Public Disgrace of Singleness

So there’s this pastor I really like. He is actually my friend’s pastor, and leads a branch of one of those conservative churches - the non-trouser, non-earring wearing kind. I like him because he seems genuinely interested in my welfare, and he doesn’t use the “why are you wearing trouser, why are you wearing earring?” eye to look at me. He is married, with 3 kids, and really vibrant. He encourages me well in my down time.

Anyway, when I came back from Geneva, when I went to do the spoken word for the UN conference, my friend calls and says this man was asking after me, and I should call him. I called him, and told him why I wasn’t available to speak to him. So he said I should come and see him. Reluctantly – very very reluctantly, I dragged myself to his church on Sunday afternoon. I was still resting from my trip, and didn’t even go to my own church that morning.

On getting there, we talked a bit, prayed a bit, etc. He then drilled me about what the whole spoken word thing was about, and I explained the best I could. I showed him a video of one of my performances, and he seemed thrilled. Later, we ended the conversation, and I left.

A couple of weeks later, he called me, and said he wanted me to come and minister in his church because he has a special guest. You see why I like this man? Conservative pastor calling a trouser-wearing girl like me to come and minister.

I told him it would be inconvenient since it meant I had to leave the teens I’m supposed to teach in my own church. I told him I would do it but he had to slate me early, so I could leave to my own church.

I could swear that this was what I heard him say. “Please, can you come and do your spoken word in my church. I have a special guest coming to preach, and I want him to see your ministration.”

But he called me a week later, and started asking if I was ready for the ministration, to which I replied in the affirmative. He asked what my topic was, and I told him. He then suggested another topic which I can’t remember now. I told him it was too late because I couldn’t start writing something new and putting it together. I then asked him what topic the pastor was preaching on so I could see how I could manipulate his topic with my ministration during the introduction phase.

It was then the calabash broke.

“What pastor?” The pastor asked.

I was confused. “I thought you said you had a special guest coming to preach in your church, and that is why you are calling me.”

“No o. I mean there’s a guy coming to my church. He is one of our church members, but now works for an oil company in port harcourt. That is the guest I am talking about. He will be in church on Sunday. So I want you to come and do your spoken word, so he can see you. I will now ask him if he is interested in you.”

I’m guessing you are all speechless by now. At this point, I didn’t know what to say. So many things were running through my mind. Couldn’t this man just have called me to come and minister without revealing his true motive to me? After all, the guy also wasn't aware.

“Ha, I didn’t know o. I actually thought it is a pastor.”

“No, it is not.”

Trust my straightforward talk. “Excuse me sir, you know I wear earring and trousers, and you want to introduce me to your church member.” I protested.

“No o, this guy is not like that o. He is the liberal kind.”

“Me, I don’t know o.” I continued.

My friend, who is the one who introduced me to my pastor friend, wasn’t around to witness the drama, cos she had gone to the states to put to bed. I reported the whole incident to her, and told her why it was a terrible idea. First, even though we were both Christians, our doctrines differed totally, and then I have a budding manufacturing business in Lagos. She disagreed with me, but that was her own opinion, and I wasn’t buying it.

I picture myself  married to the guy, always wearing wrapper and long skirt, never wearing earring, and always covering my head. It wasn’t a pretty imagination, lol. So I just determined to put all sentiments aside and do the ministration, forgetting the real story behind it.

In the meantime, I was praying hard that the guy will see me, and not like me. In fact, he should very disinterested in me, cos I don’t want any “Pastor said you are my wife” story in my life. I also don’t want anything that would cause me to reject the guy, and it will now be like “See this one that we are trying to help her case, she still has the guts to reject men.”

A day before the ministration, my pastor friend called me, and told me to make sure I don’t wear earring, and I cover my head, since I will be climbing the altar. I was glad he told me because I wouldn’t have thought of taking a hat.

Anyway, the day came, and I did the spoken word without mentioning anything about the drama to the pastor. All the while I knew that my maybe-potential-husband was in the crowd, watching me. I sha tried not to feel like a guinea pig on display, without earrings and a bowler hat. I wore a knee-length bodicon dress. At least, I met them half way on the earring issue, lol.

Till today, the pastor never mentioned the update to me. Maybe the Holy Spirit did not minister to the guy that I was his wife when I was performing, I don’t know. Maybe he didn’t like what he saw, then he must have been blinded by my prayers.

So that was how the story of my life was put up on public display, because someone was looking for husband for me, lol.

P.S: Please know that this happened two years ago, and as at today, I am still not even 30 yet, lol. This means people really care about my marital status.


What do you do when after a long time of following a route, you realize that you have made a terrible mistake?

You really thought you were on the right path

You were so sure, you could bet your life's savings

Now, you have been dealt with the heavy dose of your wrongness

And then it dawns on you that you have to start all over again

But it is really painful because you really thought you were on the right track

What do you do?

Will you live in regret of your decisions for the rest of your life

While drowning yourself in tears

Wallowing in the miry clay

Saying "why me, why me? When will my story change?"


You will...

Acknowledge your mistakes

Accept that the fault was yours

Cry a bit

Dust yourself up

Retrace your steps back to the beginning

And start all over again!

Drawing the line between Faith and Reality

I went to a gift and interior décor shop to get a table last week. The owner and I eventually got talking about business challenges and cash flow issues, especially for capital intensive businesses like interior décor stores.

Without any exaggeration, the worth of the items in her store couldn’t be less than 5 million naira because we all know how expensive a single glass decoration or table can be.

In the course of discussion, I realised how hardworking and dedicated this woman was, and I knew she was into a very risky venture. I asked myself “what if she loses all these?”

So I said to her “I hope this place is insured sha,” expecting to hear the usual “yes of course. Why won’t it be?”

The way she hesitated and looked at me confirmed my worst fear when she said “Not really. You know, there is SPIRITUAL INSURANCE!”

Someone please slap me now.

Here is this gigantic interior décor store that takes the expanse of a whole flat with massive investment, plus another warehouse of another flat where we went to carry the items I bought, completely uninsured. And she says spiritual insurance.

I didn’t enter the warehouse to carry my items because someone did that for me, but I knew for a fact that it was even worth more than the store I was standing in. So this is a minimum of 10 million we are talking about. I am absolutely sure it is more than that because she has so many items, much more than you can imagine.

I asked her how much insurance would cost her annually, and she said N200,000 (two hundred thousand naira). I spent a quarter of that in her shop, and I know that she makes far more than that in a day. I said “excuse me ma, go and do insurance please.” I said I don’t want an incident that would be causing her to say “had I known.” I said “I think you should transfer that risk now, as soon as possible. This is to big for it not to be insured. Just too big. I am not an insurance agent, and I am not gaining anything from this so just take it as an important piece of advice which you must implement on immediately.”

After mentioning some cash flow issues, she said she would do the insurance. To be honest, I don’t know if she would do it. Even if she does it, she didn’t sound like someone who would do it soon, as she doesn’t see the urgency in it.

I didn’t want to outrightly tell her that “what if your store burns down” so that she wouldn’t say I wish her evil. I could see that her pastor and church sticker was on her entrance door so I was sceptical to talk anyhow to people who use spiritual insurance.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am a Christian. Anyone who reads this blog knows that. I pray every day, read my bible every day, etc. Many times, I am engaged in church activities from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. So I don’t think I am really qualified to be called a sceptic or an atheist, though some people would rather label me that because I dare to speak against how some churches are bad neighbours by disturbing people with their loudspeakers at night, in the name of night vigil and stopping people from entering their houses by blocking their gates in residential areas - as if that is what Jesus died for. Anyway, that is another topic on its own because I am sure you can tell how pained I am by this menace.

So my question is this. Do people shun insurance cover because they are Christians? In simple words, should we or should we not insure heavily invested businesses because we have prayed, and covered our businesses with the ‘blood of Jesus’?  When fire outbreaks, flood, natural disasters or robberies occur, is it that the blood of Jesus or spiritual insurance is not at work in that business? Does using insurance cover for your business display a lack of faith?

I know comments here can get controversial because we live in a highly religious society, but let us carefully examine this matter, respecting those who have chosen to solely stick with spiritual insurance and those who have decided to walk by sight by paying the insurance companies.

Would name your child after a celebrity?

I want to know if any of you have friends that were named after famous celebrities. If yes, have you ever asked them why their parents named them after those celebrities?

When I was in boarding house, I had a classmate named Michael Jackson – no jokes. His surname is originally Jackson, but his father thought it wise to name him Michael. He also told us that his sister’s name is Janet, but I don’t know her since she wasn’t in our school. I doubt that it was a lie though. Any man who could name is son Michael Jackson in 1983 – 1984 could definitely name his daughter Janet Jackson.

This guy ended up going to Unilag with me. He wasn’t in my faculty so I never got the opportunity to ask him why his parents did that. I wonder if he even ever asked his father.

In my 500 level, we were asked to register students for a CISCO conference. We gladly complied, and sat at the entrance. Then comes a student to register and collect his tag. We realised his name is HARRY PORTER.

Our mouths opened. We asked him what his real name was, the one his parents gave him, not the one he chose for himself. He said Harry Porter. We asked him if his parents like the series, and why they name him after the main protagonist. He said his surname is really Porter and his first name is Harry, and his parents have no idea about the series. He is a Yoruba boy.

We found it hard to believe, so he went ahead to prove his point.

Firstly, his surname is PORTER, not POTTER, as spelt in the Harry Potter Series.

We weren’t totally convinced as his parents could have used the fact that his surname is Porter to name him after the famous protagonist.

Then what silenced our doubt was when he brought out his ID card. He was born long before JK Rowlings conceived the idea of writing and publishing the Harry Porter Potter series.

Spooky coincidence. It seemed he had used his magic wand and witchcraft on us so we were finally believed. Dumbledore to the rescue.

So even though Harry Porter’s own was unintentional and just a mere coincidence, why do parents name their children after celebrities, making them adopt the name and surname?

My own sister’s name is Hilary. At first, it might not seem like a big deal, except when you consider some facts. First, she is the only one with an English name in my house. Secondly, it is her first name, and she was named after Hilary Clinton!

She was born in 1999, after all of us had become old, and I dare to say my father decided to have a child just because they could name him/her Hilary. Yes, he liked Hilary that much, and he always said whether the child is a boy or a girl, the child would have Hilary as a first name.

His reason? Because Hilary Clinton stood firmly by her husband during the Monica Lewinsky saga even though he was guilty. He was always raving about Hilary, and followed the case to the very end. Till his death, that was the person he admired most in the whole world. He admired her till the point that he went to have a child he didn’t need so he could name after her.

What do you guys think about this? Also if you were to name your child after a famous person, who would that be?