Five things I learnt from hanging out with Berry and Cakes

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Okay, as you guys know, I like Berry cos I feel she is down to earth, open, free, and fun to be with. I was not really sure about Cakes, even though he has sent me free cake in the past. I had only met him twice, when Berry brought him to one Natural Hair meet up, not long after they started dating (I just said hi, cos I didn’t know he was her BF then), and at their wedding. So, I had never really had the opportunity to talk to him.

I was supposed to meet up with Berry at Nike Art Gallery on May 24, after I was done with my teens. When she said she brought Cakes, I was fearing internally cos I pictured Berry being all happy and fun, while Cakes facial expression will be like “Lady, why are you here? Don’t you know three is a crowd?” But since my appointment was with Berry, I dragged myself to the venue.

Let me just say by the time I was done with Berry and Cakes, I was blown away. So what did I learn from this amazing couple?

Don’t be insecure

You know that thing where you are talking to your friend, either male or female, and their spouse comes, and you start changing the topic? There was nothing like that. Most of the time, the whole thing went like this. Berry introduces a controversial subject with Cakes, they argue, argue, argue, I look dumbfounded as each of them tries to convince me that he/she is the right person, Berry stands up, starts roaming about to God-knows-where, while Cakes gists with me for so long, in the line of the topic, Berry comes back, and tells me not to mind him, and then leaves again to roam about, Cakes continues… and I think this happened like thrice. I did not see any shred of insecurity in Berry, and Cakes did not have the three-is-a-crowd look I expected. It was the exact opposite. If I did not know better, I would have said he even planned for me to be there.

Be your spouse's best friend

The strong friendship between this couple is just so apparent. No one needs to tell you, and I think that’s what makes their whole union interesting. They laugh, argue, banter like kids, it’s just so great to watch them in their elements. There’s no such way anyone can put up that kind of front, no matter how good an actor you are. They told me they fight, though I did not see them fight, and gisted me about an occasion. They argue… mostly about relationships, lol. How both of them ended up at the venue is another story. Let’s just say they are full of drama.

Don't be fooled. Berry is not taller than me. I was wearing
the only pair of flat sandals I have, while she cheated.
It is cool to be down to earth

You think Berry is fun and down to earth? Then you should meet Cakes. He is very open, and obviously deals with people with an open mind. I mean, right in front of me, this guy told someone on the phone where he was without even knowing the person he was talking to at first. I learnt a lot about him, his past struggles, business, relationships, family, etc., all the time when Berry left me to babysit her husband, while she was roaming about exploring artwork. The kind of attitude they display obviously draws people towards them, and is an amazing combination.

You just need a good example

Many people complain about marriage, its burden and all. After hanging out with Berry and Cakes, I told them the truth, which is that ‘They are such an amazing couple, and hanging out with them just makes you want to get married.’ I told them I like them, and that is when they started talking about their ‘serious fights’. My prayer for them is that they just maintain whatever they are doing to make their marriage great, and they will surely see it through to the end. So whenever you are doubting the whole marriage institution, just get a good example to inspire you, whether younger couples like Berry and Cakes, or older ones that have weathered storms together.

I repeat. Berry is not taller than me. I was
wearing the same pair of sandals. She made
everyone wear flats, while she wore
something high 
Don’t overindulge

I was so intoxicated with the whole Berry and Cakes combination that when they said we should go from Lekki to coldstone at the palms, I should have said no, but they tempted me, and I couldn’t resist the temptation. I had a truckload of work waiting for me at home. In fact, Cakes insisted that I watch an 8.50pm movie with them, and I have to sit in-between them. I respectfully declined. I did not want couples holding hands behind my back, with me in the middle, or worse, arguing over my head, because that was bound to happen. Cakes rejected my refusal, but Berry saved me from his hands. In the end, we went to coldstone, and we had ice cream… just Cakes and I, while we left Berry to eat the breeze blowing, lol. I knew I shouldn’t have gone with them there, but I just couldn’t resist them. They are just such a great couple. I had a series of Spoken Word ministrations at a Redeemed church the next day. In fact, it was extremely important, because the whole church service was built around my Spoken Word ministrations. I got home that night, and I couldn’t rehearse one bit. Thankfully, I had rehearsed well before that day. If not, ehn, overindulging in Berry and Cakes would have just destroyed my ministry. All my work was therefore moved to Sunday also, and my whole week suffered just because of the enormous work load caused by that simple shift.

They were so great that the only thing left for me was to go and sleep in their house, which they actually suggested jokingly, lol, but the love for my bed was just too strong for me to betray it.

At the end of the day, by 9.00pm, I hugged the couple, left them to go and watch their movie, while I left, exhausted.

Just look at everyone's feet. You see I wasn't lying
when I said she made everyone wear flats? Who
does that on their wedding day?


What is on your mind, can you be honest?

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I wrote and posted this on facebook sometime in May. I think blogsville people would love it. Enjoy



I logged on to Facebook today, and the first question I was asked was “What’s on your mind?”

I then wonder, “What exactly do you want to do with the information on my mind?”

What if I were honest…

What if I told you I had been thinking about the latest punches and kicks I received from my husband? Then what would be on your mind about me? Is it “And they look like such a perfect couple.”

What if I told you I have been thinking about how after 33 years of singleness, no man is even looking my way, sending me to tears every night? Then what would be on your mind about me? Is it “Upon how fine she is? She must have a bad attitude.”

What if I told you I have been thinking about how my flashy lifestyle has gotten me into heavy loan debts with banks? Then what would be on your mind about me? “And I was envying him, thinking he is a big boy.”

What if I told you I have been thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years, cos he was just a frog that would never turn into a prince, no matter the number of kisses (and sex)? Then what would be on your mind about me? Is it “And I thought she had the best BF in the world.”

What if I told I have been thinking about how the stigma of been gang-raped 7 years ago has not afforded me the opportunity to move on? Then what would be on your mind about me? Is it “You self, how did you get yourself into that situation?”

What is I told you have been thinking about how God is good, the best thing that ever happened to me, my best friend, etc? Then what would be on your mind about me? Is it “All this religious hypocrites, always making themselves look holy on the internet.”

What if I told you I have been thinking about how I have not had a job for two years, can’t provide my family, and my wife is the current breadwinner? Then what would be on your mind about me? Is it “He is not even a real man. I’m sure his wife is controlling him at home.”

What if I told you I have been thinking…

So dear Facebook friends, I definitely know what is on my mind

But you, I do not give that luxury

Because if I do, your perspective of me would change forever

And then the whole purpose of social media would have been defeated

After all, isn’t social media supposed to be for portraying the perfect side of us, and making everyone believe our lives are all fun and dandy?

Next time I log onto facebook, please ask me…

“What do you want everyone to think is on your mind?”

Now, that... I can be completely honest about.

Atilola Moronfolu

Pleeaassseee..... I need you to save me

Hello everyone,

Do you love me? Do you like me? Do you hate me, dislike me, can't be bothered about me, have no feeling for me whatsoever? Do you know me at all, or this is the first time you finding out that I exist? In fact, are you reading this blog post?

If you fall under any of the categories above, which you should if you are alive, this is the time for you to please help me. I am calling, begging, pleading, asking, for your help.


African Naturalistas Hair Products was nominated for the Youth Citizen Entrepreneurship Competition - an international contest launched by The Goi Peace Foundation, Stiftung Entrepreneurship (Berlin) and UNESCO. At https://www.youth-competition.org/groups/entrepreneurship-competition-2013/contests/1/571 you can read the details of the project and can vote for it. The award ceremony is during Germany's biggest entrepreneurship event, the Entrepreneurship Summit in Berlin, October 11-12, 2014.

I am asking for you to please vote for me. All I need from you is just one click on the vote button. Please, click here to vote. 

Please, support my dreams of entrepreneurship in Nigeria. You would not regret you did. Thanks

Close Shaves Series – part 6. The ruff rider story

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On February 25, 2010, I left client site, with the intent of going for my Business Unit meeting at the office. I had been loaned to another Business Unit for some time, and literally had to insist that they allow me go for my meeting, if they didn’t want to go for theirs. Both the client site, and my office were on the island, and I was not driving then, so I had to take a bus, since my other team members were not interested in going to the office.

In front of silverbird galleria, I saw hands hailing from a car. It was three of my colleagues, and they were going to the office for the BU meeting, from their own client site, so they parked, and waited for me, so I could join them in the car. I was about to cross to go and meet them when…

From their point of view, they waved at me, and beckoned on me to come, and then, I disappeared from the face of the earth. They were wondering what kind of magic just happened, since I wasn’t Enoch that walked with God, when they noticed a commotion.

From my point of view, I was crossing to go and meet them, and few seconds later, something was climbing my body.

Yes, a bike was riding on top of me, like actually riding. Now, to the story of how I did not die. Everyone in my office carries a laptop bag everywhere they go, and we normally prefer to carry the back pack, rather that the shoulder sling one. So I had my back pack on me, and as the bike was riding on me, the laptop bag on my back kept protecting me, and causing the bike to move backwards, as he tried to climb back on me. So it was like a back and forth ride on me, with the back pack pushing it back all the time. To cut the long story short, the back pack protected my real back, and the prevented the bike from climbing fully over my head. I shudder to think of the state of my skull, were it not for the back pack.

The next thing I knew, my body was sprawled all over the ground, my shoes gone, my phone scattered. I just thank God that my colleagues were actually around. They got me safely into the car, picked all my items, took me to a pharmacy to sort me out, put me in a taxi, that then took me straight to the hospital. They couldn’t take me to the hospital themselves because the hospital I chose using my HMO was not an island one, and my skull wasn’t shattered anyway. Till today, I don’t know what the bike or the bike guy that ran me over (and ran over me) looks like. My colleagues did not even stay on the scene for a second, after they moved me into the car.

I had bruises on my face, my knees (the fall was so bad, my trousers couldn’t protect my knees), my upper arm, my wrist, etc. I had bruises all over my body, but the worst was my right ankle.  In fact, if you apply pressure there today, I will still scream. I still have all the scars from the accident, except the on my face.
So I went to the hospital, and got dressed up. My brother came to pick me from the hospital, and my mum kept calling from the US to be sure I was very much alive. See pictures of some of the bruises below. These are by no means the only injures sustained, but the ones I have in picture


See the knife scar on my cheek. That wasn't a
close shave though. Another story





If the bike accident, the dressing of the bruises, and the daily visits to the hospital were all, it would have been great, and I would just give testimony.

But…

About a day or 2 later, my body started swelling. In fact, if you saw me, you would have thought I had miraculously grown fat. It started with my legs, and after a while I couldn’t really walk again. Even though I was not supposed to go to work, I was bored at home, and I went to work. By the time I sit for some hours, my whole body will swell. The only solution was to raise my leg, so I used a carton to support it. My team lead did not like the way the whole thing looked, so he told me to stop coming to work. He said it would look to clients like they were making me suffer, by making me work under such conditions, and would not know I was the one who wanted to work. As for me, I think my whole sight just irritated him. See pictures of swollen leg below.





Even though my whole body was swollen, the right foot, in
particular, was the biggest, since it was the most affected part

Anyway, that is how I left that team. I did not stay at home for long before my own BU called me back from the BU they loaned me to, and sent me to another client site, where I was free to wear slippers for as long as I pleased. See picture of when the would started to heal. You can see that tissues were affected. I think that is why I still feel pain till today.




In summary, the reason I am alive today is because of a the grace of laptop bag

And this is the end of the Close Shaves series, part 1-6. I hope you guys enjoyed the stories that caused me pain, and many times, brought tears to my eyes. But remember, the goal here is to celebrate the many occasions God has delivered me from the claws of death. If you missed any of the editions in this series, you can click here to catch up on them.

P.S: The worst physical pain I have ever experienced was not featured in this series. It was something I went through as a result of complication after a dental/jawbone surgery, in 2006. I would not wish the experience on my enemy. Even though it was the worst experience so far, it wasn’t a close shave with death.

Close Shaves Series – part 5: The ritualist story

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I remember on a particular Sunday in June 2005. I was on my way to my university campus, and had to stand at the bus stop closest to my home to wait for a bus. It was while waiting for a bus that a man came to strike a conversation with me. Before I knew it, a car pulled up in front of us, asking for directions to a certain place.

Due to the persuasions of the guy that had come to speak with me earlier, I acted out character, and got into the car that pulled up in front of us, after they offered to give us a ride, since I had helped them with their directions. I got into the car, and it took off.

While in the car, a man seated at the passenger’s side in front started saying that one of us (either me or the other guy) was planning to travel, and that the person should not travel, because he won't come back alive. The other guy said it is true, that it was him, and he started shaking, saying “how did you know?” and basically fidgeting and hailing the “prophet.”

So the prophet turned to me, and said he has something to say to me. He said that some people were trying to tamper with my destiny. The other guy was still fidgeting, and trying to interrupt, and the prophet shut him up. I looked at the prophet well, and the woman driving...

Rewine…. eniweR

Earlier that afternoon, I had gone to the salon to relax and set my hair, and the TV station was tuned to Nkan Nbe, by Kolawole Olawuyi. If you don’t know it, this is the time to go to google. Let’s just say Nkan Mbe stories, as surreal as they seem, are very real. If you did not believe them, cos you thought they were stranger than fiction, now is the time to start. Anyway, so they featured this woman, she was very restless, and jumping up and down like a mad woman. She said she met a man and a woman who asked her something, and when she answered, they started telling her many things about herself that nobody could know. They told her there was something that had been planted in her body, and would kill her soon, and they would help her remove it. So they took her somewhere, and she opened her legs, and they brought out several red strips of clothings and some other things out of her vagina. I saw all the items on the TV program, with my korokoro eyes. They asked her to describe the people, and she did, in vivid deatail. By the time the program was over, they had not yet found a way to solve her problem, but they warned viewers to be careful, as the ritualists were still on the prowl.

Back to present 

It was at this point I realized they all knew one another, and I had just been kidnapped by ritualists. Not just any ritualist, but the ones who carried the woman in Nkan Mbe, her description the people was etched in my brain. I matched every single face she described to the three people in the car with me. I was very scared, but my fear did not show on my face. I only smiled faintly as the man in front (the prophet), continued to talk to me, while I continued to keep silent.

The man looked at my hair and said I am feeling fly because of my hair. He said that where I made my hair earlier in the day, someone packed my hair strands from the floor in order to tamper with my destiny, but they can help me. He said I think people like me, but one day, someone put something under a doormat, and I stepped on the doormat, and they deposited something in my body. Of course, I already knew he was going to say this because that is what they told the Nkan Mbe woman. I kept on smiling. He now said they can help me remove the strange things in my body. He started asking me questions, when he saw I was not saying anything. The Holy spirit just kept telling me “don’t say a word. Whatever you do, don’t open your mouth.” so I kept on smiling, even though on the inside, I was scared, and had no way of escape. I knew there and then that if I spoke to that man, I was gone, cos he would use his fetish powers to find out things about me, that he would not ordinarily know.

He tried more tricks to get me to talk, but I did not budge.

By this time, the car was on very high speed on the express, so there was nothing I could do to escape. After a while, the man called me arrogant and puffed up, because after everything he had said to make me feel agitated, I did not look bothered, and I kept smiling. I knew the only way to get out of my situation was to keep silent, and that the moment I replied the man, things would not go well because he would diabolically use my statements against me. Till today, I am still amazed at the confidence I radiated on the outside, because on the inside, I was crying, and begging God to save me.

After a while, it was the man that started getting agitated. He was really accusing me. It was as if he knew that I knew what he was up to. Maybe he thought I was a witch, and he had carried bad market. As for me, I knew it was just the God in me. I could say he must have even been scared. He looked scared, and started insulting me, saying I was arrogant, and I think I know everything.

As we approached the place I was to alight, I faced the woman driving, and said

"Please, drop me here. This is where I am going." or something like that

By now, I was really praying they would oblige since I was at their mercy. Without hesitation, the lady pulled over, and I got down from the car, heaving a great sigh of relief. I had just been delivered from the claws of evil.

This story is very special to me because it was a close shave for me that day. I was saved, by no power of my own. I could have lost my life or mind, like the Nkan Mbe woman, and disappeared from the face of the earth, but I am alive to tell the story today. God saved me.

Close Shaves Series – part 4 : The AUR Story

Warning! This episode of the series might be a bit gross or extreme for you. Don’t say I did not warn you.
This is one is about a complication that shouldn’t have arisen in the first place. It all started from regular constipation, which ended up as something else.

I think the constipation started during a weekend in 2006. After like 2 days or so, when I realised I had to do something, I started taking things like castor oil, paraffin oil, laxative, and anything to ease the constipation. It never occurred to me that this was not the usual kind of constipation, as the faeces blocking the whole stuff was like stone.

As the days progressed, the situation became worse. Urinating now became a chore, and eating was completely out of it. I increased the laxative, and what happened was that I had the increased pressure to use the toilet, but nothing ever came out. In fact, the paraffin oil was so effective that it kept pushing in my stomach, and found a way to seep out by itself, without doing anything. Let’s just say my underwear always found a way to be as oily as Dodo Ikire.

One morning, about 6 -8 days later or so (can’t be exact right now), my cup became full. I knew for certain that death was knocking at my doorstep. I couldn’t walk, everything in my body was full, and I was going to burst anytime from then. This was the period I was doing IT, and it was so bad that I couldn't go to work. I was the only one at home, so nobody was around to save me. I called my mum, and said if she didn’t find a way to get me to the hospital immediately…

Anyway, she called our mechanic family friend beside our house, and arranged for me to get to the hospital. They couldn’t find our family card, and I had to buy a personal one. By the time the doctor saw me, he shook his head. From my stomach downwards was as swollen like that of a pregnant woman. They said it was a case of Acute Urinary Retention.

Harnverhalt.jpg
Source
They immediately passed a tube inside me, and started extracting the urine, because the constipation had already shut down my urinary tract. I had never had sex before, I had never delivered a child before, but trust me, I was not ashamed to open my legs for that man. When you stare at death in the face, ehn, every ounce of shame flies out of the window. Not to exaggerate o, about 30 minutes, they were still extracting urine from me. It filled about three kidney bowls or more. The two doctors and the nurse that were there were just shaking their heads. They said that it was hard to believe that I had that much urine in me, and that if I had waited any moment later than I did, we might have been telling a different story.

By the time I was done, they gave me some drugs, and told me to use orange fibre. Then the doctor said something disgusting to me. He said...

It is at this point I would cut off the story, lest you never eat in your life again, as the procedure to solve the main constipation is just too gross.

I went back home that day, relieved my mum was not going to mourn just yet. Things happened, and a day later, my life returned to normal.

After then, I remembered the horror of the fact that the doctor passed a tube inside of me, and ran back to the hospital. I asked the doctor if I was still a virgin, because I plan to remain that way until my wedding night. I seriously believe the guy fought hard to keep a straight face, like see this ignorant child (I was in 400 level in Uni).

He then went on to lecture me about the difference between the vagina and the urinary tract (like I did not do biology), assuring me that all he touched was what needed to be touched, so I shouldn’t fear. Ehm, lemme just stop here.

Congrats if you read it all the way through. You deserve a model of the urinary tract as a gift.


Close Shaves Series – part 3: The sight story

... Continued from last week

I hope you guys are gearing up for more juicy stories of my Close shaves with death or being an invalid. Please, note that all stories are true, and I experienced them.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now, I’m found
WAS BLIND, BUT NOW, I SEE."

Okay, just to let you know, I wasn’t just trying to wax lyrical, or be spiritual. I was actually blind for some time, when I was a child, lol.

I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t be giving too much details about this one. It is not that I want to be selfish with information, but I was too young to remember how it actually went down. I think I was about two or three years old. What I can remember exactly is that one day in the hospital, one of my family friend’s children, who I see as wicked, poured tea down my dress, and I was defenceless. The other thing I can remember is that when I got home, I could see, and they gave me plenty pepper to lick, lol.

Source
It was actually a case of measles. It almost made me go permanently blind. According to my mum, it was about to enter my eyes, and my eyes closed. At the hospital, my eyes were always forced open, so they could put the drugs/eye drop in it, in order to prevent the blindness from being permanent.

I was blind for a total of FIVE DAYS! But now, I have the clearest vision ever.

So…

I once was blind

But now, I see.

I’m really sorry about the sketchy details. Pardon me, I was just too young. Blame my mum, she is the one who cannot remember the whole story again.

More juicy and detailed stories from next week. I promise.

P.S: Guess who I spoke with last week? None other than Toinlicious. Hmm, this girl's secret has been exposed. She's not the razz local girl she portrays herself to be o. She is extremely tush, well-spoken, and omo butter. Basically, she has been deceiving us on blogsville. I coulda sworn I was speaking with a president or governor's child... you know those ones that have been washed in money...

Introducing the Close Shaves series + part 1 and 2

So I have been thinking of doing this series since, but due to one or two reasons, and mainly procrastination, I am just getting to it.

Sometime ago, it dawned on me that it’s been a long time that I should have died, or best case, become an invalid. But one way or the other, God keeps saving me. You would not believe the weirdest things I have survived, which is what convinces me that I am destined for something great in this world. I believe that there’s a problem I am created to solve, and I have not even begun to smell the great things in stock for me. This is also one reason I am not willing to leave Nigeria. I am here to make a difference, and not just be another statistic.

Source
So back to the topic, I have had close shaves with death, but by the grace of God, I have survived them all, and I will be featuring the ones I can remember in the next couple of weeks. It won’t be as long as the Guess the Blogger series, as it is just about 5 weeks, if you include today.

I have featured two of them on this blog before, but feel free to read again if you are interested.

Part 1. This is when I was driving a car on fire, and I was not even aware. Any moment, the car could have exploded, with me still driving, but God saved me. My mum told me that at the time the stuff happened, she saw s vision (or dream, I can’t remember) of someone on fire, but she never knew it was me. Read the full story here.

Part 2 . This is when I was caught in a metal box (aka a dead car) on third mainland bridge, in the middle of the night, at the area where bad things happen to people who have the misfortune of being stuck. But somehow, God preserved my life (and the metal box), till morning, when I was “rescued”. Well, my mum did not see vision about this one. Till today, she doesn’t even know about it. Here’s hoping she doesn’t read this post. Read the full story here.

Next week, I will be starting from part 3.

I’m sure by the time I am done, you will thank God for my life.

P.S: I have an issue with my blog posts. After I put it up, it doesn't appear on people's dashboards and blogrolls till the next day. It started out as a 5-hour delay, and has now increased to 24-hour delay. Has anyone had this issue? Who knows how I can solve it?