or what was the person that gossiped it to you doing there? Why do you deserve God’s forgiveness while the choir member doesn’t? That pastor whose private jet you complain about, what exactly do you expect from him? Do you expect him to fly economy with everyone so that the public will keep asking them for miracles, prayers or financial assistance through out a fourteen hour flight, then by the time they land, they’d have almost fainted? Plus, what is wrong if a church member that makes clean money decides to buy a private jet for his pastor, abi, is it your money?

Yes, you complained about the school fees of the church schools. Why did u conveniently ignore the countless number of students that these schools and churches give full scholarships to every year? So you want them to make the fees as cheap, so that the quality of their products will also be cheap? Have you forgotten that they are not funded by the government like the federal or state schools? If you want quality, then you pay for quality, the schools abroad can attest to that fact.

The church that you say flash their cars, whose fault is it that some Christians are prospering? Oh, you really think that it is almost every successful person that stole government money? That is why your mind is finding hard to grasp the concept of clean and legal prosperity in Nigeria. Think big, my friend, expand your view, there is money to be made in this country. If you refuse to make the money, then don’t blame the Christians who go out and make a success out of their life, they are just being what God has called them to be.

That pastor that you called a prosperity preacher, when he wrote about prosperity, you criticized him. When he wrote about praise, what did you say? What about the times he talks about prayers, and you say you are not being myopic? So what exactly makes him a prosperity preacher, the fact that he is rich, or that his church members are rich, or just because he told you that you can be rich? Well, if you don’t like it, then go and be poor. And if it is because he is rich, ask yourself this: where is it written in the bible that penury is synonymous to salvation? Why is it ok for you to be really blessed but not for your pastor? Doesn’t he have needs like you?

As for the youth pastor that slept with the choir mistress and the associate pastor that dipped his hand in the offering basket, I have no defence for them. It just goes to show that no one is perfect and that senior pastors should strive to know true characters of people by asking God for revelation. After all, Jeremiah 17:9 says that ‘the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?’ so, even the senior pastor cannot know all things. And if it is the senior pastor that is guilty as charged, and you cannot afford to sit under the teachings of your ‘sinner pastor’ anymore, find another church. Also, if your faith in Christ was eroded because your senior pastor committed this ‘very grave’ sin, then it is entirely your fault not his, because you were not supposed to put your faith in man. Faith in man is just like standing on sinking sand, you are bound to be let down.

Lastly, to you that talk bad or contribute in negative discussion about the senior pastor of the church you still attend, well…

I am not a pastor, neither is it my intention to become one, I just felt the need to write about this. If you are too bothered about the evils you see in church, complain to the senior pastor or God, not to me because there is nothing I can do about it. Better still, concentrate on developing your personal relationship with God, it will insulate you from the shock you get when Christians fall short of the standards that you have set for them.

I am sorry

Hello readers,
I am sorry that I had the audacity to put up a new post without first apologizing for my long absence. That was very rude of me. I am really sorry. I would try not to let this repeat itself. I really doubt that it would because I have more commitments to this blog now.

I was tied down by my employers, this made me very busy and to lose creativity for a while, but now, am back. Keep your visits constant and you will be sure to have a nice time. And don't forget, I appreciate comments. Thanks