ALARORO 2: Bridesmaid Palaver

@ilola: Good evening.

Mum: It is you I have been waiting for.

A statement I wouldn’t want to hear from my mum after getting home tired on a Tuesday night.

@ilola: Do you want to talk to me?

What a stupid question

Mum: Yes

@ilola: About what?

Mum: Your distant auntie’s daughter is getting married in December and ‘you are ‘one of the bridesmaid.

Shoo! I didn’t realize I could be a bridesmaid without knowing it.

@ilola: (With a confused look on my face) Why me, How does she know me…………?

Mum: Your auntie called and requested for my first daughter to be among the maids of honour.

@ilola: (My face has changed from confused to worried) So how much is the cloth?

Mum: 100 pounds for the dress and you will buy two sets of traditional which will amount to N8,000.

@ilola: Is that not N25,000 (I am a Nigerian so I always think in naira)

Mum: Yes, depending on the exchange rate.

@ilola: Am I the one that is going to pay or is it you?

Another stupid question

Mum: Ok, Ok, I will take the N8,000 burden off you. Pay the N25,000.

Naah, naah! Don’t you think it’d have been better the other way round?

@ilola: (Still annoyed at the fact that I had to spend N68,000 yesterday) Where do you want me to get that kind of money from?

Mum: From your salary.

@ilola: (Now grumbling seriously) Why would anyone spend N25,000 on a maid’s dress? Something one will never wear again. Why are people so extravagant? You people just want me to waste money. Oh ooooooh! (now pacing up and down my mum’s room)

Mum: Cool down, I’m sure you will still be able to wear it after that day, maybe because it’s being bought from London (who cares?). You know, all other bridesmaid are coming with the bride from London, you are the only Nigerian resident amongst them (I really wonder what I am supposed to do with that information).

At this point, I am wondering why I was chosen to be one of her bridesmaid, because I have never seen the bride in question in my entire life even though she is a distant cousin, I don’t even know her name neither does she know mine. Why the hell have I been picked for the unfortunate task of throwing ‘my own’ N25,000 into the fire. If she wanted me on her team so badly, couldn’t she pay for me? After all, we are family!!!

@ilola: Why do people spend so stupidly on their wedding and forget about the marriage? After everything, it will be over and we’ll all forget that day. (I kept on grumbling and sulking and my mum was just looking at me)

Mum: (Ignoring my grumbles). You are supposed to pay the 100 pounds into a domiciliary account, I will give you the account number. Tell Bose to pay the money into the account for you and reimburse her later.

Lailai, I no go gree for this one. It’s bad enough that I was chosen to be a bridesmaid, they even want me to start jumping about to pay money into one London account as if I am being done a favour.

@ilola: You pay the money, do it anyhow you like. Get the money across to the bride. I’ll give you N25,000 later (I really don’t care about the exchange rate). All I know is that once money leaves my hand, dress must show in December.

Mum: Ok

@ilola: And I am not giving you any money until October

Mum: October is fine

I looked at the woman who knew she had won the battle and kept on sulking and grumbling. As I wondered why it’s me that should be initiated into an unknown relation’s club of extravagance, I stomped out of the room!